Am I being unreasonable?

[lissawynn]

Hello to all of you in the DIS community. I have a question to pose to you all.
I am six months pregnant and have recently "had it out" with my older sister over plans for my baby shower.
Here's the situation:
My older sister has a four year old son. He has been the only nephew and grandchild and now DH and I are expecting a son of our own in January.
My sister told me I was going to know nothing about my shower. I DO NOT like surprises. All I asked was that I know the date of my shower so I could be dressed appropriately. I do not want DH to put me in the car in my sweats and take my to my shower. I would not be a happy camper.
I also asked her to include my friends from the school where I teach. DH and I did not have the opportunity to invite many friends to our wedding due to the huge amounts of relatives that his mom (in particular) said had to be invited.
My sister has been very testy about my shower. After I sent her a list of people I wanted to invite, she told me that she had the guest list finalized a month ago and that was the end of that.
I also asked my friends to please give me a "heads up" so I would not be caught off guard. My sister told me that if I continued to ask people about my shower there wouldn't be one.
Saturday was my nephew's fourth b-day party. After running around like crazy for my sister on Friday night and Saturday morning, I spent much of his party helping her with food, etc.
When Saturday night rolled around she started on my about my shower again. I pretty much told her if she thought she was going to surprise me, she'd have a shower with no pregnant girl. I said some words not fit to type here and left her house. I haven't spoken to her since.
After speaking to my younger sister earlier this evening (she live in NC, we live in PA), she informed me my older sister wasn't having a shower for me at all. My mom, who was shopping for fish food when I called her, pretty much said that she would have a shower for me.
Am I being unreasonable? My older sister knew every detail about her shower. She gave me the list of people she wanted there and chose all the food she wanted (she's a chef). She had her hand in every aspect of her shower, but she expects me to know nothing about mine.
Maybe it's just the hormones, I don't know. What do you think?

 

[sap1227]

No, you are being very reasonable!! It is not too much to ask that you get some warning so you can look nice or that you want your friends at your shower!

 

[Annette_VA]

Originally posted by sap1227
No, you are being very reasonable!! It is not too much to ask that you get some warning so you can look nice or that you want your friends at your shower!

 

[tonyswife]

No, not unreasonable at all. And, I know what you mean about not liking surprise parties. I HATE them. I always feel...freaked out, then I cannot relax and enjoy myself. I HATE them.

 

[mom2rb]

You are not being unreasonable, all you wanted was to know when to get ready and to have your friends from work come.

 

[llij]

No, not unreasonable at all! My sister's in-law threw a surprise shower for her (she hates surpises) and I could tell the look on her face when she got to the shower that she wasn't happy about the surprise. Also, it sent her into early labor so it was not a good idea!

 

[ash&abby'smom]

I totally agree with you. I don't get the surprise thing at all. I understand you want your friends there and to be able to look nice. We all know, it takes alot to get dressed nice some days during pregnancy and after. Your sister needs to get over it.

 

[Pam]

You are right, your sister is way out of line.
Maybe your friends could host the shower??

 

[ADisneygirl]

You are not the one being unreasonable. Why does your sister insist on being in total control of every aspect of the shower? Didn't you say that she knew all the details of her own baby shower, including the date, the time, the menu, the guests, etc. ?

Showers are meant to make the recipient happy. I can't understand why your sister can't see how unhappy she is making you feel about this party that is is supposed to be a loving, happy event. If it were me giving you the shower, I would certainly respect your wishes not to be surprised and definitely include your own friends as guests.

I say don't worry anymore about it. Let your Mom or friends throw the party for you.

Best wishes for a happy, healthy baby.

 

[Chattyaholic]

You are absolutely not being unreasonable in the slightest!!

That said, congratulations on your upcoming baby! My DD and her DH are expecting their first child, in January as well!

Her MIL is giving her a shower for that side of the family, and I am giving her a shower for our side, which is much smaller. I am asking her for direction in everything, it is HER shower and I want it to be pleasing to HER. She chooses the guests to invite, the food, everything. She wants no games so I will abide by that (I don't like games at showers either). I want the shower to be as fun and stress-free for HER as possible!!

I truly hope your sister realizes what she is doing, and changes her attitude.

 

[holycow]

Control issues.........definately! You're not being unreasonable at all....since your older DS had a say in her shower...why shouldn't you...


Good luck!


Holycow

 

[scrappinMickey]

Sounds like she likes to be the center of attention and in charge! It is unfair to you b/c this is your time!!! Don't let her win, you are not being unreasonable at all! You aren't trying to tell her everything to do, just a couple of requests!! She should chill out!!

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

You are not being unreasonable at all. I also HATE surprises and didn't want to show up to my shower in sweats. How awful would that be? I didn't have a wedding shower and this was my time to feel great and shine. I had my DH do the spy work by talking w/ those throwing the shower and giving them some ideas as to what I would "like" to happen and what I would appreciate. I certainly didn't expect or want them to go overboard, I just wanted to know some of the particulars as you did..... when, where, and who. Luckily, my friends were very thoughtful and considerate and hosted the most lovely shower I've ever seen.

Congratulations and Best Wishes.

 

[disykat]

You are not being unreasonable. I'm not big on surprises anyway, but I really think surprising a pregnant women is sort of mean. I'd just tell her that since you don't know of any showers, you don't plan on attending any. Explain to her that this is causing you stress and your Doctor says stress isn't good for the baby. I think it's better if she doesn't throw one since she doesn't seem to care about your happiness.

 

[safetymom]

If she is paying for it then she should be able to do it her way. There is nothing wrong with a surprise shower. I don't like surprises but a surprise is better than no shower.

Maybe someone else could have a shower for all those that you couldn't invite.

 

[julia & nicks mom]

I opened this thread and assumed my answer to your question would be yes - b/c normally if you have to ask...

however - you are being totally reasonable - and if you are being hormonal - so stinking what!!!! -

I always think it is best to nice to pregnant women b/c I think that is the only time in life being moody is completely understandable!!!!

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Surprises aren't good for pregnant women. I hope your friends at school will give you a party as well as your mother.

lori

 

[4greatboys]

No your not unreasonable at all. The shower is for you and not your sister. While she is the one giving the shower she needs to keep you in mind. What would you like, who you would like to attend, etc.

 

[Kallison]

I'll never forget what a horror my SIL looked like at her shower -- hair unbrushed, no make-up -- a big giant stain on her sweatshirt. Her MOM brought her in -- I couldn't believe she didn't tip her off, I certainly would have if it were my daughter. You are pregnant and hormonal and your sis should abide by your wishes. Not including people you want there -- sorry I just don't get that.

 

[Missy1961]

No, you are not being unreasonable. Especially about wanting your friends there. I think your sis wants to be in control of every situation.