Adoption Updates

[skoi]

We're going to China! Finally got our Consulate Appointment, and we hope to leave for China Jan 25.

We're doing an adoption blog. If anyone's interested you can pm or email me for the info.

 

[scarlett873]

Awesome!! PM coming...

Just an FYI for those who didn't see, but Kim (kdibattista) had her baby!! Joseph Robert Thomas was born on Jan 2 at 9:19pm. He was 8lbs 4oz and 21 1/4 inches long! She hasn't posted pictures yet, but promised some when they get home on Saturday! (He was born via c-section) Mom and baby are doing well!

 

[Holly]

I've tried scanning this massive thread to see if there were any domestic adoptive parents like myself here. I haven't seen any, so I just wanted to do a shout out to see if any of you were around?

We're in an open adoption with our children's birthmother (they are biological siblings).

I'd love to chat with some of you.

Congrats to all of you potential and current adoptive parents. This process was a long, hard road. But, oh so worth every minute of it in the end.

I adopted my daughter domestically in 2001. It was an open adoption, though we haven't heard from bio-mom in a few years.

Bio-grandmother called us on Christmas day to tell us that my daughter has a half-sister! Bio-mom had a baby three months ago. The grandmother is supposed to be sending us pictures.

 

[ZPT1022]

I've tried scanning this massive thread to see if there were any domestic adoptive parents like myself here. I haven't seen any, so I just wanted to do a shout out to see if any of you were around?

We're in an open adoption with our children's birthmother (they are biological siblings).

I'd love to chat with some of you.

Congrats to all of you potential and current adoptive parents. This process was a long, hard road. But, oh so worth every minute of it in the end.

I know it's not my business but are they full biological siblings or half? Just curious. How neat though that the agency thought of you right away to adopt the other child. It's nice that they'll be raised together

We're going to China! Finally got our Consulate Appointment, and we hope to leave for China Jan 25.

We're doing an adoption blog. If anyone's interested you can pm or email me for the info.

Congratulations!!! You're adopting a waiting child, right?

 

[1rockinmamato2]

1rockingmamato2, We adopted domestically in 2005. I agree most of the thread is about international. I still read it though. We have a semi-open adoption with DS's birthparents. I send pictures and letters every six months to the adoption agency and they forward them. I have told them I am open to the birthparents sending us the same (or anything), but haven't received anything from them. They are not together, but the birthdad did say he wanted updates too.

I hope you do hear from the birthparents soon. I worry about my children's birthmother a lot. I want her to be safe and warm and happy. Visits with her are becoming fewer and farther between, but I do speak to her at least every other week.

I am hoping to be able to contact one of our children's birthfather soon. We do not have contact information for the other, though.

I adopted my daughter domestically in 2001. It was an open adoption, though we haven't heard from bio-mom in a few years.

Bio-grandmother called us on Christmas day to tell us that my daughter has a half-sister! Bio-mom had a baby three months ago. The grandmother is supposed to be sending us pictures.

I'm sure your daughter will love having pictures of her sister. Our children have three other siblings. They are able to to see one of them on a regular basis. It has been good for her, the older sibling, and our children too. It's sweet to see them together. I hope you get your photos soon!

I know it's not my business but are they full biological siblings or half? Just curious. How neat though that the agency thought of you right away to adopt the other child. It's nice that they'll be raised together

I don't mind you asking at all. DS and DD are biologically half siblings. Actually, the agency didn't arrange the adoption of DD. Since we are in an open adoption and I speak with birthmom on a regular basis, I knew right away when birthmom was pregnant again. She and DD's birthfather intended on raising her, but soon found out that the stress of such a responsibility was more than their relationship could handle. Once the decision had been made to place this child, she wanted DS and DD to be together, so that's when she called me to ask if we wanted to adopt again.

DS and DD are 13 months apart.

 

[skoi]

Congratulations!!! You're adopting a waiting child, right?

Yes, he's a waiting child. It's a relatively painless process with China as opposed to other international processes.

 

[RUDisney]

I'm so happy for you! The end of January will be here before you know it!

 

[ZPT1022]

I don't mind you asking at all. DS and DD are biologically half siblings. Actually, the agency didn't arrange the adoption of DD. Since we are in an open adoption and I speak with birthmom on a regular basis, I knew right away when birthmom was pregnant again. She and DD's birthfather intended on raising her, but soon found out that the stress of such a responsibility was more than their relationship could handle. Once the decision had been made to place this child, she wanted DS and DD to be together, so that's when she called me to ask if we wanted to adopt again.

