Am I a bad mother? (Lice/hair cuts)

[TurboKitty]

Duplicate post

 

[TurboKitty]

ok, I am not sure I am reading this right.....did your DD have lice when she went to the hairdressers to get it all cut off? I really hope not, that is a health code violation and the shop would have to be shut down ASAP. As a hairdresser who has run a hair salon for 10 years if anyone comes in with lice, everyone HAS to leave!!!!!!!! OMG, I so hope this is NOT the case.

please forgive me if this is NOT the case.
but if you did take her while having lice, it would spread like wildfire.......

The OP wrote that she's not in the US, so I think she's safe from violating any health codes.

 

[my4kids]

We battled this with my sister. We all had it a few times growing up. But my sister had it the worst when she went from the elementary school my cousins and I went to to the one where the "rich kids" in town went.

It sounds like you're doing OK with the head treatments, but what about the house? Are you spraying the couches? Putting all toys with fur/hair into the wash or into garbage bags? It was horrible not being able to play with my Barbies when I was a kid, but it was better than the alternative.

My mom had to have a "talk" with my friend's mom because I kept coming home with it. They were treating the head, but not the rest of the house.

My mom would spray couches where we would lay our heads with Lysol.

Also, take all combs and brushes and boil them for 15 minutes in a pot of water on the stove.

You are not a bad mom. Unfortunately these things just happen. I'd also have a talk with your ped/family doc and see what they say.

Lysol won't kill eggs (and I'm not even sure it will kill lice) Pesticides spaying in the house is NOT AT ALL recommended as it is more harmful to your kids than the lice. Lice are not an enviromental infestation like fleas that will breed in the house. They can only live for 48 hours off of a human head. So vacuuming is all that is recommended. So that you don't have to vacuum all furniture everyday (in case I live one does sit on it and get picked up again after treatment or by someone else) and easy thing to do is throw a blanket over the area touched by the head, and wash and dry it every night. it is easier than vaccuming and probably more effective.

 

[Jaclynfett]

Don't be hard on yourself. She's very young and it's almost summer and she can wear lots of hats and bandanas. It's only hair.

 

[ChrisLei]

I'm a long-time poster on the DIS but incognito right now as my nick suggests.

We have battled with a lice issue for 13 months in our house. The problem started when my boys brought them on their heads (well obviously) from school. I thought how lucky we were to get away with the lice problem for 12 years (my eldest is 13) and outside of the 'ick' factor I waded in determined to rid them of these lice. At this point, I am probably an expert insofar as I know exactly how to rid the lice in my boys head - we are very pro-active and as soon as I see them scratching or as soon as a comb-thru indicates lice or eggs, we're in there irradicating. So, the conclusion is that it's relatively simple to get rid of lice in my older children's (boys) heads - mostly because their hair is strong and cut very short (nowadays).

The HUGE problem is with my 3 year old who has had lice now on and off (but mostly on) for 13 months. Please read more before you gasp in horror. Please. We have tried 16 different 'lice-ridding' products and many of them more than once. Yes you read that right. SIXTEEN. Not all chemical-based. Some were, others are alternative treatments ranging from vaseline to mayonnaise to olive oil to herbal remedies to aromatherapy. We have purchased 10 different types of lice combs - some imported from the net. We comb her hair through every night bar just a few in the last year - we boil all the bed clothes in the house and change all bed clothes daily. My thinking (and some nurses and relatives agree) is that because her hair is so soft and not strong yet (baby hair) those horrid lice just took hold so much more on her head than on my boys' heads. This is gonna sound disgusting but to give you a good example - when the boys had a live infestation I would find perhaps 2 to 3 lice on my boys' heads whereas I would find 50 to 60 on my girl's head and that is within 48 hours of having a clear head. That means that the lice breed at a phenomenal, frightening rate on her hair for whatever reason. Don't even get me started on the old eggs that are still on hundreds of her hair shafts (they're dead but look awful - white spots all around her head) - nothing will get them out - no amount of oil, vaseline, shampoos, nothing will remove them bar cutting the individual hairs (which I've done repeatedly). Again, this is not a problem with the boys - they are currently lice free and no-one would ever know from looking through their hair that they EVER had lice - no eggs - different quality of hair I'm guessing.

