*****************ANOTHER UPDATE***************************
Hello again my wonderful DIS friends,
I could have floated out of my son's school yesterday, as I feel a huge weight has been lifted and I can see we are moving in the right direction and what I didn't expect to happen at this particular meeting, did.
As you know, yesterday was our meeting with DS' guidance counselor solely to revise his 504 and after that we were going to see the principal to have him moved. I had the Connors forms for her to distribute, as our pedi would like those back before we discuss medications.
DH and I walked into her office. She and I had been talking alot by phone about the issues Dylan was facing and how frustrated I was and that she knows exactly the kind of person we are dealing with. She remained professional and didn't get personal about her, but told us right away that she and my son were not going to work. She thinks they're both at odds and Dylan feels no matter how hard he tries, it'll never be enough and the teacher feels he'll be an issue all year long and she will not change her own behavior either.
She showed us his weekly report and in those classes he has an F. There are boxes on the forms to write comments if they wish and hers last week, was that he doesn't display self control in hallways. Hello? He's almost 12, he doesn't have recess any more and needs to burn off some steam without hurting anyone. This week it was blank, she did not mention seeing more effort or that homework was being done, which was definitely an issue two weeks ago. My DH has done every single math page in his workbook, every night, since that first horrible meeting two weeks ago and because she didn't even recognize that, my DH was burning up and I had to squeeze his hand to let the counselor continue with each teacher's account of this week.
All the other teachers noted progress being made or simply wrote "keep up the great work Dylan!" Even the teacher who made the "jerk" comment, wrote this on hers and did not put a grade thus far and when my DH asked about it, the GC said the teacher felt if Dylan had seen the grade, she didn't want him to feel what he was doing was not enough and stop trying. I thought that was very thoughtful of her.
The GC also reminded us of his past behavior by showing us the long forms we had to sign before. I thought my DH was going to blow up because I knew HE thought she was pointing most of issues back solely on my son, but I got the feeling she was going somewhere with it, so I squeezed him again and the look I got was "this had better turn around or I'm going to lose it". She said the teachers - just this one and the one who made the comment - both told her that it wasn't just "them" that he can be very rude and disrepectful himself. I thought I would have to try to pull my Dh back into his seat, when she then said.....
"I would like to remove Dylan from both of her classes. I've been looking at his schedule and it seems I could move him to another math & ss class on the same team and at the exact same time for each", but I would need administration approval of course" and got on her walkie and asked if either principal or asst principal come to her office. The asst was available and she came in. She is a lovely woman. When the GC asked her permission to maket this happen, she said "absolutely". So this will start on Monday. The only downside to the switch is that now the math class is downstairs and I hope they allow some extra time for travel and that he is now in the same class as a punk we separated him from in elementary who lives in our neighborhood and on the same bus. But it is only for 40 minutes or so and we talked about that with Dylan too.
Then we got down the 504. She his was very vague and not done with his best interests in mind. Now that I have more knowledge of these, I have to agree, but didn't no better last year.
She showed me the kind of 504 she usually writes, each with a description of the child with some strengths/weaknesses and how what his actual diagnosis is and what kind of accommos she feels would benefit him and help to inspire and motivate him and to achieve academic success. They will include non verbal cues, giving him duties which he loves, when they feel it will not interrupt his learning at that given time in the class and give him that opportunity to move about and focusing on his quality of work rather than the quantity and more.
We felt she really has his best interest in mind and she will draft it next week. She is away for a seminar but told me she will work on it at night and also gave me her replacement's name for the week should we need her and she asked me for my email address also.
She took the Connors forms from me and asked us to fill ours out and return them. She will get them all to the pedi. She also asked me to ask our pedi for a note for a reval and I had that with me to give her. she was thrilled.
Once the forms are all in, we'll discuss the meds and I am still looking for a counselor for him.
We all agreed that my son needs to know that he did not "win" in this matter, that the behavior toward the teacher did not get him moved and that his learning was our main focus, etc...I said to the AP that I wanted this teacher to know the same when she tells her he will no longer be in her classes.
The GC said "in all her years she's seen and heard many parents and it was very refreshing and a pleasure to work with parents that do not deny that their child has their own issue and is willing to work with us rather than against us to what's in the best interests of that child, so thank you".
I know we still have a long way to go, but I really feel we are moving in the right direction and will meet up with her again shortly to review her purposed 504 and update the teachers with it and she feels that the new math teacher is a perfect one for him as she's very humorous and an easy going person and a great teacher who has not written a discplinary slip in years. I just hope my son isn't the one to break that streak LOL! I forgot to mention that his SS teacher is also is LA1 teacher also, so he's familiar with her already which helps. I'm so glad we didn't have to disrupt his entire schedule which would have presented more challenges for him.
I thank you all so much for all the encouragement, advice and even the comments some might have taken as negative, I needed to hear it to change my way of thinking and reacting.
I hope to update you all in a few weeks and let you know how he is doing.
Thanks for staying with me these last few weeks, even though I do not know any of you, you've all been such great friends and that really made such a difficult time a bit easier to get thru with your support. For you
You are doing a wonderfull thing for your child and for others who will come after him.
Oh this sounds like a fantastic step in the right direction!!! I'm so very happy for you, DH, and, especially, Dylan. 
) It is wonderful that you found an advocate to help you meet your son's needs.
