Advice needed trouble with a coworker.

[twinmomplus2new]

Without getting into much detail. I have a coworker that has been a PITA for over a year now. I do my darndest to avoid this person at all costs.

I Make no effort at conversation with them. When they approach me to the left I go to the right.

They will say Good Morning Mrs ***** I respond with the same good morning and continue on my way. I answer with a good morning back and she always yells it a second time as if I have not answered her. Which I have. So if you were in earshot it may appear I have not responded to her greeting which I have.

4 Weeks ago it went like this.....
Good Morning. I said good morning back. I SAID GOOD MORNING> I turn around and say and I SAID good morning BACK.

Oh HOW ARE YOU? Fine and you? I answered and then I kept walking.

Ok poke me with a stick, poke me with a stick.....

Week 2
Second shift same exchange between us.
Followed by her following me around saying things like .. You are always so tense? Are you tense? No.
Are you having a rough day? No I am not.
I am sorry your life seems to be stressful. Huh?
I responded with, Actually No I am not stressed in the slighest.
Again if you had heard her you would have thought I had responded that I was indeed having a hard time.

Oh hahahahah maybe its me then was the final response she gave as she walked off.


Week 3.
We do the whole good morning psychotic exchange. Can I tell you a secret. I say uuuuhhh I would rather not.
Why not???? oh my.

Well ok BECAUSE sharing of info is A NO NO!!
I say nothing of course but, this is what I was thinking.. Oh well she continues I just wanted to tell you its Mrs. ***** Birthday. I respond with ok thanks for letting me know???? So I assummed that was the end of the news when she turns around and says......
Sorry you must be one of thossssssse people who do not celebrate? No I celebrate. UUUGHHHHHHHHHHH

Week 4
Today good morning nutso time. She follows me again. Are you an angry person Mrs ****** ahh nope.
You seem so tense and angry.
Ahh nope not at all.
Well it must be me than the way you feel about me? I said nope just doing my job, You say good morning I say good morning back. Then I am working time to move on.
So, you don't want to talk to me then? Well its not that. Its just there isn't anything to say after good morning.

Oh really, so very angry for a young woman.. UUUUGHHHHHHH

I turn around to help someone( Legitamately my attention was called away) Oh, Is our conversation over? I turned back stunned.. And responded with excuse me?
I turned to help a child I am working.
Would you prefer I stay clear of you? I say yes please. At this point I do feel it would be best. That way there will no more misinterpretations.
Well should you ever wish to sit down and talk with MRS ******* and hash out whatever it is, I think we should, I said no thank you.

Ok so I have talked about this foolishness with our boss. I am not the only one. Apparently I am the main one at this time. Lets face it a tenure employee and an hourly are not on an even playing field. This has been going on in varying degrees for more than a year. Comments have been made over and over and she is very demeaning.
Apparently I am beneath her.

It is exhausting to try to be polite and yet firm and still end up feeling like I am allowing the crazy to make me feel awful.

I was told well If you put it in writing we have to act. So think long and hard before you put it in writing.
So would you go head and put the complaint in writing??????

I was able to edit this and hope it now seems clearer to readers.
I am going to request MODS to close it however, as I am a little neurotic about leaving it out on a public forum.
NOT because, I was upset with responses. Thanks, To all that responded.

 

[DawnCt1]

I have to say, I had a good deal of difficulty understanding this post, so I am not sure what you would put in writing.

 

[Pakey]

Without getting into much detail. I have a coworker that has been a PITA for over a year now. I do my darnest to avoid this person at all costs. make no efforrt at conversation when they come left I go right.

They say Godd Morning Mrs ***** I respond with the like godd morning and continue on my way.

4 Weeks ago it went like this Good Morning. I say good morning back. I SAID GOOD MORNING> I turn around and say and I said good morning back. Oh HOW ARE YOU? Fine and you I keep walking.

Ok poke with stick, poke with stick.....

Week 2 second shift essentially the same conversation. followed by her following me saying.. You are always so tense? are you tense? No. Are you having a rough day? No I am not. Oh I am sorry your life seems to be stressful. Huh? Actually No I am not stressed in teh slighest.

Oh hahahahah maybe its me then.


