Abruptness with Wait Staff?

[DawnCt1]

Have you ever gone out to dinner with a friend (s) that you consider rude to the server? There is one woman that I and another, sometimes two mutual friends have dinner with when she is not in Arizona, which is half of the year. She doesn't work and often we are meeting her after a full day of work, running home and running out again. Last week the three of us met at a Bavarian restaurant. Within ten minutes of two of us A and myself being seated, and five minutes of her being seated, (she arrived later) the waitress came to our table to take our drink order. She rolled her eyes and said, "do you mind if I catch my breath? I JUST sat down". I made a joke about her being indecisive because the waitress looked uncomfortable and told her to come back in 10 minutes. Well the friend wanted to talk and never bothered to look at the drink menu so when the server came back, she still wasn't ready. A and I ordered and jokingly said, "you always get the same thing anyway" which prompted her to order. She did the same thing with dinner and wondered quite out loud if the bratworst is as good as the one she had in Austria, made her repeat the specials for the night three times and ordered something from the menu anyway. This is just a preamble. The entire meal went like this and spent my interactions with the waitress being extra nice. Of course when it came to tipping, the waitress "certainly didn't deserve 15 %" and the meal wasn't that good". I collected the money from her and A and added the appropriate tip. How do you deal with someone like that who repeatedly likes to let everyone know that she is so well traveled that the rest of us are satisfied with inferior service?

 

[tonyswife]

I would drop a friend like that lickety split. Life is too short and the world is full of people who are actually worth your time. I would tell her out right that you don't like the way she treats people and that you can no longer spend time with her.

 

[holycow]

sorry but I would definately tell friend A that the other woman isn't invited.....I could understand if it truly wasn't that great or the staff was rude but all of the time complaining like that....why ruin your night out?


HC

 

[coliebird]

I used to work with a woman like this. I stopped going out to dinner if she was going. Honestly, if you still want to see her why not invite her over. I would not go out with her anymore. People like that just grate on my nerves.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

You know, I was just sent a list of things about life in general, I forget the title, but it had alot of things on it to think about. One of them, and it is funny you mention this, because when I read it, and thought about it, it is so true, one of them simply stated:

If you have a friend who is rude to a waiter, they are not a nice person.

It really makes sense, because a person can put on "airs" for their friends, but they won't bother with someone like a waiter. I think of all the people I have known to be rude to a waitperson, and I can honestly say they are not nice people. Can you say that about this friend?

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My BIL is like that.

 

[ILUVDXL]

I'd never ask her to join me again. Dinner out with friends is suppose to be a pleasant experience. This certainly was not. Sorry she ruined your evening.

 

[lulugirl]

I have no patience for rude people! I would let her know that I find her behavior offensive, she then has the choice to either learn some manners or never go out to dinner w/ you again.

 

[DawnCt1]

Actually, that is the "plan". She is emailing us to set up another time before she heads back to Arizona. Mostly she is emailing A at work because although she doesn't work, she still tries to delegate. She has given us particular dates with the admonition to pick quickly because he calendar is "filling up fast". (She used to be our boss) . We are both very 'sad" but we are just soooo busy that we can't find a spare moment, as much as "we would love to". My DS 25's girlfriend works at one restaurant we went to and she started with her. I quickly introduced her as my DS's girlfriend and said how hard she has to work after going to college all day. Her attitude improved, so I know it is something she has control over. On this last dinner out, she started asking the server who she was going to vote for! I couldn't believe it. I love politics, probably more than most people but I said, "no, no, don't tell us, we don't need to know, and definately don't tell her" with a big smile of course. F (the friend) continued to press the issue and I continued to say, "we don't need to know". I can't imagine what it would have been like if she found out that the waitress was going to vote for Kerry. (I read between the lines) We have had enough until next June. By then it will be a dull memory and I will be defending the servers again.

 

[eeyore65]

That is my sister! I now refuse to eat out with her as I'm sure they are spitting in my food.

We were eating breakfast at Jean Georges (featured on the Apprentice as one of the finest dining experiences in America) and she complained about our table, the menu, orders eggs bendict and argued with a 5 star chef that it did not have canadian bacon on it (they smoked their own so it didn't look like prepackaged), the egg part was cold - sent it back and got scrambled eggs and bacon and complained about that too! I was mortified for everyone involved...

I say don't eat out with her anymore!

 

[Sandy V.]

I agree with everyone else - life is far too short to deal with rude people if you don't have to. I'd let her know that I'd held my tongue long enough, but she needed to know that her inappropriate behavior wasn't going to be tolerated any more. Maybe it might embarass her into changing her behavior, but I sincerely doubt it. Sounds like she's pretty full of herself.

Good luck with your situation!

