Am I overreacting?

[TwinsinCA]

How exactly did you leave off with your son? Unless you spoke to him a second time and heard from his mouth that he is OK and knows that you aren't on your way -- I'd be in the car now. Nothing but a blizzard would keep me from my kid under these circumstances.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

I would also be very hesitant to allow any more trips with this group because who knows where they're actually going to end up? (And your son probably wouldn't want to go anyhow after this incident..)

What a mess.. If you can't sleep because you're worried, go ahead and call the counselor.. Who cares if you wake her up? The screw up was on their end - not yours..

I agree, who cares if you wake her up! It is your child and there is an issue with him that needs to be addressed. Do you have the name of the site they are staying at or any other emergency contact info? If so, and they either wont answer the phone or wont cooperate in allowing your child to call you, then I would call the police for that area and explain what they did and you want a well-being check done for him. Im sure I will prob. get flamed for leading you down that path but there is more to this then just a homesick child. They have your child in an area you did not consent to. Is there a hotel you can research to stay at for the night so you dont have to drive home after you pick him up?

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

Perhaps I am overreacting, but I would never trust anybody that took my child to a place that I did not know about

I would hop in my car and go get him for sure. He is not with trustworthy, responsible adults

I mean, who takes a child to a different location OVERNIGHT without contacting the parent What the heck is going on?

is exactly the point in my above post.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I agree with MichelleWV, he is 10 not 6. He needs to suck it up and stay.

I just don't understand if he wouldn't stay at grandma's and a good friends overnight, what made you feel he would stay at an overnight camp with a bunch of strangers.

My DS just turned 11. He just returned yesterday from a 4 night overnight camp. He was a little homesick, I could tell, he called me twice a day. But he would never say he wanted to come home.

IMOP, your son isn't even giving it a chance. He knows mommy will come get him on a whim , so why even try to have fun. No way would I be driving 5 hours in the dark pouring rain. I would be mad about the location change, but I would deal with that when I picked him up at the end of camp.

Why didn't you send the allergy meds with him?

So your son knew these people for how long a week or two and you thought he would stay? He wouldn't stay with his own grandmother is my point. Compared to his own grandmother yea they are strangers.

And like I said why would he stay, seems like there's a pattern, if he whines to come home no matter when or with who you go get him, why would he give it a chance.

Don't get in an uproar. You asked if you were overreacting. About the unknown change of location, no I would be mad. Would I go get him, absolutely not!

No need for the "mommy" and "whines" snarkiness. Obviously the poster is worried about her son. You don't know him, his abilities, or his personality.

 

[justhat]

I would be pretty upset about the location change, but definitely not enough to keep calling the counselor or to go get my kid. Whether he's in campsite A or campsite B is likely not affecting his desire to go home. The allergy thing would be annoying, but he'll probably be fine for the 1 night. I have a lot of seasonal allergies and know it's a pain to be without meds, but I'm guessing he had the Zyrtac in the morning so that should have gotten him through much of the day and he's probably so tired he'll sleep tonight regardless of the allergies.

The location issue, I would bring it up when you pick up your kid tomorrow, but that would be the end of it. I am sure it was an oversight (as huge as it is, and I do feel this was a huge mistake to make) and no one meant any deception or harm. My kid is in a camp at the National Zoo this week, it's run by the Smithsonians so I felt great about it. Well seems that I am the 1 person who did not receive any sort of info packet about the camp and had no idea. In it included an allergy form, so for all they knew, my kid had a life-threatening bee allergy or something else extreme. It also told the location of the camp (which I had to track down on my own the first day) and contained the passes you need to pick up your kids. I had no idea anyone else got this stuff until today when I talked to another parent in the class. Big mistake on their part, but no one was harmed, which is essentially the outcome of your situation too.

 

[KirstenB]

They're supposed to call me back in a little while after they talk to each other and see how he does.

I have mixed feelings about going. On one hand, I think staying would be a good experience for him if he works through this and stops crying, on the other if I decide not to go, and then at 11 it becomes clear I have to go, I'll get there at 1, home at 3, and need to get up at 6:30 for work. Even leaving now would mean getting home at 1:00. I absolutely, positively can't skip work tomorrow.

I should also add that I doubled checked with the counselor this morning (note: in her defense the counselor is very young, high school student) and told her that I was worried about allergies. We talked about the specifics of the location, and I asked if I could send Benadryl, she said no, so I told her I would bring it up if they called. So the topic of me coming up had been introduced before.

