Am I overstepping my bounds here?

[scrapquitler]

Having some trouble at our place in SoCal, and for those not familiar, most costal homes in CA don't have Air Conditioning due to the temperate climate. This means that most of us leave our windows open year-round(ish).

In the last few weeks, my neighbor's brother has been crashing on her couch, and he frequently comes outside to smoke... And stands right outside my bedroom window to do it. We have a shared "patio" from the stairs to our front doors, and because he doesn't want his sister to kick him out for stinking up her place with the smoke, he stands by our place instead.

I've mentioned it to my neighbor, who apologized and told him to knock it off, but he still does it every night when she is at work.

Am I seriously overreaching if I continue to press the issue? The person in question doesn't live in the unit, has been repeatedly told to stop, and ignores all requests to do so. This is a shared "balcony" space, however it's fairly obvious who's side is who's. I'm not asking him to quit smoking, or even leave the patio, just not to deliberately do it under my open window.

Am I crazy?

You mentioned it to your neighbor. Have you mentioned it directly to her brother while he is smoking and the smoke is getting in your window? If I were in your position, when he smokes, I'd stick my head out my window and say "Excuse me, but the smoke is getting in my window and bothering me, would you mind smoking over there ---> and point to a place that the smoke won't end up in your window". Directly speaking to him in that moment will probably be more effective than him hearing it later from someone else.

 

[DisneyOma]

Sorry guys, I should have been more clear... I have spoken to him directly as well, he only cares about not getting kicked out of his sisters house. I'm just trying to decide if it's worth my time to readdress the problem with my neighbor directly. I also wanted to make sure I wasn't being overly sensitive about the smoke (I'm allergic, so I react to it more quickly than most can even smell it).

Speak to him again, and tell him you are going to his sister if he does it again?

Or have a bucket of ice water ready and dump it on him?

 

[scrapquitler]

I wouldn't worry about it causing family problems for them....he's obviously not doing what was asked of him, both by you and by his sister, and if he has consequences to live with because of that, it's not your problem.

 

[ready123go]

I was going to post the same thing as scrapquilter. Basically, if it comes to that, he' s getting himself kicked out.

You are worried about someone who doesn't give a hoot about you or your allergies.

 

[ready123go]

I think you stand a better chance of everything working out if you figure out a place where it's OK for him to smoke.

 

[Hikergirl]

I would speak to the sister and ask her to tell him to stay on her side, in front of her house, on the patio when he smokes because it is bothering you. If it doesn't work, it may be time to get creative to find a solution.
Is the patio where he is smoking your actual property? If it is maybe put up a no trespassing and tell him that if he stands there to smoke you'll call the police. Not saying you should call the police but maybe the threat would be enough to get him to stay on his sister's side.

 

[Mirielle]

Wasp spray.

 

[handinpocket]

This is simple. Just ask the GUY, not the SISTER to please not smoke under your window. I bet if you are very nice, he'll say no problem and all this angst will be gone.

 

[MillauFr]

LOL. Like my cousin in Calgary, proudly showing off his new $1 million + house while hosting a family reunion, DURING A HEATWAVE, and a mutual cousin's only comment was...as we are all dying from the heat....."you couldn't spend another $6,000 for A/C?".

Exactly. I am shocked how many brand new houses here in Seattle that sell for a million dollars and yet they are still too cheap to spring for AC. Seriously????

 

[ready123go]

Sorry guys, I should have been more clear... I have spoken to him directly as well, he only cares about not getting kicked out of his sisters house. I'm just trying to decide if it's worth my time to readdress the problem with my neighbor directly. I also wanted to make sure I wasn't being overly sensitive about the smoke (I'm allergic, so I react to it more quickly than most can even smell it).

This is simple. Just ask the GUY, not the SISTER to please not smoke under your window. I bet if you are very nice, he'll say no problem and all this angst will be gone.

OP has asked guy directly.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Thanks for the advice! I really don't want to try bringing lawyers etc. into it, worst case scenario I'll just swap our master bedroom for the slightly smaller guest bedroom. My main hesitation is in the fact that I know my neighbor will kick her brother out if she finds out he's been bothering us, and I don't want to cause a family problem. It might have come to that though. :-/

Maybe that would actually be the best thing in the long run for everyone -

Your neighbor - if she really doesn't want him there either, and is only letting him stay out of a sense of family obligation/guilt, and would secretly love to have an objective reason to kick him out

Her brother - if he really is just being lazy and refusing to grow up, and she is enabling him, the sooner he is forced to take responsibility for himself, the sooner he'll be on the road to actual self-esteem

You - of course, because the smoke will be gone

 

[gottaluvPluto]

Buy fart spray and spray it near him whenever he smokes.

 

[barkley]

Check the language in your lease. A lot of condo and apartment buildings don't allow smoking in "common areas", and that may well include the area were he's smoking. Or, they may permit smoking only within the interior portion of the unit. If that's the case, try again to speak with your neighbor and mention the fact that the lease says he can't be doing that. If he continues, then you'll have to consider whether you want to involve management/the landlord. I would.

For instance, my condo building is going totally smoke-free. No smoking will be allowed in the building or on the grounds. No balconies, no patios, not even in the parking lot. Because we have a handful of units currently owned by smokers, they're allowing smoking in those units until they change ownership, but only within the unit, not on the balcony, and they must take steps to prevent any smoke from getting into common areas or entering another unit.

op-if you are a tenant, even if your lease doesn't prohibit smoking on the shared patio but it DOES prohibit it within your unit you might want, if all your requests to your neighbor/her brother fall on deaf ears- to put something in writing w/your landlord for your own financial protection down the line.

