About ??? A Coach.

[twinmomplus2new]

No idea why it was started as closed but he was very clear, We are not allowed to watch. And he shuts the door.
Like I said I sit anyway most times.... (I read my Kindle) so I can hear, but thats about it.
My husband said the same thing. If we are not allowed to ask because its interfering..then what happens if you child says he said XYZ or whatever. You have to just let it go because you were not there and are not allowed to ask? Maybe if they were 16 not 9 and ten.:worship

And I would like to add. I have coached, T-ball twice, farm leauge once. And REC basketball twice. So I do know pressure on Coaches.
I never favored my own kid, EVER...
if anything I went overboard the other way.

 

[luvsJack]

They are not alone with a single child! It is no different than closed dance lessons and I would be willing to bet that the practices are closed for most upper level sports. there is usually an assistant coach also.

Not in high school. There is no reason for it to be "closed" if the coach isn't worried about what he is doing and has control of his team.

Dd has had dance lessons that were semi-closed. That was for a different reason though and we could watch through the one way glass windows.

 

[Hannathy]

This is not upper level, it is third and fourth graders. The mother said she hears yelling outside the doors. That can be construed as verbal abuse.

It is an upper level team for 4th graders. It is a travel team not a rec team BIG difference.

 

[luvsJack]

It is an upper level team for 4th graders. It is a travel team not a rec team BIG difference.

Still doesn't mean that it is ok to have the kids behind closed doors. Especially if the coach is seen as abusive (and the pp is right, this is verbal abuse).

Abusive behavior is the same whether it is a travel team or a rec team. Just because this is a travel team, does not give the coach permission to mistreat the kids.

I think, at the very least, he should be expected to explain WHY the practice is closed.

Travel baseball teams can't go behind closed doors and they do just fine. We have a 4th grade football team that is right now practicing for the State Championships next week. Can't close any doors and obviously they have done ok. What is the reasoning behind closing the doors?

 

[golfgal]

I am a gymnastics coach, so it is different. What I want to know is why is it o.k. to have closed practices. In this day and age, I would never be alone with a group of kids. It is setting yourself up for a lawsuit. I will not have a child in my office unless the door is open or the parent is with me.

There are 2 coaches and a bunch of kids. I don't think ANY practice for ANY sport/activity should be open to parents, it's too distracting, especially for little kids, parents can be royal pains in the read and kids need to learn to respond to adults without mom and dad along. Do you sit in the classroom with your child all day in school. It's no different. I do agree to not have one one one in a closed room with a child though.

 

[Trixieplus2]

It is an upper level team for 4th graders. It is a travel team not a rec team BIG difference.

I have to disagree that is asking for trouble. I would never leave my child anywhere I was not allowed to check in on.

Molesters known by the family or victim are the most common abusers. The “Acquaintance Molester” accounts for 70-90% of reported cases.


Most child molesters have jobs or volunteer as youth pastors, boy-scout leaders, coaches, teachers, child-care providers, counselors etc.

 

[golfgal]

I have to disagree that is asking for trouble. I would never leave my child anywhere I was not allowed to check in on.

Molesters known by the family or victim are the most common abusers. The “Acquaintance Molester” accounts for 70-90% of reported cases.


Most child molesters have jobs or volunteer as youth pastors, boy-scout leaders, coaches, teachers, child-care providers, counselors etc.

NO, most molesters are parents or close RELATIVES, a small percentage of molesters are teachers, coaches, etc. Yes, you do need to be AWARE, but you don't need to be paranoid.

 

[Coach K]

I agree that parents are a distraction watching practice. Coaches yell-it is part of any sport. I yell at my high school kids; but it is because they are 60 yards away and I have to yell to be heard or for them to keep quite because they are talking and I am trying to make a point. I would try to find out about this coaches history before filing any complaint. Has he had problems before? Could this be an isolated incident? Does your organization have the coaches go through child abuse and FBI checks? I know that this costs money but if you are paying a lot for your kid to participate; it might but something that should be required for all coaches.

 

[Help Please!]

I wouldn't have my kid on that team...what is he really learning? I'd take him off and put him on a team with a coach who is a good role model.

 

[declansdad]

Not in high school. There is no reason for it to be "closed" if the coach isn't worried about what he is doing and has control of his team.

Dd has had dance lessons that were semi-closed. That was for a different reason though and we could watch through the one way glass windows.

Practices are usually closed because of the parents not because the coach is worried or has no control.

 

[design_mom]

I am very sorry for your experience. I do not think you were out of line since the coach said that players who misbehaved at practice would be benched and your son was benched. I guess I can see how to the coach could take it as a parent being critical of playing time, but I don’t think that excuses his behavior.

