Am I overreacting

[summeroffun]

I have been married for 10 years. My husband works in a predominantly female setting and has many female friends. Usually this is not a problem. I came across a FB conversation when I was looking at his e mail for another reason. (He knows I look occasionally as we have some joint accounts that go directly to his e mail). He was chatting back and forth with this woman who asked him why he did nto live chat with him and asked him if he was afraid she would "chat dirty" He answered that she could chat him dirty anytime. This conversation made me sick to my stomach. I know he is not phisically cheating on me, but I feel this is not an appropriate conversation to be having with another woman who is not your wife. Am I wrong?

 

[kaytieeldr]

You're not wrong, and since he knows you read his e-mail, you should discuss this issue CALMLY as soon as possible.

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

I'd be upset. I'd ask him about it, trying to stay calm and reasonable, but I'm sure that wouldn't last long!

Good luck.

 

[momof1princess]

mmmm yeah...if my DH did that, we'd be having a serious chat...immediately.

 

[EthansMom]

I'd definitely be having a "how would you feel if I made this comment to another man" discussion with him, if I were you.

 

[meloneyb21]

I'd definitely be having a "how would you feel if I made this comment to another man" discussion with him, if I were you.

Yea, I agree. You held it together longer than I ever would have. I tell ya, I don't think I coulda made it to tell the DIS about that. LOL. I don't play that. Talk to him ASAP!

 

[Handbag Lady]

Smack him with a frying pan.

When he comes to, show him the email/messages and have a quizzical look on your face.

Then show him the Tiffany & Co. Catalogue where you've circled some things in red.






Seriously, I'd have a talk with him and let him know this is not acceptable and he certainly wouldn't want you to have the same conversation with a male colleague.

 

[rie'smom]

No, you're nor overreacting. A serious talk is in order right now.

 

[Bonked]

You aren't wrong at all, and you definitely aren't overreacting! Gl!

 

[Praying Colonel]

Ran this by DW--she said:

"I'd kick his (tail), then I'd go find that woman and kick her (tail). What that woman said--she was looking for something. You don't talk like that to a married man. She was fishing for something. And he gave the wrong answer to her. He's inviting more by talking like that. So that's why he needs his (tail) kicked, too."

 

[ontariomonkey]

I would have thrown up and then booked a marriage counselling session. That is so inapropriate and it would take alot to regain my trust.

 

[momof1princess]

Ran this by DW--she said:

"I'd kick his (tail), then I'd go find that woman and kick her (tail). What that woman said--she was looking for something. You don't talk like that to a married man. She was fishing for something. And he gave the wrong answer to her. He's inviting more by talking like that. So that's why he needs his (tail) kicked, too."

i agree with your DW. after i was done with my DH, i'd be paying that woman a visit and she and i would have ourselves a "come to jesus" meetin'. then i'd be putting a keylogger on the computer.

 

[MoniqueU]

I would be printing out that chat log if it had names on it and faxing it from kinkos to his boss. I am not into the whole calmly nicely thing. I found out my DH has a facebook from my son. IT has a picture of he and my DD on it, which is fitting LOL. Nothing bad my kids see his profile. But if it were ever to get weird things would not be pretty.

 

[kathie859]

I'd certainly mention this incident to DH--but, honestly, the OP's DH may be clueless that his female "friend" is coming onto him Not to be a man basher--but they are sometimes brain dead which it comes to the nuances of reading into what a woman is really saying. He may have thought that his response was just a like response to her joke. Whereas another woman sees an "I'm open for (monkey) business signed pinned to her chest" based on dirty chat comment.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

I do not think you are overreacting, and I agree that you should confront him. I have an extremely low tolerance for this sort of thing. I've known several marriages that ended badly, that started with situations like this where the spouse said 'we're just friends', 'it's just a joke', 'it means nothing'.

 

[Sparx]

a serious conversation is definately in order. if that doesn't work try this:

Smack him with a frying pan.

When he comes to, show him the email/messages and have a quizzical look on your face.

Then show him the Tiffany & Co. Catalogue where you've circled some things in red.

i'm sorry you're going through this op.

 

[lillygator]

yes, his answer was a direct invitation....I would have problems with that.

 

[sunnyday123]

How do you know he isn't cheating? Quite frankly, his response was an invitation to cheat. Men can cheat without being physical, and sometimes thats harder to overcome.

A serious talk is in order. With him, not the Disboards.

On second thought, I might log on as him and chat her up to see exactly what's what. Then I'd go knock on her door.

 

[rie'smom]

I'd certainly mention this incident to DH--but, honestly, the OP's DH may be clueless that his female "friend" is coming onto him Not to be a man basher--but they are sometimes brain dead which it comes to the nuances of reading into what a woman is really saying. He may have thought that his response was just a like response to her joke. Whereas another woman sees an "I'm open for (monkey) business signed pinned to her chest" based on dirty chat comment.

Even stupid guys would know what "dirty talk" doesn't mean talking about mud.

 

[OceanAnnie]

They are both asking for trouble. Time for Wonder Woman. Kick some butt! J/K, sort of.

Talk to him. Then kick his butt. Not good for your marriage. Not good for his job either. Let the powers that be catch wind of this kind of thing and he'll have more than marital problems. What is he thinking?! The female employee sounds skanky. I wouldn't say a word to her. Your DH (not dear) should set her straight.