Week 3. We do the whole good morning psychotic exchange. Can I tell you a scret. I say uuuuhhh I would rather not.
Why not oh my.
Well ok BECAUSE sharing of info is A NO NO!! I say nothing. you says Its so and so's birthday day. ( an Adult) ok thanks I guess??? well I wanted to tell yuo. Sorrry you must be one of thossssssse people who do not celebrate? No I celebrate. UUUGHHHHHHHHHHH

Week 4 today good morning nutso time. She follows me again. Are you an angry person Mrs ****** ahh nope. You seem so tense and angry. Ahh nope not at all. Well it must be me than the wya you feel about me? I said nope just doing my job, you say good morning I say good morning, then I am working time to move on. So you don't wnat to talk to me then? Well its not that. its just there isn't anything to say after good morning.
oh really, so very angry for a young woman.. UUUUGHHHHHHH

I turn around to help somone oh, Is our conversation over? I turn back stunned.. And say excuse me> I turned to help a child I am working. Would you prefer I stay clear of you? I say yes please. I do feel it would be best. That way there will no misinterpretations.
Well should you ever wish to sit down and talk with MRS ******* and hash out whatever it is, I think we should I said no thank you.

Ok so I have reported every encounter but this last one. I am at the point where I am ready to quit. I just don't need this foolishness from a grownup.

They said well If you put it in writing we have to act. So think long and hard before you put it in writing. So would you go head and put the complaint in writing??????

No.

 

[Acklander]

I'm not sure I'm getting the problem, you're reporting her for saying good morning to you??? Has she been told to stay away from you or something???

 

[Pamlur]

I think I would just continue on, saying good morning and going about my business. Surely she'll get bored and go looking for a new victim, before long.

 

[rie'smom]

I'm not sure I'm getting the problem, you're reporting her for saying good morning to you??? Has she been told to stay away from you or something???

I agree. It's annoying that someone says "Good morning" and tries to be friendly?

 

[indimom]

I think I would just continue on, saying good morning and going about my business. Surely she'll get bored and go looking for a new victim, before long.

This.

 

[Angelhalo]

I don't see that the woman has done anything wrong. She's asking you if you're angry because she is obviously picking up on your angry attitude toward her and she is confused because all she has done is try to be nice to you.

 

[OceanAnnie]

These encounters with your co-worker are really odd! Why do you think she does this routine with you? It seems like she is trying to analyze and perturb you. Do you have a direct working relationship with this person? If not, I'd point that out, if she continues to push boundaries.

I would remain distant but cordial.

I would not report it as it stands.

I'd document these strange encounters. Just jot down the facts and the date, for yourself. You may need it some day and maybe soon.

Good luck!

 

[Pakey]

I can't get past that the OP has reported "every encounter". HR must love her. HR is a one of my departments and I deal with plenty of drama but this seems more trivial than most.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I'm sorry, but if every time I said good morning to someone, they asked if I was angry, depressed, whatever, I'd be pissed. Highly annoying. Not sure if I'd report it, but I'd just start ignoring that person.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm sorry, but if every time I said good morning to someone, they asked if I was angry, depressed, whatever, I'd be pissed. Highly annoying. Not sure if I'd report it, but I'd just start ignoring that person.

Yes. The co-worker seems very antagonizing to me, too. Something is really "off" with those encounters.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

We surely must be missing a large piece to this puzzle. It sounds like she is trying to be friendly with you. I get the sense that you try to avoid/snub her, but why?

She obviously has picked up on your facial expressions because she thinks you look angry.

Try some Botox and be on your way..... (ok, just kidding about that part)

Sorry you have to deal with someone that makes you unhappy. I just wish I knew WHY she made you feel that way.

 

[Angelhalo]

Yes. The co-worker seems very antagonizing to me, too. Something is really "off" with those encounters.

I don't get antagonizing at all from this story. Maybe she is....it's hard to say without being there. To me it just sounds like she is a nice lady and genuinely befuddled as to why the OP is always so rude to her. She's just trying to be a pleasant coworker and instead she gets curt answers and most likely angry glares. She probably just wants to understand why, and might even be concerned for the OP. Maybe she thinks she has a rough life. Maybe she thinks the OP is being abused or something. Who knows? But, it's clear that she is picking up on the bad vibes that the OP is sending, and it's clear that she wants to understand why. Maybe she thinks she has somehow wronged the OP at some point and wants to know what she's done so that she can make ammends. To me, it just truly sounds like the coworker is trying to be nice and is baffled by the cold reception.

 

[DawnCt1]

It sounds to me as if the OP is overly sensitive. When one makes a consistent, concerted effort to avoid another person, it does seem unfriendly and a bit hostile. We all have to deal with people we don't like. The best solution in most of these situations is to behave as if you like them. They react better and eventually you can find something likable about them, which makes a better working relationship for everyone.

