Am I cynical or is this tacky?

Add me to the list of people that found this incredibly tacky. I would just send a "polite" card shortly after the shower saying congrats on the new baby and you were unable to attend because "I was so busy and time slipped on by. I'm sure you can relate to that."
I also loved the charity idea. very good idea there!

Side note: I once had to end a friendship because the guy was a total flake. I don't do well with flakes. Anyways, he worked at California Adventure and had told me this story of people playing in the letters outside of the park. (There's these giant 15 foot tall letters that spell California) He'd go up to people playing inside the holes in the "a"s and say "be careful playing in the a hole." So, when I wrote him off, I had to include "I really did enjoy our friendship and I'll always think of you when I see the a hole."
 
Great charity idea, if you decide to go that route: in many zoos, you can adopt an animal. It's not too expensive and what kid doesn't love animals? ;)
 
Welllll, since not replying to an RSVP is a big hang up of mine, I would definitely call and send regrets for not being able to attend. I do agree it was tacky for the wedding thanks and shower invites to go out within the same timeframe, but I would probably still send a card and possibly a gift card.
 




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