Afraid for my daughter...

[sweet angel]

Thank you all for your stories and encouragement. It really helps to know that we're not alone in this.

We went to the therapist last night. First he met with all of us, then her, and then just my husband and me. He didn't tell us the details of what they discussed, but did touch on the topics they discussed, and I was very surprised (pleasantly). It seems like she told him more than I ever thought she would and I think she opened up. I understand that it's going to be a long road, but I think we all came away feeling encouraged.

Thanks again.

That IS encouraging! Let's hope it continues.

My saga with DS' girlfriend got worse last night. He actually came to me and told me what was going on. I told him that she needs more help than he can give her (he's 14) and that she needs to talk to her parents (who seem to be part of the problem) -- or at least her mom. She told him she would. She gave him the knife she uses, and he sees that as a good thing, but she can just use anything else.

Here's a question though, since I have no experience with this...he says she cuts "scratches" -- not deep cuts. Is that the norm? They must bleed enough to scar because he said she's got about 70 (he exaggerates, so maybe 10-15) scars. Maybe I'm wrong.

I asked him if he could talk to her mom, or if he wanted me to, and the answer to both were no.

While I feel bad for the girl, I don't want my DS to get sucked into her drama -- he was up all night worrying about her.

 

[Scared Mom]

Well, our weekend wasn't so great -- actually, it was ok up until last night. School really seems to be the trigger for her. She's really having a hard time adjusting, more so than I ever thought she would. Her last's night's diary entry, which I read as soon as she left for school, indicated that she cut again, this time on her leg. That really worries me, because before it was always out where I could see it.
She has an appointment tomorrow with her therapist, but she already told me that it's stupid, it doesn't help, and she doesn't want to go. I told her (very calmly) that she needs to go, and if this particular therapist doesn't seem to be helping, we would find someone who would. I realize that it's going to be a "two steps forward, one step back" kind of thing. I just hate seeing her in so much pain.

Sweet angel -- I don't know if cutting scratches is the "norm" or not, but that's what my daughter did too, although I think it may be progressing. Hers looked like scratches you might get from a rose bush. I can understand you not wanting your son to get involved in this. I think it's a lot more than a 14 year old can handle. It sounds like you have a very caring son. Maybe he can go to a counselor at school? That's what one of my daughter's friends did, and her school counselor called me about it, but they didn't tell me who reported it. (I figurered out who it was though, because the friend's mom also called me, so I put 2 and 2 together.) It would be anonymous and maybe make him feel better.

 

[sweet angel]

It definitely sounds like a 2 steps forward, 1 back type of situation. I guess the only thing you can do is stick to it -- love her a lot and hope it helps.

My son can't go to the counselor because they're in different schools (she chose an alternative high school with honors academics -- he's in the regular town high school). I agree he's very caring, but almost too caring to the point where he will forget EVERYTHING else in an attempt to help her. I think him trying to help is great, but don't want him to sacrifice himself.

I'm tempted to call the parents again, but didn't really get too far with the father (who from what my son says is a real jerk) and don't know how to reach the mom other than at home.

to you and your daughter!

 

[Marseeya]

Sweet Angel, when I cut, it was just scratches. I was too creeped out by blood to go too deep. Also, I made them look like cat scratches so I could blame the cat. Poor kitty.

Scared Mom, don't give up! I'm sure she's not happy about having to go to a counselor, but it'll help whether she likes it or not.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Sweet angel, I could be wrong, but I believe if your son talked to a counselor at his school, they would be obligated to report this--counselors at the school where I work are obligated to report if someone is hurting themselves or others. That would lead to calling the counselor at her own school. She might be very angry at this, but it would be for her benefit.
Robin M.

 

[sweet angel]

I'm not sure how I missed the last 2 posts, but here's an update from my side. DS told girlfriend that I know. She gave him the knife she's used. He thinks that's the end. He's naive! She told him she's going to try not to do it, but if she does, he should tell her mom. I told him if she wants someone to talk to, I'd be happy to listen. Did some research online and found some things that might be helpful should she decide to actually talk to me -- until I can convince her to talk to her parents.

Hope the OP is holding up okay!!

 

[Chatter Box]

best wishes !!!! I hope she will open up soon.

 

[xCourxCorex]

Hi,
I'm a recovering cutter myself, so I definately understand what it's like. In an earlier post you said your DD cut on her leg, but before it was always someplace visible. I used to do that too. Things would be good for a while, but then if I felt like I had to cut, but I didn't want my parents to know, so I'd cut my stomach or my ankles or my hip bones. Just remember to remind her that you are always there for her, and not to get mad if she seems okay, but then falls back and cuts again. Cutting is very much a coping mechanism, and usually coincides with tons of stress. You did the right thing by seeing a therepist. I've been seeing mine for about a year after switching from another therepist. Once she gets used to her therepist, she may start to open up more. I've gotten a lot of help from mine. I haven't cut in 163 days! Good luck with your daughter; I hope everything turns out well.

 

[Scared Mom]

Sweet angel ~I think it's great that your son's girlfriend knows that you know what's going on. I hope it will be easier for her to ask for help. And like Rock'n Robin said, going through the school counselors might be an option, even though they're not at the same school.

It really is an emotional roller coaster. She seems to have a really good day and then a pretty crappy day. We're just trying to be there for her and not get mad. A really wonderful resource that I found is that her school has a full-time crisis counselor. I spoke with her and gave her some background. She is wonderful. She works with the kids at school with all sorts of problems; addictions, cutting, anorexia, etc. She called my daughter in to her office and spoke with her and told her that she can come see her at any time. Since school seems to be one of the major sources of stress for her, I'm hoping that having someone on her side right there at school will help.


xCourxCorex ~ thanks for sharing your story. Congratulations on your 163 days.

 

[sweet angel]

ScaredMom, please keep us updated (or at least me!!). Feel free to PM me if you'd prefer!

 

[Caradana]

I think you've been very caring and supportive of her. I'm fully on board with your plan aside from the mentioning this to extended family. I wouldn't do that, I think it will embarrass her unnecessarily. Keep this private, in the immediate family. I hope therapy helps her and supports her. Best of luck to all of you.

 

[sweet angel]

ScaredMom, how's your DD doing?

 

[shortbun]

When my God daughter was cutting, her mother kept it private even from me-so my god daughter thought. I slowly and calmly put myself firmly in her life with love and attention while her mother was the bad cop and made her seek help and counseling. I think this is a very private thing and telling lots of people might drive her to do something else more dangerous that gives her control. Just my thoughts.
Good luck.
mimi