Sorry this is so long. We had her hair cut last summer, having explained the issue to a hairdresser friend of ours. While the hair cut made it easier to comb through and irradicate the lice, it wasn't enough as some still hung on and new infestations seemed to jump at her (not literally) - it's incredible. The hair cut wasn't short enough - it was a bob to just above her shoulders. The boys I'm guessing might unknowingly bring home one egg or one lice on their heads and she would yet again get tens and tens of lice within 2 to 3 days.

We did fortunately discover a remedy that works - ordered it online. But even though it's far superior to the chemical based rubbish out there, we still have the issue. It was gone for 3 whole weeks. How we rejoiced. Now they're back in full force. I could go on putting that stuff in (it's harmless - no chemicals) and shampooing it out every day (it takes forever as it's oil-based and she is so traumatised now from this issue she screams and screams when I wash her hair - my heart breaks when I have to do it.)

So this is where I'm at - we have now made the decision to get her hair cut up very very short - half an inch from her scalp. Now I have had short hair all my life so it's not like I don't like short hair on girls. But my poor sweet thing is just 3 and she has the softest, most luscious thick two-toned hair - half dark brown and half blonde (just the way it is - people joke with me that they wish they had her 'highlights' and 'where did she get her fabulous highlights done - of course they're all natural) - it's already down past her shoulders a few inches (grew fast since the hair cut last August) and today is the day it's being cut off - almost all of it. We are at the end of our tether and cannot continue to put treatments in this traumatised girl's hair - at least not at the rate we have been doing. It's now gonna be shorter than many boys' hair but it will grow back. I am on the verge of a breakdown here. Sound over the top? Let me tell you, it's been incredibly stressful - we are not irresponsible - we've tried so many things - we've put probably 400 hours of work into this and over 500 euro (I'm not in the U.S.) but I don't give one single toss about the money - just trying to indicate how seriously we take the issue.

DH was taking her out to his friend (the hairdresser) 30 minutes ago and I just couldn't go at the last minute. I couldn't sit there and watch her hair being chopped off to almost military style and I couldn't face the shame of the other hairdressers in the salon (don't worry, they know about the issue - we are upfront and honest and DH has brought our own separate combs, scissors and towels) knowing that my little precious girl has had lice for a year. Am I a rotten mother? Shouldn't I have got rid of them by now. I know I tried everything and yet I feel like a total moron for still having this issue raging. Also, I know as a good mother I should be there for this hair cut but I just chickened out - I'm upset and ashamed. I have sat through their surgeries, injections, vomiting, you name it, I am there for my kids, but this, I couldn't face it. She's with her Dad who she adores.

I know you're probably thinking I'm nuts. Honestly, I've battled autism, I've held my child when he kicked and punched and screamed and cried in the 'agony' of his secret world, I've 'fought' with doctors and therapists to get the right treatments for my son and yet, I can't sit through this hair cut. Weird I know.

Sorry this is so long. Feel free to respond, give opinions, whatever. It did feel good to vent. Thanks for reading.

I know you have already decided to cut her hair really short but I had a couple of questions:

Does your daughter attend daycare or preschool?

Do you normally style your daughter's hair loose? (meaning NOT in a ponytail)

Lice are known to cling to clean hair. Clean Loose hair makes it extremely easy for them to cling onto. What is recommended especially if your child goes to school, is to tie thier hair up in a ponytail or two pigtails. For added reinforcement put a bit of gel on it before styling. The gel makes it difficult for Lice to cling on and to settle into the scalp.

Another thing is discouraging your child from hugging other children too much. I know it sounds a little mean, but Lice are wingless, so the only way for them to get onto your childs hair is by close contact to your child's head.

I hope this helps. And I hope that you get rid of those pesky critters soon.

 

[phamton]

Lice can live 14 days without a blood feed

Actually they can only live 1-3 days without a blood source. The 2 weeks is to give the nits a chance to hatch. Newly hatched lice must eat within 24 hours or they die.