 

[Magic Mom]

Yes, put it in writing that someone was repeatedly trying to be friendly with you (in an odd way) and you shot them down everytime. Please report back how they act on that complaint.

 

[kwelch10377]

Yeah I think we are missing some background story which would help us understand this whole situation so much better.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

First off..... this is antagonistic behavior, to the utmost. It is in no way a simple good morning.
And yes, I am tense and angry because it is so foolish and so unnecessary.

What I left out was things she says like..... Oh perhaps you know better than I? I am Educated person but your just a mommy..... I have never been a mommy so we have a different skill set.
Does that still sound friendly to you? It sure doesn't feel friendly.

How... About working with her 4 years and when She started this new year with whats your name anyway??? I am never sure what to call you? When I answered the name ?? She instantly replied with something else. And continues to call me that.

Ok... I have my paralegal degree and my bachelors. I am working a menial job. because I choose to and I love what I do.
I blessedly do not need the money. I love what I do. This foolishness has given me a headache that has lasted since 10 am this morning.

Uhhhmmmm I do NOT report to HR everytime.
I left this job because I didn't need the crap with this person. I came back by request with the absolute understanding that she be kept away from me.
If someone were to say good morning. And you answer with a good morning and they follow you around WHILE you are working, you think thats still a friendly hello?

I came back as a favor. And agreed to train 2 new coworkers. So I am being checked in with on a weekly basis. And am being asked outright how it's going. The person in charge has acknowladged its an issue but, said some people you just can't change. To ignore because she is getting my goat deliberately.

My coworker from prior years reported this same person for the same type of behavior and she was a huge reason why that coworker left the job.
Even approaching her at a craft fair in town with almost the same line of questions?? Why don't you like me? yadadayadad yadada....

In the last three years 3 coworkers have resorted to the short straw method in order to decide who gets to work with her directly.
It is not just me its a pattern of actions that simply has moved onto me as the primary target at the moment.

 

[DawnCt1]

First off..... this is antagonistic behavior, to the utmost. It is in no way a simple good morning.
And yes, I am tense and angry because it is so foolish and so unnecessary.

What I left out was things she says like..... Oh perhaps you know better than I? I am Educated person but your just a mommy..... I have never been a mommy so we have a different skill set.
Does that still sound friendly to you? It sure doesn't feel friendly.

How... About working with her 4 years and when She started this new year with whats your name anyway??? I am never sure what to call you? When I answered the name ?? She instantly replied with something else. And continues to call me that.

Ok... I have my paralegal degree and my bachelors. I am working a menial job. because I choose to and I love what I do.
I blessedly do not need the money. I love what I do. This foolishness has given me a headache that has lasted since 10 am this morning.

Uhhhmmmm I do NOT report to HR everytime.
I left this job because I didn't need the crap with this person. I came back by request with the absolute understanding that she be kept away from me.
If someone were to say good morning. And you answer with a good morning and they follow you around WHILE you are working, you think thats still a friendly hello?

I came back as a favor. And agreed to train 2 new coworkers. So I am being checked in with on a weekly basis. And am being asked outright how it's going. The person in charge has acknowladged its an issue but, said some people you just can't change. To ignore because she is getting my goat deliberately.

My coworker from prior years reported this same person for the same type of behavior and she was a huge reason why that coworker left the job.
Even approaching her at a craft fair in town with almost the same line of questions?? Why don't you like me? yadadayadad yadada....

In the last three years 3 coworkers have resorted to the short straw method in order to decide who gets to work with her directly.
It is not just me its a pattern of actions that simply has moved onto me as the primary target at the moment.

She sounds like a nut case. I think when she said, "Oh perhaps you know better than I? I am Educated person but your just a mommy..... I have never been a mommy so we have a different skill set." I would say, "well I am both a well educated person AND a mommy, so I have your skill set and mine as well so no doubt, I do know better than you. If she deliberately calls you buy the wrong name, stop what you are doing and correct her immediately. Don't be angry, don't be hostile, BE FIRM, look her in the eye and repeat. She attempts to be intimidating, and your avoidance of her stimulates her stalking behavior. Like running away from a dog gets a dog to chase you. Turn around and face her each time, answer firmly and appropriately and if it continues, just say, is there anything else?

 

[dislaney]

If you want to continue working there and they obviously don't want to do anything about her, I would just try and ignore her the best I can. If you don't need the money and it is bothering you enough that it is ruining your life, quit! Only you can decide if the job is worth the aggravation of this woman! Sorry you have to deal with her.