My big question is not so much, do I go, but do I do I have the right to raise hell about this tomorrow. I'm tempted to tell them they need to call the camp director and have him drive up there and get him, but I realize that is probably overreacting.

It sounds like you have 2 separate questions, and you've decided to not go get him.

I think they should be completely clear about the destination. Personally, I do think camp can be a good experience in independence. However, they should be crystal clear in informing the parents about the who, what, where, etc.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I would talk to someone either tomorrow or next week. You want to be sure that you talk to someone who can act on your concerns. Be sure to remain calm and state your concerns clearly and concisely. YOu might want to write them down, so that you don't forget anything.

Several pp's have suggested that a counselor leave camp and drive him to point a so the op could pick up her son. I am sure that they have rules against this, as it would be a 1 on 1 (I know scouts doesn't allow this). Also, it might leave the other ratios of kids to counselors out of whack as well.

I'm sure your son will be alright. Next time, send his allergy meds along just in case he needs them.

 

[horseshowmom]

OP, I think you made the best choice. Driving 5 hours in the dark and in bad weather in unfamiliar surroundings wouldn't be a good idea.

I certainly understand the discomfort in being put in a situation where you were unable to "keep your word" to him. When my daugher was 10, she had to have an endoscopy done at a children's hospital. The doctor's office had told us that we would be able to stay with her until she was asleep. She was very nervous about the procedure but kept "a stiff upper lip", and we assured her that we would be there until she went to sleep. When they put her in the room, they told us to leave. Her eyes started to get big, and I explained what the doctor's office had told us. The nurse, in a very sarcastic tone, said, "I don't care what they told you. You have to leave now." It took everything my daughter had in her not to break down. Tears silently slipped down her face, and she looked at me and with a quavering voice asked, "Mama?" Of course, I had to leave her, but she never forgot it. She's almost 22 now, and if you mention LeBonheur, she'll cut her eyes and say that they're a bunch of liars.

I agree with others who said they would discuss this with the "powers that be" tomorrow. I would have an issue with having the location changed without my being notified. Further, I would be annoyed at the camp counselor who couldn't be bothered to let you know when he had gone to sleep (just to reassure you) - seems like that would have been good customer relations IMHO.

As for your son (and this is only my opinion which is only worth something to me personally ), you might want to tell him from now on that when he goes somewhere to spend the night he will be expected to stay all night - discuss his fears with him and maybe help him with some coping skills. At his age he really does need to learn to stay away from home overnight.

(I do sympathize with you though. When my daugher was 10, she went to a one week M-F sleep away camp, and they did not allow campers to call home at all. It was a long week for me, but she had a great time and couldn't wait to go back the next year! )

 

[muffyn]

(note: in her defense the counselor is very young, high school student) and told her that I was worried about allergies. We talked about the specifics of the location, and I asked if I could send Benadryl, she said no, .

you let a very young high school student tell you NO to sending benadryl???
this is what worries me most about this situation.

(about the counselor...... NOT the OP)

 

[*JoGo*]

I'd be furious to find out my child was at a diff. location than I was told - especially factoring in the extra distance!

When I was young, I was terrified to spend the night away from home. I would stay at grandparents' houses, but if I was there too many nights I'd get homesick (one set lived 1/8 mile down the road even!). I had the same best friend all through elementary school, visited her house very often, knew her whole family, NEVER spent the night there. I'd chicken out at bed time.

I eventually outgrew this... around high school. But I still never stayed at many friend's, they'd come to my house instead.

Looking back, I realize it was anxiety, but my parents had no idea, I couldn't explain it (I was convinced with my whole heart that my family would decide to move in the middle of the night and forget about me... I knew it wouldn't happen and I never told anyone this was my fear b/c I knew it was crazy, but I was convinced.). And to this day, I can recall the fear of staying somewhere. It was real.

So I don't think making a child spend the night somewhere is the answer. In the OP's situation, she may have been left with no choice considering the other factors (weather/distance/unknown location). But for those saying he needs to at his age, I cringe. He's a kid. He may not know why he's scared, and it is truly tramatic to go through. Eventually he will outgrow this. The OP didn't say he had any problems socially, JUST w/ the overnight thing. He's just not ready. And that's okay.
to OP and son

 

[dispor]

She insists he's fine. I'm going to have him stay unless they call back (my guess is they won't, because I have a feeling she won't call even if he's hysterical). I asked if they'd call when he was asleep, so I could stop worrying but they refused, but she gave me her phone number. I'm tempted to call back every hour until they tell me he's asleep -- think that's reasonable.

