Age of child to put self on bus and come home after school?

[roliepolieoliefan]

My DS is a high school freshman, DD is in 4th grade. DS leaves for school at 6:30 DD not until 8:30.
I don't work everyday. On days I do , my mom comes over to put DD on the bus. DH is evening shift every 3 weeks so its only when he's daylight shift and I work.

My mom started living in FL , Jan -march so after Christmas she won't be here for a few months. Last year a neighbor helped me out, but this year I have a new job and start earlier. I hate to take DD over to the neighbors house so early. He's not an immediate neighbor so I do have to drive her.

DD insists she can get herself ready in the morning but 4th grade still seems kind of young. The bus stop is about 4 doors up the street. We live in a neighborhood so other parents would be at the stop.
I'm just not sure what to do at this point.

DH could work more evening shift but then he'd miss all DS's after school sports.

Opinions?

 

[Mkrop]

I have a 5th grader who is very anxious so this may cloud my judgment but I also have a Sophomore who did not have anixety...I think 4th grade is too young.

 

[thedonduck]

My DS is a high school freshman, DD is in 4th grade. DS leaves for school at 6:30 DD not until 8:30.
I don't work everyday. On days I do , my mom comes over to put DD on the bus. DH is evening shift every 3 weeks so its only when he's daylight shift and I work.

My mom started living in FL , Jan -march so after Christmas she won't be here for a few months. Last year a neighbor helped me out, but this year I have a new job and start earlier. I hate to take DD over to the neighbors house so early. He's not an immediate neighbor so I do have to drive her.

DD insists she can get herself ready in the morning but 4th grade still seems kind of young. The bus stop is about 4 doors up the street. We live in a neighborhood so other parents would be at the stop.
I'm just not sure what to do at this point.

DH could work more evening shift but then he'd miss all DS's after school sports.

Opinions?

I was at that age. I think starting 4th grade, it was my responsibility to get on the bus on my own. My older sister was in Middle School so she got onto a bus much earlier (MS/HS started at 725 and Ele started at 830).

How far away is the bus stop? Ours was at the the stop sign in our neighborhood, which happened to be where I lived. There were a bunch of other kids that got picked up there as well.

Why don't you try and let her "be responsible" for herself while you are home and do a trial run to see if she can handle it with no help/reminders. You have a few months of trial before it becomes necessary so it would give you time to work out a plan be.

 

[Kimberlyann11]

My DD is 15 and started coming home by herself in the fifth grade. I still don't know if I'd trust her to get on the bus by herself. LOL.

Maybe you could do a trial run. I wouldn't worry so much about stranger danger since you seem to live in a busy neighborhood with other parents getting their kids out the door at the same time - but give her a list of rules. For example DD could use the microwave but not the stove. And not the sharp knives - but butter knives are okay. Try to make sure she's up and about when you leave so that she doesn't go back to sleep.

All kids are different. I knew many fourth graders who would be able to handle it and quite a few who wouldn't have been able to.

 

[Kimberle]

Is she going to be able to lock the house herself? Will she be able to make sure the TV is off, lights off, no running water, etc? How about in bad weather, snow, rain, school delays? Does her school have a before school program? They are very common where I live.

I didn't allow my dd to come and go to school until she was 13. You have to do what makes you comfortable.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think 4th grade is too young. The youngest I would allow this would be middle school. I would worry what if something happened and she did not make it to the bus stop and you would not know. I may would leave a 4th grader at home for a few minutes alone but coming home to an empty house is a much bigger deal. Most schools have before and after school care that may work for you, or offer a neighborhood mom the job. There might be someone that would love to make a bit of extra money.

 

[rndmr2]

My brother and I walked to school about a half mile to a mile away from when I was in 2nd grade and he was in 5th. I think a 4th grader can walk 4 houses away to wait for a bus where there are other parents and kids.

 

[Topper]

The bus stop is about 4 doors up the street.

How far away is the bus stop?

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Is she going to be able to lock the house herself? Will she be able to make sure the TV is off, lights off, no running water, etc? How about in bad weather, snow, rain, school delays? Does her school have a before school program? They are very common where I live.

I didn't allow my dd to come and go to school until she was 13. You have to do what makes you comfortable.

Our before school program is 7-9 so it still starts too late. Most of my shifts start at 6:30-7. This is a whole other thread but there is no traditional before school care that begins before 7. Not everyone starts work at 8 or 9!

There is no neighbor because then again I need to drop her off at 6am . If I was going to do that I would just use our friend/neighbor I used last year.

I will come up with something but DD begs to stay home alone., I wasnt sure and was thinking maybe I was a helicopter and just wanted to know what others thought.

 

[aprilgail2]

I didn't allow my dd to come and go to school until she was 13. You have to do what makes you comfortable.

I would let my daughter in 5th grade- by 3rd grade she was walking to the bus stop on her own and coming home on her own but someone was home with her, she was not leaving or coming home to an empty house. There was a first grader at the bus stop that got himself home with a key on a string around his neck on at her bus stop. There is no way I would have waited until 13 though-that's high school age here. Middle school she was home on her own often, never once lost the house key (though neighbors all have copies if she did and needed to get in).

