Advice on how to deal with a wicked ex?

[Jennasis]

What am I about to say is coming from a place of concern for your sister.

Please tell her to think long and hard about her relationship with this man.

She is going to be dealing with this woman for the rest of her life...through children, grandchildren etc. if she marries him. It's going to be a long, hard haul....is she quite sure she wants to do this?

If they marry and have a child together, what impact will this woman have on their child? Forget the impact this woman has already had on her boyfriend's child...you may have mentioned it, but does the child get therapy? Because if he doesn't, he should. Because she is a toxic presence in the child's life.

It sounds like they are doing all the right things...about the only other thing I might do is have a videocamera at "functions" so if she goes off all crazy (like she did at the function you described) you can actually get her on videotape...it sounds like the more evidence there is of her behavior, the better off they'll be in terms of custody issues down the road.

No worries. We (my family and I) have expressed the same concern over how "worth it" the relationship is vs. dealing with the ex. I've prayed about this for her.

The kid is in therapy too.

She knows the loony ex will ALWAYS be a thorn in their side and a loon. She'll have to do some real soul searching to figure out what is best for her in the long run, and I'm hoping therapy for herself will help her figure that out and how to cope with this all.


Man I feel helpless so far away!

 

[bunny]

Tell your sister to RUN not walk away from this situation. This advice is coming from personal experience. I have been dealing with my husband's ex-wife for 15 years and only recently has it gotten better. She was hell the whole time. The only thing that has changed is that his child support obligation is done. His son is 20 years old now. And don't believe that the child will eventually realize his mom is a nutjob. My stepson thinks his mom walks on water. She has brainwashed him and aliented him against us. The day after child support ended he legally changed his last name to her last name. If I had known then what I know now I would have never married my husband. Don't get me wrong. I love him with my whole heart but she has been like a cancer on us. Between the badmouthing and the lawsuits, she has been a nightmare. And as another poster said, it will get worse as he moves on. My husband's ex turned particularly nasty when our first son was born. The kicker is that she left him for her high school sweetheart. She is still married to this man 17 years later, but her hatred for my husband (and me) never died.

 

[kellyg403]

Tell your sister to RUN not walk away from this situation. This advice is coming from personal experience. I have been dealing with my husband's ex-wife for 15 years and only recently has it gotten better. She was hell the whole time. The only thing that has changed is that his child support obligation is done. His son is 20 years old now. And don't believe that the child will eventually realize his mom is a nutjob. My stepson thinks his mom walks on water. She has brainwashed him and aliented him against us. The day after child support ended he legally changed his last name to her last name. If I had known then what I know now I would have never married my husband. Don't get me wrong. I love him with my whole heart but she has been like a cancer on us. Between the badmouthing and the lawsuits, she has been a nightmare. And as another poster said, it will get worse as he moves on. My husband's ex turned particularly nasty when our first son was born. The kicker is that she left him for her high school sweetheart. She is still married to this man 17 years later, but her hatred for my husband (and me) never died.

Ten years here and some days I just don't know the answer. In the beginning of the relationship with dh I never in a million years thought the crap could last forever..but the drama continues. No matter how I distance myself, no matter how hard I try to pretend she doesn't exist..this poster is correct, it is a cancer that can't be cut away. And eventually your sister will resent her dh if she is not careful. My dh prefers not deal with his ex, she has issues mentally..but sometimes I just want to throw my hands up in the air and make an ultimatum. Logically I know that he is having a hard time too because the girls are involved. I have never seen two people who can't get along like these two. For what its worth she still wants to argue with him over the divorce, what she did/did not get and they have been divorced 17 years. I met him 7 years after they were divorced and the girls were young enough to believe that I was the reason they got divorced. Its just an ongoing thing and the kids sometimes see the other side..most of the time not out of loyalty to their mom.

Its a LONG LONG road...I love my dh and I think we have a good relationship but having someone else involved that you can not do one thing about has really fractured things in many ways.

Kelly