Afraid for my daughter...

[Chatter Box]

That's what kills me -- that she has that much pain, stress, whatever, that she has to cut herself to feel better.
I guess it's a long road to understanding.

I was writing you a pm and I lost connection so I lost the whole pm. I am a recovering cutter. There are more of us then you will ever imagine. You ARE doing the right thing.. trying the pm again.

 

[cepmom]

just want to let you know you are not alone...I know how you feel. You are doing the right thing....reading her diary may be an invasion of privacy, but something that needs to be done in order to keep her safe. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise...your DD's safety comes first. Cutting is extremely common (not that it makes it less scary) Most people don't do it for the attention...it is a coping skill (I liken it to a person that drinks alcohol to cope) Not healthy, but a way to cope with intense emotions. A good therapist can do wonders fo rher (and you). Please PM me if you need/want any info/support....I have been there.

 

[cats7494]

I worked in a psychiatric hospital for 10+ years and there were several girls there that did this as well. It was a "release/escape" for them - to not feel emotional pain. They would prefer the "physical" pain - easier to deal with, they said.

I also had a friend that did this when I was a teenager - she did it for the same reason - "escape from reality." If she could focus on her physical pain - she did not have to think about her emotional pain and hurt/issues. Her parents did not seek counseling for her and as an adult she is still working on this issue.

That is why it is so important and wonderful that you acted so quickly and confronted your dd and are having her see a therapist!! It will help - it will take time and patience but it will help.
My heart goes out to you and your dd!

 

[smilie]

My SIL did this and at about that age. She hid it well, apparently, for quite some time. She is now seeing a therapist and is doing quite well. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a loving mother who cares so much for her. Your doing the right thing by getting help for her, even if she doesn't see it as that right now.

 

[luvmydogs]

Don't let anyone tell you that you were being a nosey, snooping mom. You were a rightly concerned, loving, caring parent who obviously had a very valid reason for reading her daughter's journal. Your instincts were right on, and now you've taken the first step in getting your baby the help she needs--and I know that you'll be with her the rest of the way. Bless you for being the kind of mom every child should have.

 

[MagicalMom]

As a snooping Mom of a 14yo, I just wanted to offer a hug.

 

[SeeDisney]

YOu know, I saw a show about a very similar situation. I believe it was either on Dateline or 20/20 whereas teens purposely hurt themselves.

I would probaby do the same exact thing and read my daugther's diary too. I love her too much and I want to know what's going on in her mind and world.


Best of luck to you.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

I have seen a number of documentaries and read numerous articles on the subject, but am in no way purporting to claim that I am an expert. I have observed that in most cases where cutting is involved, physical or sexual abuse is typically connected with the problem. It might help if you look for some possible cues or tells that you may have innocently overlooked. Good luck!!

 

[Keli]

I know a young man that was a cutter. He received counseling and went on meds to help him cope with his stress. I don't know if he has completely stopped cutting though, he used to lie to his counselor & parents and say that he had stopped when in fact it was still ongoing. He was having a very hard time giving it up.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

A close friend of mine used to cut himself when we were in our teens. 10 years later, he still has the physical scars. His problem was mostly a horrible family life, involving an alcoholic and abusive father. But that's not always the case. I don't have any advice for you, just hugs for both you and your dd.

 

[Maleficent13]

I can't offer any advice, other than to say so far you've done exactly right. Good luck.

 

[SillyMe]

I'm the mom of a 14 year old. I have no advice. I just wanted to give you a hug.

 

[lbgraves]

Things like this in the world make me dread the day that my kids get older. I hope that your DD gets the help that she needs and realizes that she is very loved.

 

[rbuzzotta]

My DD's friend is/was a cutter. I believe DD tried it herself (she has a scar but totally denied cutting herself). DD said her friend does it to release frustration and pain (terrible divorce between the girls parents).

You are absolutely doing the best thing for your DD. Some may say invasion of privacy but nowadays, these teens are just too young to handle the many obstacles that face them and they truly believe they are much more mature and can handle it. I monitor my DD's I.M's and conversations...........

Best of luck to you all.

 

[WeirdEyes]

We went through this with my stepson. He was around 14/15 when he started. I discovered it one night when I walked into his room. His door was open so I think he wanted someone to catch him. I took away the razor blades, called my DH and a therapist right then. MY stepson went to therapy for at least a year. I won't go into why he was doing it. He's now 20 and is doing remarkably well in college. Like previous posters have said, it is very common. Hard to understand, but common. I remember when I was around 15, my boyfriend broke up with me and I clawed my arm until it bled. I guess it was for some sort of "release." It was the only time I did it though. You are definitely doing the right thing. Hang in there and I wish you and your DD the best.

 

[Disney_1derland]

A counselor is a good first step. Cutting is a coping mechanism that can be very dangerous. I have a close friend who just recently reverted to cutting for the first time in 12 years and we are dealing with it now. Good for you for getting involved, as a teen I was one who put herself in a lot of danger and my parents never did anything even though they knew I was in trouble. So, I applaud your willingness to get involved, she may hate it right now, but down the line she'll thank you for it.

 

[Mimi Q]

 

[WDW LifeLong Fan]

One of my DD17's friends at school was doing this as well. She was able to stop it with professional assistance. She needs you now more than ever.

Best Wishes.

 

[luvflorida]

I just wanted to say that I'm a snooping mom and I'll continue to be a snooping mom. I also have a daughter who just turned fifteen and I'm sending

 

[Rajah]

You are a nosey, snooping mom.

That's a good thing.

Because of your nosey, snooping action, you're going to be able to get your daughter the help she needs very early on.

Personally, I think we need more nosey, snooping moms out there.

No advice, just and prayers.

Cats -- thanks for posting the reasoning behind why some people do this. I was reading about how many cutters there are, and just couldn't fathom why cutting would relieve stress. Now I understand it better.