A little off topic, I guess, but the whole thread takes me back to when I first started in the "work world" many years ago. I had a very successful mentor who told me that I always needed to know the name of the cleaning people where I worked; that what they did was just as important as our jobs and they should be treated with respect. I always tried to do that wherever I was employed - I dislike snobs who think they're "above" anyone in a service industry, including waiters and waitresses!!

 

[LuvN~Travel]

Back in our single days we had a girl like that in our group at Church. I don't know how many times I wanted to chew her out because of her attitude. And, she definitely always had something to complain about since she always ordered the cheapest item and the longest item to cook. All steaks had to be 'well done'. (usually ruining a good piece of meat ). My brother in law (to be at the time) actually got quite tired of her complaining one night, and in a very bass voice told her to shut up! He'd had enough. And, she definitely didn't believe in tipping. I probably always tipped more than I should've since she wouldn't or just left a token tip.
My DH and I make sure to not eat out with her family if we can.
I'm like the others here, if I were you, I'd find anything else to do than eat with your friend.

Kim

 

[DawnCt1]

Originally posted by eeyore65
That is my sister! I now refuse to eat out with her as I'm sure they are spitting in my food.

!

That is SO FUNNY that you said that. When A didn't finish her meal she asked for a container so she could package it herself. Of course A was very nice about it. She said, I don't know how much I want to take home so just bring me a container. A was afraind of the same thing you mentioned.

 

[LisaZoe]

I agree with the other posters - don't have dinner out with her any more. In fact, if she asks why, I'd suggest you find a tactful way to let her know that her treatment of the wait staff is not acceptable to you and since you would like to remain friends it would be better if you didn't eat out together. Asking anyone how they are going to vote is inexcusable, IMHO. With politics being such a "hot button" topic, many people are not comfortable discussing it with friends much less customers. You never know, the wait person may get in trouble with his/her boss for even answering such a question.

I don't understand why anyone would be so intentionally rude to someone who is just trying to do his/her job. After high school I worked in a restaurant - luckily just counter service - just long enough to know I don't have the personality to deal with the public in that way. As such, I am usually ready to tip 20% for just basic service because I know what the wait staff goes through dealing with some people. One of my sisters waited tables for several years at a local restaurant - one of the nicer ones in town. She said that usually the nicest people were ones that were probably only able to afford to eat there for really special occasions. They'd also generally tip well. The rudest and cheapest tippers were ones that had money (not all wealthy people, of course). It's almost like they think having more money makes them better than the service personnel.

 

[DawnCt1]

She "isn't rich" per se, but she sure is cheap. She is the person who gets out the calculator in the restaurant even though everyone basically has the same thing or at least in the same price range. For years she has wanted to go to Hawaii, has asked me questions about the weather, islands and camping areas. I am the wrong person to ask about camping. My idea of camping is staying at the Marriott. The last time we were out, she forgot that I know she has never been to Hawaii and said, when we were in Hawaii..... I said, F, when did YOU go to Hawaii? answer: "A couple of years ago". Where did you stay? "On Oahu". I could see that the forgot that I knew the truth and became very uncomfortable. If one is going to lie, they better be real good at it!

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

My aunt is always rude when we eat out together. I am always apologizing to the waitress. Finally I told her you better be careful because when yor rude to the waitress they could do something to your food. The problem is she dosen't think she's the problem. So I've stopped eating out with her. Let me tell you this. My sister was a waitress. She said when people are rude thats when bad things happen to their food. Be careful. It happens in the finest of restraunts.

 

[DVC-Don]

We went to dinner a couple of times with another couple. The husband was a total snob to the waiter about the wine each time. Don't go out with them anymore.

 

[aimee11621]

Don't go out with her AGAIN!

She just ruined your good time.!!

Don't invite her out anymore. The cold shoulder will let her know!

When she askes IF she askes "I thought you wouldn't of enjoyed spending time with us untraveled folks." "Since we eat at such simple places."

 

[nmudisneyfan]

I have a friend who is very rude to waiters/waitresses whenever my friends and I all go out. We've brought it to her attention that she's rude, but she doesn't seem to think that she's being rude. I've gotten after her at the restaurants when the waiter/waitresses was gone. She told us that her step-dad treats the waitstaff when they go out and it's exactly the she does! I really dislike going out to restaurants with her.
And as a waitress, it really stinks when people are rude to you. Last summer, the power went out at my work and a woman yelled at me because she and her husband couldn't eat. I've also had older people get made at me over the prices of the food. It's like it's my fault that the prices are what they are and I decide on them. And then their are the horrible people who got mad at me, because we happened to be out of what they wanted to order.

 

[Disney Doll]

How someone treats service people speaks volumes about their character.

I wouldn't eat out with her anymore, and I'd seriously think about why I wanted to be friends with a rude person, who lies, and disp[lays an obvious lack of integrity.

If I made the decision to no longer eat out with her, I'd tell her exactly why when she asked me.