am I being too sensitive? long.....

[sunsprinkle24]

A little background info....DH and I have been married for 4 years. We have a DD 3 and I have 3 DS from my previous marraige. My MIL has always been good to my boys, Christmas presents, Easter Egg hunts, Valentine and Halloween goodie bags, never forgets their birthdays, etc. Lately however she has been making comments to me that really bother me.

Some examples:

We were over at their house, and DD was hungry. She had been picky all day at home, but was eating good over there. DH said something like, "Why didn't you eat this good at home today?" and MIL said, "because she is over here," then turned around to me and said, "I'm sorry" and laughed - now this is not a sincere, I am sorry- the way she says it is a laughing, sarcastic way of saying it, if that makes sense.

One of their dogs, who is very shy, never leaves my side when we visit. She made the comment that "Sally usually doesn't like anyone who isn't in the family." Um, ok....I had been married to her son for 31/2 years by that point...really hurt my feelings.

At Christmas she was making comments about the presents she was giving DD, how noisy they were and how we would hate them....of course, adding her sarcastic "I'm sorry."

So am I being to sensitive? I have talked to DH about this, and he says, she doesn't mean it that way.

 

[DMickey28]

The family comment I can see you being hurt by, even though she may not have meant it that way, it could have come out that way.

However, I don't see how the comments about your DD are directed towards being mean. I think the Christmas comments about the toys are probably just the same as any grandparent that is spoiling a GDD would make... however, if at the same time she was ignoring your sons then I would take offense.

I don't have kids yet and have only been married 7 months but I loved my MIL from the first time I met her... just my two cents!

HUGS

 

[Chuck S]

I think you may be overreacting (of course, this is a male point of view). Perhaps in the food incident your MIL was referring to what always seems to happen with kids...they are used to "your food" and how it tastes, and "Grandma's" is just "different" so they tend to eat more.

There's an old saying...food always taste better when you aren't the one doing the cooking.

As far as the dog, OK you've been married 4 years, but I'm assuming the dog has been in the family much longer and is used to folks that actually "reside" in the house...in a sense, even though you may visit often, you are still an "outsider" to the territorial canine.

Noisy toys...that makes my laugh because folks always seem to give "noisy" toys to kids that don't reside with them...

Your MIL's comments may "sound" sarcatic to you, but they pobably are not meant that way. I'm with your hubby on that one...if that is the only complaint you have with your MIL.

After all, you state your MIL is good to your kids from your previous marriage, and isn't that what really matters

 

[Beauty]

Let me start this out by saying I have the MIL from HELL but thankfully DH feels the same way and we don't see her ever.

But if I had a good relationship with a MIL I think the dog/family would have bothered me a bit but the other two are things my mom always said to me and DH when we picked DS up from her house. John-Cole always ate better at mom's and she loved giving him noisy toys to drive us nuts (and my mom is my best friend!! DH adores her as well).

Now that mom lives with us its even worse/better where J.C. is concerned. John and I can't study with him, he wants GRANNY! He wants Granny to do everything for him. The only thing I do better than Granny is spaghetti....LOL!

 

[Microcell]

Generally, I think my MIL is just fine. Easy to talk to and funny. She is nice and friendly to me and we joke alot. I like her.

I am like you, though and even more so because I lost my mom, I want her to be even more motherly to me. I do feel like her son's wife and not like a daughter. My best friend's mom insists I call her mom and is very gregarious. I want that in my MIL and I had hurt feelings alot over things she said or did, so I completely sympathize with you.

You have to remember, she is your DH's mom so there is an invisible line there. I almost sense a competition between myself and my MIL for my Dh's approval. It used to bug me, but I just decided I could get my feelings hurt or just roll with it. My MIL makes Lasagna, for example and says when we have it, "Nothing like mom's Lasagna, huh, Mike?" to which he replies, "Oh yeah, mom, good Lasagna" When we are driving home, though, he tells me he thinks mine is far better. My MIL has said the same thing yours did about eating better at grandma's.

I go back to what my mom taught me, to respect my elders and to let them have thier little victories. I get to go home with her little boy and be with him the rest of our lives, and someday my little boy will leave my house and go home with some woman and I think I will secretly hope things I do for him will be remembered as better than her. I just will do my best to respect her role in the family than other MILS!

 

[SherryNC]

I would start complaining about my mil, but I saw Monster In Law. Holy cow!! I think I should thank my lucky stars now. BTW, that movie was freakin hilarious.

 

[lulugirl]

With the exception of the "dog & family" comment, I think you are being too sensitive.

 

[minkydog]

Now that mom lives with us its even worse/better where J.C. is concerned. John and I can't study with him, he wants GRANNY! He wants Granny to do everything for him. The only thing I do better than Granny is spaghetti....LOL!

Haha, my kids are the same way.

I think the OP is being a bit over-sensitive. I don't think your MIL is doing anything rude or unusual. The noisy toy comment? That's standard in my family--I usually whisper to my sister "it breaks very easily " wink wink, nudge nudge. and my kids always eat better at Granny's house. Heck, they'll even eat stuff at her house that they wont eat at home.

Give your MIL a break. She's trying, it seems. don't expect her to always say the right thing. And don't analyze her behavior so much that she becomes afraid to do anything--you'll be setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery.

