Am I being Judgemental?

[creativeamanda]

Week before last, dh's family was around. One family member shares her woes about how her husband works only such and such hours because if they work too many more, they'll lose food stamps and goes on to whine that they don't have $350 for their heating bill. She further talks about how she can't work b/c she can't afford a sitter and of course, if she works, she'll lose govt assistance. Which really began to irritate me. Her husband works less than 20 hours per week. She doesn't work at all. Haven't they heard of working opposite shifts? Both kids are in school from 8-3. Can one of them not get a full time and the other a part time working opposite shifts? And then comes the clincher for me--somehow, she was able to pay $2000 for an upcoming Disney trip! Now, how do you pay to go to WDW when you don't have $350 for your gas bill?

I said nothing to her, but my question is this, am I being too judgemental?

 

[KariC]

Ummm....No. You're not.

(Part of me is really wishing that this is a "spoof" thread , but sadly....I'm betting your story is for real)

 

[creativeamanda]

I wish this was a spoof. Apprently, they paid for it with their tax returns (ie--their earned income credit). There was something about they couldn't have more than $2000 in an account because of some benefit. I didn't ask too many questions because I was too disgusted. I just kept my mouth shut (and partially was ticked because how am I paying my vacation--by putting monthly payments we have determined into a savings account earmarked for vacations. My tax returns went to paying extra principal on my house).

 

[brockscandy]

No, that is not judgemental. Hand her a book of Total Money Makeover. Maybe she will realize that her trip was irresponsible. I don't have a problem helping people who work hard and still need help. I'm tired as a taxpayer of paying people to eat who purposely don't go out and work.

We got some of our friends together and helped a couple at church dig out of debt. Three couples helped to pay to fix a car, groceries, heating, etc to the tune of $800 to help a couple get out of debt and on their feet. The poor husband was working 2 jobs - one teaching and one at Wal-Mart after he got done teaching. When they got some security, he qiut his wal-mart job and they went to Florida for Christmas to see her brother. They called last week needing money for gas. He doesn't get paid until the 22nd. Well in our conversation, she admitted they should not have gone to Florida, they couldn't afford it.

I'll get off my soap box now.

 

[Aisling]

I think you're being judgemental, but I can understand how you feel. It's hard when you work hard and save for a vacation, and then see people who can't pay their bills and get government assistance, and they take expensive vacations. If they use their bill money to take vacations, then that's their business. But when they take govt aid to live, then it bothers me. It would be smarter and fairer if they used that vacation money to help them get out of the hole.

Maybe it's not being judgemantal, but just having an opinion??

 

[staceyj2]

Week before last, dh's family was around. One family member shares her woes about how her husband works only such and such hours because if they work too many more, they'll lose food stamps and goes on to whine that they don't have $350 for their heating bill. She further talks about how she can't work b/c she can't afford a sitter and of course, if she works, she'll lose govt assistance. Which really began to irritate me. Her husband works less than 20 hours per week. She doesn't work at all. Haven't they heard of working opposite shifts? Both kids are in school from 8-3. Can one of them not get a full time and the other a part time working opposite shifts? And then comes the clincher for me--somehow, she was able to pay $2000 for an upcoming Disney trip! Now, how do you pay to go to WDW when you don't have $350 for your gas bill?

I said nothing to her, but my question is this, am I being too judgemental?

I'd say no! You are not being judgemental. They have gotten to be "experts" at working the system. If they put that amount energy into working a real job, they wouldn't need assistance. We have someone in our family who does the same thing, so I get really irked about it. I'm all for people getting help when they need it, but being careful not to work too many hours tells me they probably don't need it.

 

[TheLittleRoo]

I think your reaction is justified and normal. Judgmental would imply that other people of normal common sense wouldn't be outraged, and I bet everyone who reads your post will have the same common sense reaction.

