Adopted families?

[Zippa D Doodah]

My children are both biological kids, but I come from a family with three adopted brothers. I am the only biological son. My Mom and Dad adopted three boys (not at the same time) after I was born. I am caucasian; oldest brother is African American; next brother is white/ Native American mix; youngest brother is mixed race but none of us really know of what because of his birth circumstances. It was (and is) a great family to grow up in. Can't wait for family reunion in 2 weeks!

Those of you who have adopted or are considering adopting -You are heroes in my eyes. May you be blessed fro sharing your home and your love.

 

[Cruelladeville]

I am an adoptive parent. My kids are 28 and 25, and were adopted from Korea when they were each 2 years old. It was the best decision we ever made...God chose our girls for us, and it was the right decision. There was such a huge need...this was at the end of the American presence in the far east with the end of the Vietnam war, and many "american" children were left behind. Many other children were left alone after their parents were killed, or their families destroyed. Also, girl children were never adopted at that time, because they didn't have value to the families, and children without family connections had no opportunities for schooling or jobs. Prostitution was the only profession open to them. So DH and I tried to save the world, one child at a time.

We chose Korea after hearing about the needs in SE Asia at that time. Our state had an overseas adoption program in those days. I think our Michigan government should be very proud of this, they saved many children and helped many of its residents become parents during the 3 year period that the program ran.

 

[goofyshell]

What a beautiful thread! I am not an adoptive parent, but my best friend just picked up her second beautiful adopted daughter on Sunday. They have adopted both girls domestically. They wanted an infant so they chose to adopt bi-racial children because the wait list was so short. They were at the hospital with the first one after four days (and spent a week and a half in the premie nursery with her) and this one was three weeks old (the social worker was NOT cooperative with them or the agency. Grrrrr don't get me started on him!!).
Anyway, I just want to tell all you adoptive parents how awesome you are. The agency head that my friend is now adopting through told her today that after what they've been through with this social worker, no one could tell her she hadn't experienced labor. I told her I thought her labor had to have been harder than mine because at least I was sure that I would get to keep my babies.
Bless all of you adoptive parents and thanks for letting me talk about my new "niece"!

 

[lemondog]

Anyway, I just want to tell all you adoptive parents how awesome you are. The agency head that my friend is now adopting through told her today that after what they've been through with this social worker, no one could tell her she hadn't experienced labor. I told her I thought her labor had to have been harder than mine because at least I was sure that I would get to keep my babies.

It's funny you say that because I have adopted and given birth and I do believe the adoption would qualify as much more than labor, lol. Pregnancy and my c-section were harder physically, but that's it. The adoption truly was a labor of love and of the heart. Worth every moment, though!

One of the things that is the hardest for me having adopted internationally is that my daughter may never get to know her birthfamily, although I hope that she does. I have all of her birthmother's information, as well as some information on other birth relatives and if she wants to try and find them one day then I will support her 100%. My SIL, with whom I am close, gave up a baby for adoption when she was 19. Having a birthmother in the family, and seeing her emotions and feelings, has really helped give me a perspective I think a lot of adoptive parents don't see. And I am grateful for it.

 

[lynetteSC]

Anyway, I just want to tell all you adoptive parents how awesome you are. The agency head that my friend is now adopting through told her today that after what they've been through with this social worker, no one could tell her she hadn't experienced labor. I told her I thought her labor had to have been harder than mine because at least I was sure that I would get to keep my babies.
Bless all of you adoptive parents and thanks for letting me talk about my new "niece"!

one of our best friends went through the same lawyer we did during the same time to adopt, we have both told each other this many many times!

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Hi! I'm an adoptive mom to a fantastic 2yo girl!

We adopted domestically because we wanted an open adoption. We did a ton of research, and determined that we wanted our child's birthparents to be readily available to our child, for when she has questions. I also have an aunt, a couple of high school classmates (and since then, got to know a teacher at my dd's school) who are birthmoms. They are all wonderful people, so I look at contact with the birth family as a plus, not something to be afraid of. Ironically, we were chosen by a birthmom who did not want contact with us, so while we have her full name, and a copy of our dd's original birth certificate, we do not have contact with her at this time.

