Am I being unreasonable about a Homecoming dress? - Update on what happened 10/24!

[Mimi Q]

When I was in high school my parents didn't have a lot of extra money cause my three older siblings were all in college and they were paying their tuition. A classmate offered to loan me a dress for prom. It was so beautiful, and expensive I'm sure. I just felt like a princess, and I have never forgotten her kindness. It just meant so much to have a great dress to wear. That was 22 years ago, and I still tell my husband to fix her computer for free everytime she needs computer help. I would loan the dress. JMHO.

 

[austinsmommy]

I loaned my prom dress from my senior year to my boyfriends (now husband) sister..I BEGGED and BEGGED my mother for this dress..I absolutely LOVED this dress..it was gorgeous and the entire skirt was a light pink tulle and very fragile, I even ripped it twice getting in and out of the car the night that I wore it. I was very nervous that something would happen to it but really couldn't say no since I didn't want their mother to hate me any more than she already did!!!! Soooo, she takes it to the dry cleaners and they ruined it!!!!!! They had completely shredded the entire bottom of the dress and then tried to fix it to make it look as though nothing had happened!!! The thing looked nothing like a dress at this point!!! It was sooooo messed up and deformed!!! I cannot believe that they even attempted to clean such a fragile, delicate fabric!! The dry cleaners denied everything and refused to help. She fought with them for almost a week until they finally agreed to fix the dress, of course she told them that she was going to contact a lawyer if they didn't cooperate!!! They did fix the dress but it wasn't quite the same dress after that and I was so HEARTBROKEN because I just adored this dress!!!!!!!!

Yes, it is always nice to help someone out, but you always have to think of the possibility that the item could get damaged or ruined and decide if it would be worth the risk!!! In my case, I REALLY regret loaning my dress!!!!!!!

 

[MELSMICE]

You have all made some good points & have given me a lot to think about. Thank you all!

 

[Cindy B]

Originally posted by Mom2Ashli
Why don't you talk to your two younger girls to see how they feel about the dress. If they would wear it or not. Than depending on thier answer you could change your decision.

I think that is an excellent suggestion.

Personally I would loan it out. You don't know the financial situation, and hey, it would help.

Talk to the parent of the girls involved.

 

[crz4mm2]

Sure wish someone would loan us a dress I would loan it if DD wanted to.
What a nice thing to do!

 

[Shugardrawers]

Unreasonable? No. But I'd still loan out the dress. Unless your next DD is only a year or so away from formal dance age it will probably be out of style by then. Also, is your DD going to be wearing the dress again this year? If not, then I don't see the harm. If she is then make her understand that by loaning the dress out she's risking not having one and you won't be replacing it. Let her make the decision and take responsibility for any consequences after that. I'd also stipulate that the dress MUST be returned professionally cleaned and any damage repaired or the girl borrowing it will need to cough up the cost of the dress. It could well be that this girl's family just doesn't have the money to get her a dress.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I would let the girl borrow the dress. Someone loaned me a dress once because I couldn't find anything I wanted. It was very nice of them to do.

 

[mudnuri]

If you let her loan it- you dont have to worry about your DD lying that you cleaned it and packed it up...suprised nobody caught that.

I'd loan it out- the other girl Im sure wouldnt have asked if she didnt need it. Who cares if she gets a stain on it- just ask when its lent out that she clean it before returning it...

I agree with above posters that your younger DD's shouldnt have to wear a hand me down homecoming dress- nor would they probably want to. Thats the downfall I guess of being a younger child..the older one gets a $80 dress, the younger get a used one

Brandy

 

[lapinluv]

I would loan it out. Charity begins at home and you will be setting a wonderful example for your daughter. Yes, you may lose the $80 dress, but as you said in your original post, you bought it thinking it was a "one time wear". So now if someone else gets to wear it, it only cost $40 - at least that's how I'd look at it.

Also, judging from me and my sister - we'd never, ever wear the same dress. We aren't just different sizes, but have different tastes and styles.

