Am I being unreasonable?

[MOMOFMNM]

ok here is the situation

my brother is marrying a lady (who is my friend) with a 5 yo son...that is great since we are a blended family ourselves.

the problem is I watch the child a lot out of my own free will like probably once a week or so for things...and today my dh told them he could come over again tonight because they had something to do again...

first the child sees his father every other weekend so is it unreasonable to plan activities around the child not being with them??

second, NOT ONCE has my brother or my future sis in law invited my kids over or offered to watch them in return for all the times we have done it for them so today my dh mentioned maybe trading off so that he and I can have a date night and she said

"you have two that is too stressful"

UMMMM...ok so I canceled going to my friends sons birthday party so that we could watch him for them then she says that?????

and BTW I know all moms say this but my daughters are older and no trouble what so ever...watch a little Disney, pop some popcorn and they are all good. They are not hyper or crazy at all or anything!!

I guess I am just venting because I feel bad telling my brother how I feel because he hired my husband and gave him a great paying job and they work together and I do not want any friction between anyone and I do not want to start something right now, esp since they are doing wedding stuff but I really feel taken advantage of and more than not wanting the child to come here (because I love kids and my house is like the sof place to fall for all kids in my family and neighborhood, I am the neighborhood mom I guess) but really I would like to reciprocation in the deal...my dd's father is in Iraq and we do not leave our kids with bbistters, only friends or family but really we just mainly do not go out alot without them but sometimes we would...I feel like that is incredibly rude of her and I think I am going to have to say something about it..
any advice?? does this happen to anyone else??

 

[ducklite]

You can only be used if you allow yourself to be.

I would start declining to watch her kid when you've got plans, or simply don't feel like it.

Anne

 

[luvdzne]

I have to agree with the above post. You have to start saying no, you already sound like you are becoming resentful. Just tell them the next time they ask that sorry, maybe another time, your busy.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

As ducklite said I would start saying no sometimes when they ask.
I know little how you feel. My neighbor used to ask us to babysit and
do other "favors but wouldn't reciprocate. We got fed up and stopped completly.

 

[thelionqueen]

ITA!! Tell them you have plans and that you cannot watch the child. They will get the point eventually.

 

[diznygirl]

"I'm sorry I can't. I'm busy."


Repeat as needed.

You don't have to cut off contact completely. But if you aren't missing out on things YOU want to do, then you won't feel as resentful.

 

[disykat]

I agree with everyone else. You are not being unreasonable, but I wouldn't make an issue of it - I'd simply stop being available to watch their child. If they're obnoxious enough to actually ask you why you won't watch their child, you can say you're only really interested in trading child care.

 

[jonestavern]

Next time you feel as if you would rather not sit, with a smile, just say "That doesn't work out for us today".
Really, she has no trouble being forthright with you, return the favor

Actually, I had this situation with my own sister. I sat her 2 girls, who are quite lovely, literally, since they were 5 days old. When I asked, with plenty of advance notice, if she would watch DS, it was a different story It got so she would ask me as few as 15 minutes before she planned to go out--I mean they had made reservations etc. If I would not sit she would tell me she'd have DBIL's parents sit the girls & there is a lot of speculation on just how appropriate her FIL's behavior can be . Imagine that, I didn't dare say 'no'
So firmly, with grace, put down your foot. Perhaps, say, "Well, that's not working for me today but I'd be happy to see little so & so this Wednesday from 5 pm to 10 pm"
You could also furnish them with a list of very dependable, highly recommended babysitters-
From my own experience, the times you are asked to sit may become more frequent. Is there a chance this babysitting thing may be simply in conjunction with wedding fuss & that they will not be deoendent upon you afterwards?

good luck!

Jean

 

[Beth76]

You shouldn't have cancelled your plans to watch this kid unless it was an emergency. What's up with that? Sorry, I just don't get that. From now on, just say no. It's not that hard.

 

[EthansMom]

I agree with the others. You should have said, "Sorry, we have plans tonight." And you should feel free to say, "I'm sorry, tonight isn't going to work for me," in the future.

 

[PaulaSue]

You shouldn't have cancelled your plans to watch this kid unless it was an emergency. What's up with that? Sorry, I just don't get that. From now on, just say no.

Ditto, don't let them do that to you or your family.

 

[kristen821]

I would ask her to watch your kids for a "date night" It is her child you are watching and she may feel differently about watching your kids then your brother does. She may think it is common knowledge that if you needed a babysitter you could ask her. If she says no then I would say something or make up excuses when she asks you to watch her son.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You shouldn't have cancelled your plans to watch this kid unless it was an emergency. What's up with that? Sorry, I just don't get that. From now on, just say no. It's not that hard.

I agree...Why in the heck would you cancel your own plans?

The basic thing is watch the kid when you are able or want to but if you are busy or not up for it tell them no.

 

[lulugirl]

You can only be used if you allow yourself to be.

I would start declining to watch her kid when you've got plans, or simply don't feel like it.

Anne

I agree.

 

[disneymom3]

I would ask her to watch your kids for a "date night" It is her child you are watching and she may feel differently about watching your kids then your brother does. She may think it is common knowledge that if you needed a babysitter you could ask her. If she says no then I would say something or make up excuses when she asks you to watch her son.

Nope reread the OP. It is the future SIL that said it was too stressful.

I would suddenly become very unavailable to babysit. That is just not cool. If you do not allow them to take advantage of you, then they can't.

 

[kristen821]

Nope reread the OP. It is the future SIL that said it was too stressful.

I would suddenly become very unavailable to babysit. That is just not cool. If you do not allow them to take advantage of you, then they can't.

Oops sorry I misread the post! Since it was her I would become unavailable from now on. That is not right at all. wow that is just unbelievable! I would be very upset!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Who wouldn't be upset with a statement like that? Man, that took some nerve to say! Basically, she just said it's a one way street. Her way. I'd shut down the traffic.

She didn't take into consideration that one extra child adds stress to you and your family's life. Doesn't even seem as though she cared.

I'd still be cordial and not rock the boat. But I'd be having a lot of plans in the future. A lot. If she should ask about why you aren't available anymore, I'd probably just tell her that in the past you rearranged your schedule for her and your DB. But it was too stressful for your family to drop your plans and it didn't seem appreciated.

 

[kristen821]

Who wouldn't be upset with a statement like that? Man, that took some nerve to say! Basically, she just said it's a one way street. Her way. I'd shut down the traffic.

She didn't take into consideration that one extra child adds stress to you and your family's life. Doesn't even seem as though she cared.

I'd still be cordial and not rock the boat. But I'd be having a lot of plans in the future. A lot. If she should ask about why you aren't available anymore, I'd probably just tell her that in the past you rearranged your schedule for her and your DB. But it was too stressful for your family to drop your plans and it didn't seem appreciated.

this sounds good to me

 

[disneymom3]

Good answer Annie!

 

[MOMOFMNM]

thanks guys

it is usually dh who tells them yes and usually I do not mind but he has such a big heart, hates saying no to anyone...but we had a talk and are on the same page.

I guess I want the favor returned more than anything but I get what u all are saying!!