I also have to agree with ZacknElli, that if you do an adoption correctly, there is no fear of birthparents getting the baby back. It seems like there are a lot of horror stories, but the media doesn't report on the thousands of domestic adoptions that proceed with no glitches. The horror stories are the only ones that are newsworthy, they are few and far between, and usually the birthparents originally requested the baby back before their consents were legal, within a very short time after the birth. It's typically the adoptive parents who drag the whole thing out, and end up having to return their 3yo, rather than the newborn they originally should have.

Having custody while the birthparents are still the legal parents was hard, but we knew that she wasn't really "ours" yet, although that certainly wouldn't have made giving her back any easier. I'm so grateful to my dd's birthmom for giving me the opportunity to raise her, that I didn't mind giving her a reasonable period of time, after she recovered from the birth, to get to know and understand exactly how it would feel to give up her child, and be sure she was making the right decsion. This is not a decision a woman can make before the baby is born.

Oh, yea and like some of the other posters, I also know that adopting was more "labor"-intensive than giving birth. It bugs me to no end when I hear about comments like "oh, getting this one the easy way?" about adoption. I've given birth too, and adoption was much, much harder, but honestly, that made it more rewarding for me, too.

Whew, that got long, obviously I enjoy discussing adoption, too!

 

[septbride2002]

DH and I are planning on adopting in the near future. We have decided to have one biological child and one adoptive child. I can't wait! Adoption has been something I have wanted to do for a very long time. I feel a stronger pull to adopt then I do to have biological children. We are currently helping our neighbors to adopt their first child from China - it has been a great learning experience. Right now we are seriously considering Korea to be the country we adopt through. Although I also feel a very strong tie to Guatemala as well. Maybe by the time we file the paperwork some of the red tape with Guatemala will be cleared up.

For now, we are playing the waiting game.

It is wonderful to see this thread and all the positive adoption experiences!

~Amanda

 

[chrissyk]

DH and I are planning on adopting in the near future. We have decided to have one biological child and one adoptive child. I can't wait! Adoption has been something I have wanted to do for a very long time. I feel a stronger pull to adopt then I do to have biological children. We are currently helping our neighbors to adopt their first child from China - it has been a great learning experience. Right now we are seriously considering Korea to be the country we adopt through. Although I also feel a very strong tie to Guatemala as well. Maybe by the time we file the paperwork some of the red tape with Guatemala will be cleared up.

For now, we are playing the waiting game.

It is wonderful to see this thread and all the positive adoption experiences!

~Amanda

Weird...you sound just like me! I'll have to show DH your post when he gets home. I always felt a stronger pull to adopt, and Korea is most likely where we will adopt through (although we're considering India...but that program doesn't seem quite as friendly to us right now). Now if one of us would just get a job with adoption benefits, we'd be all set! I had a job with a company that had a VERY generous adoption benefit, but we were too young to qualify for the adoptive programs back then

 

[shortbun]

I always thought I would be a mother via adoption. As young as 18, I was telling my friends that I would adopt my kids. My husband wanted to try to have a biological child too so we tried and couldn't. Our son came to us through a miracle and adoption. We were planning a trip to China and never went as we became parents in a very quick private adoption. We never knew what hit us, lol! One day we were DINK and the next, we were both working part time and parenting a wonderful baby!

 

[septbride2002]

Weird...you sound just like me! I'll have to show DH your post when he gets home. I always felt a stronger pull to adopt, and Korea is most likely where we will adopt through (although we're considering India...but that program doesn't seem quite as friendly to us right now). Now if one of us would just get a job with adoption benefits, we'd be all set! I had a job with a company that had a VERY generous adoption benefit, but we were too young to qualify for the adoptive programs back then

I am running into that issue now since I work for a company with a great adoption benefits but most likely won't be here when it comes time to actually put in the paperwork.

~Amanda

 

[LIDisneyFan]

Dad to 13YO DD and 10YO DS.