 

[littleteapot]

Honestly, I know it's hard, but your daughter is having her hair buzzed off at age 3. I think you owe it to her to buck up and go, honestly.

I think you're smart letting Daddy go. I cry easily and it would be traumatic for me and therefore upset my dd more. I'm sure she'll be fine with her Daddy.

 

[summerrluvv]

I've been told by quite a few of my African American co-workers that black people don't usually get lice because of the "grease" they put in their hair.

And just so you all know, my head itches now!

Mine too!!

OP I don't think you are a bad mother, I would be doing the same thing. I do think you should go with your daughter though.

I'm terrified my son will get headlice from school. Someone in his class had it and I freaked out. I had visions of me getting it and that would be a disaster!! I check his head ALL the time and he gets sick of me doing it!

I've seen companies in local parenting magazines that will pick the nits out of children's hair. I wonder how much something like that costs.

 

[famofsix]

I forgot to ask if OP has had her hair checked? We had a family in church that passed lice around and were treating their daughters. We found out the mom who was working in the nursery was unknowingly passing lice to the children.

Keep your chin up OP!

 

[Mkrop]

Worried,

How did it go? I bet you she is still the cutest little girl in the whole universe!!!! Hang in there, you will get a handle on this.

 

[MAKmom]

]Wait did your peditrician give you the oral medician for LICE? That will get rid of it. You have to ASK. Have your animals been treated?

This happend 8 years ago & I had 3 girls with LONG hair. I was nit picking for hours a day

 

[believe]

I haven't read all the responses..but don't forget to treat your vehicles. This is how my DDs got it from a niece. It is a pain but make sure you have treated every spot of your house (toys, pillows, sheets, mattresses, carpeting, rugs, etc).

Good luck.

 

[my4kids]

]Wait did your peditrician give you the oral medician for LICE? That will get rid of it. You have to ASK. Have your animals been treated?

This happend 8 years ago & I had 3 girls with LONG hair. I was nit picking for hours a day

AIt is absolutely impossible for a pet to contract pediculosis (head lice), and the treatment would be very harmful to them.

 

[Tiffer]

I think you really need to find out where they are coming from! If she was completely free of them she had to get them somewhere. There is a missing link somewhere in this chain of transmission. She is not getting them from the boys if they aren't getting them at the same time. Does she go anywhere other than home? dancing classes, Sunday school somewhere she is getting them. I won't go over the obvious but something somewhere is getting missed.

Good Luck and my best friend growing up always had a boy cut from 4yrs to high school, She will at least be cool.

Maybe a new mattress as well? You have to find the source. They aren't coming form thin air.

to you and your family.

 

[Cinderellafifi]

More !! Get your family doctor involved for sure. And, as already posted, be sure to treat any vehicles. Probably already posted, too: you need to treat all stuffed animals, etc.

Good luck!!!!!

 

[KerriSue]

Recovering Lice Family here!

After several treatments we finally conquered the beasts--and yes they are beasts.

Tea Tree oil was fantastic. I put it in our shampoo which I want to believe helped. I would also put a drop on my kids scalps before school and along the collars of their shirts.

By-the-way, I would have shaved it too. No worries.

My friends mom shaved her head when she was about four because she could not get rid of her lice and then proceeded to spray her with Raid She is 30 now and alive to talk about it, of course she has mild side effects

 

[Worried_Incognito]

Thanks everyone who responded since my last post.

Well, her hair is cut. I'll be honest, she looks very different. She's still my beautiful little girl but it's certainly a huge change. It is very short - not skinhead short but very short nonetheless - as short as my boys' hair has often been. I was overcome last night with a sense of regret about it because I suspect I've really confused her now. She said last night "I want to be a girl again". DH says I'm reading too much into it. She's certainly been bouncing around all day today with lots of energy and smiles. She objected when I put a pink sundress on her and said she wants to wear jeans. Ok, ok, I just re-read that, I'm reading too much into it. I am.But I'm gonna smother her with kisses, girlie tea-parties, girlie hair bands and clips and get her a new purse (her very favourite thing - she's got a purse/handbag fixation!).

