Allowing kids to bring a friend

[Telcogirl]

We are in the planning stages for our April 2008 trip to the World. Our family consists of me, DH, DSS 17 & DSS 12.

My 17 year old step-son is on the fence this year about coming with us. He will be graduating high school in 2008. We are thinking about letting him ask his best friend to come with us. We really want that one last year of a great family vacation. His friend is a great kid and he has come on other weekend trips with us before.

My question for everyone is this: Have you brought your children's friends with you on past vacations? If so, how did it work out? How much of their expenses did you pick up and how much did you have them pay for?

We are DVC owners, so we are thinking of offering to pay for dining and room, of course. There will be airfare involved and the park tickets, too.

TIA for all of the GREAT advice I know I will get

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

We are in the planning stages for our April 2008 trip to the World. Our family consists of me, DH, DSS 17 & DSS 12.

My 17 year old step-son is on the fence this year about coming with us. He will be graduating high school in 2008. We are thinking about letting him ask his best friend to come with us. We really want that one last year of a great family vacation. His friend is a great kid and he has come on other weekend trips with us before.

My question for everyone is this: Have you brought your children's friends with you on past vacations? If so, how did it work out? How much of their expenses did you pick up and how much did you have them pay for?

We are DVC owners, so we are thinking of offering to pay for dining and room, of course. There will be airfare involved and the park tickets, too.

TIA for all of the GREAT advice I know I will get

We did this one two years ago when DD brought her friend. We paid for everything except the park tickets and airfare. Her mom did give her money, but I let her save that for souvenirs-we bought all food and of course took care of lodging. If my kids got glow necklaces or spinners during the evening parade though, I usually bought one for DD's friend too. Otherwise, if there was something special she wanted, she bought with the money her parents gave her. If we were not in the financial position to float one more, we wouldn't have asked DD's friend to come along. But...I don't ever think you need to foot the bill for the plane or park tickets, JMO.

Our trip worked out well. We warned of our park commando tendencies prior to the trip and DD's friend was okay with the up early and out late routine. We had a great time. A few times we had very small issues with the girls getting way too giddy, but girls will be girls! We would do it again with no hesitation.

Oh...we also footed the bill for a ticket to MVMCP for DD's friend. We figured that was an elective thing that we wanted to do, so we didn't ask her to pay for that.

 

[Darcy03231]

I took DD's friend on a cruise with us a couple of years ago. The girls had a great time. In fact, her friend still says its the best vacation she ever had. I paid for everything except spending money. I felt that since I invited her I should bear the cost. If you decide to ask and are asking the parents to chip in I would talk to them before you talk to the kids.

 

[Cass_Eh]

Since I was about 16 or so my parents have aloowed me to take a friend with us on our trips. The first time she came my parents paid for her entire way, but it was counted as my birthday present. The second time they paid her her airfare, room and dinning. She had to pay for her tickets and spending money. And thats how it was for a couple of years. One year we had my friend come with us and my sisters friend come too and all her friend had to pay for was her ticket and spending money. But now my DBF is coming with us on our trip and my parents are paying for it all, dispite him arguing with them. So all he has to pay for is his spending money and Christmas ornament for my Mom.

 

[Telcogirl]

Cass EH........when you were a teenager and your friend came with you, did you still spend time with your family or did you and your friend do a lot by yourselves?

We like to have a TS dinner nightly and we really wouldn't mind the boys hanging out during the day, but we do want to be together in the evenings.

As i said, he has gone white water rafting with us before, so he(I should say, his parents) are used to splitting some of the expenses with us.

 

[dameodie]

Personally, I think if you do the inviting, you have to pick up the tab. Admissions, plane fare, food, lodging, all of it. Or at least, before you invite someone, INTEND to do so and be in a financial position to do so.

If the other party OFFERS to pay for something, accept it graciously. But before you ask, make sure you're fully prepared to take on the burden yourself.

 

[Amirah95]

Our DD started bringing a friend two years ago. We paid for her transportation, resort, dining and snacks. Her DM offered to pay for her park tickets and spending money for dining and souvs. I ended up paying for her dining/snacks too so she had lots of money left over for souvs and to take back home. My DD is currently an only child and has been for almost 12 years now so bringing her friend along was great because she had someone her age to enjoy rides and other things with. I think taking a friend along would be nice for your son.

