advice about extended family

[luvsTink]

Hi all,
We are planning a trip next year (we go yearly ) This upcoming trip will be the first with our grand daughter. Yesterday my sister said that she wanted to come and bring her two grandchildren. She is a smoker and her grandkids are not the best travelers. This would not be a good combination with our style of touring and travel. They are also very frugal...not a bad trait, however we really want to do Chef Mickey and some other table services. How do you handle it when others want to come along?

Anne

 

[disney minnie]

Be sure to lay out your schedule from the very beginning, but let them know that they are not required to do the same things. Sometimes it's best to pick times to be together and times apart. I have had MANY Disney trips ruined by extended family or friends. It can be very stressful.

 

[Raenstoirm]

I would plan "around" them as in make your plans as usual, tell her your dates and hotel and let her figure it out. A large group is hard to travel with, so make your ADRs as you want them for just your group. If she does end up going too, you do not need to spend every waking moment with her and her family. You can tell her what park you will be at on each day and plan to meet up or not depending on each family's plan.

 

[karenklo]

We just did a big trips in July. My DH and sons, my parents, and my niece and nephew. We had separate rooms. We each had our own packages booked. We did go to the same parks, but had different dinner ressies on a few days and had no issues separating. For example, we love Jiko, but they didn't want to spend that kind on money due to my niece and nephew being picky eaters! We also stayed a few days after them. You can go "together" but do you own things!

 

[mrssam]

Set the expectations early, like now. Agree to do your own thing and then maybe have some time together like a meal or two, or a pool day, maybe even a later character meal at Crystal Palace on an EM day (assuming you are all staying on property) where you can do some rides with little waits and then depart after a family meal or even to make your ADR. Plan to meet up for things like parades and fireworks or even a show.

If the kids are different ages it will be fairly easy to explain that you'll be keeping different paces and don't want to wear on each other's experience, or "so-so wants to ride this and so-so2 isn't tall enough..." Other explanations for keeping things separate could be things like wanting to ensure everyone has time to focus on memories with their own grandkids, lessening the likelihood the kids get burnt out on each other, scheduling things like downtime or already having ADR's that cannot be changed.

I can't imagine having children on a trip like WDW that aren't good travelers. My kids are toddlers and are ROCKSTARS at air-travel, queue lines, etc. Example, my two year old waited 90 minutes to meet Tinkerbell, no complaints or toddler-drama.

You could also consider moving your dates one way or another so that your trips overlap, but aren't at the exact same time.


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[madonniac]

Be sure to lay out your schedule from the very beginning, but let them know that they are not required to do the same things. Sometimes it's best to pick times to be together and times apart. I have had MANY Disney trips ruined by extended family or friends. It can be very stressful.

This!!!!

I know expectations can be that you spend every moment together, but this is your trip as much as theirs. We planned a trip 6 months ago for March 2014 and just found out my aunt wants to go. We told her up front that we had already planned our parks and dinning. We also told her that we will be doing our thing whether or not she chooses to tag along, and that she is more than welcome to join us or go her own way at times. I said this in a nice way of course.

The earlier you tell them that there are times you will agree and disagree on things to do the better. Also let them know it is okay if you do things separately, no feelings will be hurt.

 

[ShayBells]

Hi all,
We are planning a trip next year (we go yearly ) This upcoming trip will be the first with our grand daughter. Yesterday my sister said that she wanted to come and bring her two grandchildren. She is a smoker and her grandkids are not the best travelers. This would not be a good combination with our style of touring and travel. They are also very frugal...not a bad trait, however we really want to do Chef Mickey and some other table services. How do you handle it when others want to come along?

Anne

If it was me I'd say sure you can come but we are doing things this way and you can either keep up or do your own thing lol.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[Wood Nymph]

Hi all,
We are planning a trip next year (we go yearly ) This upcoming trip will be the first with our grand daughter. Yesterday my sister said that she wanted to come and bring her two grandchildren. She is a smoker and her grandkids are not the best travelers. This would not be a good combination with our style of touring and travel. They are also very frugal...not a bad trait, however we really want to do Chef Mickey and some other table services. How do you handle it when others want to come along?