KerriSue,
Glad I'm not alone in this. Yes, teatree oil has been successful up to a point with us and I'm gonna continue to spray all our heads with it each day - I mix it with diluted lavender which is also a repellant. Actually on a lighter note my eldest had teatree oil on his hair one day (but he was completely clear of lice - this was a deterrant) and the boy sitting next to him asked what the smell was. DS said "deoderant" and the boy said he liked it and wanted to know the name so he could get some. So DS just said "oh THAT smell, ok, that's to keep lice away".

I'm gonna admit we hadn't been too vigilant with the car upolstery - I'm gonna get on that. There's so much work each day here with washing and drying 5 people's bedding, comb thrus, applying treatment, washing out treatment etc. etc. I do it with a heart and a half but it gets the better of me sometimes. I do believe we're approaching the end now though as when I treated and combed through DD's hair last night I was able to see and do a lot more - the cut makes it much easier.

Thanks everyone. I'll post more later.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Because of the belief that they couldn't survive more than 24 hours outside of the scalp I had not had the house professionally fumugated as Lisa_M Suggested but I'm going to arrange it now if they'll do that for lice.
:

Please reconsider having the house fumigated. Poison is NOT the answer. Too many lice are resisitant to pesticides, so in essense you're killing all the weak ones and leaving the strong ones to breed even more of the hardy little buggers.
Please visit http://www.headlice.org for some excellent info on keeping them away. There's way too much misinformation out there as well as good information, it makes it hard to know what to believe. Go directly to the experts and get good/solid advice!
Big hugs, I've been through it too!

 

[Worried_Incognito]

Here is something I found

Thanks for the link bigmerle - much appreciated.

she got to my son whose hair is about 1/4" -1/2" long on top & spiked with hair gel & she said he had so much gel nothing could live in that ROFL

Sometimes my 13 year old wears hair gel too - I wonder is that why he's been mostly spared from the infestations.

i found a couple of 'bug bombs' that while they did'nt list lice as something they worked on, they did contain the chemicals that would kill them/nits.

The boys are finished school at the end of June - then I'm gonna have the house fumugated - until then they're still gonna be bringing them in I reckon. I'm also meeting with the school principal tomorrow and I've called the health department (for the 3rd time) to get them to send in some experts to the school.

very important thing to do-toss out the bags from the vaccume and then store the vaccume outside the house in case any of the critters are inside and decide to crawl back out.

Good idea. thanks.

My DD3 also has beautiful hair (curly with lots of highlights), and I wouldn't hesitate to shave her bald if she had the problem you've described with your daughter.

Thanks a million for the support.

I know you're upset about her hair, but your DD will feel much better if you tell her how cute her hair looks short and how comfortable it will feel this summer (fib, if you have to). She'll feel less conspicuous about her hair if you act as if it's not a big deal.

Absolutely. Already she's enjoying it - as she always hated putting her hair in ponytails or even using clips it had a tendency to get in her way when she was busy playing so now she actually feels freer with short hair. thanks again.

Also, have you covered DD's mattress with a large plastic bag?

I've been vacuuming the mattress but oddly enough a mattress cover is on my to do list. She's wearing pull ups at night but I think she's ready to go without. So it will serve two purposes.

We did the whole lice thing for about as long as you. My DSD has horrible psoriasis. Her scalp was horrible with it and we finally figured out that they were burrowing inside the outbreaks. We ended up using a combination of prescriptions for her scalp psoriasis and then immediately following up with lice medicine. It took a while to soften everything up and get it all killed.

I feel your pain. Hopefully this will work. Hugs to you and your DD.

I'm sorry for what you and your DSD went through. It's awful. Thanks for your kind words.

It seemd like it only affected the girls, the boys hair was too short, and the girsl were insturcted not to wear their hair down, it was to easy to spread it, to wear their hair up in pony tails or braids. And we were also told that they do not like clean hair, so we were encouraged not to wash their hair.

that was good advice. Also at DD's age, sometimes us Mom's bathe and wash them just to freshen them up but they're not really dirty, know what I mean. I think I could afford to wash her hair less (after all treatments are over). Now, 13 year old boys - they need to wash often.

we demanded that she fumugate the classroom over Easter break. Not a single case for the rest of the year!!!!!!