Sadly, it's a reflection of why they have no money in the first place. I have my share of poor relatives and wealthy relatives. The poor ones make horrible financial decisions that always place them further behind in debt or burn through any windfall they come into. My SIL took her EITC of $500 and went on a trip with her unemployed boyfriend and DS. He's been unemployed for more than 6 months now, and isn't willing to take a job, any job, to pay bills. Apparently, it's beneath him to take part time, crummy jobs to put food on the table. While they're not on govt assistance (yet) that EITC is a form of assistance courtesy of the taxpayers that they wouldn't have qualified for if he was working too.

If we can't afford a trip, we either don't go or we delay it until we can afford it. Part of the problem lies in the entitlement mentality *some* people have, and that's part of the reason *some* people will never find their way out of debt into a stable financial scenario. Sad, but true.

 

[WDW Traveler]

Ummmm - are we related and have the same family members? My sister and her family are the exact same way - have the exact same reasonings for not getting better jobs (she works 20 hours a week and he helps out at his mothers store) and took an expensive Disney vacation as well! Here I thought I was alone.

All I know is that I'm lucky to be working and my husband is working and we have earned everything we have/do.

 

[Mic]

Even if you are being judgemental, you have the right to be. We ALL have the right to be if it is our tax dollars paying to keep this family up. Because you are related to them, you will likely be subsidizing their lifestyle in the future. Trust me, there is no getting around it...you wo't be able to let their children do without. And either this view of "everyone owes me something" is becoming an American motto, or your DH's family is related to my DH's family!

OK, I'm done...bring on the flames!

 

[creativeamanda]

Ummmm - are we related and have the same sister? My sister and her family are the exact same way - have the exact same reasonings for not getting better jobs (she works 20 hours a week and he helps out at his mothers store) and took an expensive Disney vacation as well! Here I thought I was alone.

All I know is that I'm lucky to be working and my husband is working and we have earned everything we have/do.

I'm the only and I mean only out of 6 females who work in this family. Everyone struggles. Dh and I struggle because we are working hard to be debt free. But there is never something that we need that we can't get. This couple, though, is the worst of them. Last year he bought her diamond earrings because she "deserved them" (I think the kids deserve to have heat in their house). I won't change things, though, by opening my mouth. Dh and I ar ethe only ones who don't have excuses for them (they have had it hard, yadayadayada). And I just say nothing to any of them. There's no reason for it.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I'd say no! You are not being judgemental. They have gotten to be "experts" at working the system. If they put that amount energy into working a real job, they wouldn't need assistance. We have someone in our family who does the same thing, so I get really irked about it. I'm all for people getting help when they need it, but being careful not to work too many hours tells me they probably don't need it.

I ABSOLUTELY 100% AGREE and could not have said it better!
What a wonderful way to live and then be "kind enough" to pass it on/teach your child/ren, very SAD indeed!

 

[sarahlovesmickey]

UGH!!! No you are not being judgemental at all. Unfortunately, our government makes it way to easy for people to make welfare a way of life and they will pass that mentality onto their kids. Vicious cycle. Disgusting cycle. This is why the whole welfare system needs a good revamp. So glad that my tax dollars could fund their Disney trip. The "earned income credit" idea is a big joke in my opinion. People on assistance should not even receive a tax return in my opinion because aren't they getting a "tax return" by getting welfare benefits every month???

okay, stepping off my soapbox now...

 

[christa112]

It is called priorities!!!! You and I have them and obviously your family member does not.

I have a friend who does the same thing, she will talk about how all the bill collectors are calling her and want money from her, but she finds money to go to WDW. It is just amazing to me!!!!

 

[tinytink]

I know what you are talking about, I have an aunt who milked the govt housing program. Her family of 4 moved in with my other aunt for two years so they could claim "hardship", her husband work a job that only paid 30K a year so they would meet the income requirement and she didn't work at all. Bummed off my other aunt for everything, didn't pay rent, utilities, food, NOTHING. It was so bad that she would make dinner for her family with my other aunts food but would not let my aunts kids eat. The kids were 12&15 so they had to wait till their parents got home to make dinner or make it themselves. All of this so they could get low income housing, 4 bedroom townhouse w/garage in a 1 million dollar community for $115K. Within one week of closing on the house, her husband upgraded jobs to make over $200K a year and she went back to work as well. They both have college degrees but set out to milk the system by working a low paying job and sitting at home on her butt. In the area we live in where the cost of living it pretty high and now they are raking in the dough but still try to scam the family into thinking they are poor Their mortgage is not even a 1/4 of what mine or anyone else's in the family but they are still trying to milk anyone or thing for something free. We have a big family and we always get together for all major holidays and we recently made it a potluck xmas dinner and she bought an 8oz bowl of salad for 45 people as her dish. All the while her family of 4 tore up the prime rib, mashed potatoes, and corn that the rest of the family brought. Then to top thing off she will come to your house and come home with your property to sell on craigslist! It's so sick I don't even talk to her anymore and the rest of the family is on the same page as me, they are so sick of it.