 

[flipflop]

When I was in highschool (16 years ago - OUCH), my best friend came with us to disney twice (once at 16, once at 17). My parents paid for lodging, tickets on one trip, and most food - her parents paid for her airfare, tickets on one trip, and souveniers. I think my mom just asked for a set amount before hand and anything over that she covered. All of our parents were in decent financial shape and I had also travelled with my best friends' parents as well.

We spent most of the day on our own in the parks - sometimes we'd bring my brother (7 years younger) along with us, sometimes not. We all had dinner together every night but maybe 1. We had set times to meet up for dinner or a character breakfast, etc and we were always there happy to eat with my parents and sibling. All in all we were pretty good kids - trustworthy, didn't not-show for check-ins.....and that was before the age of cell phones. It's much easier to keep in contact and meet up now. I think your 17 year old will be happier with a friend there and you will get the benefit of some family time as well. I say go for it.

 

[Telcogirl]

Thanks Flip Flop, I was looking for the perspective on the experience of it all, too. They boys are trustworthy. They are both working full time jobs this summer, they get good grades and have their heads on straight. Plus, with the age of cell phones, they really are only a call/text away.

I am just wanting my DSS to have a great senior year and this could be a memory the boys will always have.

It seems that most of you agree its ok to discuss the friend's parents paying his airfare and possibly park ticket. I wouldn't even suggest that if we hadn't taken him places in the past and his parents paid his share.

We will book a 2bdrm and also pay for meals and snacks. Not sure how many of you feed 17 year old boys, but that coudlbe quite a tab for us right there!

 

[flipflop]

I think you've made a great decision. Your son (and you!) will have wonderful memories of this trip.

 

[Snow Shoe]

We did this with our DD when she was 14 & 15 at the time several years ago. Since we invited the friends , we paid for it all, except the friends personal spending money. The first trip at age 14, the girlfirend was homesick the entire time. Cried all the time, called home begging to come back, etc.... Then comparied Disney and Universal to Six Flags parks which she prefurred to Disney. The entire trip was no fun at all.

The second trip was at age 15. Once again we asked a different girlfriend to come with us. Mom and Dad no problem. Again we paid for all of the trip, flying, tickets and food, etc. We went to pick her up the morning we were leaving and she had changed her mind, she was going some where else!!!!!!!! Mom and Dad said if that what she wants to do it was OK with them! Again another !@#$%^&*() trip.

I vowed at that time, that I would never take anybody but family again. I know people have have had good experiences taking chldrens friends, but not here. Over the years since, 4 have passed, I have made the comment that if someone other than family were to go with us, I would provide a room for them, but they would have to pay everything else. I truly beleive that since the DD girlfriends and families had nothing invested in the trip money wise, it didn't make any difference to them how it went.

 

[ChelleinNC]

We will book a 2bdrm and also pay for meals and snacks. Not sure how many of you feed 17 year old boys, but that coudlbe quite a tab for us right there!

I highly recomend buffets!

 

[darlak]

We've taken DD-13's best friend with us twice. Now I feel like we were being cheap. We're good friends with her parents and I discussed this with them before we ever mentioned it to the kids. Her parents paid for airfare, spending money, her ticket and her share of the DDP. The only thing I guess I provided was the room. Now I feel bad!

We are taking DD-20's DFi with us for the second time this Sept. and are paying for everything, but of course, the DDP was free.

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

We have not invited anyone of my childrens friends yet, but I can see it as a possiblity in the future. I did however, just recently invite my husband's 9 year old 3rd cousin who lives with his great aunt and uncle to join us in Orlando. They only live two hours from there. Before we asked her, we ran it by his aunt and uncle first and I was clear up front that we would provide her meals and lodging, but they would need to purchase her park tickets. They did offer to pay for her meals, but I knew we would be eating in the unit alot and when we did eat out I didn't want to feel guilty if we ate at a more expensive place. We did do the princess breakfast at Epcot and we also covered that for her. They did pay for her park tickets, but this also got tricky because I felt really funny telling them how many days and what type ticket to get. I finally just asked my husband to call them and ask them to make sure that it was at least a park hopper. We had annual passes, so then I just saw what they purchased her and we worked around what she had. I did feel bad about asking them to pay for her ticket, but I could not have invited her otherwise. I just figured it was up to my husbands aunt and uncle if they wanted to do it or not. In this case, I decided to invite her not so much to be with my children, but more to give his aunt/uncle a possible break. The fact that she got along very well with my 13, 12 and 7 year old was a super plus. Now, if we had invited someone more for help in keeping my child occupied, then I might be more inclined to pay for the ticket and would not issue the invite if I couldn't afford it.