 

[dancergirl]

My friend recently lent one of her old homecoming dresses to me for this years homecoming. While my family couldnt of spent a lot of money on one, I probably could of gotten one if I really wanted it. I decided at the last min. to go, and didnt have a date, so it wasnt really a big deal. Another friend and I went over to her house and we all tried on all of her old dresses, we found the one we liked the best and she let me borrow it. I was very grateful! The dress is at the dry cleaners now, I'm going to pick it up and return it tomorrow! I have let her borrow a couple of shirts and stuff if she needed something to match a certian skirt. I'll remember she let me borrow the dress, and help her out if she ever needed to borrow one from me.
Anyway- to answer your question, I dont think you are at all being rude, unreasonable, or any of those things. I would be very apprahensive (spelling?!) to allow my DD to loan such an expensive and special dress out to a girl I didnt know. (no, I dont have a DD, but if I did, thats how I would feel ) I agree with the person that suggested you call the parents and just say that you dont mind thier DD wearing the dress, but that your younger DD's would like to wear the dress one day, so you wanted to make sure that you got it back, or something to that affect!
That way your DD wouldnt feel bad about having to tell her friend no. Good Luck!

 

[yourtravelpro]

I would have said "NO" also.

 

[MELSMICE]

So.................after posting my question & getting responses I thought that there was really no good reason why I shouldn't loan her the dress. You all made some every good points & I thought it was selfish of me to let the dress just hang in the closet when someone could get some use out of it.

Well, last night was homecoming. I took my daughter to her friends for pictures & in comes the girl that borrowed the dress. I said "Oh, that dress looks familiar". She just looked at me & kept walking. Not a smile, not a thank you - nil, nadda, nothing!!!!!

I am not upset that I let her borrow the dress - I don't know what her cirstumances were, but I have to say that I was a little annoyed & thought she could certainly use some manners!!!

Okay - thanks for letting me vent - I feel better now.

 

[robinb]

Originally posted by MELSMICE
Well, last night was homecoming. I took my daughter to her friends for pictures & in comes the girl that borrowed the dress. I said "Oh, that dress looks familiar". She just looked at me & kept walking. Not a smile, not a thank you - nil, nadda, nothing!!!!!

I am not upset that I let her borrow the dress - I don't know what her cirstumances were, but I have to say that I was a little annoyed & thought she could certainly use some manners!!!

Look in the mirror before you accuse someone of needing better manners. You probably embarrassed the girl with your remark. How would you feel if you just had your nose rubbed in the fact you were wearing a borrowed dress in front of your friends? Teen aged girls can be very fragile.

 

[Tinkbell]

Originally posted by MELSMICE
I said "Oh, that dress looks familiar". She just looked at me & kept walking. Not a smile, not a thank you - nil, nadda, nothing!!!!!

Honestly, I would have been embarassed if I was that girl. You may have sounded insensitive, even though you didn't mean to. She was probably already embarassed about having a "handout". I'm sure she thanked your daughter.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Originally posted by robinb
Look in the mirror before you accuse someone of needing better manners. You probably embarrassed the girl with your remark. How would you feel if you just had your nose rubbed in the fact you were wearing a borrowed dress in front of your friends? Teen aged girls can be very fragile.

 

[robinb]

I wanted to add that I'm sure that you didn't mean to embarrass her in any way. I think it was very nice of you to lend the dress in the first place.

 

[Disney's Deluxe Princess]

I agree with the above posters. You put this girl in an awkward situation. From your original post, it seems like you never met this girl and she was "a friend of a friend". I would not expect her to thank you in front of everyone like that. In her mind, she was getting the dress from your DD, not you. It may be wise to not loan out anymore of your DD's things again.

 

[Beth76]

I agree with the others. Even if you didn't mean it, it was a rather insensitive remark. Especially since you don't even know the girl. I wouldn't have expected a public thank you either.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

Ouch!!! Definitely wrong thing to say!!

 

[Chris2597]

My dd is 16 and a freshman in high school. The girls all loan and share their formal dresses..Last year she went to her school and another school homecoing....I told her that there was no way that I would agree to buying two dresses... She went to her school homecoming in the dress that I bought her and borrowed a dress for the other schools dance....I told her she should wear the same dress to both but she said no because too many of the same kids will be at the dance....and she reasoned why should I when I have another beautiful dress my friend loaned me....She has shared her formal and semi formals with friends and we have always gotten them back in good condition....sometimes needing laundering but no worse for wear.
I probably would have said the same thing about the dress looking familiar if it were one of the girls that I know very well (several are at the house constantly), but I think I would have refrained if I didnt know the girl....I really dont think most of the kids think anything special about borrowing from each other so I dont think it was unusual that she didnt make much of thanking for the use of the dress.