Agitated Stranger Slaps Crying Tot At Store

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have children. I never subjected total strangers to their fits. They got loud and we got out of there.

That man should not have smacked that kid. Period. End of Story.

That said, I hate being subjected to long drawn out screaming fits when I am out in public. I'll have you a minute to get the situation under control but if you can't, I'd really like you to leave.

For perspective, the scenario I posted earlier about a grumpy old man yelling at me for my kid...

My son is in speech therapy b/c he moaned and grunted. His language wasn't developed at the time.

He was moaning I guess. But he was simply communicating. It was not a behavioral thing other than--he wanted out of the cart and I wasn't going to let him. He wasn't crying or screaming--but he was loud. At that time in his life--he would indicate his important needs by raising his tone.

Old man did not like that and thought he was a mouthy kid.

I communicated with our Speech Therapist and her response simply was that he didn't know the half of it.

Now--if he had tears, his face was bright read from his screaming--I'd agree that it was a problem.

But as it stands, my life can't stop while waiting for my son to be able to compose a sentence.

He has learned more sign language since then, so he doesn't moan so much anymore.

My children respond to being removed by a situation. But when my son is simply communicating as best as he knows how--removing him from the situation is sometimes too excessive a punishment and would have been in that case.

In an odd turn of events--me not accepting this man's commands to shut my kid up and his rude behavior (and my compliment to his mother for raising him so well), shut my kid right up.

It would be like prohibiting a dyslexic child from doing something b/c they can't get read a sentence right in the beginning of their therapy for that issue.

 

[jrmasm]

I'll remember that if I'm ever in your home.

If I invited you to my home and your kid had a fit, I'd leave to room and let you deal with. Being in a restaraunt or a store and ignoring a fit is hardly the same thing. Total strangers should not have to listen to some kid's ear piercing shrieks.

 

[jrmasm]

For perspective, the scenario I posted earlier about a grumpy old man yelling at me for my kid...

My son is in speech therapy b/c he moaned and grunted. His language wasn't developed at the time.

He was moaning I guess. But he was simply communicating. It was not a behavioral thing other than--he wanted out of the cart and I wasn't going to let him. He wasn't crying or screaming--but he was loud. At that time in his life--he would indicate his important needs by raising his tone.

Old man did not like that and thought he was a mouthy kid.

I communicated with our Speech Therapist and her response simply was that he didn't know the half of it.



Now--if he had tears, his face was bright read from his screaming--I'd agree that it was a problem.

But as it stands, my life can't stop while waiting for my son to be able to compose a sentence.

He has learned more sign language since then, so he doesn't moan so much anymore.

My children respond to being removed by a situation. But when my son is simply communicating as best as he knows how--removing him from the situation is sometimes too excessive a punishment and would have been in that case.

In an odd turn of events--me not accepting this man's commands to shut my kid up and his rude behavior (and my compliment to his mother for raising him so well), shut my kid right up.

It would be like prohibiting a dyslexic child from doing something b/c they can't get read a sentence right in the beginning of their therapy for that issue.

I wasn't there so I have no idea if your son was a disruption or if the man was simply grumpy.

I'm pretty sure most of us know a fit when we hear it. Kids make noise. I am not intolerant of children being children. But when a parent is clearly ignoring their kid's needs or tantrum, it ticks me off.

 

[AllyandJack]

I'll be the 1st to admit that my oldest is a royal pain. I've done the Mommy Walk of Shame more times than I care to remember. We've tried going to a restaurant with her twice in her entire life and, both times, it was a disaster and we left. I have no problems leaving a store or a mall or a restaurant when she acts up because I hate when other people don't and ruin things for everyone else.

But, if someone ever put their hands on her, they'd find themselves eating their own teeth.

 

[Christine]

I wasn't there so I have no idea if your son was a disruption or if the man was simply grumpy.

I'm pretty sure most of us know a fit when we hear it. Kids make noise. I am not intolerant of children being children. But when a parent is clearly ignoring their kid's needs or tantrum, it ticks me off.