Can you hear through the door what the coach is yelling? My son plays ice hockey and got traded from one team to another in the middle of the season (don’t ask). The old coach was very low-key. The new coach was very vocal and yelled a lot. I do not like yelling and I didn’t care for the new coach at first. Practices weren't "closed" but the parents sat on the bleachers and you can't really hear what's going on very well -- I could hear lots of pointing and yelling, but couldn't really make out what was being said. But when I could hear what he was yelling (and son confirmed), I realized he wasn’t saying anything derogatory. It was all “instruction” like “Go to the corner, Billy!” and “Move up, Andrew!” He never yelled “You idiot!” or “I can’t believe you missed that!?” or anything like that. I personally would not have performed well for a coach who yelled that much, but my son loved that coach and learned a lot from him.

 

[undertheradar]

So you are early in the season and you do not like how the coach acts or how he responded to you. Either remove your player from the team and find another team or learn to ignore the things you don't like. Complaining will get you a reputation as a problem parent and many of these coaches have coached at other ages with thepeople you will complain to. Honest, travel, club, elite, etc. all equal getting money from parents' wallets. If you don't like it now, how can you continue?

 

[mom2rb]

It is an upper level team for 4th graders. It is a travel team not a rec team BIG difference.

I don't coach rec team. My girls are with me 16 hours a week. I have to have a background check, safety certification and professional membership. I yell a lot at work, mostly because it is loud in the gym but sometimes because they are misbehaving. I have banned certain parents from viewing for their misbehaver, but I have never banned all parents. I just don't agree with it. My parents are behind a glass wall. If my child were on that team I would insist that the door remain open.

 

[golfgal]

Also, a lot of people misconstrue "yelling" with "talking loud enough to be heard over the noise". I probably yelled all through my practices so the kids could hear over the dribbling basketballs, etc. In games I yelled info from the sidelines so the players could hear me. That is why we use whistles too.

As a parent, I don't say much in the stands other then "oh, nice pass", "oh, nice try", "ouch that hurt" because the kids can't really hear you anyway and it isn't a parent's job to coach from the stands.

 

[badblackpug]

Okay my 1st disclaimer is: I don't have kids in competitive sports.....but.....

I would be very leery about a coach who had a closed door policy for 8 and 9 year olds. I can understand not allowing the parents to take part in or interfere with practices, but not even allowing them to observe seems fishy to me. it seems to me that he has something to hide.

Secondly, if the coach had sworn at me like that he would have gotten an earful right then and there, and my language would have been more colorful than his! ...and I am quite certain my husband would have throttled him.

I totally understand the difference between yelling and yelling at. I get it that coaches need to be loud to be heard, my concern would be what is he yelling, if it's just instructions, fine, but the whole closed door policy makes me think it goes beyond that. I also understand the frustration of coaches who have overly needy parents who think, rightly or not, that their child should be the super star. ...but in my book this guy was out of line.

The dilemma is whether or not to remove your son from the team. I would hate to do that if he truly loves the sport, but I think that this type of behavior with 8 and 9 year olds is unnecessary. I think at this age sports should be more about building self esteem, teaching the game, and sportsmanship, and teamwork.

 

[luvsJack]

Practices are usually closed because of the parents not because the coach is worried or has no control.

Ds played ball from 4-18 and above and they NEVER had a closed practice. In fact the father's were encouraged to attend. Baseball, football, soccer, all had open practice right on through high school.

The only time I have ever heard of a "closed practice" was another kid's team and it was because the kids would not behave and listen while the parents were around--which is what I meant by "control of his team".

 

[luvsJack]

Also, a lot of people misconstrue "yelling" with "talking loud enough to be heard over the noise". I probably yelled all through my practices so the kids could hear over the dribbling basketballs, etc. In games I yelled info from the sidelines so the players could hear me. That is why we use whistles too.

As a parent, I don't say much in the stands other then "oh, nice pass", "oh, nice try", "ouch that hurt" because the kids can't really hear you anyway and it isn't a parent's job to coach from the stands.

There is definitly a difference between yelling at the players and yelling to the players (ds used to say "coach isn't yelling AT us, he is yelling TO us") But the OP said that the coach screamed "shut up" in his child's face, that is not yelling, telling or anythin else, its being a tyrant.

 

[sparklynails23]

If your husband is big and scary looking, I would have him ask the coach the exact same questions you asked. The guy will get the message.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I would not want my child playing on a sports team where:

• The coach has children on the team.
• Practices are closed.
• The coach blasphemes.

 

[declansdad]

Ds played ball from 4-18 and above and they NEVER had a closed practice. In fact the father's were encouraged to attend. Baseball, football, soccer, all had open practice right on through high school.

The only time I have ever heard of a "closed practice" was another kid's team and it was because the kids would not behave and listen while the parents were around--which is what I meant by "control of his team".

This is an example of why you wouldn't want parents around. Personally, I don't think I would close a practice but I can understand why a coach would. I usually watch most of my son's basketball practices and there were times the coach needed to yell to be heard over all the parents talking and other kids (siblings) goofing around.