Ahh!! Just need to vent!

[FutureMrs.B]

 

[BecBennett]

I understand completely!

I did the stupid thing by inviting a whole heap of relatives and the like, and thought to myself, "it's ok, they won't come, but I'm doing the right thing by inviting them"

Boy was I wrong, now my modest little wishful guest list of 30 or less is swelling to 40, and my planned meal of lobster and steak is now looking like shrinking to chicken - which I'm sure is still beautiful, but doesn't quite have the wow factor that the lobster and steak does.

My DP is now questionable because the guest list is hurting our budget.

So, my response to your rant is not to invite people because family members think they should be invited.

Tell your parents - or whoever is at the base of the guilt trip - to throw you an engagement party, and invite as many people as they want, but for the wedding it should be just people you really want there.

Think about it, if you were going out to dinner with these people that "should" be invited, would you shout them each a $100 meal? No, so why do it for your wedding?


lol, I think I turned your rant into my rant!

 

[Nikisha421]

Here's my small piece of advice...maybe you should do save the dates that have a response required...it could have three choices...something like definetly coming, no sure at this time but thinking about it, and definetely not going to make it(this was not my idea I could never be this crafty the credit is due to disbride nickandlarissa)...I am sticking to an Escape wedding but I have huge family, im my moms youngest daughter, she has tons of friends...the story goes on....we could easily invite over 150 people..yup yup...but my df is from a small family and shy---kinda sorta...and really only wants a wedding with 5-10 ppl...

 

[FutureMrs.B]

I understand completely!

I did the stupid thing by inviting a whole heap of relatives and the like, and thought to myself, "it's ok, they won't come, but I'm doing the right thing by inviting them"

Boy was I wrong, now my modest little wishful guest list of 30 or less is swelling to 40, and my planned meal of lobster and steak is now looking like shrinking to chicken - which I'm sure is still beautiful, but doesn't quite have the wow factor that the lobster and steak does.

My DP is now questionable because the guest list is hurting our budget.

So, my response to your rant is not to invite people because family members think they should be invited.

Tell your parents - or whoever is at the base of the guilt trip - to throw you an engagement party, and invite as many people as they want, but for the wedding it should be just people you really want there.

Think about it, if you were going out to dinner with these people that "should" be invited, would you shout them each a $100 meal? No, so why do it for your wedding?


lol, I think I turned your rant into my rant!

Go ahead let it out! I felt a lil better after I did. Thnx..You're right though. There's a small amount of people that my DF and I really want at our wedding. AS for the budget same thing. I had originally wanted a DP and the MK portrait but with the people that i'm "supposed" to invite we were gonna let that go because it increased our costs.. The engagement party isn't a bad idea..or maybe even like a bridal shower/dinner event like a send off. Thnx!

 

[FutureMrs.B]

Here's my small piece of advice...maybe you should do save the dates that have a response required...it could have three choices...something like definetly coming, no sure at this time but thinking about it, and definetely not going to make it(this was not my idea I could never be this crafty the credit is due to disbride nickandlarissa)...I am sticking to an Escape wedding but I have huge family, im my moms youngest daughter, she has tons of friends...the story goes on....we could easily invite over 150 people..yup yup...but my df is from a small family and shy---kinda sorta...and really only wants a wedding with 5-10 ppl...

That's a good idea as well..however I'm a lil scared what if they say they will but I still can't get the minimum room requirement bc no offense a certain part of my family is STINGY! I don't want to be stuck with having to pay for rooms they didn't take.

 

[tinkerbellandeyor]

Here's my small piece of advice...maybe you should do save the dates that have a response required...it could have three choices...something like definetly coming, no sure at this time but thinking about it, and definetely not going to make it(this was not my idea I could never be this crafty the credit is due to disbride nickandlarissa)...I am sticking to an Escape wedding but I have huge family, im my moms youngest daughter, she has tons of friends...the story goes on....we could easily invite over 150 people..yup yup...but my df is from a small family and shy---kinda sorta...and really only wants a wedding with 5-10 ppl...

I love ur idea

Go ahead let it out! I felt a lil better after I did. Thnx..You're right though. There's a small amount of people that my DF and I really want at our wedding. AS for the budget same thing. I had originally wanted a DP and the MK portrait but with the people that i'm "supposed" to invite we were gonna let that go because it increased our costs.. The engagement party isn't a bad idea..or maybe even like a bridal shower/dinner event like a send off. Thnx!

What is DP

 

[FutureMrs.B]

Dessert Party

 

[pixie921]

Here's the one thing I wish someone had told me during all the extended family drama that went on and ruined my wedding 19 years ago: the only people that will care about your wedding 3-5-10-20 years from now are you and your future husband. It's just a day -- albeit a significant and potentially emotionally charged one -- to everyone else.

So do your best to be tactful and kind, but in the end, you ultimately need to choose what will make your day special, memorable, and comfortable (physically, emotionally, and financially) to you. The people that love you will understand, and the people that don't understand, well ...

 

[April Elizabeth]

Here's the one thing I wish someone had told me during all the extended family drama that went on and ruined my wedding 19 years ago: the only people that will care about your wedding 3-5-10-20 years from now are you and your future husband. It's just a day -- albeit a significant and potentially emotionally charged one -- to everyone else.

So do your best to be tactful and kind, but in the end, you ultimately need to choose what will make your day special, memorable, and comfortable (physically, emotionally, and financially) to you. The people that love you will understand, and the people that don't understand, well ...

That's very good advice.