DS and DD are 13 months apart.

Thanks for sharing. You're actually one of the first really positive examples of open adoption that I've heard.

So do the three other siblings live with the b-mom or did you just manage to make contact with them? I think it's really pretty neat that although they may be split up,the siblings are still given a chance to keep in touch. I'm sure when they're older and can fully realize just how unique a situation it is, they will really appreciate it. I say that because I'm adopted by my Dad and and within the last 6 months I've been contacted by a sister and I've found out about this entire other family. It's a lot to swallow when you're in your late 20's, whereas your kids will grow up with it and it will be no big deal. That's a huge gift you're giving them, whether or not you realize it now

13 months apart

You are far braver than I am. I have twins but in a way, having them that close together almost seems worse.

 

[ZPT1022]

Yes, he's a waiting child. It's a relatively painless process with China as opposed to other international processes.

Is the wait as long as the regular wait in China is? I know we'll be adopting from China, but I'm not sure if we'll do the regular route or waiting child route. I'm pretty open to a child with mild to moderate medical needs, so I'm just wondering for the future

 

[1rockinmamato2]

Thanks for sharing. You're actually one of the first really positive examples of open adoption that I've heard.

So do the three other siblings live with the b-mom or did you just manage to make contact with them? I think it's really pretty neat that although they may be split up,the siblings are still given a chance to keep in touch. I'm sure when they're older and can fully realize just how unique a situation it is, they will really appreciate it. I say that because I'm adopted by my Dad and and within the last 6 months I've been contacted by a sister and I've found out about this entire other family. It's a lot to swallow when you're in your late 20's, whereas your kids will grow up with it and it will be no big deal. That's a huge gift you're giving them, whether or not you realize it now

13 months apart

You are far braver than I am. I have twins but in a way, having them that close together almost seems worse.

Well, up until just recently, two of the other siblings lived with her (the first one has been with his father for a while). The next two siblings have now been placed, by her, in temporary custody while she continues to work things out in her life. We are still able to see her daughter because she was placed with my cousin. Our children have pictures of their bio-siblings in their baby books and as much information as we know about the birthfathers in there too. It has been our goal to provide our children with as much information as we know. And someday when they start asking questions we'll be able to answer them, hopefully. If not, I will be able to pick up the phone and call their birthmother to find out. I've already had to do that for each child with medical histories.

Open adoption has been hard work. We are just trying to live by the belief that open adoption isn't how to get a child, it's how to raise a child. Thank you for your kind words, it's good to hear someone "say" that what we are doing is for the best. We know it, but we don't get to hear it much from our friends and family.

Wow, so you have discovered basically a whole new family? I'm sure that has been difficult to some degree, but exciting at the same time. Do you have any plans to meet them in the near future?

 

[ZPT1022]

Well, up until just recently, two of the other siblings lived with her (the first one has been with his father for a while). The next two siblings have now been placed, by her, in temporary custody while she continues to work things out in her life. We are still able to see her daughter because she was placed with my cousin. Our children have pictures of their bio-siblings in their baby books and as much information as we know about the birthfathers in there too. It has been our goal to provide our children with as much information as we know. And someday when they start asking questions we'll be able to answer them, hopefully. If not, I will be able to pick up the phone and call their birthmother to find out. I've already had to do that for each child with medical histories.

Wow! The whole thing is pretty crazy but it sounds like b-mom, as much as she doesn't have it together, really does in the ways that count. I imagine it is a very hard decision to decide to place your child(ren) for adoption at all, but after they've already been living with you, wow. I can't imagine, but if her situation is rough it probably is for the best that they are not around that situation. Pretty nifty that the other kids are with your cousin, so it will be easy for them to maintain a sibling bond.

Open adoption has been hard work. We are just trying to live by the belief that open adoption isn't how to get a child, it's how to raise a child. Thank you for your kind words, it's good to hear someone "say" that what we are doing is for the best. We know it, but we don't get to hear it much from our friends and family.

