All my talk about strangers wasn't enough

[floridafam]

I talk to my children on a regular basis about not talking to people they don't know.

I talk to them about what to do if someone approaches them and tries to lure them somewhere.

I was watching a TV show recently that showed kids who went with strangers who were supposedley looking for a lost pet.

I asked my DS7 this morning what he would do if someone walked up to him, showed him a picture of their dog and offered $10 to help them find it. He said "I'd help him find it"

I couldn't believe it. We had a good talk before I took him to school.

I think I will be talking to my children more frequently since the kidnapping in Florida and the assaults in restrooms in 2 states.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know what you mean. The best thing I can add is that I have told my 7yodd that she has to come and tell me.

Kids are so innocent and want to help. Scary isn't it.

 

[maps]

you're not alone. i repeatedly discuss this issue with my 3 and 4 yr old and although they also give me the right responses to my questions, i know they would go with a stranger in a second. that's why i never take my eye off of them. it's easy now because they are young; i just worry when they get to be your child's age and want more freedom. scary

 

[FOJMO]

Another good idea is to have a secret word that's just for you and your children to know. That way if someone happens to say to them, come with me, your Mom told me to come and get you (she's been in an accident, etc.) they can ask the stranger for the secret word.

If they know the word (you may have really been in an accident, etc. and said for this person to get them and she told them the secret word), then it's OK to go with them.

But you have to make sure that they understand that they have to ask the secret word and not tell it to ANYONE.

 

[Tuffcookie]

FOJMO: That "secret word" thing was discussed on one of those news shows after the Carlie incident. They warned against doing that because a clever abductor could get that secret password out of a victim in a matter of minutes. That is a scary thought. We're dealing with people who practice deception daily.

TC

 

[robsmom]

There was a child safety instructor on one of the news shows this week. He was adament that a code word was a bad idea. Apparently tests have shown that you can get the code word out of most kids within a minute or two. His suggestion is to have a list of back-up people worked out. Tell your kid, if it is an emergency and I can't come I will call mrs xyz or mr. abc, or grandmom on aunt sue. Don't go with anyone but these 4 people. The majority of the time the people are with a responsible party that you would trust to start with. e.g. they are at school or at daycare. Better to risk someone coming is late and leave them with the responsible party than to use a code word and ask someone not on "the list" to get your child.

 

[FINFAN]

2 men about 5 miles from us apparently tried to lure 2 boys on their way home from school the other day. The school has asked that parents/caregivers/trusted ADULT walk/drive the kids to school and or bus stop. They flat out said "make the necessary arrangements" if you are working etc. to proptect your child. There is no room for assumption or error anymore. Nothing is more imp. than our kids.

 

[FreshTressa]

Wow, this has always been my exact point. I have gotten in debates on the debate board and am somewhat overprotective of my kids.

They always say it is best to teach your kids how to handle situations when they arrise and not to always be there to help them.

I know my kids. I could talk till I was blue, and I am not sure they wouldn't do just what those kids did and go with the stranger. I have heard this so many times from Mom's.

 

[whirlsy]

simple fact no adult ever needs the help of a child. teaching this to your child eliminates all the what ifs they bring up. I just tell mine this and keep telling them run and run fast if anyone you dont know approaches you. Scream do whatever it takes.

 

[Lewski709]

sadly, there will never be enough said about it.

 

[ennazus]

Here's some good info to arm yourselves:

http://www.pollyklaas.org/safe/index.htm

 

[floridafam]

FINFAN,

May I ask where you live? Just curious since you mentioned the attempted abduction.

I would classify myself as overprotective. I'm glad I am. I try and teach my kids what to do in situations with strangers or even uncomfortable situations with people they know.

My son's reply this morning shocked me.

I did see an interesting show a few months ago with a safety expert. He said teach your child to put a button or penny in the ignition of a car if they are kidnapped-that way the car won't start. He also said to cause an accident if it is the last resort. That way the police will respond, etc.

Heck, I guess I have to tell my son he can't use the restroom outside his class at school anymore since the attack in Florida. I actually caught myself telling my son to use the restroom that is inside his class.

Yes, that is the state of the world today

 

[FreshTressa]

I HAVE told my kids that adults never need their help etc.

But still, when the time comes, they get too self concious to run and say no. They would be embarassed and go along with the adult, despite all of my teachings.

 

[debknight]

I'm not FINFAN, but I believe that was in Naperville,IL. A suburb of Chicago.

 

[robinb]

Thanks for the link ennazus!

Here is a direct quote, bolding is mine:

Simple rules like, "never talk to strangers" are inadequate and can be misleading. Most cases of abuse or abduction involve someone the child knows, a family member, a neighbor, or someone who has befriended them. Scaring a child by talking about the awful things that can happen is definitely the wrong approach. Fear can be counter-productive, possibly even harmful.

 

[KristiKelly]

I have also told our kids that Adults ask other adults for help - not children and if anyone ever does approach them to take off running & screaming and if they have to - run into a neighbors house, that we know of course. It is such a scary, scary world these days. DS has a friend that moved in around the corner and he likes to ride his bike to his friend's house, I hated the idea of it but we decided to let him, he always takes his walkie-talkie, tells us when he gets there and we can call him as well. We've told him to always use this if anyone approaches him. It's very hard, you have to let them have some independence and still protect them. The world is a much different place today than it was when I was little. I fear & pray everyday for my kids.

 

[KristiKelly]

I also meant to add, I told DS that if anyone ever offered him $10, $20 $50 to help find a puppy, that I would double the $ if he didn't.

 

[SugarBear]

You have to always keep reminding kids, you can't tell them too many times. And you have to watch your kids like a hawk in this day and age. A little girl was just attacked in a bathroom in a library in Philadelphia.