Am I just being overly sensitive today?

[lulugirl]

I think you are being too sensitive.
Why should she feel obligated to buy something from you or your children?

 

[scrump]

There's no way I could buy from everybody, I would just let it go. As others have suggested, just decline her the next round, and call it even.

 

[elgerber]

I bought 2 boxes from a girl scout over the weekend but they are still sitting here waiting for someone that wants them. We don't eat any trans-fats and these are loaded with hydrogenated oils. I wouldn't have bought them, but DH felt he should help out the girl scouts. Why can't they sell healthy cookies?
Maybe your friend feels the same way?

Your girls scouts must use a different baker than our does this year. 5 of our 8 kinds of cookies this year are Trans Fat free, including the thin mints. We also have a low fat cinnamon oatmeal that is fortified with vitamins, so not all our cookies are horrible for you. I wish they offered those for you in your area.

 

[missypie]

This year our local GS troops have changed the way they sell cookies. They used to take orders at this time of the year, then you'd get the cookes in late Feb./early March and pay for them then. This year, they have the cookies right there, and you get them right then, and pay for them right then. Bad idea. At this time of the year, folks are not only on diets, but have also just paid for Christmas and may well have made resolutions about not spending so much money. I bet sales are going to be way down. Your friend may well have decided not to support fund raisers in the new year.

BTW, I am MUCH more likely to buy from a cute little child who takes the time to personally come to my door, than from an adult who calls or emails me. The child should be doing the selling.

 

[lillygator]

I wouldn't get upset about that....if I am on a diet I wouldn't buy them either no matter how many people in my house would have them, they are TOO darn tempting! I mean, I go NUTS for thin mints, especially straight out of the freezer.....

As another poster said, just remember this the next time you feel obligated to purchase something from one of her fundraisers.

 

[McKelly]

Wow! Thanks for all of the replies! I went to go pick up my son from school and was surprised at the amount of replies! All of them were read and thank you for your opinions.

I will let it go because it does seem stupid to let something like this get in the way of years of friendship. And after some time has passed I am not as mad, just find it humorous actually.

My opinion is this though. I have friends and I have "friends", a few that I would do anything for and she is one of them, that is why I was surprised at her answer and excuse, because to me "supporting each other's children" goes with being close friends. BUT, apparently that is my own opinion.

I also buy something from each kid in the neighborhood, Girl Scout, Boy Scout, Varsity Club, church group, etc., because it was my hopes that in the future people would remember this and return the favor when my kids got older. I ALSO buy the stuff, because in my opinion, it is about supporting one's COMMMUNITY. Clearly, I am in the minority, and maybe should think about changing my ways! LOL!!

DISYKAT, I would like to thank you in particular because I never thought of it like that! Maybe she doesn't make a big deal out kid's things, only her own.

MISSYPIE-I thought about that after the response. My DD6 and I composed an E-mail to the people that lived more than an hour away and sent it. Perhaps, she would have bought some had my cutie pie been staring up at her with those big blue eyes!

 

[diznygirl]

My opinion is this though. I have friends and I have "friends", a few that I would do anything for and she is one of them, that is why I was surprised at her answer and excuse, because to me "supporting each other's children" goes with being close friends. BUT, apparently that is my own opinion.

Well, I'm the type of friend that supports my friends and their children, but that doesn't include spending money on things I don't want. If they need a ride somewhere, babysitting with late notice, loan them some money to put food on the table - that's all stuff I would do in an instant. Buy one box of cookies for a fundraiser? No, I don't think that comes under the heading of "support because you are my friend." That's really sad that you would think so.

 

[rigs32]

The cookies cost, what, $3.50 a box? Your daughter's troop gets about 50 cents, right? So you want her to, essentially throw away $3 for something she does not want to eat so your daughter can get 50 cents?

 

[McKelly]

diznygirl-

What is sad is how you choose to speak to other people. I wonder if you are as rude to people face to face?

Let this thread end, I learned my lesson.

 

[mickeysgal]

Yeah, you are being overly sensitive if you are 'really upset' that your friend didn't buy a box of cookies. Seriously, even if she was not on a diet she has the right to say no thanks. But especially with her being on a diet, you should be understanding. You are friends, right?

