Am I overreacting?

[kacaju]

I'm a 16 year old and my friends and I have been coordinating our own transportation for, oh, maybe 3 years now? "Hey mom, can you take us to the mall? Megan's mom will pick us up there when we're done."

The teens are the ones to be annoyed with when there's a miscommunication like this, not the parents. They (we) should be able to handle it.

I have to agree. I have a 16 and 14 year old. I can't remeber the last time I spoke to one of their friends parents.

I even took one of the 16 year old friends to Six Flags recently. I told my dd when her freind needed to be at our house, I told her to tell her Mom we will be home around this time and I will drop her off at her house.

 

[Princess Nancy]

What kind of mother drops their kid off at a party and tells them to find their own way home??? WTH?? I would also let it drop and write her off in my book, she obviously doesn't see anything wrong with what she did.

Oh trust me, PLENTY of them do!!
And guess what I drive em all home!

I was out to lunch with my friend and she made a comment about always driving Sally home form places. I told her that was impossible since I was ALWays driving her home!!! LOL!! When you get to her house there are always 3 cars in the driveway, a Mercedes, BMW and Lexis!! Grrrrr. Guess they can afford it with all the gas they save NOT driving their kid anywhere!!

 

[mhsjax]

I agree that since the party was "forgotten about" maybe the other parent didn't know she was taking them.. However, what kind of moron leaves teenage girls and tells them to find a way home.

I would find out first if this is what was said. If the mom did say this, then yep I would let here have it. If she didn't want to pick the girls up from the party then fine. Lots of time growing up one parent would drop off and another pick up. But to tell the girls to find a way home is totally irresponsible. If the mom couldn't pick up, then she shouldn't have dropped them off until she was sure that the girls had a way home.

Again, I would verify this with the other girl and then the other mom, before I ripped her a new one.

 

[mousebymarriage]

I'd be annoyed, but it isn't worth a confrontation of any kind over. Just mark this mom as "unreliable" in your book.

I agree! The mom that did the drop off and told the girls to "find a ride home" obviously finds nothing wrong with what she did so, your saying something would probably fall on deaf ears.

P.S. I would not just be annoyed I would be a little p*ssed. If one of my DD13 friends moms wanted to do that to her own kid than thats her business but, doing that with mine, not acceptable!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

IAgain, I would verify this with the other girl and then the other mom, before I ripped her a new one.

I agree - there's been times when I've asked dd14 to see if she can find a ride home. She has a nice circle of friends, and it's not uncommon for a mom to transport a carload.

 

[Hannathy]

P.S. I would not just be annoyed I would be a little p*ssed. If one of my DD13 friends moms wanted to do that to her own kid than thats her business but, doing that with mine, not acceptable!!!

Please re-read the OP the girls were 15 not 13. There is a world of difference in these two ages. Yes at 13 you are finding out the details and who is driving both ways etc. At 15 the kids do it! You don't talk to the parents and yes often kids do get a ride one way and find a ride home.

If your 13 yr old is your oldest it is hard to believe things will change that much in 2 yrs but they will.

 

[Happy Mom2]

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I'd be pissed. I definitely would rely on that mom again.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

Please re-read the OP the girls were 15 not 13. There is a world of difference in these two ages. Yes at 13 you are finding out the details and who is driving both ways etc. At 15 the kids do it! You don't talk to the parents and yes often kids do get a ride one way and find a ride home.

If your 13 yr old is your oldest it is hard to believe things will change that much in 2 yrs but they will.

Why wouldn't I still talk to the other kids parents when they are 15? I still need to know what they are doing and who they are hanging out with and who's driving them around. If my 15 year old tells me she is spending the night at someone's house, I'm certainly going to call and talk to that parent and make sure that's what's going on. I remember being 15 and the cr*p I tried to get away with

 

[mhsjax]

Please re-read the OP the girls were 15 not 13. There is a world of difference in these two ages. Yes at 13 you are finding out the details and who is driving both ways etc. At 15 the kids do it! You don't talk to the parents and yes often kids do get a ride one way and find a ride home.