I agree. It's never, ever acceptable what this man did but it certainly brings to mind that EVERY time I go out shopping anymore I am constantly surrounding by loud, screaming children. The biggest "store" offenders are Target, and all the major grocery store chains. It's not so bad in the mall. I just don't get it. Especially in the grocery stores. I look over and there is a whole family shopping (and I go early) and the kids are just SCREAMING. They obviously hate being there, are miserable, and the parents do nothing to even try to stop it. I just think "why doesn't ONE of you stay home with these kids and let the other shop?" Probably because one of them can't bear to be stuck in the house alone with them for a few hours. Sorry, but this is a pet peeve of mine. These aren't children being children. Well, actually they are. It's parents subjecting their children to activities that they can't manage at their ages. Sometimes you gotta learn that the kids need to stay at home.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I wasn't there so I have no idea if your son was a disruption or if the man was simply grumpy.

I'm pretty sure most of us know a fit when we hear it. Kids make noise. I am not intolerant of children being children. But when a parent is clearly ignoring their kid's needs or tantrum, it ticks me off.

I was ignoring him.

However the point is, you never know when a child has a legitimate reason for his/her "fit" that may or may not be a "fit'. They cannot learn how to behave in society if they are always kept locked up at home so as not to risk disturbing a possibly irritable person who confused the DVD section of Walmart with a library.

Old man probably thought it was a tantrum. It wasn't.

My son is also the size of a 3yo which presents an issue. Likely the old man expected 3yo behavior. I don't know.

In the end, I didn't quiz him on his laziness for being in a scooter b/c #1 it isn't my business and #2 for me to presume laziness would have been down right inappropriate.

You cannot judge a book by its cover and certainly you dont respond to perceived bad behavior with rudeness of your own.

FTR: My son was sentenced to the cart b/c he decided to run of and hide in a clothing rack. So I was "controlling" my child.

 

[pixiewings71]

I have children. I never subjected total strangers to their fits. They got loud and we got out of there.

That man should not have smacked that kid. Period. End of Story.

That said, I hate being subjected to long drawn out screaming fits when I am out in public. I'll have you a minute to get the situation under control but if you can't, I'd really like you to leave.

I have children as well, my comment was addressed to the PP who stated they did not have children. And as I said, if my child is throwing a fit I'll do what I can to get them stop but I will NOT give in if they are having a fit over me saying no about something. Of course that doesn't happen anymore because my kids are old enough to control their emotions. They still giggle and laugh but they don't throw fits when they get angry.

I agree. It's never, ever acceptable what this man did but it certainly brings to mind that EVERY time I go out shopping anymore I am constantly surrounding by loud, screaming children. The biggest "store" offenders are Target, and all the major grocery store chains. It's not so bad in the mall. I just don't get it. Especially in the grocery stores. I look over and there is a whole family shopping (and I go early) and the kids are just SCREAMING. They obviously hate being there, are miserable, and the parents do nothing to even try to stop it. I just think "why doesn't ONE of you stay home with these kids and let the other shop?" Probably because one of them can't bear to be stuck in the house alone with them for a few hours. Sorry, but this is a pet peeve of mine. These aren't children being children. Well, actually they are. It's parents subjecting their children to activities that they can't manage at their ages. Sometimes you gotta learn that the kids need to stay at home.

In our area it's the Wal-Mart, the Target is usually very pleasant to shop in but the Wal-Mart......

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I agree. It's never, ever acceptable what this man did but it certainly brings to mind that EVERY time I go out shopping anymore I am constantly surrounding by loud, screaming children. .

I wonder the ages of the posters and the ages of their children who can't seem to escape screaming children.

Perhaps children are better behaved where I live--but I have NEVER been "surrounded" by loud screaming children. When I didn't have any, when I did and shop with them, or when I did and left them at home.

 

[Christine]

I wonder the ages of the posters and the ages of their children who can't seem to escape screaming children.

Perhaps children are better behaved where I live--but I have NEVER been "surrounded" by loud screaming children. When I didn't have any, when I did and shop with them, or when I did and left them at home.

I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but it is true. I do 95% of my shopping on weekends and I think that is the big time for the screamers. On the times that I run into Target or the grocery store on my way home from work I never hear it. Just a few weeks ago, my DD and I were out shopping in Target and the piercing screams were there again. Even my DD remarked that they were everywhere. I could just about place a bet that on any given Sunday, if I go to Target, there will be a wailing child in there. Every Sunday morning that I am in Wegman's there is a screaming child (or two) in that store. I never escape it. It has actually become kind of a joke.