Don't you see that this is not about a box of cookies or whether the cookies are healthy enough or whether the friend is really on a diet or whether she should be able to resist cookies if on a diet? Its about extending the same courtesy that she has given her friend's son when he was selling something. If you or your kids are out there selling stuff (fundraisers, boy scouts, girl scouts, etc.) then be prepared to have the tables turned on you when someone else that has bought from you is now selling something. I think this is what the OP is upset about. Yes, I would be upset if I, out of neighborly courtesy, was always buying and when it was time for my kids to sell those same people/friends said no. To me this is on the same level demonstrations. If you're invited and you attend, I've always felt that you have to buy something...anything! Then if you have a demonstration, its payback time. All those people that you've been kind enough to attend their parties...its time that they attended yours.

 

[mickeyfan2]

No big deal. Just let it go. There are many people like DH and I who buy from many fund raises and have not children. We are not worried about making everything even.

 

[ckay87]

I have a couple of thoughts, but I think you're being too sensitive. Your friend sounds like me. If those cookies were bad for a diet I was on, I would not bring them in the house. And I would hope that any friend of mine would respect my wishes and not think I was using an excuse. It's hard enough being bombarded with all the fundraisers, but to have to feel obligated to support them or be a bad friend is just too much.

 

[DVCLiz]

Your friend broke the unwritten rule of close friendship, which is, "Look, neither of us really wants or needs more popcorn, cookies, cookie dough, wrapping paper, magazines, etc. but since our kids are going to be selling this I'll buy from yours if you'll buy from mine, OK?" You're not being too sensitive - your friend has simply exercised a clause you didn't know existed, which is, "OK, well now I'm going to change the rules on you and if you don't like it you're the one who's going to be accused of being too sensitive, so there!" This allows you to exercise the optional second hidden clause, which is, "I am going to gracefully let this roll off my back, and furthermore I will continue to buy from your children whenever they have something to sell, and if I take just the tiniest bit of pleasure from knowing that you are a little uncomfortable when you realize that I'm supporting your kids even though you no longer support mine, well then, that's just human nature and you'll have to deal with that on your end, now won't you?"

Personally, I couldn't turn down someone's kid, even if the friendship wasn't that close and I didn't need the item. I know that's a personal decision, though.

 

[jgmklmhem]

Don't you see that this is not about a box of cookies or whether the cookies are healthy enough or whether the friend is really on a diet or whether she should be able to resist cookies if on a diet? Its about extending the same courtesy that she has given her friend's son when he was selling something. If you or your kids are out there selling stuff (fundraisers, boy scouts, girl scouts, etc.) then be prepared to have the tables turned on you when someone else that has bought from you is now selling something. I think this is what the OP is upset about. Yes, I would be upset if I, out of neighborly courtesy, was always buying and when it was time for my kids to sell those same people/friends said no. To me this is on the same level demonstrations. If you're invited and you attend, I've always felt that you have to buy something...anything! Then if you have a demonstration, its payback time. All those people that you've been kind enough to attend their parties...its time that they attended yours.

Do you announce before you buy something from a neighbor or friend that you are doing the buying out of "neighborly courtesy" or because you really want it. If you do not announce this how would someone know the difference. I don;t think any one is under any obligation to ever buy anything. My relationships are not built on what someone buys. If I want something I will buy it if I don't then I won't. Never buy something assuming the other person should reciprocate unless otherwise communicated.

 

[Christine]

Your friend broke the unwritten rule of close friendship, which is, "Look, neither of us really wants or needs more popcorn, cookies, cookie dough, wrapping paper, magazines, etc. but since our kids are going to be selling this I'll buy from yours if you'll buy from mine, OK?" You're not being too sensitive - your friend has simply exercised a clause you didn't know existed, which is, "OK, well now I'm going to change the rules on you and if you don't like it you're the one who's going to be accused of being too sensitive, so there!" This allows you to exercise the optional second hidden clause, which is, "I am going to gracefully let this roll off my back, and furthermore I will continue to buy from your children whenever they have something to sell, and if I take just the tiniest bit of pleasure from knowing that you are a little uncomfortable when you realize that I'm supporting your kids even though you no longer support mine, well then, that's just human nature and you'll have to deal with that on your end, now won't you?"