I'm sorry that your family isn't always supportive, that is rough. We're curious what reactions we will get when it's our turn to adopt. They weren't the most supportive during fertility treatments either though, so that's not exactly new. My mom tried to be supportive but getting called every few days and being asked if I was pregnant yet, while she meant well, just stressed me out. I think she will be okay with the adoption, I've already told her I'm NOT doing treatments again, and having seen how nasty I felt while on them, I think she understands. DH's family, I'm not expecting the best reaction, but I really don't give a hoot what they say. As I'm sure you know, sometimes you just have to do what works for your little family and the heck with the rest of them.

And don't ever doubt that you are doing the right thing. What you are doing is awesome and takes a lot of strength and courage. What's the saying "Something worth doing is worth taking the time to do right?" Something like that? It may not always be the easiest course but I'm sure in time the kids will thank you for it.

Wow, so you have discovered basically a whole new family? I'm sure that has been difficult to some degree, but exciting at the same time. Do you have any plans to meet them in the near future?

Yep! My mom told me when I was 13 that the Dad I had was not my bio dad. Bio dad basically ditched during the pregnancy (they were married and he was cheating, dealing drugs, etc......) and real Dad came on the scene when I was about 6 weeks old. I guess my mom's roommate met him in one of her night classes and brought him home, and I got the date, since he spent the whole night gooing and gaaing over me SO anyhow, he's always been my Dad. When my mom told me I went through this whole range of emotions but essentially pushed it out of my head. She did tell me that I was welcome to contact him and in fact most of his family lived either in our town or the next town over. I chose not to contact him, as my thought was that he could not be bothered for so long, why should I. I knew who my Dad was and that was good enough for me. Through the years I've looked him up and thought about contacting him, if for nothing more than my medical info so I don't have to sit there like an idiot at DR appointments. My mom was going to contact his brother for me (I met him at the mall once, he was nice) and get the info, and that was good enough for me.

Well one night Mom gets a call from a girl who is my sister Mom takes her contact info and tells her she'll pass it along to me but she won't force me to call her and she won't give out any info on me. Go mom, being all protective. Mom sat on the info for a week and basically did nothing with it but wonder if she should give it to me. She finally did and I called her the next day. My thought was that this girl didn't ask to be in this situation any more than I did, and why hold her responsible. I would not have been so forgiving if he had called. I talked to her for about two hours, she is very nice. Since leaving my mom high and dry he has essentially gone on to have two more families. There is her and her sister with their mom, and his latest is a woman three years older than me and they have three kids together, including one who is younger than my oldest by a few months

I have met the sister that called me, she is very nice. The worst thing I can say about her is that she smokes and to me that's a big no-no but hey, everyone has their flaws. I'm certainly FAR from perfect, LOL. So I've met her, and the other older one contacted me via myspace. He has asked me to contact him so he can give "his version of events" Honestly, I'm almost 30, and I'm not particularly interested. The whole thing is still really bizarre to me. In a way I'm happy, I always wanted a sister and only had two brothers. But it is weird, it's like the huge family secret. And at this point, I'm married, I have three kids, I'm pretty settled. So it's more of a shock than it would have been if I were younger or had grown up with it.

I've got to run, we're taking the munchkins out to dinner, but any more ??s, feel free, I'm an open book.

 

[RUDisney]

Having non-supportive family and/or friends just sucks. I hope that you're wrong about your families' reactions.

The only 2 times that people weren't supportive of us was when I told my boss that we were adopting our kids. He said, "<tsk>", then he rolled his eyes and said, "you're WHAT?!?" Then he told me that he didn't want to know anything about the process. All he needed and/or wanted to know was when I was going and when I was coming back to work. But, he's also the same guy who fired me for going to HR about him bullying me. He's just such a prize.

The only other person who's ever given us grief about adopting our kids actually didn't address it with us, but with my DS, himself. She's my DH's cousin's daughter. My DS was excited when they were put in the same class together. My DS told everyone that they were cousins. She told everyone that they were most certainly NOT cousins because he was adopted. DS decided that although they really are related, he doesn't want much to do with her either. OTOH, DD has one of her cousins in her class this year. The 2 of them are thrilled to tell everyone that they're related. They're both from DH's side of the family, only you can probably guess which one came from better parenting.

 

[ZPT1022]

Having non-supportive family and/or friends just sucks. I hope that you're wrong about your families' reactions.

The only 2 times that people weren't supportive of us was when I told my boss that we were adopting our kids. He said, "<tsk>", then he rolled his eyes and said, "you're WHAT?!?" Then he told me that he didn't want to know anything about the process. All he needed and/or wanted to know was when I was going and when I was coming back to work. But, he's also the same guy who fired me for going to HR about him bullying me. He's just such a prize.

