I have to write to get this off my chest...it will be long....
My son (12) started 6th grade. He's ADHD, ODD with anxiety. He has a 504 accommodation.
He's flunking math. He will get really upset about math homework because he doesn't understand some of it. We'd try to help him, but this new math is not how we learned and we've been a bit stumped on some problems. He's stopped trying now and I wrote to the teacher, because messages left at the school for the teacher went unanswered.
I wrote a note to her asking if there was any days that she stays for afterschool help that he could attend.
She wrote that he has plenty of time to work, he doesn't use it wisely, he can be disruptive, argumentative, etc. I will agree. She sent home a self made brochure of her open house cirriculum and policy overview and basically told me to use the Glencoe online parent/study tools at msmath1.net.
He tells me his social studies teacher makes remarks about him loudly to the class "every day".
Yesterday, I noticed I missed a call on my cell and knew it was the school's number. I called back and asked if the nurse, teacher or principal was looking for me and they put the asst principal on and told me that my son had tried to call me because he was thrown out of class for disruptive behavior and that "long forms" were coming home. She asked "do you have 5 minutes or so?" and I said "I'm at work, but I'd like to come in to meet with you", she told me she could us from 12:30 to 1:12 only due to a team meeting unrelated to my son.
My DH and got there and met with her to show us the disciplinary reports from his math and ss teacher. She told us what a good kid he is and that his answers are "mature" when asked why he was fresh and how he's feeling, but something's got to be done about his behavior and she's asked both teachers to join us - that was great, I wanted that.
Both teachers came down together and my DH and I both noticed that they seemed inconvienced at having to get their classes covered and come down to discuss our son. We are sure that is difficult and we know they have classes to be in.
There was only 20 minutes left to our time allowed and quickly everyone was talking over each other, or DH and I to each teacher and then both teachers to each other commiserating about him.
I said "I'm not here to dispute his behavior, I agree with you, but first you have to understand that he really is a very sensitive and smart kid, who embarrasses easily and feels he's being singled out, will react". He's very opppositional and that is who he is. She asked "is he medicated?". I said "well, I'm not even sure if you can ask me that, but no, he's not".
My DH kept trying to tell the math teacher "he's just not getting it" and that my son has told him over and over, "I just don't understand". My DH said and quite honestly, some things I couldn't help him with because I don't know the math that is being taught this new way. She said "Look - I have kids on the 2nd and 3rd grade level doing this math". That was either a dig to my DH or she was telling him that my son is capable or both. She said she constantly has to give him "strikes" for talking out or being disruptive which after 3, is a detention, which he has already served.
I asked her that in the 504, it states that there must be a cueing system with each teacher. I asked if there was one in place for both of them and they said, "the strike system is the cue". I wasn't aware of that and when asking my son about a cue privately at home, he said "what's that?", so there isn't one in place to let my son know discreetly instead of front of the whole class that he needs to stop.
The ss study teacher said "you're not telling me anything I don't know about his behavior and vice versa", so what are we going to do about it? That's when I asked about the cue, just to start. They gave me a YMCA brochure for homework club afterschool. My issue with that is if he's acting up with these two because he dislikes them and the work, then having one more class to go to and be made to homework with someone who isn't even on staff at the school will just fuel his fire. Trust me, I know my son.
The both got up because time was ending and I said "I'm not sure what do to about stopping him from reacting this way, but whatever being done is not working and I assure you we will be on top of what we can be, at home".
The math teacher got a bit defensive and my tone was not and said "you don't want me to give him preferential treatment, but you don't want me to give him strikes either" so....what do you want me to do? I told them, do what you think you need to to disclipine him, but please, never make it personal, he's very sensitive.
The asst principal cut in and said, "we'll work on that, thank you for coming down" then had our son come in. He immediately started to cry and would not listen to anything she tried to say...the principal came in and told him that he sees great potential in him and asked, aside from the fact that you don't like these teachers, what is giving you the most trouble, how can we help you? Dylan just kept covering his eyes and crying saying "I don't know?".
Now we agreed to weekly reports from all teachers. That's as far as we got. We sent Dylan on his way because the staff meeting was about to begin and they had to leave for it also. Bottom line still? Is that he is not learning and I cannot be in that classroom.
HERE'S THE WORST OF IT:
I got a call from my son 1.5 hours later after school and he told me that his ss teacher called him a "jerk" after we left and he was sent back to meet her after the principal's office". He told me what led up to it, but even if that's true she had no right to say it.
He said another boy heard her say it, so I asked him if I took this boy aside, would he tell me the same thing? That this was a serious accusation that good get her in trouble and make me look a fool for bringing it to the school's attention, etc...my DH pressed him even more when he got home and he was adamant that she she said "Dylan - you're such a jerk". he says when she said that, he said to the boy, did you hear that? and the boy said "yup".
I know this boy and his mother. This boy also has her for a class. I called the mom and asked her to ask her son if he heard any exchange between the teacher and Dylan today and I was not going to tell her what I thought it was. She called me back and told me the same thing, that her son heard the teacher say "you're a jerk". He's been telling me she makes comments about him to him and the class all the time. This boy tells his mother the same thing about my son and even when he's not misbehaving, that it is derrogatory. My DD17 had her and said at the beginning, "mom, these 2 are not a good match, he's going to have a tough year".
Now my son has made a reputation for himself in a new school and he is failing math and just getting by in social studies - do to the fact that he despises this teacher and quite honestly, I can see why.
I am going to the school on monday morning, I can't even sleep because I'm upset with my son,and the teachers blatent unwillingness to help him because they deem him a behavorial problem - now what do we all do?
If you are still with me, thank you....I know I'm rambling and the tears are flowing. I just feel helpless and not sure what to suggest we do for him collectively in school. He is hurting, I'm certain of it.
