Am I over reacting

[sdoll]

My son recently moved up in his classroom at daycare. While I loved his infant class room I am less than satisfied with his new toddler classroom. My son only goes to daycare 2 days a week. But I don't feel like he has bonded with his teachers or them with him. The other day when I went to pick him up he was in a different classroom other than his regular one. The teacher in there said "Oh he has just been running around and have a blast. He even let me give him a hug. I tried hugging him last week but Miss Alice (his regular teacher) said not to because he is her fragile kid and doesn't like people." So what am I left to think about that comment.... I have suspected that he is not getting any one on one time. I should mention that he has been in this new class room 3 weeks 5 days when this comment was made. But now I feel like I am right to be concerned. My son is 19 months old he is at the age where he watches every kid around him but doesn't always jump in with them and play. He is not aggresive at all infact his teachers in his last classroom and I would joke that a kid would come up to him and take his toy and Brian might as well just hand it to them because he doesn't react at all when they take his toy. I know that everyone thinks there kid is the best. And I am no different. I don't expect him to be the favorite but I do expect them to draw him out and interact with him. I now think that they just make sure he is safe and that his diaper gets changed as needed. I am so frustrated I now think I need to find a sitter which I was planning on doing when our next baby came. I have debated talking to the director but I know I will cry and lets face it thats not productive. The teacher upset me the week before when I picked my son up early because he had a Drs appointment for fluid in his ears (which drains because he has tubes) When I picked him up she said " I was wondering if you were going to do anything about his ears they are really bad" His morning teacher had given him ear drops and new about his drs appointment. it was even written on his daily info sheet. But if she was so concerned why didn't she call me at work and let me know??
anyways am I over reacting? I have been really weepy with my pregnancy and have had a lot of issues with my sons health this winter I am afraid I am being extra sensitve. But this really has bothered me. What do you think??

 

[mom2aredhead]

My son also went to daycare 2 days/weeek and I flipped out when he moved up to the toddler room. It took some time for him to get adjusted to the "big kid" activities they did since he was used to doing his own thing in the infant room. It also took me getting used to him not being a baby anymore, and his teachers not treating him like a baby.
3 weeks is not enough time to judge, especially if you are hormonal and weepy from the pregnancy. Unless you are worried about his physical treatment or safety (which it didn't really sound like), I'd give it some more time. Hang in there.

 

[katyjeka]

Hi. We have 3 dd's. Our oldest was our only child for years, and I was and still am very close to her. I really know nothing about daycare, but I was caught by the sentence that "he doesn't like people". I was told the same thing about my daughter and guess what? They were wrong. She is now eleven and has NO problem with people!! She has friends, both older and younger, and is very active. She too was the type of child who "watched" everyone and everything going on around her, but would not always join. She must have been picking up a lot while watching, as she is so smart, it scares me sometimes. I think he's a little young to put titles on him, such as fragile and probably would have told the daycare teacher this. Good luck, he sounds like a great little boy. Janice

 

[xyzabc33]

Why dont you ask if you can keep him in the classroom that had the nice teacher that hugged him? She sounds a little more in tune to the needs and wants of a child that age. Also a lot kids that age do tend to kind of step back and watch. My younger neighbor was concerned about this with her son and I told her it is called "parellel play" Where they play alongside the other children around them but not necessarily "with" them. It is normal for that age and he will soon grow out of it. That does not make him fragile or mean that he doesnt like ppl--it means he is a normal toddler. I agree that labling a child at that age is not appropriate especially in the short period of time the kiddo was under her care. Again, ask him to be transferred to the nice teacher's class and dont give any other reason then he seems to have bonded with her better. GOOD LUCK with the future one.

 

[mrs.beast]

I don't think you are over reacting. I do think that if you plan on keeping him at that facility you need to express your concerns to the teachers in the room. You could get advice on how to approach them from one of the teachers from your son's infant room. The transition to the big kid room is a difficult one for many moms, but if the teacher has formed an opinion that your child does not like to be touched, and she is making a comment that sounds judgemental about your parenting skills to you, it needs to be discussed or you will never feel comfortable with your child in that room. If you don't get a response that satisfies you, you should take it up with the director, or leave the facility.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't have any daycare experience so please take this with a grain of salt. Is it possible that your son is adjusting to the new room and they are all getting used to each other. I don't think I would have liked her choice of words but maybe she's not good at saying what she means. Meaning it comes out wrong. Does your son still like going? 5 days isn't a long time fot him to adjust and from your post it doesn't seem like it's 5 days in a row. I feel for you. Nothing is worse than when you are worried about your children. I would try to spek to the teacher privately regarding your son and what his day is like. I would also pop up unexpectedly once in a while so you can see first hand. Good luck and keep us updated. I am sure it will all work out.

 

[camdensmom]

I would put all of your concerns in writing (including the two quotes that were upsetting to you) and give them to the director and request a 1:1 meeting. I HATE confrontation and always worry that I'll get weepy (esp. when my son is concerned) and find it is always best to get it down so I know my point is getting across prior to meeting.

A transition is to be expected. Mean-spirited remarks are not.

Lots of luck.

 

[hollyb]

You have to understand that he is in daycare where they won't get one on one attention all the time. The teachers are so busy with everyone. I would give it time, but talk to the head director let her know what your feeling.

 

[Tess'smom]

I do not think you are overreacting. You should trust your instinct as you know best what your child needs. Day care should be more than a safe environment and a place to get your diaper changed. They should be insuring that they meet his developmental needs. You are paying for this daycare. I would address my concerns to the head teacher or the director and look for a new place. I would probably not be completely comfortable with this center after his ear issue and him just wondering from room to room. Good luck with your decision and let us know what you decide.