For the record, I am 45 and my kids are 14 and 18. This has been going on for awhile though.

Also, I never took my kids grocery shopping until they were much older--never had to. I worked all week and did all my shopping on Sunday morning. Since I'm the "cook", they stayed home with my DH while I did the shopping. If my husband had been the cook, I would have stayed home while he shopped. I just *knew* that my kids would scream in the store if we were there longer than 10 minutes so they didn't go. I can't even deal with my own kids screaming.

 

[Liberty Belle]

If I invited you to my home and your kid had a fit, I'd leave to room and let you deal with. Being in a restaraunt or a store and ignoring a fit is hardly the same thing. Total strangers should not have to listen to some kid's ear piercing shrieks.

You know, I work with children with behavior problems. A good portion of them only stop throwing a fit if the fit is ignored. Dragging the kid out screaming is going to cause more of a ruckus and do more harm to the child and his behavior plan than simply ignoring it for a few minutes.

 

[luvmy3]

You know, I work with children with behavior problems. A good portion of them only stop throwing a fit if the fit is ignored. Dragging the kid out screaming is going to cause more of a ruckus and do more harm to the child and his behavior plan than simply ignoring it for a few minutes.

My youngest was a fit thrower when we went out. I totally ignored him because thats what worked to keep his tantrum time to a minimum. Yes he was disruptive, yes it was probably horrible for others to listen to it, but letting it run its course was what kept it under control. Had I given him any attention, by telling him to stop or dragging him out of the store it would have erupted 100 times worse. My pediatrician was well aware of his tantrums and told me that this was the best thing to do, so thats how we handled him.

I don't judge any parent's way of dealing with tantrums. Honestly until you've been put in that position you have no idea how you would handle it because you have no idea what works for that child. I had 2 kids before him that were absolute angels and I was convinced that I'd never have a child who threw fits and tantrums because I would never allow a child of mine to behave like that. Or that if they did, I could nip it in the bud before it really started.
Well I was wrong, he was a real wake-up call that some kids just do act out like that. Thank goodness he's grown out of it, but he's still a stubborn little devil and there's a reason he's my last

 

[jrmasm]

I think it's fine to ignore your children's screaming fits when you are home. I understand the lessons you are trying teach. However, when you are out in public and the fit is impacting others, it is simply rude to let it continue.

It is our job as parents to teach our children what is appropriate behavior. And we need to not put them in situations that they can't handle. I never took my toddlers to the mall at 8:00pm when they were bound to melt down because they were tired. I didn't take them to the grocery store when they were hungry or due for a nap. And before someone jumps to any stupid DIS conclusions, I am not a perfect parent nor are my special snowflakes perfect. Despite my best efforts, there were still a few public meltdowns. And they were removed from the situation immediately. Shockingly they didn't intrept that as getting their way.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I think it's fine to ignore your children's screaming fits when you are home. I understand the lessons you are trying teach. However, when you are out in public and the fit is impacting others, it is simply rude to let it continue.

It is our job as parents to teach our children what is appropriate behavior. And we need to not put them in situations that they can't handle. I never took my toddlers to the mall at 8:00pm when they were bound to melt down because they were tired. I didn't take them to the grocery store when they were hungry or due for a nap. And before someone jumps to any stupid DIS conclusions, I am not a perfect parent nor are my special snowflakes perfect. Despite my best efforts, there were still a few public meltdowns. And they were removed from the situation immediately. Shockingly they didn't intrept that as getting their way.

That's your children. Some children have issues that cannot be predicted.

I cannot remember a time either of my children threw a fit in a store, but I'm sure it has happened. They're typical children, though, and do not have developmental, mental, behavioral, or any other disorders. What worked for me and them would not work for many children with disorders.

 

[luvmy3]

I think it's fine to ignore your children's screaming fits when you are home. I understand the lessons you are trying teach. However, when you are out in public and the fit is impacting others, it is simply rude to let it continue.