 

[Christine]

Oh yeah, I think you're being WAY to sensitive. But, I'm one of those people with a sarcastic sense of humor . Definitely the "food" remark and the "toy" remark were meant to be sarcastic humor. I'm betting the "dog/family" remark just came out wrong. I'm sure she meant that the dog is only friendly with people who had actually lived in the house during the dogs formative years. Also, dogs are very big "body language" readers and the dog truly may only be friendly with those that he/she perceives to be treated like family by the owners. Anyway, if she had made the dog/family remark in my presence I would have looked at her and said "Well, what am I, chopped liver?" That would have been a hoot!

 

[Disney Doll]

I used to try not to look for trouble where there wasn't any when my DMIL was alive. She was a good lady, and if, on occasion, she said something to me that I thought was a little "off", I'd pretty much try and let it go.

In general, I always felt she had our best interests at heart, and she was my DH's mother, and I wouldn't have wanted to distress him by not getting along with her. I tell all the young girls getting married not to put their husband into the position of having to choose between the 2 women he loves most...wife & mother.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

well if it continues i would speak up
we arent you so we werent there and didnt see what happened and hear tone of voices and we dont know the history '
so i dont wanna say its your or her

 

[Serena]

You can let it bother you, or you can let it go. It is relatively minor. If she says more, then you can ask her what's up. In the mean time, I'd be thankful she's not worse.

 

[Keli]

I hope you won't take offense, but I am with the many that say you are being too sensitive. I think your MIL's actions speak so loudly of her love for you and your ds's as well as your dd and dh that these little comments shouldn't even be heard. They really don't seem to be intended to hurt you. I'd cut her some slack and let it go.

 

[Rowena]

Please forgive my prying...does your DH have any sisters?

Does your MIL have any other granddaughters?

Is she used to being around girl children? Could she maybe have a slight bias toward male children or even be slightly uncomforatble with females? (NOTE-not to say she isn't thrilled by your DD and to have a granddaughter..but if she's not used to it.....cut he a little slack and make an all girls day with her too?)

If I am completely offbase here..please ignore me.

I just know that girls frighten me. I was one, I know what they are capable of. (Yet, I love my daughter to pieces-figuratively.)

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

A little background info....DH and I have been married for 4 years. We have a DD 3 and I have 3 DS from my previous marraige. My MIL has always been good to my boys, Christmas presents, Easter Egg hunts, Valentine and Halloween goodie bags, never forgets their birthdays, etc. Lately however she has been making comments to me that really bother me.

Some examples:

We were over at their house, and DD was hungry. She had been picky all day at home, but was eating good over there. DH said something like, "Why didn't you eat this good at home today?" and MIL said, "because she is over here," then turned around to me and said, "I'm sorry" and laughed - now this is not a sincere, I am sorry- the way she says it is a laughing, sarcastic way of saying it, if that makes sense.

I don't see this as being mean. In my family we always said that one grandmother or another made the best something - never considered that it might hurt my mom's feelings. If your dd really likes something over there, then great - try turning it around and let your MIL know that your dd loves her food - your boys, too, if they do. It's not a competition, it's just feeling that her contribution is important, even if it is food.

One of their dogs, who is very shy, never leaves my side when we visit. She made the comment that "Sally usually doesn't like anyone who isn't in the family." Um, ok....I had been married to her son for 31/2 years by that point...really hurt my feelings.

I wouldn't take that comment so personally. There IS a difference between blood relatives and not. My dad's family always considered my mom the 'in-law', but they all loved her. It always secretly hurt her that they didn't call her sister, but that was her issue, not theirs. My mom always welcomed anyone into our family, and I basically do the same, but that doesn't mean that other people are the same. You just have to roll with it.

At Christmas she was making comments about the presents she was giving DD, how noisy they were and how we would hate them....of course, adding her sarcastic "I'm sorry."

Errrr, I do this, too. I get my nephews nice, loud toys to irritate their mom & dad - in a loving way. It's my way to tease my X-SIL (who I love dearly), and at the same time, I know her boys love these toys. I wouldn't take it personally.

So am I being to sensitive? I have talked to DH about this, and he says, she doesn't mean it that way.

Personally, I think you are being a little oversensitve, but that does not mean your feelings are not valid. They are valid. You just probably need to learn how to cope with them. If your MIL is basically a good person in your lives, then don't sweat the small stuff.

I think it's great that she does pay attention to your boys. That must be a relief to you.

My advice would be to let her know that you appreciate the good - it'll be a positive in your relationship with her. Good luck.

 

[Christine]

I wanted to add on the food issue: there are so many things my kids won't eat at home. I am always shocked (and relieved) when I hear the have gone to someone else's home and eaten their dinner food and loved it. They would never try such things at my house.

Now, my DS sees his grandma all the time--she lives close by. I make salmon all the time and he takes his required 3 or 4 bites. The other night, he was at his grandma's house and she was telling me that she had just fed him a dinner of salmon, broccoli and rice. Apparently he gobbled down to big servings of salmon. Kids just act better at other people's homes! Sounds like your MIL is wel aware of that and had that little snicker with you over it.

 

[Stitchfans]

Let me start this out by saying I have the MIL from HELL but thankfully DH feels the same way and we don't see her ever.

Wew, we must be related. LOL I agree that the dog comment wasn't very nice and I most likely would of taken it the same as you. My MIL is famous for hidden sneaky comments. (so is my DH's sisters) Men often do not pick up on that. Especially when it is THEIR mom making the comments. My husband finally woke up and saw what I was talking about. You have a very difficult decision to make. Ignore the comments and keep peace, or talk to her about it. I ignored it for years, then tried to talk about it, and now for a little over 3 years now I have nothing to do with his family. I am much happier not having to deal with them anymore. He goes to see them when he wants and leaves me out of it.