My son (12) started 6th grade. He's ADHD, ODD with anxiety. He has a 504 accommodation.
He's flunking math. He will get really upset about math homework because he doesn't understand some of it. We'd try to help him, but this new math is not how we learned and we've been a bit stumped on some problems. He's stopped trying now and I wrote to the teacher, because messages left at the school for the teacher went unanswered.
I wrote a note to her asking if there was any days that she stays for afterschool help that he could attend.
She wrote that he has plenty of time to work, he doesn't use it wisely, he can be disruptive, argumentative, etc. I will agree. She sent home a self made brochure of her open house cirriculum and policy overview and basically told me to use the Glencoe online parent/study tools at msmath1.net.
He tells me his social studies teacher makes remarks about him loudly to the class "every day".
Yesterday, I noticed I missed a call on my cell and knew it was the school's number. I called back and asked if the nurse, teacher or principal was looking for me and they put the asst principal on and told me that my son had tried to call me because he was thrown out of class for disruptive behavior and that "long forms" were coming home. She asked "do you have 5 minutes or so?" and I said "I'm at work, but I'd like to come in to meet with you", she told me she could us from 12:30 to 1:12 only due to a team meeting unrelated to my son.
My DH and got there and met with her to show us the disciplinary reports from his math and ss teacher. She told us what a good kid he is and that his answers are "mature" when asked why he was fresh and how he's feeling, but something's got to be done about his behavior and she's asked both teachers to join us - that was great, I wanted that.
Both teachers came down together and my DH and I both noticed that they seemed inconvienced at having to get their classes covered and come down to discuss our son. We are sure that is difficult and we know they have classes to be in.
There was only 20 minutes left to our time allowed and quickly everyone was talking over each other, or DH and I to each teacher and then both teachers to each other commiserating about him.
I said "I'm not here to dispute his behavior, I agree with you, but first you have to understand that he really is a very sensitive and smart kid, who embarrasses easily and feels he's being singled out, will react". He's very opppositional and that is who he is. She asked "is he medicated?". I said "well, I'm not even sure if you can ask me that, but no, he's not".
My DH kept trying to tell the math teacher "he's just not getting it" and that my son has told him over and over, "I just don't understand". My DH said and quite honestly, some things I couldn't help him with because I don't know the math that is being taught this new way. She said "Look - I have kids on the 2nd and 3rd grade level doing this math". That was either a dig to my DH or she was telling him that my son is capable or both. She said she constantly has to give him "strikes" for talking out or being disruptive which after 3, is a detention, which he has already served.
I asked her that in the 504, it states that there must be a cueing system with each teacher. I asked if there was one in place for both of them and they said, "the strike system is the cue". I wasn't aware of that and when asking my son about a cue privately at home, he said "what's that?", so there isn't one in place to let my son know discreetly instead of front of the whole class that he needs to stop.
The ss study teacher said "you're not telling me anything I don't know about his behavior and vice versa", so what are we going to do about it? That's when I asked about the cue, just to start. They gave me a YMCA brochure for homework club afterschool. My issue with that is if he's acting up with these two because he dislikes them and the work, then having one more class to go to and be made to homework with someone who isn't even on staff at the school will just fuel his fire. Trust me, I know my son.
The both got up because time was ending and I said "I'm not sure what do to about stopping him from reacting this way, but whatever being done is not working and I assure you we will be on top of what we can be, at home".
The math teacher got a bit defensive and my tone was not and said "you don't want me to give him preferential treatment, but you don't want me to give him strikes either" so....what do you want me to do? I told them, do what you think you need to to disclipine him, but please, never make it personal, he's very sensitive.
The asst principal cut in and said, "we'll work on that, thank you for coming down" then had our son come in. He immediately started to cry and would not listen to anything she tried to say...the principal came in and told him that he sees great potential in him and asked, aside from the fact that you don't like these teachers, what is giving you the most trouble, how can we help you? Dylan just kept covering his eyes and crying saying "I don't know?".
Now we agreed to weekly reports from all teachers. That's as far as we got. We sent Dylan on his way because the staff meeting was about to begin and they had to leave for it also. Bottom line still? Is that he is not learning and I cannot be in that classroom.
HERE'S THE WORST OF IT:
I got a call from my son 1.5 hours later after school and he told me that his ss teacher called him a "jerk" after we left and he was sent back to meet her after the principal's office". He told me what led up to it, but even if that's true she had no right to say it.
He said another boy heard her say it, so I asked him if I took this boy aside, would he tell me the same thing? That this was a serious accusation that good get her in trouble and make me look a fool for bringing it to the school's attention, etc...my DH pressed him even more when he got home and he was adamant that she she said "Dylan - you're such a jerk". he says when she said that, he said to the boy, did you hear that? and the boy said "yup".
I know this boy and his mother. This boy also has her for a class. I called the mom and asked her to ask her son if he heard any exchange between the teacher and Dylan today and I was not going to tell her what I thought it was. She called me back and told me the same thing, that her son heard the teacher say "you're a jerk". He's been telling me she makes comments about him to him and the class all the time. This boy tells his mother the same thing about my son and even when he's not misbehaving, that it is derrogatory. My DD17 had her and said at the beginning, "mom, these 2 are not a good match, he's going to have a tough year".
Now my son has made a reputation for himself in a new school and he is failing math and just getting by in social studies - do to the fact that he despises this teacher and quite honestly, I can see why.
I am going to the school on monday morning, I can't even sleep because I'm upset with my son,and the teachers blatent unwillingness to help him because they deem him a behavorial problem - now what do we all do?
If you are still with me, thank you....I know I'm rambling and the tears are flowing. I just feel helpless and not sure what to suggest we do for him collectively in school. He is hurting, I'm certain of it.