 

[swillis]

I would be less concerned about him getting one on one time with his teachers and more concerned with the fact that he has a medical issue that his teachers are not aware of.

My son has the same ear issues, and had very serious life threatening comlications from ear infections. I made a point of sitting down with every teacher he has ever had (since the issues began) and telling them what the problem was...what is normal...what is an emergency... I also had his pediatrician write a letter at the beggining of each school year that I would go over with the Director.

Because of this, his school nurse in Kindergarten actually caught an infection that came on very quickly, and we were able to get on top of it fast enough that he didn't need quite as much invasive treatment. He still needed surgery, but not 26 spinal taps like he did the first time he was sick!

Now that he is 11, I still speak with his teachers at the beginning of each school year. I've learned that it's not enough to simply fill out the medical information form because not everyone reads them.

I know what it's like to have people question you about draining ears, they don't realize that's a good thing for a kid with tubes in his ears. I hope you can feel comfortable talking to every teacher that he has, and explain his health issues, and his personality.

 

[LaraK]

I am a firm believer that you should go with your gut. I remember when DD was one and a half and I was pregnant with DS...they moved her from the infant room to the toddler room early because she was too much for the infant room (early walker and big for her age). She was only about 16 months old. The Toddlers were put into the common room in the morning...well they had a staffing issue and my 16 month old was in the same room with five year olds and there was one teacher with 23 kids. I lost my mind. Had a big screaming pregnancy hormone induced breakdown right in the lobby of the daycare about them violating the law and endangering my child. I was really embaressed afterwards, but they never did it again. Also, to this day they tend to show me a lot of respect and react strongly anytime I am critical. Don't get me wrong, there are still issues (they gave him chocolate milk a couple of weeks ago...he's allergic to chocolate), but I believed that they addressed the issue and DS was fine. I did insist on a room change for DS this year, but it was because he and another child were having major personality conflicts and they needed to be separated.

 

[WantToGoNow]

My children were in daycare from the time they were newborns until last spring. They were 5 and 2 when I took them out. I learned that there is a BIG difference in the infant/toddler rooms and also in the morning/afternoon teachers. The afternoon "teachers" are usually part-time high school/early college kids just trying to make some extra money. Their purpose is usually just to supervise the children and many never get to know the children well because they might float from room to room. The ratios are usually much higher in a toddler room than an infant room - which really cuts down on the one-on-one attention. Children at that age are usually more interested in what other kids are doing than to even want to be "babied" by the teacher, I know mine couldn't wait to be "big kids". My dd's daycare did have a transition room for children 12-18 months so they got used to the toddler experience with a smaller crowd before they went to the 2 y/o class where the class size doubled and was more of structured environment. My son's daycare didn't and he went to the toddler room when he was 18 mos. There were 12 in the infant room and 24 in the toddler room -- quite an adjustment. It usually takes a child a month at least to adjust to a new room.

 

[Tam1067]

I've been through daycare with 3 kids (the youngest is now 4 and almost ready for kindergarten). As others have said, there's a huge difference between the infant room and the toddler room. In addition to the caregiver/child ratio being different, you've got to remember the toddlers are more active, noisier, and more tempermental. I really feel for those teachers because I think the toddler room is the most stressful room in a daycare place.

That said, you also do not want to let one or two comments upset you so much. Some people (daycare workers included) might say something awkwardly--and not really mean what they say. Lord knows I've done the same thing myself, and I'm not in a small room with 12 one year olds all day, either.

It's wise to repeat any information (such as about his ears) to the workers more than once. Do not assume details like that get passed from one worker to another because they're dealing with all the kids, and one might forget to tell the other one.

I also always made it a point to hang out for 5-10 minutes each afternoon while I was getting my kids ready to go. I'd make small talk with their teachers, ask about things. That really helps. And those conversations are a perfect time to bring up concerns you have. You can say, "Did you know he's got tubes" or something like that.

Also, depending on your state, the educational requirements for daycare workers are not necessarily very stringent. So even if she knows he's got tubes, she will not automatically know why that's a big deal at all. And, if you brought him to school in the morning and noted the ear problem on his sheet, she probably assumed that it was not a big deal--or else you wouldn't have brought him in. She may have wondered (but not asked) why you let him come to school with "really bad" ears. I'm not saying this is the case for you, but I've had my kids' teachers (more than one) complain about why parents bring their sick kids to school--and then the teacher is left not sure whether to call the parent back or to keep the kid and risk infecting others. The teachers are in an awkward situation there because many parents do not want to be called at work and told to pick up the kid.

Now if you are truly concerned that this new room is not giving him the attention or care he needs, or that the teachers there are not doing their job, you need to talk to the director.

 

[emma'smom]

My younger dd is still in daycare (2 year old room) and I find that things are usually going along fine and then they might change a teacher...and then there is a period of adjustment for everyone (kids, parents, teachers, etc). I really don't hesitate to talk to the teacher, offer my perspective/concerns and suggestions for the best way to interact with my child, and talk to the directors when needed. I try not to approach it as a "complaint", but rather an opportunity to let the new teachers know about my child's needs/personality and my parenting wishes. Usually, the director is just happy that a parent is interested in more than just griping, but looking for ways to work together to find solutions.

 

[twinmom319]

Go with your gut. My twins have been in daycare since they were six weeks old (!!) and we've been in bad places and great places. Both of the bad places I kept telling myself to give it time, adjustment, etc...then when that last straw happened and I pulled them out, the change in the girls was incredible. If you feel like your child isn't getting the care he deserves, or if he is acting stressed at home (for a toddler you would see a lot of increased whining, crying, outbursts) you should at the very least meet with the director and look for other places for your child.