 

[septbride2002]

For those insterested in adoption here are some pictures of waiting children. You can find more information at www.rainbowkids.com

 

[ZachnElli]

I've heard this here too, more birthmoms than adoptive parents! When we picked up Noah, they had 4 birthmoms give birth in the last 2 days, calling from the hospital, so they had 4 babies with no adoptive families! All were going to foster care first! I know because Noah was in foster care a few days while we were waiting for the DNA test and the birthfather to sign, so they were asking his foster mommy if she could pick up another one that day! Made me want 2!

 

[Kim in TN]

I understand what you Mom's are staying about a strong pull to adopt. We have yet to try to have a biological child. We just knew when we decided to start a family we would start with adoption. I have always felt that way and DH said it was fine with him, as his Mother was adopted.

So we chose to start our family with adoption. We couldn't have been happier with our decision.

 

[Micheme]

Adoptive mom here, we adopted our little angel last april from China and she has been the light of our lives since.

 

[Sandy22]

Oh, yea and like some of the other posters, I also know that adopting was more "labor"-intensive than giving birth. It bugs me to no end when I hear about comments like "oh, getting this one the easy way?" about adoption. I've given birth too, and adoption was much, much harder, but honestly, that made it more rewarding for me, too.

I completely agree! I have given birth and am now near the end of an adoption. The pregnancy and birth were sooo much easier! And only 9 months! There is so much unknown and lack of control with adoption. I also think that I'll have an extra connection with my daughter because I've been through so much to get her.

 

[Tink123]

We choose to go domestic because we only had a certain amount of money, which was not very much after almost a year of infertility treatments.
The agency that we used which was church run said that we were the quickest adoption that they have ever had in 18 years. We were very fortunate, we were approved in December and we were holding our baby girl in the hospital about 9 months later. We met with both the bmother and bfather, and both sets of parents. That was a little intimidating. We were at the hospital later on in the day of dd's birth. She did go into foster care for 10 days to allow the parrential rights to be forfited. We were able to go spend time with dd in foster care and establish a wonderful relationship with foster family. After we took our dd home about a month later we had a blessing service at the adoption agency where all the birth family who wanted to attend were welcome. This was the last time the bfamily saw dd in person. We do however send pictures 2 a year until she is 18 and we sent pictures every month fo the first year. We ahve agreed to meet wiht bfamily so they can see dd, this was thier request, however no meetin is set up. Both sides of the bfamily send birthday and Christmas gifts and dd knows who they come from. She know that she was a gift from her bmother/father.
The adoption process was wonderful for our family... you know it does not matter how you get somewhere, by car, train, or boat, it just matters that you get there.
I tell my dd that she was born in my heart, not my tummy.

 

[chrissyk]

I am running into that issue now since I work for a company with a great adoption benefits but most likely won't be here when it comes time to actually put in the paperwork.

~Amanda

I can only speak from my own past experience, but you may want to try to stay at this job until you complete your adoption. I wish that DH and I had done an adoption while I was still at my old job. At that point, international adoption cost between 18K-20K. Between my adoption benefit and the tax credit, we would have paid VERY little out-of-pocket. Now it costs 30K-32K, and we're trying to figure out how we can save up for it. Neither of us has this adoption benefit, and it seems like a pretty rare benefit to me these days

 

[TarraLee]

Another couple thinking about adoption here. Like a couple other posters, I know that I want a child, but have just zero desire to give birth, and I've always felt really "odd" because of it. I've been reading up, checking photolistings, googling countries/agencies/etc.

Anyone who went international that wouldn't mind sharing what agency you used? (pm is ok too) We are thinking Russia/Kaz/Eastern Europe

Dh wants to have biological children first, then adopt, but we'll see how it goes. I'd turn in the papers this week if I could, and will probably have them in to the INS within 24 hours of the moment he says he's ready

 

[delilah]

Our only son is adopted from Korea. He came here when he was 6mo, on his 6 mo birthday, as a matter of fact. He is now 7 1/2 years old.