Anne

You have my sympathy. We took a trip with our daughter, her DH and two grandchild and my sisters joined us for part of the trip. The bad thing was that my one sister wanted to do everything together, while my daughter just wanted to do her own thing. My sister got very offended, things got tense, and it didn't make for a good experience. But I can't imagine how we could have said no to my sisters.

Now my daughter is thinking that the only way she can ever go to WDW again is if she doesn't invite anyone, not even us. Part of the problem is that my sisters never got married or had children of their own, so my grandchildren are as close to having their own grandchildren as they will ever get. It is tough to make everyone happy.

 

[jtowntoflorida]

My sister has hinted for a couple of years that she wants to come with us, and I have dissuaded her and sent them on a solo trip instead! LOL. Our travel styles are so different that I just don't want to deal with it. I did go with a friend this summer, but her travel style was "Here's what we want to do. Figure out how we'll fit it in and I'll do what you say" which is EXACTLY the type of Disney travel partner I need, and we had a fabulous trip. If I had someone invite themselves along like your situation, OP, I'd tell them, "Here's what we're doing, here's where we're staying. You can join us when it works for you, and when it doesn't you can explore on your own." I think the biggest issue would be whether your sister and her grandkids are RDers, because that seems to be the biggest issue on trips with extended families, from reading the boards.

Good luck!

 

[disnut8]

Hi all,
We are planning a trip next year (we go yearly ) This upcoming trip will be the first with our grand daughter. Yesterday my sister said that she wanted to come and bring her two grandchildren. She is a smoker and her grandkids are not the best travelers. This would not be a good combination with our style of touring and travel. They are also very frugal...not a bad trait, however we really want to do Chef Mickey and some other table services. How do you handle it when others want to come along?

Anne

Open dialogue.

"Sister! It would be great being at Disney World with you! Here are our dates so you can plan around them. We plan to spend a lot of good quality time with Granddaughter since it's her first trip. Might I suggest all of us getting together for a meal at Chef Mickey's? Once you have your plans in place, we can talk about meeting up more often. Talk to you later!"

This puts you in the good spot of having her make her own plans. I would also keep mentioning spending time with your granddaughter alone. But you can't shut your sister and her grandkids out entirely so pick things you all will like.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

1. Warn her that smoking is prohibited in all Disney hotels (even on the balconies) and Parks. There are certain areas in each Park where smoking is allowed, and certain outside areas at the hotels. These are the only places smoking is permitted.

2. I hope you have good training in herding cats.

3. And I agree completely with what disnut8 commented in Post #10.

 

[Fantasmiss]

Smoker? Does she smoke near kids? I don't want to start a discussion/argument, but if she's the type of person who'll smoke near kids, there's not a chance I'd let her come with me on a holiday if I'm bringing kids.

Otherwise, if you don't want her to come with you, it's better if you can find a good way of telling her?

 

[bigbabyblues]

Honestly? We don't. Our Disney trips are for people who live in our house only. The ILs have mentioned going with us once, and DH explained that this is one thing we do as a family, period.

I get that not everyone wants it that way, and I wholeheartedly agree with evereyone that said let them know your plans and tell them they are free to do their own thing. Pick a meal or something each day to do together, and that's all. If things work out, you are in the same place and want to do the same thing at the same time, great!

 

[usd2bmd]

We did a trip with my husbands family once. My ILs paid for everyone to go. Because my husband and I had been several times they asked us to plan.

We decided to limit the time we spent together. BIL and SIL were not early risers and not remotely schedule people. So we scheduled 3 meals together and did what we normally did when in WDW.

In hindsight I wish we would have been able to spend more time together but am so glad we did not wait around for them, They wasted so much of their vacation (and IMO my ILs money) sitting in the hotel room cuz they couldn't get up)

But lessons learned, there are members of my family we would consider going with and some we wouldn't. We will not go with my ILs again.

My advice would be to discuss early (and often) about not spending all day every day together and try to enjoy the trip.