 

[Mkrop]

Our before school program is 7-9 so it still starts too late. Most of my shifts start at 6:30-7. This is a whole other thread but there is no traditional before school care that begins before 7. Not everyone starts work at 8 or 9!

There is no neighbor because then again I need to drop her off at 6am . If I was going to do that I would just use our friend/neighbor I used last year.

I will come up with something but DD begs to stay home alone., I wasnt sure and was thinking maybe I was a helicopter and just wanted to know what others thought.

if there are other neighbors and kids at her bus stop, why cant you ask one of them to either stop by the house and get her, or she could go there for a little while

 

[Kimmumum]

I think with a few days of practice and a phone call on the first couple of days doing it alone she would be fine. My DD#1 came home to an empty house in 2nd grade. He was only home maybe an hour alone and other parents thought I was crazy. You have to know your kid. You have to have a thick skin because others will have strong opinions.

Have a contingency plan if she misses the bus. Is there a neighbor close enough to help if she misses it? Or someone she could call? Do you know the moms at the stop? Can one of them just keep an eye on whether she makes it to the bus?

Kids aren't as fragile as a lot of parents make them out to be nowadays. Give them a little credit.

 

[Poohforyou]

I think 4th grade is too young. Heck, I have a HS freshman and I wouldn't trust her to get up and make the bus on her own!! She sleeps until noon whenever she can. She has been coming home by herself since she was 11 though. She's very responsible but just not a morning person.

Is there another family on the street that she could go to? When DD was in elementary school another little girl sometimes came over before school and I got her there with DD. She would just hang out and watch tv or read while we got ourselves ready. For me it isn't the walking to the bus stop alone (not a big deal in 4th grade), it's remembering to shut things off & lock up.

BTW, does your school have before/aftercare? Our district does with dropoff beginning at 7am and pickup ending at 6pm. That might be an option at least for some days. Ours is cheap enough to just use it when needed and not worry about paying for days you don't use.

 

[indimom]

Hmm, that's a tough one. Not because I think a 10yo couldn't handle two hours alone. Just because I'm not sure they could handle an "emergency" no matter how mild. If the toaster caught on fire, would she know what to do? If she missed the bus or forgot a folder full of schoolwork would she panic?

I think if I was going to try it, I'd be more comfortable if there was a neighbor willing to be "on call" in case anything comes up that your daughter didn't know how to handle. If she has a phone, it might make you feel better if she sent you a text letting you know she was ready and heading out the door.

You could make sure she had everything ready the night before, clothes out, school supplies packed up, a simple breakfast planned, and set an alarm to remind her when she needs to head out the door for the bus (television can be distracting ). That would eliminate a lot of potential issues.

My kids were in junior high when they started getting themselves ready and off to school on their own in the am (DH goes to work at 6 a.m. and I work nights until 7:30 a.m. The bus picks up at 7:30 a.m.). They did pretty good most days, but forgot to lock the house twice. After that, I put a post-it note on the door for awhile as a reminder.

 

[mom2rtk]

What is your plan if she misses the bus? I don't like working without a net.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That is a hard one to answer because it is totally dependent on the kid, your neighborhood, and who is at the bus stop.

What time do you leave and what time does she have to get up?

 

[emer95]

I agree, 4th grade is too young. I have an 8th grader and a 9th grader, and I'd even hesitate to let them get themselves up, ready, and out the door alone. The main reason is because emergencies happen. I've watched a bus go right past my daughter who was waiting at the end of the driveway. I called the bus garage, and it was a substitute driver who "must not have seen her." He didn't have time to come back and get her, so I had to drive her in. I was not happy.

Getting off of the bus alone at the end of the day doesn't worry me as much. There aren't as many "what ifs" and my girls started doing that in 4th grade. I was always home moments after they got off.

I know the before and after school child care issue is rough. I was just thinking the other day that if I ever lose my job, I'l watch kids in my house before and after school, and during vacations and snow days. What an easy gig, and it would be a God send to working parents.

Good luck OP! I really hope you find something that works for you and your daughter.

 

[MELSMICE]

I think 4th grade is too young. Around here that is only 9 years old. I'd try to find some kind of before school care, whether it is a formal program or a neighbor/friend that can help you out.

 

[mjkacmom]

My kids have been walking to school since second grade. In your situation, I'd be concerned he would miss the bus. How about having him walk to a neighbors house 10 minutes before the bus arrives? That way the neighbor could call him if he spaces.

 

[scoutie]

I would ask your local friends and neighbors what they would be comfortable doing, as they know your child, the neighborhood, the schools, the bus situation, etc. I've seen parents on the DIS say they wouldn't allow their 18 year olds adult children to stay in a hotel room alone, or go swimming in a pool by themselves.

A friend of mine just started letting her fifth grader get on the bus by herself. The bus has always been 100% on time, the neighborhood is extremely safe, and her dd is very responsible. Before my friend leaves for work, she sets the timer, and her dd knows when it goes off, she needs to get to the bus stop. She has a cell phone to call my friend if there are any problems, and the phone number of a next door neighbor who doesn't leave for work until later if there are immediate issues.