Advice Needed - Work Situation

[Miss Kelly]

Here's the deal: I just graduated college. While I was going to school I babysat twin 8 year olds and a 4 year old. I told the Mom twice before Christmas that I wouldn't be coming back after the holidays. The schedule I gave her at the start of the semester again tells her that I will not be coming back after the holidays. Along with their presents at Christmas, I attached a card telling them Thank you and I will miss them yada yada yada. On Christmas Eve, she brings me a gift card by and hints that we will talk after Christmas. I just smiled because I didn't know what to say. SO, today while I was out I see that she called. Ugh... She calls back again tonight when I was gone to Walmart and Mom answers. She wants me to work on Thursday! Umm... first of all, I'm not working this week. I'm spending this week catching up with my family and getting stuff ready for interviews (finding a suit, shoes, hoes, etc). If I did work, it would be next week and even then I'm hesitant to accept because she will assume that she can call on me whenever she likes. I'm applying and interviewing for positions so my schedule will be crazy as it is. I'm definately not going to turn down an interview just because she needs me to watch her children (and believe me, she will expect me to do this).

I'm at a loss. What must I do to get the point across to this woman!?! I was thinking I might call her back and say, I'm sorry but I can't keep the children because I have a prior committment yada yada yada and THEN, send her a Thank you card in the mail saying that I will not be able to keep her children any longer due to me trying to find a job. Is this tacky? What else should I do? Any recommendations? Oh, and I should mention that I'm not using her as a reference or anything of that nature. I really don't care if she gets mad, but in general, I don't like to be rude.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

 

[marybet]

I think you will just have to keep saying no everytime she calls until she gets the message. Sounds as if you gave her more than enough notice and she is in denial. You made need to be very blunt and tell her you are no longer in the babysitting business. I think you are right not to do it at all anymore, she sounds like the type who will take advantage of your kind nature. Don't give her any reason just tell her no or she will continue to think you might be available.

Good luck with your interviews, hope you find a great position.

 

[kbkids]

"I'm sorry. Maybe you misunderstood, but as I said before, I'm really not going to be able to babysit any longer now that I have finished school."

She heard you before, she's just trying to manipulate you.

 

[jfulcer]

Honesty is the best policy. Call her and tell her that you are sorry but you are out of babysitting business. She may have just thought that saying you weren't 'coming back after the holidays' meant that you would still be around for different occasions. Don't burn that bridge.

Just be polite. It'll be good training for those job interviews when you have to smile even though the questions and such are harder to work through.

 

[kbkids]

Honesty is the best policy. Call her and tell her that you are sorry but you are out of babysitting business. She may have just thought that saying you weren't 'coming back after the holidays' meant that you would still be around for different occasions. Don't burn that bridge.

Just be polite. It'll be good training for those job interviews when you have to smile even though the questions and such are harder to work through.

Not trying to change the subject, but Jeff, your pictures are cool! I thought I was losing my mind when they were different in different posts.

Now back to the original topic!!

 

[pkasbohm]

I agree with the op's! She is just trying to get you to come and babysit so she don't have to find anyone else. She knows that you said that your weren't going to babysit anymore but she is asking you hoping she can talk you into it. Stay firm with her and tell her no everytime she asks. she will then figure out that you are serious about not babysitting and start looking for someone else.

 

[Miss Kelly]

Thanks for all the great advice. I think I am going to just say no. Hopefully she will get the hint and leave me alone.

 

[Disney Doll]

"I'm sorry. Maybe you misunderstood, but as I said before, I'm really not going to be able to babysit any longer now that I have finished school."

She heard you before, she's just trying to manipulate you.

This is precisely what I would say. And I would continue to say it no matter how many times she tries to manipulate you into watching the kids, and believe me, she will.

An important lesson in how to handle manipulative people. Make your decision, state your decision, and continue to politely reiterate your decision until they "get it". I am a nurse, and take care of many substance abuse patients who tend to be some of the most manipulative people in the world when they are drug-seeking. They get meds at specified times, and specified times only, in specified doses. They always want meds at other times besides the scheduled times, or they want more medis than they should have, and I have heard everything from "I am going to die" to "I am going to kill myself"(which buys them a 1 to 1 sitter but no meds!!!) to "you are mean, cruel, rotten, nasty" and some other names that can't be posted on a family Internet BB!!!!! My response is always "I am sorry that you feel badly, but your next medication is due at such-and-such time, so I cannot give you anything until then". I always say this politely, calmly and kindly, but I say the same message every time.

The children are not your responsibiilty. They are her children, therefore her responsibility. Do not say "well, if you get in a bind I can help" or anything else to try and soften the blow. You gave her plenty of notice, she's had plenty of time to make other child care arrangements and if she chose not to do so, it's her problem, not yours.

Stand firm.

 

[dbogen]

I have to agree with the "don't burn the bridge" method. I can see not setting up a long term sitting schedule. But will an occasional sitting job be that bad? Do you have any other form of income at this time. I do wish you the bestof luck in finding a job, but in reality it may take months?

