Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[patzor]

So, my and my SIL have been planning this trip for 2 years. (since we got back from our 2011 trip) It's going to be the same people who were on the last trip. (SIL, Brother, goddaughter (5), niece (13), me and godmother)

I've planned every ADR that we have, and now started mapping out the places we will use our FP+ (if we get them; planning like we are). So I put a good bit of man hours into this trip.

Found out last week that the friend that is going might not be able to come up with the money. (our final payment is due next Thursday) We've asked her every week this year if she was going to be able to afford it, because we've added things to the trip (staying at Fort Wilderness; MVMCP; dining plan; etc). She said that it wouldn't be a problem.

At this point, we just want to drop her from the trip altogether, but are giving her til the end of the day to see if she can get her boss to front her the money.

I'm just so aggravated at this point. I started saving after the last trip in case my bonus at work didn't come through (and it didn't) so I at least had the money on the side. Now we have to come up with the difference she was going to pay by next week.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[rachael95]

Was she embarrassed to admit she couldn't save it though after you all started adding things on? Was she given a vote on adding the more expensive items or just told "hey, we're going to do this too; it costs more money."

Just trying to see her perspective a bit and maybe help with the frustration.

 

[APiratesLifeForMe2]

AHHHHHHH is right!! I wonder if she just kept hoping money would come through and now that it's close to d-day, she had to admit she doesn't have the money. My mother is this type I person so that would be my guess. That really is unfortunate for the rest of the clan.

 

[mousehunter3]

Assuming there weren't any other unexpected or emergent things that happened to her that prevented her from being able to come up with the money and her only excuse is procrastination...

That would seriously annoy me too. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who say yes to something then turn around and say no (or just don't show up) at the last second. Unreliable! I'm sorry this is happening. I hope it works out. One way to save at least a few bucks is for her to wait to purchase her MVMCP ticket until later.

 

[rachael95]

Assuming there weren't any other unexpected or emergent things that happened to her that prevented her from being able to come up with the money and her only excuse is procrastination...

That would seriously annoy me too. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who say yes to something then turn around and say no (or just don't show up) at the last second. Unreliable! I'm sorry this is happening. I hope it works out. One way to save at least a few bucks is for her to wait to purchase her MVMCP ticket until later.

Yes definitely. Assuming she agreed to everything and participated in planning - wasn't just volunteered to spend extra. Then, yes, that would be annoying. I just know I've been in the situation where wealthier friends than me have just made ever more extravagant plans just assuming I'd go along with it. I put my foot down beforehand and just bow out rather than saying I'll pay, but I could see some people not feeling like they could do that.

 

[kmb584]

Was she embarrassed to admit she couldn't save it though after you all started adding things on? Was she given a vote on adding the more expensive items or just told "hey, we're going to do this too; it costs more money."

Just trying to see her perspective a bit and maybe help with the frustration.

This.

Was your friend involved in the decisions to make the trip more expensive than the original quote? It sounds like numerous "upgrades" were added during the planning stage, and perhaps the friend didn't truly know how much more money she was going to have to come up with?

 

[patzor]

We discussed the trip in December 2011 (when I started to save). We started planning last November. We knew what we were going to do, and when, but was waiting for free dining plan.

Our final price has been this way since April, minus the mvmcp, as we are waiting til the week before to buy. (we are waiting on weather forecasts the week before)

I created a google drive and added everyone to it. Everything was/is still up for discussion. I have maps of all the parks, the calendar from easywdw, and about 10 spreadsheets about all our plans. We've asked her if she had any issues, or suggestions for dining and where to go in the parks.

She just didn't save. My SIL told her if she mailed her a check every month, she'd put in it the bank for her so she didn't have to really worry about it. She said that it wouldn't be a problem, and she'd be good. We're a week out from final payment, and she has nothing. zero. zilch.

 

[happymommy]

This is one reason why a trip with extended family can get complicated (and I don't do them; learned my lesson although I was against it anyway, but that's another story).

My advice would be that if your final payment is due, and she hasn't given it, she's saying she can't go (or doesn't want to). I'd say if it's not paid, she's not going.

