Am I overreacting?

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My 10 year old is on a sleep over with his day camp tonight. The paperwork that I was given said that they'd be sleeping at a location, owned by the camp, about an hour from my home. The location is one that he'd been to before.

He was really nervous about going this morning, and I almost kept him home. He hasn't had a lot of experience sleeping over at other places, and in the past 6 months I've picked him up twice (once from a birthday party, once from Grandma's of all places) when he's changed his mind at bedtime. In addition, it's been raining and thundering on and off all day (not such a fun sleepover huh?) and he's got mold allergies that are acting up because of the rain. I talked to him and said that I would pick him up if he decided not to stay. I assumed that would be easy, because I thought I knew where they'd be.

He just called me on tears on the counselor's phone. I spoke to the counselor and said I'd rather pick him up now, and they replied that actually they're over 2 hours away on the other side of the state. He also told me, and they confirmed, that his group's counselor (one reason I picked this camp is that they stay together with one counselor for three weeks, and don't sleep over till the last night, I figure he'd have a good relationship by then, and he does. He LOVES his main counselor) isn't there, she didn't come on the trip, because she's "in a performance" (e.g. she PLANNED on not being there, this wasn't a sudden sickness or something).

So, now I'm facing a 5 hour drive, in the dark, in unfamiliar country, in the rain, or letting my child cry all night.

Should they have told us they were changing the location? Should they have warned the kid that their main adult wouldn't be there?

 

[Ohiodislover]

I think they should have told you the exact plans. I understand that you want to go get him. Could you call the counselor and see if things have settled down at all. I probably would try to encourage him to try and stay.

Thats a tough one

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I should add, that this is an "adventure" camp, the kids go to a different offsite location every day -- rock climbing, kayaking, etc . . . so they have permission to take him places during the day, it's just overnight that I thought I knew where they were going. Also because of the way it works (field trip every day) there's one counselor who stays the same, and the others are specialists who go with the site (e.g. the rock climbing counselors one day, the kayaking counselors the next) there's also a bus driver each day, but that person has changed 3 times.

 

[java]

Overreacting? I would be furious. You signed something for your son to be one place and instead he is in another??? Are you kidding?

I can't even begin to imagine the legal issues they would have is God Forbid something happened.

 

[Rebelmom67]

Go get your child!!

 

[golfgal]

Did they list a location on the forms or did it just say they were going an hour away? If the actual location was listed then yes, you are over reacting because you were given the information needed. If they just said someplace an hour away, no, you are not over reacting.

If it were me I would hesitate to go pick him up. Since you have established a pattern to pick him up he won't ever get used to sleeping elsewhere and what if he HAS to stay somewhere and you can't get him. Since you know he is safe and well cared for, I would not go get him if it were me.

 

[MichelleVW]

Honestly I would tell him to suck it up and it would be better in the morning. No way would I drive 5 hours in the dark in the rain to pick up a homesick kid. Injured yes.....and even then they would have to be pretty dang hurt for me to drive that far at night.

I guess I'm just mean but my girls know how to handle emergencies and such on their own now because of my "meaness" and not rescuing them from everything.

I don't really think I would care about the change in location as long as it was a safe location.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

They're supposed to call me back in a little while after they talk to each other and see how he does.

I have mixed feelings about going. On one hand, I think staying would be a good experience for him if he works through this and stops crying, on the other if I decide not to go, and then at 11 it becomes clear I have to go, I'll get there at 1, home at 3, and need to get up at 6:30 for work. Even leaving now would mean getting home at 1:00. I absolutely, positively can't skip work tomorrow.

I should also add that I doubled checked with the counselor this morning (note: in her defense the counselor is very young, high school student) and told her that I was worried about allergies. We talked about the specifics of the location, and I asked if I could send Benadryl, she said no, so I told her I would bring it up if they called. So the topic of me coming up had been introduced before.

My big question is not so much, do I go, but do I do I have the right to raise hell about this tomorrow. I'm tempted to tell them they need to call the camp director and have him drive up there and get him, but I realize that is probably overreacting.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Absolutely they should have told you they were changing location. I would be completely ticked off if my child was taken somewhere other than where I okayed him to be taken!

That said, does he have anxiety problems? If not, do you think you can just call him a couple of times and let him ride this one out?

 

[disneyfanforever]

I would be furious as well. If someone took my child that far away without me knowing about it, I would definitely raise a fuss. I would go ahead and go get him, and then have a very firm talk with those in charge of the camp.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Did they list a location on the forms or did it just say they were going an hour away? If the actual location was listed then yes, you are over reacting because you were given the information needed. If they just said someplace an hour away, no, you are not over reacting.