Personally, I couldn't turn down someone's kid, even if the friendship wasn't that close and I didn't need the item. I know that's a personal decision, though.

DVCLiz, very nicely put!!

This is so true. Now, I do not buy from EVERYONE, but I do buy everything that my cousin sells for her kids and that my best friend sells for hers--whether I want it or not. And the "unspoken" understanding is that she will buy my stuff. Now if for some reason, she turned me down, I would NEVER let it hurt my friendship with her and would assume (since she is a good friend) that there must be a darned good reason.

 

[PaulaSue]

Overly sensitive, IMO. You don't have to buy from others just because you buy from them. Just like at Christmas time and gift giving.

 

[Marseeya]

This is why I hate fundraisers!!!

Also, fat people just can't win, can they? They buy too many cookies and they're gluttons. They don't buy any and they're lousy friends.

 

[MrsPete]

I detest obligatory buying, and I refuse to do it. If I want the item (a rarity when it comes to fund raisers), I'll buy it. If I don't want the item, I won't. I don't give or attend home parties of any type.

If the child selling is someone special to me -- someone to whom I can't say no -- I'll give a small donation instead of buying the product. This is more valuable to them in the long run because 100% of the donation goes to the group, and it's more valuable to me because a donation is tax deductible.

My daughters are selling GS cookies right now too (the ONLY fund raiser in which we take part), and there are two things you could've said when your friend said she didn't want to buy because of her diet:
1. Our girl are also selling "Cookies for the Troops". An individual can buy a box of cookies, and they're sent overseas to our military troops. It's a nice thing. Tax deductible too.
2. We have one cookie that is low-fat and even acceptible for diabetics. It's even acceptible for diabetic diets.

These things might or might not have made a difference in whether she chose to buy or not.

Someone brought up the .50 per box thing -- it's always a point of contention until people understand the whole process. Each council (geographic area) sets its own cookie price and chooses which bakery it'll use. My council uses Little Brownie Bakers and sells cookies for 3.50 per box.

In my council, the troop does keep only .50 per box; however, the council keeps about 1.75 per box. Our council is largely funded by cookie sales. The council uses that 1.75 per box to maintain FIVE camps (one on the lake, one in the mountains, one with a ropes /climbing course, one inside a huge park with a zoo, and one in the middle of the city with themed cabins), which we can use for almost free. They offer a whole book full of programs (engineering programs, museum sleepovers, craft days, history days, even a technology bus that goes to different areas of the council . . . all sorts of things), which our girls can attend for paltry fees like $2-10 per event. Even overnight events only run $15-20. Leaders LOVE these events because they're so easy. For example, I'm not a lifeguard so I can't take my girls on watersports activities. However, I can take them to a council-sponsored sleepover at a local college, and there'll be a lifeguard provided for me. So the lion's share of the money IS going to the girls; it just isn't going directly to the individual seller's own troop.

 

[disykat]

The funny thing about these "unwritten rules" it that they are really just people's opinion. Everyone has different unwritten rules - mine would be that there are so many fundraisers my friends know that they are expected to say no unless they actually want the item, otherwise I wouldn't let my kids ask them for fear of imposing. (reality is I don't let my kids ask - I always send in a donation in lieu of selling) See how different people's perspectives are?

 

[PaulaSue]

Quote:
Originally Posted by McKelly
My opinion is this though. I have friends and I have "friends", a few that I would do anything for and she is one of them, that is why I was surprised at her answer and excuse, because to me "supporting each other's children" goes with being close friends. BUT, apparently that is my own opinion.



Well, I'm the type of friend that supports my friends and their children, but that doesn't include spending money on things I don't want. If they need a ride somewhere, babysitting with late notice, loan them some money to put food on the table - that's all stuff I would do in an instant. Buy one box of cookies for a fundraiser? No, I don't think that comes under the heading of "support because you are my friend." That's really sad that you would think so.
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diznygirl-

What is sad is how you choose to speak to other people. I wonder if you are as rude to people face to face?

Let this thread end, I learned my lesson.
~~~~~

Honestly I think you are being over sensitive here too. I don't see diznygirl post as rude, just her OP. You were asking for others OPs.