Allowing your underaged teen to drink, your thoughts?

[Acklander]

I have no problems with teens having a beer or glass of wine at home but we don't having drinking games or get drunk (outgrew that in my 20's). I have no problems with responsible drinking though. As far as their friends drinking, that's not my call to make, so I don't.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

once I was in college, and came home for breaks, I was allowed to drink in my parents' home. I was never drunk. Will I allow my own children??? I haven't nearly gotten close to crossing that bridge yet!!

 

[Nancyg56]

I never served alcohol to my kids when they were underage. It was not the right decision for me but I know that other parents did and there were no issues.

One of my SILs "knows" that kids drink so she "collects" the keys are her DS and DD's house parties. This is how she "insures" that everyone is "safe". Of course she doesn't take into account the fact that the kid could have another key, use someone else's, walk out into the snow and freeze to death, etc. .

I had a friend who did this as well and never understood her reasoning. I respect that she would let her kids have a drink at home but felt that it was irresponsible to make that decision for other parents.

 

[LuvOrlando]

WOW, I'm kind of stunned this is even an open question. I would think the steady stream of parents being carted away for contributing to the delinquency of minors would scare parents off the nod of approval.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think these kids are bad kids. I did drink back when I was 17 and i wasn't legal and I am pretty sure my kids might indulge before 21. But there is a world of difference between a bunch of kids doing stupid kid stuff on their own and an adult participating in the promotion of this stupidity. I have my mostly funny memories of bad decisions and my kids will have theirs, but I'm NOT going to help them along the way and I would tear any adult apart that tried to lead my kids astray. Firstly, because the don't need any help and secondly, I tend to think that kids NEED to rebel to assert their independence so if the parents give nod to drinking the kids will be forced to go the next step to be defiant.... as in "If this is ok with my parents then it's not really cool so what's next?" Semi strict parents lower the bar on defiance so it's easier to get that flush response that they want as they try to mold their own independence, KWIM

That said, I think parents REALLY need to have conversations with their young (13 yrs or so) kids about the differences between different alcohols. While it never happened to me, because I liked wine coolers, some kids drink hard liquor like it's beer and black out or go into coma's. This is no exaggeration, it happened to 2 of my SIL's friends at a sleepover and another DF's daughter. These kids do not know that beer, wine and hard liquor have different amounts of alcohol. Both sets of kids I know personally were drinking vodka out of big solo cups like beer. So while I'm not all for encouraging drinking, I do think these kids need to have at least a general understanding that it is a drug, what it does and how it works.

 

[scottishduffy]

I was allowed to have a drink here or there at home during my teen years. I usually just would have a glass of wine at a wedding or a dacquiri on a cruise ship. Rare drinks.

The summer I turned 18, my Mom decided I was not well enough acquainted with alcohol and *made* me get drunk on a family vacation. Her REASONING: I was going to college in just 3 months and I had never really drank alcohol. She did NOT want my first encounter with liquor to be at the hands of a frat boy at my first college party.

She told me that during this cruise she was going to make me try at least one cocktail daily and to get drunk at least once so I would know what it felt like. She wanted me to have at least 3 cocktails I knew and enjoyed before going to college. That way, at any party or event I attended I could order a drink i was familiar with and A drink which i knew how it would effect me. Her goal was for me to always stay in control of myself... and to learn this lesson safely with her and NOT at college far from home. She knew college involved alcohol but wanted me to have 'safe' drinks I could control.

She even brought along some alka seltzer to wreck a couple of my drinks to show me how easy it was for her to drop something into my drink! (sure... she wasted $8 on a cocktail but a lesson was important) It was an odd lesson but one i remember well. My frist 2 semesters at college I pretty much stuck to those 3 drinks I knew well.

I am now 29 and can count on one hand the times I have been drunk. I plan to do this same exact lesson to a future child (boy or girl) one day because I found it to be a valuable one for myself. I understand what my tolerance was *before* i made it school.... I didn't have to learn my alcohol tolerance in an unfamilar environment.

 

[Acklander]

WOW, I'm kind of stunned this is even an open question. I would think the steady stream of parents being carted away for contributing to the delinquency of minors would scare parents off the nod of approval.

What steady stream of parents are being carted away for allowing the occasional glass of wine or beer in the home? I don't consider that delinquent behavior.