That's an excellent idea. We're meeting with the principal tomorrow and I've just discussed what you said with DH so we're gonna suggest he gets the entire school done. Thanks.

Oh , I feel for you. What a nightmare you must be going through.

My dd shaved her head for a different reason but she is fine and doesn't care what people think. (she's 11)
It's just hair and will grow back.

Thanks Tantor! Your DD looks stunning - what a gorgeous face she has. Looking at that beautiful photo has made me feels tons better!

I've been told by quite a few of my African American co-workers that black people don't usually get lice because of the "grease" they put in their hair.

And just so you all know, my head itches now!

Sorry. lol! And thanks!

When we were kids in the 60's (5 of us) we bought the lice problem home from school. My mother attacked the problem. Among some of the things she did, the shampoo, the comb, she gave us the "Buster Brown" haircuts. I don't know if you're familiar with that one. Her favorite was having us sit on the floor and killing them one by one.

Just a suggestion if you haven't done so already. Get her a new pillow and wash the sheets in hot water.

Thanks Vivianne. I'm guessing the Buster Brown hair cuts might be what we called the 'pudding bowl' haircuts. You know when it looks like you just put an upside-down bowl on the head and cut around it.

you're right, Lice are more easily able to grasp onto thin, fine hair rather than course hair.

Thanks. No doubt about it. It's been so easy to treat the boys and so utterly difficult with our DD.

Lice can live 14 days without a blood feed and it has nothing to do with oxygen really as there is still large amounts of oxygen inside a plastic bag. Without blood, it dies.
I wish you only the best in your fight against these horrible parasites.

Thanks so much. We've isolated all the soft toys now and will quarantine them for 3 weeks minimum.

I was just thinking that since it is summer make sure you protect her head and add to the fun and maybe buy her some fun and cute hats. Just make sure that they are cleaned and not reinfesting with lice. But you can get her some totally adorable sun hats to wear this summer so she can be stylish!

Just wanted to add a hug

I would have done the short hair cut as well! It's hair it will grow back.

Thanks. I'm floored at how nice and supportive people are being. I had heard the the Community Board was ruthless with people flaming all over the place - doesn't look that way to me. Posters have made me feel so much better.

At three, I would run out and get a Tinkerbell costume and start calling her your Tinkerbell

Great idea. She has a Snow White dress that she loves. Might be time to add to the collection.

It is hard being a parent.

 

[Worried_Incognito]

I was told that lice love clean hair, not dirty, by my hairdresser.

So true! Once this problem is completely over, I'm gonna cut way back on the hair washing. Thanks!

And as for your DD's hair, if there are old nits (hatched eggs) in her hair still, that right there is your problem. For these to be remaining, means that you do not have an effective lice comb and/or you are not using it correctly. If the hatched eggs are staying on the hair, then the unhatched ones are remaining as well.

Thanks for your post. I read all of it but just quoted a little bit. You see, the thing is, the nits are impossible to remove in DD's hair. We have some major heavy duty lice combs and there are no live or dead nits in my boys' hair - in other words, we always get them out. The only way to remove them from DD's fine hair is to cut them out. But what you say is logical and I do agree. I even tested a piece of DD's hair that I had cut off a few weeks ago - this will sound gross but the thing is, I was obviously able to pull a lot more at the egg on the piece of hair I had cut off and this egg still wouldn't move. My DH, mother and MIL all tried and nobody can get those dead eggs out, short of cutting each strand - that's all we can do.

ok, I am not sure I am reading this right.....did your DD have lice when she went to the hairdressers to get it all cut off? I really hope not, that is a health code violation and the shop would have to be shut down ASAP. As a hairdresser who has run a hair salon for 10 years if anyone comes in with lice, everyone HAS to leave!!!!!!!! OMG, I so hope this is NOT the case.

please forgive me if this is NOT the case.
but if you did take her while having lice, it would spread like wildfire.......

