Am I being unreasonable about a Homecoming dress? - Update on what happened 10/24!

[MELSMICE]

Story:

Last year I bought my DD a dress for homecoming. She was a freshman. The dress was nothing fancy, but very elegant. It was about $80 - not too expensive compared to what other girls were paying (between $150-$200) but I thought expensive enough for a one time thing & a 14 year old.

Fast forward to this year:

DD's friend called her last night. It seems a friend of hers from another school is going to my DD's homecoming. The friend wanted to know if her friend could borrow DD's dress from last year. I guess the mom won't or doesn't have the money to buy the girl a dress. (She went to her own homecoming last year, so I would think she would have a dress from that dance).

Well, I think my DD was a little upset with me because I thought about it & I told her no. I have 2 younger DD's (both 12 now) & I said that they may be able to wear it in a few years. I told her I didn't even know this girl & that I would hate to see something happen or the dress get ripped. I said she should tell her friend that I had it cleaned & it is packed away.

I feel about bad about saying no & am questioning whether I should just let this girl wear it, but then again, I don't even have any idea who she is. I know it's just a dress & maybe if I didn't have 2 more of my own that could wear it I'd think differently.

Am I being unreasonable, selfish, stingy!

 

[holycow]

I don't think you are....think about it...you paid for the dress it is really yours to determine how you want to use it....and chances are since its a friend of a friend you would probably never see the dress again!


Don't question yourself...you made the right decision! (IMO)


Holycow

 

[princess lovers mom]

my 2 cents.....

you bought the dress for your daughter, if she wants to loan it then I would let her do it...lots of things to consider, your DD will feel good, the other girl may have circumstances that will not be told to other teenagers, but if she is asking to borrow dress I would help her in any way I could....

...second....I doubt your younger daughters will want to wear "their sisters dress" for their first homecoming and will want the experience of shopping for their dress just as you did with the "big sister"

 

[SpecialK]

You're not being unreasonable. It would be different if this girl was your daughter's close friend. I never did get the whole lending clothes thing but could see it if it was a good friend. For a friend of a friend? No way.

 

[TandJ61574]

We have loaned out dresses many times. Some of them have been in the 4-500 hundred dollar range.

My husband and I have paid only 100 dollars toward the dresses and the girls had to pay the rest because we thought it was outrageous to pay more than that for a dress they are only wearing once.

My girls have known other girls that would not have gone to Prom, homecoming, or other dances because they couldn't afford to go so they have been more than willing to help them out.

They also do this with their regular clothes too. We are very proud of them.

 

[4nana]

IMO ~ you are not being unreasonable, selfish or stingy!

Being the mom of 3 daughters with many, many $'s ...LOL...tied up in homecoming, proms, special event dresses from high school and college ~ I'd say NO. If it were a close friend of your daughter's, maybe you could help out. However, you do not know this girl or her family, so do not feel bad. When your daughter is buying her own clothes, then she can make the decisions.

Sandie

 

[palmtreegirl]

I'd loan it out. I doubt the dress will even be in style in a few years so the younger girls probably won't want it, plus won't the younger girls want to buy dresses of their own?

 

[caitycaity]

you bought the dress for your daughter, if she wants to loan it then I would let her do it...lots of things to consider, your DD will feel good, the other girl may have circumstances that will not be told to other teenagers, but if she is asking to borrow dress I would help her in any way I could....

...second....I doubt your younger daughters will want to wear "their sisters dress" for their first homecoming and will want the experience of shopping for their dress just as you did with the "big sister"

i agree. i would certainly not say that you are being unreasonable, selfish, or stingy (after all, you bought the dress, not your daughter), but i would handle it differently.

 

[snoopy]

I'm a huge believer in recycling clothes so they get the most wear, so I probably would let the other girl use the dress. But as others said, you paid for it, its yours to do what you want with it.

 

[aimee11621]

I see your point.

But really now, what are the chances of your other daughters really wanting to wear a hand me down, outdated dress to their homecoming dance?