 

[noahdove]

Well, this is too sad..however, I wouldn't pay for her as she has had the same amount of time to save as the rest of you..A little more than 2 years ago a group of us wanted to plan a trip to Disney World and all of 8 of us were going to go. Well, by the time it came down to sitting down and planning the trip 4 of us were going, then finally 3 of us...Yep, from 8 to 3...and I can say for 100% the 3 of us had the best time ever!!!!! It was amazing...no regrets and my planning with their input( they told me they would do whatever) and we were there for 7 days and our days were filled but not so much that we were too pooped to pop!!! We want to go again...I would like to add, out of the 8 of us, I am the only one retired with no other income other than retirement $$....5 teachers, 1 teachers aide, 1 business admin person...the 3 of us, didn't feel one bit disappointed that the others didn't go with us..hopefully your friend will tell you by weeks end that she can't go and you can get down to the final planning...

 

[patzor]

Definitely not paying for her to go.

She did tell us yesterday that her boss was going to advance her the money, and that she will have it deposited today. She will make the payment on monday after everything has cleared her bank.

We told her that she has to take a picture of the check, and the deposit slip so we know for sure that it's done. Was that too mean? We just want peace of mind and not stress all weekend to see if she will have it paid off.

 

[noahdove]

No, you are not being mean by asking her to take a picture of check and deposit slip( after the bank makes transaction)

 

[MulingAround]

Oh no. This worries me. Is this the reason everyone says to not have an extended family trip??

 

[luvmy2babies]

Oh no. This worries me. Is this the reason everyone says to not have an extended family trip??

It is one of the main reasons I have for not doing one. The other is people tend to be wishy washy even after they say yes to something. Or they are just not prepared to plan far enough in advance and it becomes difficult. Or they love the idea of going to Disney, but not the expense. Disney is a great vacation, but most people save for quite a while to go. I know I could not take my children there without the options of making a deposit and paying over time. That takes advance planning and even more so when dealing with more people. I have tried twice and I guess I should be grateful but neither attempt even got off the ground.

I have a brother and sister from other relationships my father had. My sister is a couple of years older and my brother is 6 years younger. My sister had been talking about taking her grandchildren to Disney. She had her children early. Her children are in their 20s and they have children close in age to my 2 children. Talked to my sister and found a 6 bedroom in Windsor Hills that everyone loved. It didn't take long for uncertainty to set in.

People started having changes in their relationships and wanting this person on the list and that person on the list just in case and this changed the number of bedrooms we would need.

Then people started talking about trouble saving enough vacation time to have a whole week off at once.

People started doing other trips in between that would possibly affect their ability to contribute.

I eventually told my sister I wasn't going to do it. There were too many changes going on and the only way I would do it is if we picked a hotel and everyone had their own reservation. She agreed and there's been no more talk of it.

Also tried to invite my mom and stepdad to do a trip with us. Just 2 additional people and we'd each have a room reservation. My mom agreed with me that onsite was best so we could either fly down or drive in one vehicle from here. I gave her the numbers a year out. 3 months went by and she never even got up the courage to give my stepdad the numbers. I was really disappointed in this one because my children are very close to my mom and stepdad. My mother has never been to Disney and I know my daughter in particular would have been over the moon to have them on a trip with us.

My mom said she was going to save up to go with us next time, but I've pretty much accepted that unless I invite an additional child like one of my daughter's friends to come with us and can pay, it will just be me and my 2 and I'm fine with that. She says they really do want to come with us. I told her I was open, but we'd keep them going a surprise for the children.

OP, I hope things work out and everyone has a great trip.

 

[patzor]

Oh no. This worries me. Is this the reason everyone says to not have an extended family trip??

This is the first time I've ever had an issue.

On the other hand, I did have discussions with other family/friends about doing a cruise, but those fell through. We never really solidified anything, as it was just talk at dinner one night. We have talked about another trip next year, so I'll wait to see how that goes.