Sorry to hijack your thread but I know the type your are referring to, our tax dollars are going to people who milk the system and are really taking away from people who really need it. I totally agree with the pp.

UGH!!! No you are not being judgemental at all. Unfortunately, our government makes it way to easy for people to make welfare a way of life and they will pass that mentality onto their kids. Vicious cycle. Disgusting cycle. This is why the whole welfare system needs a good revamp. So glad that my tax dollars could fund their Disney trip. The "earned income credit" idea is a big joke in my opinion. People on assistance should not even receive a tax return in my opinion because aren't they getting a "tax return" by getting welfare benefits every month???

okay, stepping off my soapbox now...

 

[karinbelle]

Here's another one for you. My sister quit her job, withdrew all of her money from her retirment plan, and spent all the money. All planned so she could get government assitance to pay for her schooling, food stamps, medical, and daycare for her kid. Meanwhile, she lived off my dying father and conned him into putting all his assets in a trust for her when he died so she could continue to receive assistance until she graduated from school.

She is a diabetic, she smokes, she parties, she dumps her kid on "friends".

And we pay for it all.

Lucky us.

 

[hentob]

UGH!!! No you are not being judgemental at all. Unfortunately, our government makes it way to easy for people to make welfare a way of life and they will pass that mentality onto their kids. Vicious cycle. Disgusting cycle. This is why the whole welfare system needs a good revamp. So glad that my tax dollars could fund their Disney trip. The "earned income credit" idea is a big joke in my opinion. People on assistance should not even receive a tax return in my opinion because aren't they getting a "tax return" by getting welfare benefits every month???

okay, stepping off my soapbox now...

I. Love. You.

Now--Get back up on that soapbox. Everything you said was 100% correct

 

[rockyroad]

There are subjects that it is best not to discuss with family or friends:

1. Religion
2. Politics
3. Sex
4. How you think they should raise their children.
5. How you think they should handle their money.

When that family member brings up their finances just let it go in one ear and out the other.

Other people's money is not something that is within your control.

If she brought it up again, I would go in the other room, go outside, play a game with the kids, whatever, just get where I don't hear it.

You will feel much better.
Really.

 

[hentob]

As the economy gets bleaker, the working class folks are going to get angrier and angrier at the fact that they have to clothe, feed and house lazy people.

Having a child when you have no money to feed that child is a poor decision. I have said it before, I think you should be required take some form birth control if you are on welfare. If you don't want to take birth control--No problem. No FREE money for you then. It is your choice.

Also, everyone must work. No matter what. You get a check? You work! Someone will be assigned to watch your existing children, but you must put in 40 hours of whatever (garbage clean up, sweeping, sorting, etc.) in order to pick up your FREE money.

EIC? Please don't get me started

 

[hentob]

Other people's money is not something that is within your control.

Oh. But it is not their money They didn't EARN it.

As a taxpayer, we all have a say in what people do with OUR money.

Of course, since we are all polite, we just come to The DIS and vent

 

[dismom24]

Ok, mine is simular but hurt me personally so much. Family owed us money and went to Disney and stayed extra days because they were having so much fun. They never paid us what was owed. This was not a loan - I know better. This was a debt we had to take on for the family (emergency situation) who all promised to make monthly payments - only one did (and to her credit she paid some extra to make up for others). I try so hard to forgive and forget about it, but it has been so hard knowing I work so hard and was expected to pay someone elses debt, while we have put our trip off.