If your 13 yr old is your oldest it is hard to believe things will change that much in 2 yrs but they will.

OH trust me, I would be livid if my 15 year old was told to find a way home. Isn't happening. I don't where some of you live, but around here, we don't work that way. We pick up and take each others kids,a but there is a plan. how in the world can you leave a kid somewhere with a find your way home attitude. These are the kids that end up dead. And I will always know who is driving until my kid drives himself and most of the parents that I know feel the same way.

 

[kacaju]

Why wouldn't I still talk to the other kids parents when they are 15? I still need to know what they are doing and who they are hanging out with and who's driving them around. If my 15 year old tells me she is spending the night at someone's house, I'm certainly going to call and talk to that parent and make sure that's what's going on. I remember being 15 and the cr*p I tried to get away with

I have to agree with the pp. You just don't always talk to the other parent. As I said, I have a 16 and a 14 (and a 10 year old) it is just true, as they get older you are not in touch with the other parents as you are when they are younger.

As I mentioned. I took my 16 year olds friend with us to Six Flags. I never talked to the parents. They dropped her off and I drove her home when we were done.

 

[mhsjax]

I have to agree with the pp. You just don't always talk to the other parent. As I said, I have a 16 and a 14 (and a 10 year old) it is just true, as they get older you are not in touch with the other parents as you are when they are younger.

As I mentioned. I took my 16 year olds friend with us to Six Flags. I never talked to the parents. They dropped her off and I drove her home when we were done.

Yes but did the childs parent know that you were taking her home? And would you think it was ok, if the situation were reversed and the friend's mom took the kids to Six Flags and dropped them off and told them to find a way home?

It is irresponsible to drop a kid off somewhere and tell them to find a way home. I wonder what the media and the general public opinion would be, if God forbid those girls got into a situation where they couldn't get home and relied on someone who was not trust worthy. It would get out that the drop off parent told them to find a way home. NOT GOOD and I can't believe that anyone would condone this.

At the very least this parent should have said, please try to get another parent to pick you up, if you can't call me as a last resort. Not just leave them there.

 

[kacaju]

Yes but did the childs parent know that you were taking her home? And would you think it was ok, if the situation were reversed and the friend's mom took the kids to Six Flags and dropped them off and told them to find a way home?

It is irresponsible to drop a kid off somewhere and tell them to find a way home. I wonder what the media and the general public opinion would be, if God forbid those girls got into a situation where they couldn't get home and relied on someone who was not trust worthy. It would get out that the drop off parent told them to find a way home. NOT GOOD and I can't believe that anyone would condone this.

At the very least this parent should have said, please try to get another parent to pick you up, if you can't call me as a last resort. Not just leave them there.

I assume the parent knew I was dropping her off at home. My point I was trying to make was I never spoke to the parent.

My daughter and her friend texted back and forth all the arrangements. The Mother dropped the girl off at my house, never coming in to talk to me, and I dropped her off at home when we were done for the day, never seeing the parent.

 

[mhsjax]

I assume the parent knew I was dropping her off at home. My point I was trying to make was I never spoke to the parent.

My daughter and her friend texted back and forth all the arrangements. The Mother dropped the girl off at my house, never coming in to talk to me, and I dropped her off at home when we were done for the day, never seeing the parent.

I guess we are different around here, We all know each other and if we were to drop off a child at another persons house we at least wait and smile and wave and say something, like thanks for taking them or bringing them home. Something.

Even your situation is not the same as another parent saying find your way home. And if that ever happened to my kid, and I assure you it won't, There would be hell to pay for leaving my kid at a party at night without a verified way home.

 

[Hannathy]

Yes but did the childs parent know that you were taking her home? And would you think it was ok, if the situation were reversed and the friend's mom took the kids to Six Flags and dropped them off and told them to find a way home?