If it were me I would hesitate to go pick him up. Since you have established a pattern to pick him up he won't ever get used to sleeping elsewhere and what if he HAS to stay somewhere and you can't get him. Since you know he is safe and well cared for, I would not go get him if it were me.

The location that is listed in the camp brochure, and in the paper I signed is a property that's an hour away, that I know where it is and that's owned by the camp. The location they are in is a state park an hour further away than where they are.

 

[Pomlover2586]

Personally I'd be FURIOUS with the camp.......and I'd let them know how I felt as soon as they returned. Unfortunately the situation you're describing [5 hr drive,rain, dark, unfamiliar area] makes it seem more dangerous to try and go get him then to make him suck it up and deal with it for a few hours.

I know that's harsh....and I don't mean it to be. But the bottom line is you're son is 10 yrs old.....he DECIDED to go on this trip......and he's not really in any real danger......upset and homesick yes but long term he will be fine.

As a parent I know it's hard to not run to him....but by doing that you could do more harm than good......

I hope things work out.....and I'd be demanding my money back from the camp

 

[Rebelmom67]

My main problem is, you TOLD him you would pick him up if he decided not to stay. If you had told him "let's see how this works out", or something else, I would feel differently.

Since you promised him he would be picked up if needed, I think you should pick him up. JMO.

 

[Binnie]

I would be really cheesed. Really, really cheesed. There would be serious heck to pay.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I'm a pretty laid back person but this would have me irate. If I am understanding correctly, they listed one location on the permission form and brought him to a different location. For many reasons, this would upset me. As for the PPs who are saying this child should suck it up, you have to remember we are talking about a 6 year old. If we were talking about an older child it might be different, but 6 is still pretty young. I was actually going to suggest you put it in their lap to get him to within a reasonable distance - say meet you half way. They created the situation and don't even legally have your permission to have him at that location.

Edited because I picked up the age wrong: At 10 he is old enough that I might leave him but I would be really unhappy about it. Again, you might put out to them that you want them to meet you part way but it may be safer to leave him until the morning.

 

[DebIreland]

I would be very annoyed too.

He's just a kid. If he's lonely and scared, go and get him. When he's older he can start learning to be independent. Childhood is so short - he'll have plenty of time later on to be out in the big world. For now, he needs his mom. Bring him home.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Personally I'd be FURIOUS with the camp.......and I'd let them know how I felt as soon as they returned. Unfortunately the situation you're describing [5 hr drive,rain, dark, unfamiliar area] makes it seem more dangerous to try and go get him then to make him suck it up and deal with it for a few hours.

I know that's harsh....and I don't mean it to be. But the bottom line is you're son is 10 yrs old.....he DECIDED to go on this trip......and he's not really in any real danger......upset and homesick yes but long term he will be fine.

As a parent I know it's hard to not run to him....but by doing that you could do more harm than good......

I hope things work out.....and I'd be demanding my money back from the camp

I guess the way I look at it was he DECIDED to go to a familiar location with a familiar adult, not an unfamiliar location with an unfamiliar adult. I also told him I would come if he needed his allergy meds (he was worried about that when he woke up and saw the rain), and checked with his counselor before making the decision to send him.

I should also add, that I think they changed location because of the rain (e.g. they drove far enough West to miss the rain) not for some malicious reason. If I'd gotten an email when they made the decision I would have left straight from work, brought the meds, and offered him to stay or go (we'd have probably gotten there around 9), or at the very least I would have called him and said something before he was upset.

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm a pretty laid back person but this would have me irate. If I am understanding correctly, they listed one location on the permission form and brought him to a different location. For many reasons, this would upset me. As for the PPs who are saying this child should suck it up, you have to remember we are talking about a 6 year old. If we were talking about an older child it might be different, but 6 is still pretty young. I was actually going to suggest you put it in their lap to get him to within a reasonable distance - say meet you half way. They created the situation and don't even legally have your permission to have him at that location.

He's 10 not 6, big difference. Old enough to know that driving that far in the dark rain is pretty dangerous.

 

[Doe]

Why weren't you allowed to send his allergy medicine with him or at the very least with a camp counselor?

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm a pretty laid back person but this would have me irate. If I am understanding correctly, they listed one location on the permission form and brought him to a different location. For many reasons, this would upset me. As for the PPs who are saying this child should suck it up, you have to remember we are talking about a 6 year old. If we were talking about an older child it might be different, but 6 is still pretty young. I was actually going to suggest you put it in their lap to get him to within a reasonable distance - say meet you half way. They created the situation and don't even legally have your permission to have him at that location.

He's 10, not 6. I thought about the meet half way, but that would leave fewer counselors for the other children. I don't feel like I can ask them to put those kids in jeopardy to save me some miles.

I can't go now, because I don't know exactly where they are, just the area.