The dress will probably be out of style by then. And your other girls will say "you but so and so a new dress why not me?"

Lend the dress out, maybe this other friend of a friend doesn't have the funds for a new dress.

Get your monies worth of the dress.

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

I probably would let the friend borrow the dress. I'm sure the girl will return in in good shape. I bought my daughter's first homecoming dress. The next three homecomings my great neighbor loaned her daughter's dresses to my daughter. Her daughter was older and had some beautiful dresses. I could have purchased the dresses for my daughter but I think it was nice of my neighbor to want to save us some money and also get more than one use out of the dresses she purchased for her daughter. The girl also had a younger sister but she wanted her own new dress. I hate to say I'm betting the other two girls you have will probably want their own dress or styles change so they may want something different. Why let a dress go to waste? Just my thought. It's your dress so do what you want. I would also like to add one last thing my neighbor loaned me, the use of her son for the last three homecomings and prom. We are now hoping they will end up together one day. My daughter is in college for Nursing and her son is going to medical school. Who knows what a dress could lead to! LOL

 

[bubie2.5]

I would loan it. It will make that girl and your daughter happy, besides maybe your younger daughters wouldn’t want to wear their sister’s “old prom dress”. You’re not unreasonable, selfish or stingy… you know better than anyone what works for you.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Why don't you talk to your two younger girls to see how they feel about the dress. If they would wear it or not. Than depending on thier answer you could change your decision.

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by princess lovers mom
my 2 cents.....

you bought the dress for your daughter, if she wants to loan it then I would let her do it...lots of things to consider, your DD will feel good, the other girl may have circumstances that will not be told to other teenagers, but if she is asking to borrow dress I would help her in any way I could....

...second....I doubt your younger daughters will want to wear "their sisters dress" for their first homecoming and will want the experience of shopping for their dress just as you did with the "big sister"

I agree and even want to add that they will think it our of style by then. I would let the girl borrow it and then sell it on Ebay at prom time or next homecoming to go toward the next dress you need to buy!

 

[4nana]

I doubt your younger daughters will want to wear "their sisters dress" for their first homecoming and will want the experience of shopping for their dress just as you did with the "big sister"

maybe this other friend of a friend doesn't have the funds for a new dress.

EXCELLENT POINTS!!!

Sandie

 

[poohandwendy]

I would loan it out also, especially if I knew there was a financial need. BUT, I always loan with the assumption that I will probably never see it again, because then i won't be disappointed if something happens. If you cannot stand the thought of that, don't do it.

I also think it is highly unlikely your other DDs will want to wear their sisters homecoming dress (they may not even fit into it even if they wanted to).

 

[Lachesis00]

I totally agree here...

Originally posted by princess lovers mom
my 2 cents.....

you bought the dress for your daughter, if she wants to loan it then I would let her do it...lots of things to consider, your DD will feel good, the other girl may have circumstances that will not be told to other teenagers, but if she is asking to borrow dress I would help her in any way I could....

...second....I doubt your younger daughters will want to wear "their sisters dress" for their first homecoming and will want the experience of shopping for their dress just as you did with the "big sister"

 

[Beauty]

Humm I thought about it from my point of view as a parent and also what I would have done as a teen. I think I would definatly have let the girl borrow it. I think my mom would have as well. Especially if the girl can't afford one on her own.

To ensure that you get the dress back, how about a sleepover? Not only would you get to meet this girl and see her personality, you would also have her coming back to your house where she can then leave the dress.

 

[septbride2002]

Get the girl's name and phone number and then contact her mother and talk to her about the dress. Set a date and time after the dance to pick up the dress - that way you insure somewhat that you are going to get it back.

In all reality though - I seriously doubt you other daughter's will want to wear this dress. All women have different styles.

~Amanda

 

[PrincessaC]

I understand your concern but I would probably let her borrow the dress. My friend let me borrow one of her dresses (way back when) for homecoming. My parents could not get one for me and I was very greatful.