I do agree that you need to be firm and honest with the mom. Does she need you to sit so that she can work, or is it to run errands? If it is not for work maybe you can tell her that you can sit on the condition that you aren't called for an interview.

Best of luck in this situation and finding that dream job.

Deanna

 

[Miss Kelly]

I have to agree with the "don't burn the bridge" method. I can see not setting up a long term sitting schedule. But will an occasional sitting job be that bad? Do you have any other form of income at this time. I do wish you the bestof luck in finding a job, but in reality it may take months?

I do agree that you need to be firm and honest with the mom. Does she need you to sit so that she can work, or is it to run errands? If it is not for work maybe you can tell her that you can sit on the condition that you aren't called for an interview.

Best of luck in this situation and finding that dream job.

Deanna

No, an occasional job would not be so bad, but then she would expect to call on me at any time and I will feel obligated to be there. I've only missed two days in 2.5 years there. Even then she acted like she didn't believe me. She always says 'your so dependable.'

By the way, she is a doctor's wife. She doesn't work. She doesn't have to clean house - she hires someone to do that. If I work, it is for her to get her hair done or have lunch with a friend or play on the computer.

And I do realize it may take awhile for me to find a position. I've lined up a sub position at a daycare if something doesn't materialize early on. The difference is, I can say no without feeling guilty and my mother owns the facility. I initially took this job out of pity for this mother because her last babysitter just stopped coming (she has had several and I mean several former babysitters). Those poor children need some stability. Anyways, enough rambling. I think I just need to vent.

 

[kelleigh1]

Have you read the Nanny Diaries? Reading this, I felt like I was re-reading that book. I agree...she is trying to manipulate you. You've told her over and over that you would be leaving after the holidays and she refuses to accept that. Your only option is to tell her no.

And even if you never plan to use her as a reference, you're right about not wanting to be rude because you just never know who she knows and how it might affect you in the future.

 

[mcnuss]

"I'm sorry. Maybe you misunderstood, but as I said before, I'm really not going to be able to babysit any longer now that I have finished school."

She heard you before, she's just trying to manipulate you.

ITA!! I was about to say the exact same thing.

 

[crz4mm2]

"I'm sorry. Maybe you misunderstood, but as I said before, I'm really not going to be able to babysit any longer now that I have finished school."

She heard you before, she's just trying to manipulate you.

totally agree.
Just call her and say exactly what kbkids said.

 

[Chicago526]

I agree, cut her off, don't even do it occasionally, because it will never be "occasionally". Some people just don't take a "hint". "I'm sorry, but I'm no longer sitting."

Do you know anyone that could sit for her? Maybe giving her other options would get her off your back. But other than that, just keep saying "no". She'll figure it out eventually and find other arrangements.

 

[DisneyArk]

"I'm sorry. Maybe you misunderstood, but as I said before, I'm really not going to be able to babysit any longer now that I have finished school."

I agree that you need to be honest. I'm sorry she didn't get the message yet! Who knows what the woman is thinking. But if I give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she thinks you'll still be available sometimes (not regularly any more). With the craziness of the holidays, maybe she misunderstood (just maybe). So give her one more chance and nicely tell her flat out that you are not baby-sitting anymore.

As a mother who uses baby-sitters frequently, I really appreciate the girls who are honest with me! Whenever a sitter tells me no more than once, I always hesitate to call them again because I'm not sure if they are busy or just not interested in baby-sitting anymore.

Good luck! And I'm sorry you're having to deliver the bad news again. I really hate having to tell someone "no", much less telling them "no" over and over.

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

Well since she coldn't take the hint seeing your schedule for next year and the information went in ear and out the other when you told her, I would write it out like a letter of resignation which is precisely what you are doing. I would be honest and business like in your wording. That way she cannot say you didn't inform her that you will not be back working for her in the new year.

Good Luck in your job search.

 

[Miss Kelly]

Well I talked to her earlier this afternoon. I told her no that I was unavailable to keep the children tomorrow, that I had plans to take my niece to a movie (which is completely true!). She asked what time I was going and could I wait until noon! I said I wasn't sure what time we were going and instead of letting it go, she decided to check the listings online!! Mind you, I was on the phone the entire time. I said well I like to go to the early movies and probably wouldn't be back until late in the day. She still tried to convince me to keep the kids until 12. I kept on saying no, I have plans and I'm not going to disappoint my niece! Geeze... The call ended with her telling me that she is going to try and find someone else to watch the kids (unfortunately, I think she just meant for tomorrow?!?!). Ugh.. I would like to think that she won't call me again but I fear that won't happen. I do like the letter thing. Should I wait a few days and be sure she doesn't call again? Or should I just go ahead and write one up and mail it to her?

Thanks again everyone for the advice. And to whoever mentioned the Nanny Diaries I read that book, loved it in fact, until it became my life!