No live lice but yes, no doubt some eggs. It's ongoing. He knew all about it and took her into a back room with DH. Lice spread by touching heads or by touching something the infected head has touched. He was very careful. We brought our own towels, scissors etc. He has helped others in the same situation. He also helps women with dermatitis of the scalp and alopecia. Believe me he's very conscientious and careful and wouldn't ever endanger his clients. He has a thriving wonderful salon.

You are not a bad mom. Unfortunately these things just happen. I'd also have a talk with your ped/family doc and see what they say.

Thanks so much!

The OP wrote that she's not in the US, so I think she's safe from violating any health codes.

No violation but obviously we were careful. Thanks Turbo!!

So that you don't have to vacuum all furniture everyday (in case I live one does sit on it and get picked up again after treatment or by someone else) and easy thing to do is throw a blanket over the area touched by the head, and wash and dry it every night. it is easier than vaccuming and probably more effective.

Yes, that has worked so far - now it's a matter of keeping it going and being very vigilant.

Don't be hard on yourself. She's very young and it's almost summer and she can wear lots of hats and bandanas. It's only hair.

Aw, thanks!

Does your daughter attend daycare or preschool?

Not yet. She starts in September.

Do you normally style your daughter's hair loose? (meaning NOT in a ponytail) Clean Loose hair makes it extremely easy for them to cling onto.

This was part of the problem. She hated having her hair in ponytails but it's great advice.

I hope this helps. And I hope that you get rid of those pesky critters soon.

Thanks! Much appreciated.

Actually they can only live 1-3 days without a blood source. The 2 weeks is to give the nits a chance to hatch. Newly hatched lice must eat within 24 hours or they die.

Yes, that's what we had been told but of course I should have thought about the 2 week gestation period for the nits regarding the toys, upholstery etc. Thanks.

I think you're smart letting Daddy go. I cry easily and it would be traumatic for me and therefore upset my dd more. I'm sure she'll be fine with her Daddy.

Thanks for understanding littleteapot.

I've seen companies in local parenting magazines that will pick the nits out of children's hair. I wonder how much something like that costs.

I wish we had something like that hair. But unfortunately we don't.

I forgot to ask if OP has had her hair checked? We had a family in church that passed lice around and were treating their daughters. We found out the mom who was working in the nursery was unknowingly passing lice to the children.

Yes, I check my head almost obsessively and do comb throughs every day. I've had them twice which wasn't too bad considering. I hated it though. It's a horrible issue.

]Wait did your peditrician give you the oral medician for LICE? That will get rid of it. You have to ASK. Have your animals been treated?

This happend 8 years ago & I had 3 girls with LONG hair. I was nit picking for hours a day

No oral medication. I don't think I've heard of any. Well not here anyway.

Worried,

How did it go? I bet you she is still the cutest little girl in the whole universe!!!! Hang in there, you will get a handle on this.

Yes, she is! Thanks.

I haven't read all the responses..but don't forget to treat your vehicles. This is how my DDs got it from a niece. It is a pain but make sure you have treated every spot of your house (toys, pillows, sheets, mattresses, carpeting, rugs, etc).

Good luck.

AIt is absolutely impossible for a pet to contract pediculosis (head lice), and the treatment would be very harmful to them.

That's what I learned too. We don't have pets anyway but I believe lice cannot survive on animals.

Maybe a new mattress as well? You have to find the source. They aren't coming form thin air.

to you and your family.

Thanks. I'm gonna consider a new mattress too.

More !! Get your family doctor involved for sure. And, as already posted, be sure to treat any vehicles. Probably already posted, too: you need to treat all stuffed animals, etc.

Good luck!!!!!

Good advice Cinderellafifi, thank you.

Please reconsider having the house fumigated. Poison is NOT the answer. Too many lice are resisitant to pesticides, so in essense you're killing all the weak ones and leaving the strong ones to breed even more of the hardy little buggers.
Please visit headlice.org for some excellent info on keeping them away. There's way too much misinformation out there as well as good information, it makes it hard to know what to believe. Go directly to the experts and get good/solid advice!
Big hugs, I've been through it too!

Thanks Lisa, yes it's incredible the amount of varying info out there and the myths. I wouldn't have the place fumugated until school is out anyway (no point - too high a risk of infestation). I will consider it carefully, don't worry. Thank you.