 

[2Pirates2Princesses]

It is one of the main reasons I have for not doing one. The other is people tend to be wishy washy even after they say yes to something. Or they are just not prepared to plan far enough in advance and it becomes difficult. Or they love the idea of going to Disney, but not the expense. Disney is a great vacation, but most people save for quite a while to go. I know I could not take my children there without the options of making a deposit and paying over time. That takes advance planning and even more so when dealing with more people. I have tried twice and I guess I should be grateful but neither attempt even got off the ground.

I have a brother and sister from other relationships my father had. My sister is a couple of years older and my brother is 6 years younger. My sister had been talking about taking her grandchildren to Disney. She had her children early. Her children are in their 20s and they have children close in age to my 2 children. Talked to my sister and found a 6 bedroom in Windsor Hills that everyone loved. It didn't take long for uncertainty to set in.

People started having changes in their relationships and wanting this person on the list and that person on the list just in case and this changed the number of bedrooms we would need.

Then people started talking about trouble saving enough vacation time to have a whole week off at once.

People started doing other trips in between that would possibly affect their ability to contribute.

I eventually told my sister I wasn't going to do it. There were too many changes going on and the only way I would do it is if we picked a hotel and everyone had their own reservation. She agreed and there's been no more talk of it.

Also tried to invite my mom and stepdad to do a trip with us. Just 2 additional people and we'd each have a room reservation. My mom agreed with me that onsite was best so we could either fly down or drive in one vehicle from here. I gave her the numbers a year out. 3 months went by and she never even got up the courage to give my stepdad the numbers. I was really disappointed in this one because my children are very close to my mom and stepdad. My mother has never been to Disney and I know my daughter in particular would have been over the moon to have them on a trip with us.

My mom said she was going to save up to go with us next time, but I've pretty much accepted that unless I invite an additional child like one of my daughter's friends to come with us and can pay, it will just be me and my 2 and I'm fine with that. She says they really do want to come with us. I told her I was open, but we'd keep them going a surprise for the children.

OP, I hope things work out and everyone has a great trip.

I totally agree and this was our exact experience three years ago when we were planning our 2011 trip which was our first family trip to WDW. Originally that trip was going to include extended family (me & DH's moms and our brothers, sisters, and their children) as there was a lot of talk among everyone during the holidays about how fun it would be to do a big, grand gathering style family Disney trip. But like you stated everyone likes the idea of going to Disney World, but when it comes time to plan and make the financial commitment to budget and save for the trip, people get flaky about it. Early on, I spent a lot of time sending out emails and making phone calls to everyone detailing various affordable options (including pitching in on a rental house) or what would be needed to book a trip if everyone wanted to just go ahead with the free dining promotion that was available for our trip dates, etc. Needless to say, people got kind of mute about the idea real quick and had various reasons why they couldn't save up the money for it. It ended up being just me, DH, and our own kids on that 2011 trip and I can't help but say that we did sense a bit of resentment from others over the fact that we were able to go, even though we booked and paid on that trip over a ten month period of time. It was even implied to us that since we could somehow afford to go that we should be able to "take" people along with us - meaning help pay their way. Umm, no thank you. DH and I have four kids to pay for and we don't just shake money from the trees in our backyard to make a Disney trip happen. It frustrates me when people think that way and don't want to accept the fact that being committed to budgeting and saving is necessary to take a family on a pricey trip like Disney. This is part of the reason why we really didn't tell anyone about our plans for our most recent Disney trip this past May. It's kind of sad because I would love for my family members that want to go and have never been to WDW to have that experience; but, as this thread demonstrates, dealing with extended family can get rather complicated.

 

[patzor]

Thanks everyone for the well wishes.

She texted a pic of the check and deposit slip last night, and will be making the payment either tomorrow or Monday, once the check clears!

This will be the last time she is invited on any trips unless she pays 6 months in advance. It's stressful enough trying to get everything else planned.

 

[couponsrus33900]

It ended up being just me, DH, and our own kids on that 2011 trip and I can't help but say that we did sense a bit of resentment from others over the fact that we were able to go, even though we booked and paid on that trip over a ten month period of time. It was even implied to us that since we could somehow afford to go that we should be able to "take" people along with us - meaning help pay their way. Umm, no thank you.