The only other person who's ever given us grief about adopting our kids actually didn't address it with us, but with my DS, himself. She's my DH's cousin's daughter. My DS was excited when they were put in the same class together. My DS told everyone that they were cousins. She told everyone that they were most certainly NOT cousins because he was adopted. DS decided that although they really are related, he doesn't want much to do with her either. OTOH, DD has one of her cousins in her class this year. The 2 of them are thrilled to tell everyone that they're related. They're both from DH's side of the family, only you can probably guess which one came from better parenting.

Your former boss sounds like a real peach


As for the child, that's awful, because you know they didn't pick up meanness like that on their own. Sheesh. Like there's something so horrible about more family

 

[livndisney]

Hello!!!! I have been on the DIS for a year and never knew about this thread

I am a proud adoptive mom of a wonderful little girl from China. She was a "special needs, waiting child". Her "special need" is so minor I forget about it! She has been home for 2 years. If anyone has any questions about "waiting children" please feel free to ask me.

 

[scarlett873]

Welcome Cindee! We're considering the waiting child route, but our agency suggests waiting until we've cleared the review room if at all possible...so we're waiting at least until then before we really look into it! Our LID is 4/15/07 and they've cleared families with LID's of 10/31/06 so far. So we've got a bit of a wait yet...

 

[RUDisney]

I heard something very sad this morning that has been bugging me all day. I go to breakfast once a week with a group of mothers after school drop off. I realized the last time that we went to one particular restaurant that our waitress was adopted at the same time as our kids. It was a single mother adoption of 2 teenage girls. She already had one bio son. The girls were 14 and 16. The mother couldn't afford all of the fees associated with the adoption so we helped to raise money for her since the kisd were so old and the oldest was scheduled to be released from the orphanage on her 17th birthday that was quickly approaching. The agency helped to rush things to get everything done so that the oldest wouldn't be released into the streets.

FF 6 years and I reintroduced myself to the younger of the girls this morning. I asked how her mother is and she told me that she doesn't see her anymore. It just didn't work out being a family with her.

I told her that I was sorry and we changed the subject.

 

[skoi]

Just back from China, and having some adjustment problems.

Brandie-
Depending on the agency, you might be able to go waiting child now and have your folder moved to SN review room which is loads faster, even if you're logged in already. It won't be as fast as it would be if you're out of review, but it'll be faster.

 

[scarlett873]

Just back from China, and having some adjustment problems.

Brandie-
Depending on the agency, you might be able to go waiting child now and have your folder moved to SN review room which is loads faster, even if you're logged in already. It won't be as fast as it would be if you're out of review, but it'll be faster.

Welcome home!! Hopefully everyone settles in and things get a little easier soon...

Our agency will consider families for a waiting child who have not yet cleared the review room, but they give first priority to families who are out of the review room. We've got some other...issues...right now anyway. Nothing major and it won't last forever, so it's really a good thing for us to wait a bit longer! By the time we get through the review room, some old bills will no longer be an issue! It's hard to wait, but it's really a better thing for us right now, financially.

 

[ZPT1022]

I heard something very sad this morning that has been bugging me all day. I go to breakfast once a week with a group of mothers after school drop off. I realized the last time that we went to one particular restaurant that our waitress was adopted at the same time as our kids. It was a single mother adoption of 2 teenage girls. She already had one bio son. The girls were 14 and 16. The mother couldn't afford all of the fees associated with the adoption so we helped to raise money for her since the kisd were so old and the oldest was scheduled to be released from the orphanage on her 17th birthday that was quickly approaching. The agency helped to rush things to get everything done so that the oldest wouldn't be released into the streets.

FF 6 years and I reintroduced myself to the younger of the girls this morning. I asked how her mother is and she told me that she doesn't see her anymore. It just didn't work out being a family with her.

I told her that I was sorry and we changed the subject.

Oh, that is really sad. I'm sure it stings a little since you felt like you were part of helping to make them a family so it's even more disappointing to hear that it didn't work out

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

Skoi wish you the best in the adjustment period. Take care of yourself!

We had our very last post-placement visit today!!! Bye bye social workers, it was nice knowing, but we're not sorry to see you go.

It's funny how for the homestudy our house NEVER looked cleaner and today the boys room was thrashed and there were piles of laundry sitting waiting to be folded.