It is our job as parents to teach our children what is appropriate behavior. And we need to not put them in situations that they can't handle. I never took my toddlers to the mall at 8:00pm when they were bound to melt down because they were tired. I didn't take them to the grocery store when they were hungry or due for a nap. And before someone jumps to any stupid DIS conclusions, I am not a perfect parent nor are my special snowflakes perfect. Despite my best efforts, there were still a few public meltdowns. And they were removed from the situation immediately. ] Shockingly they didn't intrept that as getting their way[/B.

Removing them from the situation worked for you and thats great. Its not always possible to just and leave a store, which can also be quite rude. I once left a cart full of groceries at the checkout when my ds was having one of his fits. Despite my apologies I'm sure the clerk thought it was extremely rude of me to do. I'm sure if I stayed during the meltdown she would have thought that was just as rude, and the person behind me in line too. Darned if you do, darned if you don't, so you know what sometimes you just have to think of yourself. and not how everyone else will feel about your actions.

 

[dismom2]

My youngest was a fit thrower when we went out. I totally ignored him because thats what worked to keep his tantrum time to a minimum. Yes he was disruptive, yes it was probably horrible for others to listen to it, but letting it run its course was what kept it under control. Had I given him any attention, by telling him to stop or dragging him out of the store it would have erupted 100 times worse. My pediatrician was well aware of his tantrums and told me that this was the best thing to do, so thats how we handled him.

I don't judge any parent's way of dealing with tantrums. Honestly until you've been put in that position you have no idea how you would handle it because you have no idea what works for that child. I had 2 kids before him that were absolute angels and I was convinced that I'd never have a child who threw fits and tantrums because I would never allow a child of mine to behave like that. Or that if they did, I could nip it in the bud before it really started.
Well I was wrong, he was a real wake-up call that some kids just do act out like that. Thank goodness he's grown out of it, but he's still a stubborn little devil and there's a reason he's my last

I don't believe in the 'ignore' method of dealing with kids. Speaking for myself, I can say with the utmost certaintly that I would never allow my child to scream and yell and disrupt a store-full of people, as I find that type of attitude selfish. If my child had some extreme mental issues and, literally, had no control over their behavior (for true medical reasons), I would plan my shopping trips at times when I could leave them home. People need to think about others when they choose to let their children scream bloody murder in inappropriate places and completely ignore the behavior. It's the right thing to do. Do you really want to live in a world where everyone only cares about themselves? Think about that. People who "ignore" their children haven't learned, or refuse to use, other tools/methods to handle the situation. And there ARE other ways....you have to start when the child is young and be consistant. Some children are more stubborn than others, but if you are committed to changing or redirecting this behavior, you will learn ways to deal, other than, 'I'm going to let Johnny or Suzy pierce the ears of everyone in this store and I don't give a d... because they are strangers and they don't matter'. This ignore 'method' truly sends the wrong message to kids, and those kids are not going to learn how to cope when they are older. I feel that ignoring bad behavior is the eqivalent to condoning it. Who cares if Johnny gets louder if you leave the store. Take away his favorite video game or give him some sort of consequence when you get home (extra chores, early bedtime, no TV, etc...). Good behavior gets rewarded; bad behavior has consequences. I really respect parents who at least attempt to do something out of respect for everyone else.

Kids who are quietly whining or complaining.... it's gonna happen sometimes---but does not disrupt the whole store; however, loud, and especially long tantrums.... I don't know how parents tune them out-- when I see this, I think 'neglect'.

ETA: I also don't listen to EVERYthing the pediatrician says.... one time a ped. I took my child to was talking about how there is nothing wrong with feeding kids sugary cereal all the time because it has vitamins added to it. What? Aren't they suppose to encourage healthy eating habits? Also, our ped. refused to have my child allergy tested when I had a strong suspician she had some serious food allergies. I did it anyway and confired not only a peanut allergy, but many other allergies. If I had not gotten the testing done, I would not have known for certain all the foods my child was allergic to, and that could have put her in harms way. I could give many examples of bad advise I've been given by my doctors as well. Doctors are not God, and don't always give accurate or the best advise.