This attitude is not restricted to your family, and it seems to be pretty prevalent in our culture. We have been planning a secret trip with several members of our family. DH and I are paying for three other members of our family to JOIN US on the trip because that's what WE want to experience with those particular family members who would never be able to do this. It is still a secret because there are OTHER members of my family who would feel we should pay for THEM to go, also.

I really don't care if they get their feelings hurt later when they find out. It's our money and we are choosing how to spend it. I just want you -- and everybody else who reads this post -- that the sense of entitlement is absolutely out there, and you're not imagining it. It's just that you expect that from strangers and acquaintances. You just don't expect that from your own family.

 

[scrapquitler]

So, my and my SIL have been planning this trip for 2 years. (since we got back from our 2011 trip) It's going to be the same people who were on the last trip. (SIL, Brother, goddaughter (5), niece (13), me and godmother)

I've planned every ADR that we have, and now started mapping out the places we will use our FP+ (if we get them; planning like we are). So I put a good bit of man hours into this trip.

Found out last week that the friend that is going might not be able to come up with the money. (our final payment is due next Thursday) We've asked her every week this year if she was going to be able to afford it, because we've added things to the trip (staying at Fort Wilderness; MVMCP; dining plan; etc). She said that it wouldn't be a problem.

At this point, we just want to drop her from the trip altogether, but are giving her til the end of the day to see if she can get her boss to front her the money.

I'm just so aggravated at this point. I started saving after the last trip in case my bonus at work didn't come through (and it didn't) so I at least had the money on the side. Now we have to come up with the difference she was going to pay by next week.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Maybe she can opt out of some of the ADRs, MVMCP, etc and still come along so she doesn't miss out on everything? If I were able to I might say something like "I'll buy your MVMCP ticket as your Christmas gift" or something like that.

 

[luvmy2babies]

This attitude is not restricted to your family, and it seems to be pretty prevalent in our culture. We have been planning a secret trip with several members of our family. DH and I are paying for three other members of our family to JOIN US on the trip because that's what WE want to experience with those particular family members who would never be able to do this. It is still a secret because there are OTHER members of my family who would feel we should pay for THEM to go, also.

I really don't care if they get their feelings hurt later when they find out. It's our money and we are choosing how to spend it. I just want you -- and everybody else who reads this post -- that the sense of entitlement is absolutely out there, and you're not imagining it. It's just that you expect that from strangers and acquaintances. You just don't expect that from your own family.

It certainly is out there. It wasn’t Disney, but some years back when my stepdaughter graduated from high school, several of us traveled to be there for the ceremony. It was dh, me, our daughter (then 2 years-old), my MIL and SIL. Dh and I paid for our 3 plane tickets, plus MIL’s plane ticket. We also paid for the mini-van we rented and the fuel. We also paid for the hotel room MIL and SIL shared on the trip. We had been saving for over a year to buy my stepdaughter a used car for her present. It was just going to be something reliable for her to use to go back and forth to the community college she was starting at that fall.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, after we had only been there for 2 days and with 3 days left in the trip, dh comes in from an early morning walk and he is obviously very frustrated. He proceeds to tell me to count our money because his mom and sister informed him they were out of money and would need us to provide their meals for the rest of the trip. He was furious and so was I. Everyone knew months ahead of time, we were going a few days early to have time to complete the purchase of the vehicle and neither of them said a word about not having enough for meals. He would not have minded being it was such an important event and we had proven that by what we had already done. Because of that he was all the more hurt they didn't at least think enough of us to let us know before we left home they were limited on funds. Two years later when my stepson graduated, my SIL had the foresight to stay behind.

OP, I'm glad everything worked out for your group. I hope everyone is able to let go of the tension from this episode and enjoy the trip.

 

[patzor]

Maybe she can opt out of some of the ADRs, MVMCP, etc and still come along so she doesn't miss out on everything? If I were able to I might say something like "I'll buy your MVMCP ticket as your Christmas gift" or something like that.

Since we're all in the same room, and on the dining plan, you can't opt out 1 person.