Am I Expecting Too Much From This Teacher?

[KarenC]

Sorry, long post...

As I mentioned before, I've been pretty sick for about a month. I had Fifth Disease in June. It turned into an auto-immune issue where my body was destroying my platelets. The concern was that my platelet count was so low, I was going to spontaneously bleed in my brain. While I assumed everything was eventually going to turn out alright, I could have met the same fate as Yassir Arafat (my hemotologist says this proves there is justice in the world--Arafat is dead, I'm on my way back to health.)

Anyway, my 16 year old son had Fifth Disease before I did. He feels irrationally guilty for making me sick. He also has ADHD which is controlled with medication. He doesn't get any special services at school. Since I was hospitalized for most of 3 1/2 weeks, he was unfortunately left to his own devices for way too much time. Not the best situation for a kid with organizational difficulties.

On the day I was to have a bone marrow biopsy, he went home sick from school. He missed two tests that day. When he went to make them up, his English test wasn't in the test center. He told his teacher but by the time he got back to the test center, his time to take the makeup had expired.

I wrote to the teacher with my tale of woe, asking her to extend the deadline. I really didn't expect there would be any issue. I was shocked when I got a note back saying she couldn't extend the deadline because it wouldn't be "equitable". Apparently there are a lot of students with organizational disabilities in the school who passed a virus onto their moms that they think might kill them

So I called the head of the guidance department and asked for advice. He's going to talk to the head of the English department and explain how we haven't pushed for special treatment for my son's ADHD, but that this circumstance warrents special consideration. I just hate for my son to have to work with a big 0 for a major test grade during his junior year when grades count so much for college.

I guess I'm lucky this is my biggest concern following my illness, but it really makes me mad! I thought I lived in a compassionate community.

 

[Mermaid02]

I would do the same thing you did- My son also has ADHD and although he is only in 2nd grade I know we are always going to have problems keeping him focused... even on meds he has a hard time.

I hope the Guidance Counselor is helpful and makes the teacher realize that sometimes there ARE special circumstances!

 

[powellrj]

not advise but sending (((((hugs)))))

 

[auntpolly]

You always have to be your kid's best advocate - It sounds like you have a very real complaint and should stick up for him.

Sometimes I feel like I didn't do it enough for my DD - I used to think, she's got to learn to do this for herself. But the equity of power is a little off balance between an adult and a 16 year old and sometimes they need help.

I'd ask your son if he wants to take it from here, but I'd keep an eye on what's going on and step in if you need to.

 

[Serena]

I don't think you are expecting too much.

 

[tlgoblue]

You may be expecting too much from the teacher, but certainly the administrators could and should do better. Teachers are human, and some are good and some are not so good. It is true that at the high school level, "excuses" are seldom accepted, however, yours is a special situation. Maybe the teacher is not privy to your sons situation. Maybe his anxiety about you followed hom into the classroom and he became a problem for the teacher. (Doesn't sound like the most compassionate/understanding type anyway, and it tends to be that type that allows their emotions to affect their decisions.) I would not let him have a zero, period. There were extenuating circumstances, and exceptions can be made, especially if this is not a pattern, and he usually pulls his weight. I would go to the principal if the guidance counselor is not effective. It is the administrators job to oversee his/her staff and faculty. If there are problems, you need to point them out and expect some resolution. Good luck!

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by auntpolly
But the equity of power is a little off balance between an adult and a 16 year old and sometimes they need help.

Or any aged kid for that matter. Sometimes as they say "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" and we all know it is true.

I hope things turn out positive for you and your son!

 

[RitaZ.]

I think that you handled things well.

As for the "equitable" comment, things aren't always black and white. It's a shame that you have to be dealing with this on top of everything else that you've gone through. I hope it works out for your DS. Take care of yourself.

 

[huckster]

i have a son who has add. and GA .. i did much research on this . And how school need to help with this Here in michigan is a law called section 504 please get all the info and papers and force your school to work with this . the school doesnt have to inform you of this law.. but its there .. hope things work out for your son.. mine gave up quit school 3 years ago... then.. this past year he got his diploma on his own at another school while working .

 

[lapinluv]

Don't think you are asking too much at all. Good luck to you and your DS! Hope you're fully recovered soon.

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by RitaZ.
I think that you handled things well.

As for the "equitable" comment, things aren't always black and white.

LOL are you a teacher or something? Of course a teacher is going to have more power in a situation than a 16 year old kid. Usually, that's a good thing, because someone needs to be in charge and it shouldn't be the students. But sometimes if there is a conflict a kid needs another adult to step in and stick up for him to make things more "equitable."

 

[jellymanoffspring]

You are not asking too much!!

wishing you a speedy and complete recovery!!

 

[KarenC]

Originally posted by huckster
i have a son who has add. and GA .. i did much research on this . And how school need to help with this Here in michigan is a law called section 504 please get all the info and papers and force your school to work with this . the school doesnt have to inform you of this law.. but its there .. hope things work out for your son.. mine gave up quit school 3 years ago... then.. this past year he got his diploma on his own at another school while working .

I'm aware of the Section 504 guidelines. We didn't find out my son had ADHD until the end of his Freshman year of high school--after he did much worse in school than he is capable of. We worked with his pediatrician and put him on meds. The school did an evaluation for special ed. In the end we decided that we wouldn't ask for any extra help. He's going to have to deal with his disability throughout life, we figured he better start now. (He's lucky because he is very smart, doesn't have any learning disabilities and the medication helps a lot, I realize other kids might be in different situations.) The guidance counselor is going to point out to the department head that we do have the right to push the issue for special accomodations, but haven't, but it's appropriate to provide them now.

As a result of the evaluation, my son knows he is smart and knows he makes choices every day about how well he does in school. It has changed his attitude 180 degrees and last semester he got a 4.0! (He's in the bottom third of his class, though so that gives you an idea of how poorly he did before.)

But take away the structure that mom provides and add guilt and stress and some things fell through the cracks. I am very proud of how well he held it together otherwise. If this had been his Freshman year, he'd be repeating the semester, and may have burned the house down!

 

[KarenC]

Well, it's Thursday. I've left a message for the head of the English department. I told him the Asst. Principal for Guidance referred me to him and explained my son's ADHD and my serious illness. We'll see how this goes...wish me luck!

 

[treesinger]

It is NOT expecting too much to ask for something reasonable.

 

[laurie31]

You son went to take the test - it was not there. How is that his fault? (or how is that "equitable" to the other students whose make up tests WERE available?) Sheesh

Laurie

 

[KarenC]

Just got a call back from the department head. He talked to my son's teacher. She can't let him retake the test because they already went over it in class. It wouldn't be fair to the class for him to take it now. I can understand that.

However, she is going to give him a short story to read and he will write a short paper about it. He likes to read, and writing comes fairly easily for him. It will be due after Thanksgiving and will take the place of that zero in her grade book.

I feel so much better now. I didn't want him to end up with a C or worse on his report card--the college applications go out too soon. And he has enough of those not so great grades already. Now as long as my body continues to let my platelets stick around, everything will be great!

Thanks everyone for your support!

 

[debster812]

That sounds like a great resolution all the way around.

Glad it all worked out, and here's hoping that those little platelets keep doing what they are supposed to do for you!