In this case we did not need to worry about airfare, but I do know that if airfare was involved, I would probably have the child/parent pay for the airfare just as an indication of their serious intention to join us. I have heard too many stories of kids backing out at the last minute and since the hosts are the ones out the money, the child and their family doesn't really care. Also, when you cancel a plane ticket, I have read that the credit does not go to the person who purchased the ticket, but to the person's who's name is on it. So the host would be out both the money and airline credit.

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

We've taken DD-13's best friend with us twice. Now I feel like we were being cheap. We're good friends with her parents and I discussed this with them before we ever mentioned it to the kids. Her parents paid for airfare, spending money, her ticket and her share of the DDP. The only thing I guess I provided was the room. Now I feel bad!

We are taking DD-20's DFi with us for the second time this Sept. and are paying for everything, but of course, the DDP was free.

I wouldn't feel bad. I think every situation is different. It was also good that those expenses were easily broken out and I think that helps greatly. The only situation that I did once read about that I thought was weird, was one where the child's friend's family invited the child and then expected the child to pay for 1/4 of the hotel room. In that case, I thought the friend's family was trying to get the friend to pay for part of their vacation.

 

[winniethepoohsmom]

Ds is 14 and I see this in our future. If someone offered to take my ds on vacation I would not expect them to foot the bill, it's not like they are just doing their child a favor but they chose to take my child and that's very fortunate for him, some people can't afford to go on vacation so it's nice to see their children at least get a vaca. I would ask them to pay the airfare and park ticket as well, after all you are taking care of their child for a week showing them a good time, feeding them (which in itself is expensive) I don't think it's too much to ask for. Linda

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Ds is 14 and I see this in our future. If someone offered to take my ds on vacation I would not expect them to foot the bill, it's not like they are just doing their child a favor but they chose to take my child and that's very fortunate for him, some people can't afford to go on vacation so it's nice to see their children at least get a vaca. I would ask them to pay the airfare and park ticket as well, after all you are taking care of their child for a week showing them a good time, feeding them (which in itself is expensive) I don't think it's too much to ask for. Linda

Glad I'm not the only one with this perspective. I was starting the think we were el'cheapo's over here and I know we are anything but. If someone offered to take any of my kids with them on their family vacation, they would not even have to ask me to pay for stuff, I'd be more than happy to pay for ALL my kids expenses...like you said, they are giving my kid a great experience (not to mention giving me a little break).

 

[Cass_Eh]

Cass EH........when you were a teenager and your friend came with you, did you still spend time with your family or did you and your friend do a lot by yourselves?

We like to have a TS dinner nightly and we really wouldn't mind the boys hanging out during the day, but we do want to be together in the evenings.

As i said, he has gone white water rafting with us before, so he(I should say, his parents) are used to splitting some of the expenses with us.

My Friend and I hung out with my family all day. That was the condition of bringing her, it didn't bother us at.

 

[Atchley]

I think you are being more than generous paying for the dining and the room for DF. I think that it is good that the DS and DF are a little older too. DMIL and DFIL took a friend for DSIL (DH wasn't invited even though he still lived at home and was only 19) when she was 12. They ended up having to listen to her cry that she missed home and her parents. They wasted an entire day of their trip trying to get her a plane ticket and taking her to the airport to get home. I think I would think long and hard before I would take a teen younger than 16 on vacation with us. Just my opinion.

 

[tinkerbell615]

We went to WDW in June and allowed DD 15 to take her friend and DS 21 took his cousin. We originally planned to just go as the 4 of us but the more we thought about it... we thought they would have a better time with someone other than us to pal around with. We already had room reservations for the 4 of us which of course we changed to allow for 6. We rented a van so that we could get everyone there in one car, paid for the room and also breakfast, snacks and a couple dinners. DDs friend and our nephew paid for their tickets, most of their dinners (always counter service) and souvenirs. They both came home with plenty of money and their parents could not believe how much they brought home. We tried our best to make sure they did not have to spend a lot, however, we just could not foot the bill for everything. Their families did not expect us to pay for everything. They were just really excited they were invited and going to Disney.