Advice for Newlyweds

[NMAmy]

We had a couple over last night--they're getting married in October and I'm planning their WDW honeymoon for them.

We got on the subject of advice when we were discussing DH's work schedule lately. He's had to work weekend mornings for the past month and I told him that he needed to cut it out because I really missed our Sunday morning breakfasts. He makes me a standard breakfast every Sunday morning while I read the paper in peace.

He told our friend that every man, married or not, should know how to make a good breakfast. If you're not married, it's nice for any overnight visitors and if you are married, you can make your wife very happy by just providing one meal a week where she doesn't have to do a thing. In our case, I happily make all the other meals for the rest of the week.

Also, about once a year, DH will make me a fancy meal with Indian food which takes approximately 4 hours to prepare and $800 in ingredients. I'm always so tickled by it. He's not a person who enjoys cooking so I know how much effort he puts into it.

So, this was his advice to the male of the couple last night. Learn how to make eggs, bacon, and fried eggs and you'll have a happy wife. Also, go to Disney World with her and be nice about it.

I had to laugh that he truly believes this is the secret to our happy marriage--although he's partially right! So, what's your advice to newlyweds or the soon to be married?

 

[smilie]

Communication. That means not only learning how to talk but learning how to listen.
Don't stress the little things, it's not worth it.

 

[kmebee]

Communication. That means not only learning how to talk but learning how to listen.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!! Also, Honesty, which I hope is a part of the relationship already, but ALWAYS be honest with each other. And Respect for each other. The three big ones in my opinion!

 

[SC Minnie]

Don't expect every single minute of every day for the rest of your life to be . It won't. There will be days that you can't stand the sight of each other. Those are the days you have to remind yourself why you love your spouse and that neither of you are perfect.

Enjoy spending time together and that may mean doing something the other person really enjoys but you don't.

Laugh.

Think before you say something in the heat of an argument.

 

[beckmrk04]

I can't stress communication enough. And respect. Think before you speak (especially when arguing). HONESTY. Do little things for each other- saying "I love you" is great, showing it is even better sometimes. Every once in a while, turn off all the phones and pretend you're not home. When arguing with parents/in-laws, maintain a united front.
Learn the fine art of compromise. Always kiss goodnight.

 

[azgal81]

Never compare your marriage to anyone elses!

 

[mrsltg]

Find humor in everything. If you can laugh through it, you'll be better off.

 

[CapeCodTenor]

Communication. That means not only learning how to talk but learning how to listen.
Don't stress the little things, it's not worth it.

You mean we have to listen?! Just kidding. I can be bad about that sometimes and it's something I'm working on.

I tell my wife how much I love her and how beautiful she it all the time...to the point that she is now spoiled. I don't cook all that often, but I do try to clean the kitchen, washing and putting away dishes and pots and pans, and wiping down the counters, on a regular basis. I also give her shoulder and back messages all the time.

I also think that giving each other their space and alone time is a good thing. I need to have some time to myself or I go insane. I've always been like this. I'm just the type of person who enjoys being alone once in a while. So for us, I think we have a good marriage going...even though it's only been 9 months.

 

[Disney Doll]

Remember that "this too shall pass". When you get into a bad stretch, whether it's with each other or an outside issue or problem that has to be dealt with within the confines of your marriage, it won't last forever.

I remember my mother telling me this when we were caring for my terminally ill MIL, and it was quite stressful and time-consuming. My mother said to me one day "This too shall pass, and you'll be glad you did it even if it hard now" and she was right.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Let go of the notion that you have to be right. Sometimes, life is far easier when you just nod when your spouse insists the sky is green and the earth is flat. IOW, pick your battles.

Be prepared for some days when you wonder what on earth you were thinking when you married this person.

People say marriage is a 50/50 deal. They are dead wrong. That implies you are only giving 1/2 of yourself to the relationship. Marriage is 100/100 all the time. Sometimes it's much easier than others.

Dh says his advice is to remember that getting married is not the same as being married. One is just one day, the other is the rest of your life. He's not usually that deep

 

[ahutton]

To remember no matter how tough it gets, you are in it together and will come out of it together. If you can keep that in mind you'll find less stress at home.

And that you shouldn't debate if the decisions that were made and acted on were good ones or not, just decide where to go from where you are!

 

[meuseman]

Be honest with yourself and your new spouse when it comes to money. It is one of the biggest causes of fights. You have to talk frequently about what you want for the future and how much money you need to get there. You also need to be honest about how much you can spend on a day to day basis.

Don't let dollars get between you.

 

[Skatermom23]

People say marriage is a 50/50 deal. They are dead wrong. That implies you are only giving 1/2 of yourself to the relationship. Marriage is 100/100 all the time. Sometimes it's much easier than others.
:

I was volunteering in a hospital before I got married and some "little old lady" told me that marriage is 90/10...never 50/50. She told me to always give whatever I could of myself to the marriage and IF I married the right guy he would do the same and we would be blissfully happy. I just laughed at her because at the time I had no clue. Eighteen years later, I know exactly what she meant.

 

[HaleyB]

Encourage your spouse to have a hobby that does not include you. Then find a hobby you can share too. Both doing things alone, and doing things together are important.

Do not take your spouses bad moods personally. Instead assume they are having a bad day and try to make it better or at least give them some space. If they try to pick a fight with you don't let them.

 

[HaleyB]

And one more,

Take all advice with a grain of salt

 

[rt2dz]

1) Continue to "date" regularly, especially after you have kids.

2) Go ahead and go to bed angry. Usually cooler heads will prevail in the morning and you can discuss things instead of arguing over things. It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for you in being able to see things from different prepective.

 

[redshoes]

You don't have to be as passionate about their passions as they are, but at least show some interest in what makes them tick. My DH loves college basketball (March Madness is his favorite time of the year), I don't "love" it like he does but I have learned alot about basketball and have actually enjoyed watching the games with him for 7 years now. I can now carry on a decent conversation with him through the month of March and he understands the my love of Disney. It's really a give and take kind of thing.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I am loving this thread.
Best piece of advice I was ever given is the same as another poster but the way it was told to me sticks after 15 years of marriage.
"Never say a harsh word out of anger, frustration or hurt. Once it is spoken it can never be taken back".

 

[DVC Sadie]

This sentence is what we have strived for in our marriage of almost 20 years and works for us. " It's more important to be kind than to be right. "

 

[Pooh's Pixie]

I can't resist:

My grandmother used to say: Love is blind, but marriage is an eyeopener!!!



Of course, I jest. Sort of. There's a lot of truth in the statement!