 

[luvmy3]

Is there a website that's lists the laws in different states... would love to know what the law is in NJ???

http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591

 

[DeniseinNS]

The legal drinking age here is 19 but my mom would let me have some drinks at home when I was 17-18, she said she'd rather do it at home in front of her than go out and get drunk and get in trouble.

 

[SandrA9810]

i was allowed to have a drink of champagne sometime between 14-17. Didn't think anything of it.
I went to canada when i was 18 and drank quite a bit there (considering one bottle a month is about average for me). Never been drunk before as i wind up fairly sleepy before drinking enough to even get tipsy, and i usually eat with my drinks.

I have no issue serving it on a special occasion to let them feel more part of the celebration.
And i would take my kid out of the country to let them drink for fun. And let them know that it's only allowed because the drinking age is lower and it's not something allowed back home. Thats how i felt when i left canada. It was, yay, i can do this here, but not back home. I have a picture sitting on the couch drinking my last wine cooler.

 

[2cats1kid]

Over here it is legal for a child to have a drink supplied by a parent in their own home from age 5. I well remember being allowed a little sweet sherry in a liqueur glass (less than a thimble size) from about that age.

From about 16 I decided I'd just not drink. I figured that I'd sooner not drink than get into a situation I couldn't control at parties or at uni. I told everyone I was allergic to it and never had any hassle from anyone. I didn't drink at all till I was 22 or 23 and felt more "grown up" and able to handle things.

I have been drunk, yes, but never to the point where I passed out or couldn't remember things the morning after or did anything I regretted.

I just wanted to say that having experience of drink at a young age doesn't necessarily doom you to a life of alcoholism and immorality LOL. My DD (12) has had odd sips but doesn't like it, but like the PP I'd like to have her experience alcohol in a controlled environment so she knows what it feels like.

 

[Kim1964]

There's plenty of time for my kids to drink alcohol if they want to, once they are 21. I don't see any reason for them to have it before that. I suppose if they go away to college it will be available to them at parties, but I won't be providing it at home.

The other day I saw a party invite on Facebook that I *think* was to a high school graduation party (I guess it could have been college, I don't know). There was a note that said, "BYOB. If you drink you must sleep over." That just screamed "lawsuit" to me.

 

[Nette]

I think it depends on the kid AND the parent. First of all, if the parent can't model responsible drinking, no amount of so-called exposure to alcohol underage is going to teach a kid how to drink responsibly. Secondly, some kids are just more mature and can handle the privilege of a drink here and there *at home* under supervision.

My mother was a very responsible drinker. She would not drive if she'd had more than a drink, and she rarely got drunk (I can recall one instance in my life where she was actually drunk in front of me). She allowed me to drink on special occasions. A few times (mostly family Christmas parties) I even got a good buzz. But I also never touched the stuff without her offering it first. My brother, on the other hand, would sneak beer and hard liquor when mom was out of the house. (Once when she was away on business, he drank a whole bottle of red wine and *I* got to clean up the aftermath... yippee.) So she locked the liquor cabinet and forbade him from drinking before he turned 21. (Yes, he probably still got his hands on some outside the house, but she wasn't providing it.) He's a very responsible drinker these days (and a bartender at that).

As for letting my DD (and DS to be) drink, well, I'm not really there yet... DD has been allowed to taste wine and beer and Bailey's Irish Cream, but never more than a drop off her finger. If she shows me she can be responsible when she is (much) older, then sure, she can have a drink here and there with dinner. If she proves to me that she can't handle that kind of privilege, then nope, she won't get it.

 

[MushyMushy]

Yes, I would allow a single drink of beer or wine for my own kids only. That's only ever happened once though. I can't remember the occasion, but I did let my son have a can of beer one evening. If either of them wanted a glass I would allow it, but they haven't shown an interest. DD thinks it's gross and DS just doesn't drink at 19. Shocking. I was a total lush at his age.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

Haven't read the whole thread ... but I am an ABSOLUTE NO! I attached a link about how drinking underage can damage their undeveloped brain.

I think allowing your child to drink is really like giving them drugs in my opinion .... Smarter people than me think 21 is the legal age. Do I think my kids will be saints ... no. I know what I did at their ages. But to permit it .... is not good. IMO.

http://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/healthissues/1127400726.html

 

[Handbag Lady]

I wouldn't. I would teach responsibility by setting an example and following the rules of my state. (Meaning if CA allowed me to allow my children after 18, I would do so with extreme supervision.)