It is irresponsible to drop a kid off somewhere and tell them to find a way home. I wonder what the media and the general public opinion would be, if God forbid those girls got into a situation where they couldn't get home and relied on someone who was not trust worthy. It would get out that the drop off parent told them to find a way home. NOT GOOD and I can't believe that anyone would condone this.

At the very least this parent should have said, please try to get another parent to pick you up, if you can't call me as a last resort. Not just leave them there.

This rant is a little overboard don't you think? Because it is happening all over and guess what it isn't anything new for the media-that's laughable. breaking story teens getting together have to arrange their own way home. The horror! Get real, that is the general public's opinion and what has been happening since I was a teen 35+ yrs ago. what you said is understood by 15 you don't need to talk to the parents or the kids, if they can't find a ride they know to call. Do you have older teens?


PS 15 is almost driving, there are probably kids in the group that are driving.You don't arrange playdates for teens. Are you going to go to college with them and arrange their outings?

 

[gina2000]

Get used to it. Kids at this age make plans and forget to clue parents in on the logistics. Actually, they don't even plan the logistics of getting home half the time. Their pea brains are only concerned with getting to a party...not getting home.

I can't tell you how many times we've gotten a phone call after the fact asking if we could provide a ride home. There has been more than one occasion when I've been tempted to tell them to figure it out for themselves....but I restrain myself. Maybe the other mom felt the same way.

It's tough to be the beck n call taxi service.

 

[powellrj]

Get used to it. Kids at this age make plans and forget to clue parents in on the logistics. Actually, they don't even plan the logistics of getting home half the time. Their pea brains are only concerned with getting to a party...not getting home.

I can't tell you how many times we've gotten a phone call after the fact asking if we could provide a ride home. There has been more than one occasion when I've been tempted to tell them to figure it out for themselves....but I restrain myself. Maybe the other mom felt the same way.

It's tough to be the beck n call taxi service.

As much as it drives me crazy thats how it is when they get older. I try to get all the details upfront, but its not always the way kids that age are. They only think in terms of the moment and I wouldn't be so quick to put all the blame on the mom.

 

[MELSMICE]

Why wouldn't I still talk to the other kids parents when they are 15? I still need to know what they are doing and who they are hanging out with and who's driving them around. If my 15 year old tells me she is spending the night at someone's house, I'm certainly going to call and talk to that parent and make sure that's what's going on. I remember being 15 and the cr*p I tried to get away with

Spending the night at someone's house is different, IMO, than going to a party & then needing a ride home.

I remember my DD went to a bonfire at a friends house when she was 15. When I took her I went to the door just to make sure a parent was home. She was mortified, of course, but oh well. I would have been more concerned that there was supervision at this party than "find a ride home".

At the very least this parent should have said, please try to get another parent to pick you up, if you can't call me as a last resort. Not just leave them there.

That's essentially what the parent said. In fact, who knows, maybe the mom said, "I can't pick you up, you can get a ride home, right?" and the girls might have told her it wasn't a problem & the OP's DD called her for the ride.

Here's how the conversations usually went in our house:

DD: Mom, we're going to the football game tonight. Can you take use there & can we pick up Ali & Katie on the way home?

Me: Sure, how are you getting home?

DD: Either Ali or Katie's mom, but we'll let you know for sure because Katie's mom & dad are going out so they're not sure & I think Ali's parents will be at the game but I don't know what they're doing after.

Me: OK, well, dad & I are going to dinner so text me & let me know the definite plans when you find out. If we have to we can come pick you up, but it would be easier if another parent could do it.

DD: OK, I'll text you as soon as we know.

No biggie. The plans weren't definite. I didn't have to talk to any parents (although I pretty much know/knew/have at least met most of the parents). Really, as your kids get older you have to trust that they can make these arrangements themselves.

I would be annoyed if the parents really did a drop & run without thought of how the girls would get home, but I would just know better for next time. I wouldn't get in a tizzy about it.