 

[Firefly09]

I thought they did away with requiring you to pay for unfilled rooms in the room block? I think I read it posted here somewhere but of course can't find it at the moment. I think the post said that the 25 night minimum is basically to get a free night stay, but don't quote me on that until someone else with more knowledge can confirm.

Plus, if you think about it, 25 room nights isn't that many to fill. If you and your DF are planning to stay a few extra days or even spend your honeymoon at Disney, those count. Let's see, for our wedding we're staying 7 nights. Both side of parents will need rooms (3, maybe even 4 nights each?). My friends are staying at least 3 nights x 3 rooms. His friends maybe 3 as well x 2 rooms. That's already 29 room nights with a guest count for an Escape wedding. Add an aunt, uncle, or an old family friend and you're good to go!

BTW, I have the same issue. Also waffling between switching to Wishes just in case more people decide to show up than we originally planned. We still haven't decided about whether we're sending out invitations just to be polite or just say to heck with it and only invite the people we really want to come. Upgrading to Wishes would allow us to start planning right away as well instead of waiting 19 more days (yes, I have a countdown) to book as Escape.

Hope this helps!

 

[Nikisha421]

http://www.www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2260013

this is a link to a thread from the same disbride who makes the save the dates that I mentioned...I was just searching on found some that she made for another disbride...

 

[FutureMrs.B]

Here's the one thing I wish someone had told me during all the extended family drama that went on and ruined my wedding 19 years ago: the only people that will care about your wedding 3-5-10-20 years from now are you and your future husband. It's just a day -- albeit a significant and potentially emotionally charged one -- to everyone else.

So do your best to be tactful and kind, but in the end, you ultimately need to choose what will make your day special, memorable, and comfortable (physically, emotionally, and financially) to you. The people that love you will understand, and the people that don't understand, well ...

Wow thank you. That kinda hit home. It should be about my DF and me. Part of me feels like lets just elope but its real important for my grandma and parents to be there. So those r the ones I'm going to concentrate on.

 

[FutureMrs.B]

Those save the dates r so gorgeous and unique.

 

[pixie921]

That's very good advice.

Thanks. I just hate to see couples (or brides especially since we as women tend to do it) put so much pressure on themselves -- or worse, allow pressure from the outside -- to undo the joy they should be feeling about what is meant to be the most significant, special day of their lives.

Wow thank you. That kinda hit home. It should be about my DF and me. Part of me feels like lets just elope but its real important for my grandma and parents to be there. So those r the ones I'm going to concentrate on.

There you go!

 

[BecBennett]

I thought they did away with requiring you to pay for unfilled rooms in the room block? I think I read it posted here somewhere but of course can't find it at the moment. I think the post said that the 25 night minimum is basically to get a free night stay, but don't quote me on that until someone else with more knowledge can confirm.

Plus, if you think about it, 25 room nights isn't that many to fill. If you and your DF are planning to stay a few extra days or even spend your honeymoon at Disney, those count. Let's see, for our wedding we're staying 7 nights. Both side of parents will need rooms (3, maybe even 4 nights each?). My friends are staying at least 3 nights x 3 rooms. His friends maybe 3 as well x 2 rooms. That's already 29 room nights with a guest count for an Escape wedding. Add an aunt, uncle, or an old family friend and you're good to go!

BTW, I have the same issue. Also waffling between switching to Wishes just in case more people decide to show up than we originally planned. We still haven't decided about whether we're sending out invitations just to be polite or just say to heck with it and only invite the people we really want to come. Upgrading to Wishes would allow us to start planning right away as well instead of waiting 19 more days (yes, I have a countdown) to book as Escape.

Hope this helps!

I think you can talk to your planner about reducing the required amount of rooms, and it just means you don't get your complimentary night. Which compared to the alternative won't cost much at all.

 

[brer rabbit 28]

We were quite harsh in our decision to only take our Mums and two friends. It has caused a bit of upset with DF siblings and both dads. However, as our parents are divorced and the dads have re married wheras the mums haven't, we just didn't want to risk any unhappy atmosphere. (Plus the stepmums really are wicked and live up to the sterotype!)

Also, as we are from the UK, this will be our honeymoon as well. Family on honeymoon? No thanks!! . We are having a big reception party when we get back for over 100 people so nobody will relly miss out on the celebration.

Do what YOU want to do. It is your day and don't be swayed by family members pushing for an invite. Talk it over with DF and make a joint decision and stick to it.

 

[Nikisha421]

Those save the dates r so gorgeous and unique.

yeah they are so pretty...she is a graphic designer or something like...her work is really amazing...

 

[KR1343]

1

 

[Nikisha421]

my df has done no planning at all...when I was talking to my coworker the other day she asked me, "hey is your df doing any of the planning?" I said no and said I didnt realized that he should have been helping out...on the other hand I have a control issue...but I would have been ok if he had an opinion...also I should add that he didnt mind having a DFTW he just didn't want any guest...just the two of us, dd, and my younger sister...to him a wedding definetely should be just about the two ppl and in our case we have a dd7 and a very good sister who helps us take care of her most of the time...so that's the way he sees it...

 

[CityGirlLost]

I have to imagine that the guest list is an issue with any destination wedding. There are so many people I'd like to invite but I try to think to myself, "Who would I really be upset over, if they weren't there?" and that limits things to our kids, my parents, his parents, our siblings and my best friend. We are going to invite some other friends but neither of us will be upset if some aren't willing to travel.

My biggest fear is that our friends will decide to attend and our families won't.