 

[mbanks21]

Letting your kid scream and throw things and act like a fool in a store is like bringing your dog and letting it bark uncontrollably. Its rude as all get out. Find a time to shop when theyre in school or at daycare or ask a neighbor/friend to watch them for an hour if you cant control them in public.

 

[Christine]

That's your children. Some children have issues that cannot be predicted.
I cannot remember a time either of my children threw a fit in a store, but I'm sure it has happened. They're typical children, though, and do not have developmental, mental, behavioral, or any other disorders. What worked for me and them would not work for many children with disorders.

This is sort of the same comment I see on many DIS threads. Threads that have to do with weight gain, picky eaters, and the like.

Sure, there are kids who have developmental issues or disorders. We still have to remember that this percentage of children (or people who have weight gain due to medical issues, or kids who have sensory issues that make them only eat certain foods) is small. Sort of like the peanut allergy my son has. While it seems *everyone* has a peanut allergy, in reality it is, what, about 3%? Same holds true for kids who can't control their outbursts. This is the minority and does not account for all those kids in Wegman's and Target that I see every Sunday. No way, now how. As I have said upthread, what I don't understand is why the parents willingly put their kids in this situation. Sure, I don't know everything about their lives but when I'm in Wegman's (an upscale grocery shopping "experience") and I see mom and dad sauntering through the Meditteranean Olive Bar with their coffees and they have two kids sitting in the huge plastic car shaped grocery cart screaming their heads off (and it's 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday), I do roll my eyes and think "why didn't one of you stay home?" I really don't want to hear it and this goes on ALL THROUGH THE STORE until they leave.

 

[aprilgail2]

Sure, I don't know everything about their lives but when I'm in Wegman's (an upscale grocery shopping "experience") and I see mom and dad sauntering through the Meditteranean Olive Bar with their coffees and they have two kids sitting in the huge plastic car shaped grocery cart screaming their heads off (and it's 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday), I do roll my eyes and think "why didn't one of you stay home?" I really don't want to hear it and this goes on ALL THROUGH THE STORE until they leave.

I think the same thing even in a "regular" grocery store- why the heck do they need to make it a family outing to the food store with one kid in the cart whining and crying and another one or two that you have to keep darting around with your cart so you don't hit them while mom AND dad food shop- really doesn't need to be a family outing...why not one stay home with the kids and take a nice family outing to the park when the other gets home from food shopping!

 

[maxiesmom]

Letting your kid scream and throw things and act like a fool in a store is like bringing your dog and letting it bark uncontrollably. Its rude as all get out. Find a time to shop when theyre in school or at daycare or ask a neighbor/friend to watch them for an hour if you cant control them in public.

I completely agree with you. I was never allowed to misbehave when my parents took me out in public, if it was at a restaurant or a chruch or a grocery store. Running around up and down the aisles was not looked on as cute, or just being a child. I work retail and I have seen many "cute" kids fall and knock their heads while running thru the store. Of course once the child hurts themselves it is the stores fault for having tables in the way.

I do understand that sometimes you just have to take the kids with you while you are out shopping, but that should not be an excuse to let them behave badly. Having said that, there is no way anyone should touch your child, even if they are behaving horribly. I can't imagine what goes on in someone's mind that they would think that was ok.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but it is true. I do 95% of my shopping on weekends and I think that is the big time for the screamers.

*****
Also, I never took my kids grocery shopping until they were much older--never had to.

Perhaps that is why. I usually shop weekdays. If I shop on weekends, either kids stay with dad or he comes along.

As for the latter--sadly--All my kids have been to the store from the get go. Running joke for the 3rd was --- "Honey, I Am setting my foot down. IF you want to go to the grocery store after mass the week after we get out of the hospital, you are going alone." We did it for the first two and have mercy--*I* was going to throw a tantrum in the store if he made me do it again.

My kids only learned about the free cookies at Publix only recently. (they are 9, 6, and 2--I kept that secret a loooong time.)

Only once did I have to leave a store and it was before we ever entered it.

"I want" is banned. Automatic "no" if you ask. We don't "snack" on unpaid for items. Get a little fussing in the toddler age when they realize they can try to get their way, but I won't let them. But thankfully no full on tantrums or anything.

I also do not have screamers and God bless any parent who has one that does ear piercing shrieks.