And that's okay with you?

 

[horseshowmom]

And that's okay with you?

Based on the OP's posts thus far, I very seriously doubt it. Even if he's upset, he's safe. The possible danger of being out in bad weather late at night could be worse than crying himself to sleep (at least IMHO).

 

[dispor]

Based on the OP's posts thus far, I very seriously doubt it. Even if he's upset, he's safe. The possible danger of being out in bad weather late at night could be worse than crying himself to sleep (at least IMHO).

No, I didn't mean to imply that the OP doesn't care if her son is crying! I am asking if she feels okay that her son is with a person who wouldn't tell her the truth about what's going on with her son... THAT'S that part that bothers me.

 

[horseshowmom]

No, I didn't mean to imply that the OP doesn't care if her son is crying! I am asking if she feels okay that her son is with a person who wouldn't tell her the truth about what's going on with her son... THAT'S that part that bothers me.

I certainly see your point. I can say with complete certainty that my child would NEVER be involved in any activity in conjunction with this group again.

 

[goofyshell]

to you OP. I would DEFINATELY make sure that the person in charge of the camp AND the school program knew that taking a child somewhere different than where parents were told is soooo not okay. I would also address the lack of people skills that counselor displayed with you on the phone.
As to picking up your son-I would have picked him up. Despite the weather. I have discovered that some kids are ready for sleepovers at 2 and some at 12. And there are so many variables that they may not stay where they stayed sometimes. IMHO that does not mean they will call you to pick them up when they're 22.

 

[bubie2.5]

I would be mad if my child ended up in another location than where I was told he would be.

As to picking him up, I think you made the right choice. It would have been dangerous for you AND FOR HIM to drive to and from an unfamiliar place with bad weather. He won't be scarred for life, at the most he'll think it twice before deciding to sleep away from home.

 

[minniecarousel]

OP - how is your DS this morning? Everything OK?

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I agree with MichelleWV, he is 10 not 6. He needs to suck it up and stay.

I just don't understand if he wouldn't stay at grandma's and a good friends overnight, what made you feel he would stay at an overnight camp with a bunch of strangers.

My DS just turned 11. He just returned yesterday from a 4 night overnight camp. He was a little homesick, I could tell, he called me twice a day. But he would never say he wanted to come home.

IMOP, your son isn't even giving it a chance. He knows mommy will come get him on a whim , so why even try to have fun. No way would I be driving 5 hours in the dark pouring rain. I would be mad about the location change, but I would deal with that when I picked him up at the end of camp.

Why didn't you send the allergy meds with him?

ITA
If you run off to get him then you are teaching him a lesson that may not be a good one. He knows all he has to do is turn on the tears and he gets what he wants.
Camp may be good for him as he may make some new friends and have experiences that will be fun.
If he won't even stay overnight at Grandma's why would you think he would be okay at camp? To me it sounds like the boy has some anxiety issues or he has just learned how to play you.
My 11 y/o daughter's friend, our neighbor, is a crybaby and it is getting quite stale at this age. If you are always rewarding negative behavior then it will never change. If there are some mental health issues then maybe your son needs some help. It is not the behavior I would expect of a child that age. If he keeps it up he may have a hard time keeping friends.

 

[mickeyboat]

My DDs (8 & 9) just spent the night at girl scout camp (one overnight in a two week day camp). They are pretty comfortable spending the night away from home, because they get so involved with their friends and what they are doing that they don't have time to get upset.

OP I I were you, I would definitely be upset that the kids went to a different location without notifying you. You should have at least had a way to contact them and locate them in case of an emergency.

I am glad you did not pick up your son, though. I hope that he may have discovered a little independence, confidence and self-reliance by being able to get through the night. It makes kids feel really good to be able to do things on their own.

If he did have a terrible night, I think you might need to take some baby steps before you try something like this again - get through the night at grandma's, get through the night at a freind's house. I would think it would be pretty embarassing for him to be so anxious around a bunch of other boys.

Good luck.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'd be mad about the location, and honestly, my kids have been away from us since they were babies (and we'd go away without them), that I can't imagine them getting that homesick. Right now dd12 is rough camping 800 miles away, without cellphone access. Maybe this will help him be more secure about being away? Ds6 can be a cry baby at times (drives me nuts), but there was no way that ds11 would ever cry in public, regardless of the injury.