Am I being unreasonable about a Homecoming dress? - Update on what happened 10/24!

[Cruisin]

I got the impression from your earlier posts that you did not know the girl that your daughter lent her dress to for the dance.

Is it possible that the girl did not know who you were? You said you were there to take pictures and the girl came in.

Maybe she didn't realize who you were and was embarassed by your comment and didn't know how to respond?

 

[Toby'sFriend]

wow, all this angst over an $80 dress?

I honestly feel that if you can't do a good deed with an open heart, then it is best not to do it.

Please remember that was a 14yo girl. I agree that she probably already felt uncomfortable with having borrowed clothes and having it pointed out in front of her friends most likely made her feel very low.

 

[disykat]

Originally posted by robinb
Look in the mirror before you accuse someone of needing better manners. You probably embarrassed the girl with your remark. How would you feel if you just had your nose rubbed in the fact you were wearing a borrowed dress in front of your friends? Teen aged girls can be very fragile.

Whoa! I disagree. I'm sure all of the girls knew it was a borrowed dress - it's not like she announced it over the loudspeaker at the dance! The girl should have said thank you.

 

[Blondie]

I think a thank you was in order as well. Maybe not in front of everyone, but she could've taken you aside for a brief moment and said thanks, or maybe called you the next day and said she at least appreciated it.

 

[Boo'sMom]

Originally posted by Toby'sFriend
wow, all this angst over an $80 dress?

I honestly feel that if you can't do a good deed with an open heart, then it is best not to do it.

Please remember that was a 14yo girl. I agree that she probably already felt uncomfortable with having borrowed clothes and having it pointed out in front of her friends most likely made her feel very low.

Whoa! I disagree. I'm sure all of the girls knew it was a borrowed dress - it's not like she announced it over the loudspeaker at the dance! The girl should have said thank you.

Do you know whether the girl thanked your DD or not??? It seems likely that she thanked your DD and she perhaps didn't pass that along to you.

 

[MELSMICE]

Originally posted by robinb
Look in the mirror before you accuse someone of needing better manners. You probably embarrassed the girl with your remark. How would you feel if you just had your nose rubbed in the fact you were wearing a borrowed dress in front of your friends? Teen aged girls can be very fragile.

Maybe I should have been more specific in my original post. I didn't announce "Oh, that dress looks familiar". I actually said it to my youngest DD & I didn't say it in a snide tone or anything. Not even sure who heard it. I wasn't trying to play a martyr.

It certainly WAS NOT my intent to embarrass anyone. To be honest - I didn't even know if the girl was going to wear the dress.

Cruisin'Kroezes - you are right - this girl was a friend of a friend - I had never met her, she had never met me. In fact, she didn't know any of the kids at the homecoming with the exception of the girls' house that the pictures were getting taken at.

Again, my comment was not meant to be insensitive or to embarrass anyone. I would never deliberately hurt anyone - I certainly am not that type of person.

BTW - my DD told me that she did not thank her for letting her borrow the dress. I do still believe that a thank-you was in order at some time in the evening to someone.

If my DD had borrowed a dress from someone I would have made it a point to tell her to find out who it was from & to thank them for it.

I do appreciate your comments though. It's always good to hear what other peole think about different situations & what happens in them.

 

[MELSMICE]

Originally posted by Boo'sMom
Do you know whether the girl thanked your DD or not??? It seems likely that she thanked your DD and she perhaps didn't pass that along to you.

No, she did not.

 

[Alice in Cleveland]

Just chalk it up as a life lesson for both you and DD. Some teenagers today do not have manners instilled in them. That's just the way things are today. I remember loaning out favorite sweaters and jeans to my group of friends in High School and having them turn up missing or ruined. Now, when my DD wants to let friends borrow her things, I let the decision be hers, but I do warn her to be prepared to never see your things again if you loan them out. I also tell her that not everyone will be grateful and to be prepared for that.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I think your DD deserves a Thank You, but I don't know if I would have thanked the parent. If I was in the teenagers shoes I would have seen it as your DD's dress and SHE let me borrow it, not you.

If the girl heard you then she was probaby embarassed. I don't think any comment should have been made,whether it was directly to her or not. Did they have dates? Where they there?

 

[MELSMICE]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
Did they have dates? Where they there?

No dates - the girl who "hosted" the pictures invited 2 of her friends from different schools. They go to Irish dance lessons together.

Whatever.................I guess I just thought that a thank-you was the right thing to do. No big deal. I should have kept quiet - she should have said thank-you at some time, we both made a mistake. Oh well - we learn from our mistakes..........life goes on!

Time for bed for me now!

 

[antmaril]

I loaned my wedding dress to a friend. She didn't have much money and I, obviously, wasn't going to wear it again, so I let her use it. I never regretted that decision. It was the right thing to do.

By the way, I've been married 30 years and she's been married 28 years. I guess it was a lucky dress

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

I think the op was rude to make the comment. Even if she didn't mean it to sound that way. If the dress was loaned by my daughter thats not my concern if she tells me thank you or not. Thats my daughters problem. If my daughter dosen't care why should I? She's not my friend. If the dress was returned in good shape, move on. The dance is over and a good deed was done. No lesson to be learned.

 

[poohandwendy]

Ouch!!! Definitely wrong thing to say!!

My thoughts exactly, no legit reason to bring it up....

 

[6_Time_Momma]

You may not have intended for her to hear, but I'm guessing that she did since she "just looked at" you after you said it. That being the case, I don't blame her a bit for not telling you thank-you.

If indeed she heard it, I can only imagine (putting myself into the shoes of a teenage girl with not a lot of money who had to borrow a dress to go to the dance) that you came off to her as quite "We're better than you" and it would have mortified me to then come up to you!

 

[Microcell]

Maybe she will send a note of thanks, though I wouldn't wait at your mailbox for it.

I have noticed some of life's little things are not being passed on to younger ones. I have just decided that I will teach my Dd the things I find important as far as manners and she will have a leg up!

 

[MELSMICE]

Originally posted by 6_Time_Momma
If indeed she heard it, I can only imagine (putting myself into the shoes of a teenage girl with not a lot of money who had to borrow a dress to go to the dance) that you came off to her as quite "We're better than you" and it would have mortified me to then come up to you!

I did not say she "didn't have a lot of money". In my original post I stated that my daughter told me the mom won't or doesn't have the money to buy a dress - this was coming from DD's friend. I don't know the actual facts. Maybe I should have posted "won't have a dress for a friend's homecoming".

Also, that night I did find out that she lives in a fairly affluent suburb in our area. I'm not trying to pass judgement on anyone. I don't care why she didn't have a dress. I don't care where she lives. I am still glad that we loaned her the dress.

Again, my statement wasn't meant to be insensitive, but I still stand by the idea that when a favor is done a thank-you is in order.

Microcell - I did think about the fact that maybe she will send a thank-you note. I'll update if I get one - boy will I be eating my words then - huh!

 

[christinou]

I think that it is terrific to loan dresses between friends, but I am not sure that I would loan it to a complete stranger.