 

[mhsjax]

This rant is a little overboard don't you think? Because it is happening all over and guess what it isn't anything new for the media-that's laughable. breaking story teens getting together have to arrange their own way home. The horror! Get real, that is the general public's opinion and what has been happening since I was a teen 35+ yrs ago. what you said is understood by 15 you don't need to talk to the parents or the kids, if they can't find a ride they know to call. Do you have older teens?


PS 15 is almost driving, there are probably kids in the group that are driving.You don't arrange playdates for teens. Are you going to go to college with them and arrange their outings?

Oh yes, you found me out, I am going to college to arrange their classes and play dates and talk with their professors to make sure they get all their homework.

I am sorry but if you don't see anything wrong with a Parent dropping off 2 kids and telling them to find their own way home well then I don't know what to say.

Oh and by the way, it is now 9:45 my kids are out on thier bike in the neighborhood, (small area) with friend who just happened to come by and get them. I am not supervising or calling parents to find out where they are.

For the last time, dropping off a 15 year old, and telling them to find a way home is wrong.

 

[mhsjax]

Spending the night at someone's house is different, IMO, than going to a party & then needing a ride home.

I remember my DD went to a bonfire at a friends house when she was 15. When I took her I went to the door just to make sure a parent was home. She was mortified, of course, but oh well. I would have been more concerned that there was supervision at this party than "find a ride home".


That's essentially what the parent said. In fact, who knows, maybe the mom said, "I can't pick you up, you can get a ride home, right?" and the girls might have told her it wasn't a problem & the OP's DD called her for the ride.

Here's how the conversations usually went in our house:

DD: Mom, we're going to the football game tonight. Can you take use there & can we pick up Ali & Katie on the way home?

Me: Sure, how are you getting home?

DD: Either Ali or Katie's mom, but we'll let you know for sure because Katie's mom & dad are going out so they're not sure & I think Ali's parents will be at the game but I don't know what they're doing after.

Me: OK, well, dad & I are going to dinner so text me & let me know the definite plans when you find out. If we have to we can come pick you up, but it would be easier if another parent could do it.

DD: OK, I'll text you as soon as we know.

No biggie. The plans weren't definite. I didn't have to talk to any parents (although I pretty much know/knew/have at least met most of the parents). Really, as your kids get older you have to trust that they can make these arrangements themselves.

I would be annoyed if the parents really did a drop & run without thought of how the girls would get home, but I would just know better for next time. I wouldn't get in a tizzy about it.

And that conversation would be fine. I don't get the opinion that it is somehow ok, on the other parent's part, to drop them off and leave. I would never drop kids off without knowing if they had a way home. And like I sated earlier, I would say try to find someone else to pick you up, if you can't call me. that is different that the other parent just saying find your way home. Not even close.

I am sorry but kids making arrangements at the party is a little too late. they can make all the arrangements they want before the party, again, the mom said to find your way home. Not acceptable on the parents part.

I don't have to trust that my kids will make arrangements once they get there, at home sure they can make them but not when they are already at the party. What if every parents was depending on the other parent to pick them up. What if they all told their kids to find a way home.

Where I live all the parents are really good friends, we have all pretty much grown up here and one way we keep tabs on the kids and look out for them is talk with each other./ yes the kids are very independent and they go all over the place, but if they go out at night we have the silly tendency to want to know how they are getting home, that doesn't mean that we have to call all the other mommies and set up all the arrangements. But I can guarantee that any mom that drops off the kids will make sure that the kids have a way home before she leaves.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

I have to agree with the pp. You just don't always talk to the other parent. As I said, I have a 16 and a 14 (and a 10 year old) it is just true, as they get older you are not in touch with the other parents as you are when they are younger.

As I mentioned. I took my 16 year olds friend with us to Six Flags. I never talked to the parents. They dropped her off and I drove her home when we were done.

Maybe it's different around here too, but yes, I always talk to the other parents. When my kids are driving age (not almost driving age) that might change a bit. But, even when they are driving age, you still have to check up on them. I'm not saying completely keep them under your thumb, but you can't just give them free reign either - in college yes, high school, no.