Advice..cheating boyfriend of daughters..

[mom2my3kids]

My daughter has been dating this boy for almost two years and is madly in love with him..He has become part of our family, fit in and everyone loved him and he doted on daughter they are always together..The other night a friend of mine who is divorced and goes on dating websites called me and said hey I think your daughters boyfriend in on this site and has contacted me and have been chatting..I of course could not believe it, he changed his name but some of his info was his and the pic was his but could of come off of his facebook..He gave her his cell phone number and it was his, I told her to text him and if he answers back and talks I know its him..She says I have been texting him, so I knew it was him..So after work she meets me and calls him, it goes to voice mail he messages her on said dating site a few minutes later and then he calls her..I see the his cell phone number show up on her phone and she puts him on speaker..IT IS HIM..so she talks a couple minutes..they plan on meeting that night at walmart..I go home sit my daughter down and tell her everything, hoping she will let us all meet up with him to catch him..No she goes screaming and crying and calls him out on it.. Well he denies it all says later that night after she ask to see his verizon message report that shows who has been messaging him and him to them, he says his mom says no..Later he says his phone has been hacked and still denies everything.. I know it was him, she is so confused she believes me but he is filling her head with stuff..as a parent what would you do if you know his a lying cheating scum...So hard...

 

[deserrai]

My daughter has been dating this boy for almost two years and is madly in love with him..He has become part of our family, fit in and everyone loved him and he doted on daughter they are always together..The other night a friend of mine who is divorced and goes on dating websites called me and said hey I think your daughters boyfriend in on this site and has contacted me and have been chatting..I of course could not believe it, he changed his name but some of his info was his and the pic was his but could of come off of his facebook..He gave her his cell phone number and it was his, I told her to text him and if he answers back and talks I know its him..She says I have been texting him, so I knew it was him..So after work she meets me and calls him, it goes to voice mail he messages her on said dating site a few minutes later and then he calls her..I see the his cell phone number show up on her phone and she puts him on speaker..IT IS HIM..so she talks a couple minutes..they plan on meeting that night at walmart..I go home sit my daughter down and tell her everything, hoping she will let us all meet up with him to catch him..No she goes screaming and crying and calls him out on it.. Well he denies it all says later that night after she ask to see his verizon message report that shows who has been messaging him and him to them, he says his mom says no..Later he says his phone has been hacked and still denies everything.. I know it was him, she is so confused she believes me but he is filling her head with stuff..as a parent what would you do if you know his a lying cheating scum...So hard...

You've done your part. It is up to her to figure out what to do now. She may not make the best decision, but all you can do is stand back and watch. She will figure it out eventually. The more you try to get involved, the worse it is.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Give her time. Right now she is in denial.

 

[Goofycampers]

Wow that's a tough one but I'd also just give her time. She probably knows it's true but just doesn't want to believe it. BTW how old is she?

 

[mom2my3kids]

She is 19...I hate to see her this way..He knows I know the truth so he wont dare try to contact me now..All he says is he did not do it, but I know without a doubt it was his voice and his cell phone number..

 

[JessB320]

How old is she and how old is the boyfriend ? Is she an adult or a high school student? I'm guessing HS student , if that's the case I would keep talking to her, keep the communication open and I might not allow her to see him, not an all out you may never see him again, more like you need to take a little break and. Get your head around all of this information. If you are close with any of her best girlfriends I might let them know the real story so they can encourage her to stay away from him.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Thats a tough one. Honestly, you did your part. I would just sit back and let her take care of it. She's an adult. It might sink in eventually, and hopefully she'll do the right thing. But as a mom, I wouldnt try to sway her too much. She might go the other way. I'd just wait and let her figure it out, and wait til she approaches you about the subject, if she wants to talk about it. kwim??

Good luck. This cant be easy!

 

[mom2my3kids]

She is in college but still lives at home, I have already told her he is not welcome in my home again..but with her being a legal adult I cant keep her from him outside my home..I am hoping she just needs time...

 

[Tink888]

Like others have said, you did your part and now I would stay out of it. Be there for your daughter. That's all you can do, the rest of it will work itself out.

 

[Domo]

Can't stand cheats.

 

[shortbun]

Social media makes fools out of lots of people, doesn't it? This boy probably would never have dabbled in flirtations without it. I think you need to let them handle it from there. Too bad she reacted like that instead of going to try to meet him. It would have left no doubt. His mother is protecting him. I would have told my son he was on his own with that issue.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Sounds like time your DH had a meeting with the cheater!

And a little talk from her DDad, might convince your DD, she deserves so much more than this!

Sorry you are going thru this.

TC

 

[luvsJack]

OP, I went through something similar to this with oldest ds. We KNEW his gf was cheating on him. (they were 19 and 20). But of course we also realized that he needed to see it for himself.

This young man will show his true colors. You cannot force your daughter to do anything nor can you make her see it in anyway that she doesn't want to see it. When she is ready to realize what he is THEN she will see him with open eyes.

With ds, we let him know what we thought and then dropped it. We didn't try to talk him out of seeing her or change our relationship with her. After a few months, he saw her for what she was and they broke up. He didn't have to slink back to us knowing we were right. And if they had stayed together, he would not have felt like we hated her or that he had to keep her away from us.

You have given your dd the information. Let her deal with it the way she chooses. Its hard, I know; but its really best for your dd.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'd let her know that I am there for her if she ever wants advice or to talk, but otherwise stay out of it and let her and him work it out however they are going to.

 

[wiigirl]

Give her time. Right now she is in denial.

She is in denial, you did your part, I would just keep doing a gentle nudge.

 

[DisReno]

I'm trying to figure out how old everyone in this scenario is. Especially since your friend who is divorced was talking to a guy who has to ask for the Verizon bill from his Mom.

This guy is a loser, but your daughter is going to have to learn the hard way, and figure it out for herself. You can only stand by and be there for her.

 

[JessB320]

Now that I see she is 19 I'm changing my response I would just be the voice of reason who gently reminds her of the truth as he denies and try's to put a spin on things. Be supportive and be there to talk.

 

[Buckalew11]

I'd have been at that Walmart so fast that night that the boy's head would have spin!

I know it is not funny but as with my BIL's cheating, one must laugh so as to not cry.

Anyway, I think she'll need to figure it out for herself also. I mean, she knows...but he'll continue to lie and he might convince her so be prepared for some kind of a wait for him to hang himself. (I'm not talking literally...I'm talking "give him enough rope...")

 

[anniemck]

Could your friend have shown your daughter her phone and the online dating account messages, since this is where it all started with?

 

[mom2my3kids]

Thanks everyone...yes she was willing to show my daughter her phone.. I seen her phone with his number on it..She is 35 divorced and was on the site to meet men but once she realized who he was she was just getting info for us..He knew her age and told her he liked older woman..He is 19 and so is my daughter..