I would also let them see how my husband and I drink. We both enjoy alcohol, but at each event or gathering where we drink, the decision is made on the way who is drinking and who is not. The driver doesn't touch a drop of alcohol. We also are very picky on what we drink. I hate cheap beer!

This is not how I was raised, but I had a hard time moving on from a family of strict non-drinkers into the world of drinkers and normal non-drinkers.

 

[Colleen27]

Haven't read the whole thread ... but I am an ABSOLUTE NO! I attached a link about how drinking underage can damage their undeveloped brain.

I think allowing your child to drink is really like giving them drugs in my opinion .... Smarter people than me think 21 is the legal age. Do I think my kids will be saints ... no. I know what I did at their ages. But to permit it .... is not good. IMO.

http://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/healthissues/1127400726.html

From your link:

These studies never deal with light or moderate alcohol consumption among young humans. However, “natural experiments” on drinking among young people have been going on for thousands of years around the world.

In many societies most people drink and they begin doing so in the home from a very early age. Examples familiar to most people include Italians, Jews, Greeks, Portuguese, French, Germans and Spaniards. 13 There is neither evidence or any reason to even suspect that members of these groups are brain impaired compared to those societies that do not permit young people to consume alcohol.

There appears to be absolutely no evidence whatsoever that the light or moderate consumption of alcohol by persons under the age of 21 causes any brain impairment or harm. Of course, that doesn’t justify breaking any laws.

Federally-funded research does suggest that teens who drink alcohol with their parents are less likely than others to have either consumed alcohol or abused it in recent weeks according to a nation-wide study of over 6,200 teenagers in 242 communities across the U.S.

Drinking alcohol with parents “may help teach them responsible drinking habits or extinguish some of the ‘novelty’ or ‘excitement’ of drinking” according to senior researcher Dr. Kristie Long Foley of the School of Medicine at Wake Forest University. Dr. Foley describes drinking with parents as a “protective” behavior. 14

The vast majority of evidence of harm from drinking under 21 (a relatively arbitrary age, since we know brain development continues into the mid-20s but draw the adulthood line at 18) stems from studies of heavy drinkers. The majority of alcoholics began drinking at a young age, but that doesn't imply causation nor does it mean that the majority of people who drink at a young age become alcoholics. But we're not a culture that is good with moderation, so there's a lot of "just say no" thinking in our approach to any "adult" behaviour in children/teens.

 

[Acklander]

Haven't read the whole thread ... but I am an ABSOLUTE NO! I attached a link about how drinking underage can damage their undeveloped brain.

I think allowing your child to drink is really like giving them drugs in my opinion .... Smarter people than me think 21 is the legal age. Do I think my kids will be saints ... no. I know what I did at their ages. But to permit it .... is not good. IMO.

http://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/healthissues/1127400726.html

the study talks about alcohol abuse, not the occasional glass of wine or beer. Big difference.
I grew up with the occasional drink and no signs of brain damage here.

 

[RNMOM]

To me the issue isn't whether or not I feel my kid is old enough to drink but that it is the law. If my kids see us disregarding laws what does that say? Yes, my sons have had a taste of beer, wine or whiskey when they were underaged. I do mean a taste. I still have difficulty seeing them drink in my home and they are 23 and nearly 25. My DH has red wine at night and I don't drink so that is probably why.

There are so many reasons to not encourage kids to drink before they are old enough to make the right choices and are legal. Why would you want to put them in that position?

 

[Acklander]

To me the issue isn't whether or not I feel my kid is old enough to drink but that it is the law. If my kids see us disregarding laws what does that say?

In many states the law is, it's fine in the privacy of one's own home with their parents there, so most likely (depending on where you live) no laws are being disregarded.

 

[scottishduffy]

the study talks about alcohol abuse, not the occasional glass of wine or beer. Big difference.
I grew up with the occasional drink and no signs of brain damage here.

Well, that you are aware of...

JK!

As A child who was allowed to order full dacquiris from the age of 6, I can assure you no brain damage has occured. Amazingly enough, I have become a productive member of society who will graduate ,with honors, from my Masters program in just 7 months.

I also used to be a nanny for 2 french girls, and the 7 yr olds favorite drink was a half mix of beer and sprite. I remember the first New Years I spent with them we went to a home of a friend of theirs, the girls were angry because they weren't allowed to have any wine. They actually spent most of the night complaining to me that they had brought a very good wine for the hostess as a gift and were angry they couldn't have any.