I say this b/c if the smoke is drifting into your bedroom such that you can smell it, and you have any kind of central ventilation system (doesn't have to be a/c, could be heat/fan system that circulates air) then any smoke that wafts into your bedroom can be getting pulled into the vents in the master b/r and recirculating throughout your entire unit. if that's the case when it comes time to move you could be on the hook for clean up which is not cheap.

btw-you might want to check and see what's up with your local laws on this issue. a few years ago there was an effort in orange county (I think that's where you're located) in at least one city to illegalize smoking on multi unit residential shared patios. more and more cities and counties in California have adopted laws that deal directly with second hand smoke in multi unit situations-it started with common areas where anyone in the complex could be (including carports, walkways and entryways) but now in some jurisdictions it includes both share and private patios, decks and balconies.

 

[cabanafrau]

LOL. Like my cousin in Calgary, proudly showing off his new $1 million + house while hosting a family reunion, DURING A HEATWAVE, and a mutual cousin's only comment was...as we are all dying from the heat....."you couldn't spend another $6,000 for A/C?".

I think you're seriously overlooking the effects of the coastal breezes. Makes a huge difference.

 

[tvguy]

I think you're seriously overlooking the effects of the coastal breezes. Makes a huge difference.

In Calgary?

 

[cabanafrau]

In Calgary?

For the OP, which is why I could not understand the correlation to Calgary. You also listed the temperature info for Huntington Beach and stated you can't believe they don't have A/C. As I said, coastal breezes may make a huge difference, no matter what average statistical data charts google provides.

 

[tvguy]

For the OP, which is why I could not understand the correlation to Calgary. You also listed the temperature info for Huntington Beach and stated you can't believe they don't have A/C. As I said, coastal breezes may make a huge difference, no matter what average statistical data charts google provides.

Okay, too many cities in the thread. I even tried looking up where the reporting station is, but no specific location. Look at the map of the city limits, the furthest inland point is 5 miles from the coast.

 

[cabanafrau]

Okay, too many cities in the thread. I even tried looking up where the reporting station is, but no specific location. Look at the map of the city limits, the furthest inland point is 5 miles from the coast.

Yes I understand you feel the data confirms your feeling that it's ridiculous they don't have A/C. I'll defer to my own common sense, and the information provided by the OP in the first sentence, that coastal homes in her area don't have A/C because of their temperate climate.

We have A/C in our home (Michigan). Our summers can frequently be hot and muggy. Even if it's quite hot we frequently don't use the A/C, preferring to open the windows to use our whole house fan if humidity levels aren't high. Sometimes on hot and humid summer days we have the A/C on and head out to a large, waterfront park in the metro area for concerts. Even though it's absolutely stifling outside, inevitably we get to the park and set our chairs out and find a great breeze that often makes me put on a sweater.

Sometimes you have to experience something firsthand to understand why statistical averages don't tell the whole story.

 

[Sue M]

Thanks for the advice! I really don't want to try bringing lawyers etc. into it, worst case scenario I'll just swap our master bedroom for the slightly smaller guest bedroom. My main hesitation is in the fact that I know my neighbor will kick her brother out if she finds out he's been bothering us, and I don't want to cause a family problem. It might have come to that though. :-/

If he's that disrespectful I'd say it's time for him to go! Why should you have to move bedrooms? They guy doesn't even live there really. Is your neighbour an owner or does she rent the unit? If it's a rental you could talk to the landlord as well, if talking to her again doesn't yield results.

 

[MrInfinity]

Having some trouble at our place in SoCal, and for those not familiar, most costal homes in CA don't have Air Conditioning due to the temperate climate. This means that most of us leave our windows open year-round(ish).

In the last few weeks, my neighbor's brother has been crashing on her couch, and he frequently comes outside to smoke... And stands right outside my bedroom window to do it. We have a shared "patio" from the stairs to our front doors, and because he doesn't want his sister to kick him out for stinking up her place with the smoke, he stands by our place instead.

I've mentioned it to my neighbor, who apologized and told him to knock it off, but he still does it every night when she is at work.

Am I seriously overreaching if I continue to press the issue? The person in question doesn't live in the unit, has been repeatedly told to stop, and ignores all requests to do so. This is a shared "balcony" space, however it's fairly obvious who's side is who's. I'm not asking him to quit smoking, or even leave the patio, just not to deliberately do it under my open window.

Am I crazy?

You can just talk to them. Beyond that, you are choosing to live in a shared living space! One that allows smoking. If you have a serious allergy to the stuff, I would think that would be the first question you ask before you rent/buy a place... What is your policy on smoking. Allowed? Move on. Not allowed? Okay. I'm allergic to dogs and cats. So I wouldn't rent a place that allowed them! I would be miserable. I would certainly not rent there but ask everyone else to accommodate me by not having pets. There are so many complexes out there that are pet-free and/or smoke-free.

If talking doesn't work, you can go to battle. Write your landlord or whatever, but you're going to have repercussions there. If you win the battle, you have pissed off neighbors. If you lose the battle, you have emboldened neighbors. So does going to battle have any good result? Probably not.

If it's really harmful to your health, I would consider alternatives. Besides just this one person, you might have to deal w others. Some people said they should go walk to the park. How is that better? They should go smoke at the park by all the kids? See to a non-smoker, there is no good place for a smoker to smoke except "anywhere that's not by me". I'm not a smoker, nor approve of smoking... but the reality of living in a smoking-allowed complex with a health aversion to smoke is something you'll have to deal with as long as you live there.

I do like the idea above about putting up a solid blocker like a planter. This may have its own risks tho as planters tend to make good cigarette depositories. Or putting the fan blowing out your window. The fan blowing out should solve the smoke getting in your house problem. There are rectangular fans made to perfectly fit a window.