 

[starsweeper]

I'm planning a large extended family trip for next summer. Only my family has been to WDW and the other families want me to "lead" them through the parks. However, my family members can be very opinionated and I know they will want to deviate from our plans at some point. My DH and I decided to visit each of the parks in order (MK, Epcot, DHS, AK) for the first 4 days. We plan to spend the morning together and have a table service lunch together, then the families can split up or stay together as needed/wanted once familiar with the park layout. Days 5-7 will be on your own or come along with us as you please. One family is already planning a day trip to Universal for day 5--two of my kids are too young for that.

I would present what you are doing and give them the choice of joining or just meeting up for a couple meals, especially since it sounds like your sisters' kids may be an issue touring the parks.

 

[ArwenMarie]

Honestly? We don't. Our Disney trips are for people who live in our house only. The ILs have mentioned going with us once, and DH explained that this is one thing we do as a family, period.

Yes to this.. I will do other trips with my parents/extended family (lake trips, shore trips, that kind of thing). Not WDW.

I admire the folks that do get big extended family trips together though

 

[HopperFan]

Have traveled with all combinations of friends and family...

If you can avoid the extended family trip I would suggest that first because:
(1) Your first trip with your GDD, I would not want to share that experience. With the other kids it is likely some of those special moments may even be lost.
(2) Is your son/daughter going or just grand? If they are, maybe they want this trip to be just your family?
(3) The one thing you will be guaranteed is the trip will not be like your normal trips and bound to bring some levels of stress, possibly hard feelings.

If me I would be telling her that "this is a special trip since it's our first with our GDD and I don't want to share those special moments, maybe next time."

We've had many learning moments with extended family and I suggest:
(1) Stay in different hotels, this gives your down time more privacy and away time. This gives your GDD time away from the other kids.
(2) Staying in different hotels means meeting at parks, not bus stops. You will gain a huge amount of park time because if they are late you just keep enjoying yourself and they will catch up with you. If in same hotel, set meet times at parks, never anywhere in hotel or at bus.
(3) Book your food reservations with just you all for most the time and coordinate a couple meals together (at table where reservations are needed).
(4) Be clear on the parks you select for which days, if they want to go they can, if they don't - make is clear that it is fine to split up some days.
(5) Do not change your choice of tickets for them, say you do Hoppers and they don't want to ... fine, you spend half a day together.
(6) Do not agree to supervise or take her Gkids to parks should she become tired or not interested later. Tell her she should do a pool day with them. This is your time with your GDD.
(7) Def plan time with just your family whether it be park day, special meals etc. and clearly let your sister know that she should make her own plans during that time.

Good Luck

 

[jimmysmom74]

We have done 3 extended family trips.
1. Make sure you have your own space. Don't share a room, even adjourning room can be too close for some. Request the same area or building instead.
2. Make some plans together. We always plan at least dinner together. Usually some rides that all ages will enjoy.
3. Talk prices. Tell them your must dos, and tell them what it costs.
4. Always give them an out. This is what we like to do, but you can make your own plans, no obligation to do everything together.
5. Just have fun. Some of my best times have been with my nephews and cousins in WDW. As long as you are not unable to deviate from routine or this is your once in a lifetime trip. I think extended family can make your trip amazing.
Golden Rule: You have to enjoy their company. Or all of the above are null and void. Never go anywhere with people you don't really like spending time with.

 

[Brian_WDW74]

I've moved this thread to the Disney for Families board.

 

[BuzzBelleMom]

Our first WDW trip was supposed to be the four of us (DH, DD, DS and myself) with my unmarried brother, our mom, our sister and her son.

Sis refused to save her portion of money, so the four of us went and have gone back three times. My brother joined us one afternoon at Epcot and within 5 hours was dying, so now Mom refuses to go because we are too commando for them.

My friend has gone to WDW with extended family several times and never wants to again. The last was the worst: her inlaws kept trying to change things like ADR's at the last minute and freaking out on attractions (MIL screamed on Soarin', in HM and Mickey's Philharmagic.)