Abortion vs Adoption

[Ranatra]

I don't believe in abortion.
Two very close friends of mine had an abortion right after high school (over 25 years ago) I've seen the long term results of that decision. They both live with the regret and the guilt.

 

[Laura]

Originally posted by tiggersmom2
Now don't get me wrong, if someone wants an abortion that is their choice it just wasn't the right choice for me. So I am definitely Pro-Choice but personally I would never get one - does that make sense?

It makes sense to me; I feel the same way. It's "pro-choice", not just "all-abortion", every time.

Princess_Aurora, you said your friend just found out she's pregnant. She may just need time to clear her head, think of the best thing to do in her situation. It's not an easy decision, whether she aborts or adopts or keeps the baby. But I wouldn't like to think of anyone acting out of desperation, doing the first thing that comes to mind. She should probably talk to a professional about this; get a better idea of what her options are.

Adoption doesn't have to mean she'll never see the baby again, either. She can have an open adoption, and be a part of the child's life but not as the parent. It doesn't have to be a lifetime of wondering what happened to the child, as was the norm not so long ago.

 

[TinkBoo&ElliesMum]

There are so many different things to be said about this.

Abortion is by no means an easy decision to make, it's not an easy thing to go through, and it's not an easy thing to live with. If she chooses to go that route she's going to need far more support then she thinks, for some time. Her hormones are going to be out of whack, she's going to be in pain, and there will be a sense of loss.

I had my DS at 19, he was an unplanned pregnancy (major bc failure) I had people telling me to abort, I had people telling me to put him up for adoption but I couldn't. There was no way I could give him up - more power to those that can, but it wasn't a possiblity at all. I think that some women are just unable to let go enough to choose adoption, I can't imagine giving up any of mine. (Despite how much they drive me nuts sometimes!)

As far as money, I raised DS on very little - we are in a far better place now finacially speaking, but I wouldn't let money be the deciding factor in something like this.

I wish your friend the best of luck - I'm glad I'm not in her shoes (having been there before)

 

[Laura]

Originally posted by Ranatra
I don't believe in abortion.
Two very close friends of mine had an abortion right after high school (over 25 years ago) I've seen the long term results of that decision. They both live with the regret and the guilt.

Birth moms deal with those issues too, the regret and the guilt. "Why didn't I just keep the baby?" It's not easy to abort or adopt. Perhaps for your friends adoption would have been a better choice, but it doesn't necessarily rid one of regret and guilt.

 

[Son of the Morning]

Whatever the prospective mother feels is the best choice for her.

 

[Catzeyes]

I also do not believe in abortion.

 

[Saphire]

Abortion is more popular than adoption because more people are selfish than selfless. Abortion is a selfish act, adoption is a selfless act.

 

[m&m's mom]

I am a VERY firm believer in abortion rights. A lot of my friends say I am not pro-choice but pro-abortion. Let me explain. I did a lot of volunteer work in college at a home for pregnant children (OK, really unwed mothers, but they were children themselves). I personally saw how much of a toll putting up a child for adoption took on there kids. The girls were not making the decisions- it was the parents.
I think it would have been better for them to have had abortions and put it behind them.
I am also a strong Republican and a Christian. Many times these beliefs clash. I wish the Republican party would loosen up on this.
I technically had 2 abortions. They were both miscarriages but on my medical records it said abortion. I think about the extreme possibility of knowing I was carrying a dead fetus and not being able to terminate the failed pregnancy because someone wants to control my body.
Now on the other hand I had a 24 week preemie baby. There is NO WAY I would support someone having a 3rd trimester abortion. That's a different story to me.
Let your friend know you would support her either way. I would lean toward telling her OK to abort. Doesn't mean she will never again have children it just means she can get her life in order and them know she is providing the best home for her baby.

 

[shortbun]

Our family was formed through adoption. My DS's birthmom
chose to continue her pregnancy and chose not to parent.
Had she been a stranger and asked for assistance in getting
to a clinic for an abortion, I would have assisted her.
I totally believe the woman has the right to choose. I would
never begin to second guess a woman's choice, only to
support her.

 

[Son of the Morning]

For the record, you'd be hard pressed to find a more militantly pro-choice male around than me.

 

[goofygirl]

Ooohh an abortion topic on the CB....let the fun begin!

I know people have their reasons and all...I was just wondering why abortion seems to be more popular? Especially with all the couples that are out there that try so hard to have a baby of their own and can't...I can only imagine how heartbroken they feel knowing how many women get abortions that could have put the baby up for adoption.

Why? Because they do not want to go through nine months of carrying a baby that they do not want. I can relate. If I got pregnant, I'd opt for abortion. Adoption is a gamble- it does not always work out well. As for the couples who can't have kids- well, there's plenty of kids in foster care that they can get involved with. They do not need to have my fetus. The pregnancy is about MY life- not theirs, anyway. Besides, it seems to me a lot of infertile couples are not even willing to adopt- but only want to opt for fertility treatments instead because they "must" have their "own child" and won't settle for less.

If you'd like more insight into why some women choose abortion, please take a look here:
www.imnotsorry.net

 

[battricia]

There's other things to consider as well in this situation. If your friend is having money difficulties, she'd probably have to go to a clinic to get monthly checkups if she decided to keep the baby. She might not be able to afford prenatal vitamins, or buying healthy foods to make sure the baby is getting good nutrients. It costs quite a bit of money to have a baby in a hospital. Now days a lot of hospitals ask for the money up front if you don't have insurance, because they can't be guarenteed they'll get paid. If you don't have the money for that, what do you do? If she doesn't have a regular ob/gyn because she's going to a clinic she can't be sure the baby will be in good hands with the dr she gets at the hospital. And if the mother has to stress about all of this it's not good for the baby. If the girl has a job right now, it might not be one that is considerate of the fact that she's having a baby, and that she'll need time off to have it, or to go to clinic visits (which can take hours of waiting to get in to see a dr. when it's a busy day).

Adoption isn't a guarentee that all of that other stuff is going to be taken care of. It's probably not easy for most people to hear, but there's much less to worry about in having an abortion compaired to putting a child up for adoption. Right down to what everyone else mentioned, the thought of giving away a child you held in your body for 9 months.

tricia.

 

[hipporina]

Originally posted by goofygirl
As for the couples who can't have kids- well, there's plenty of kids in foster care that they can get involved with. They do not need to have my fetus.

I wish life was just this simple. Before posting generalizations like this, you need to check the facts. I do have two wonderful boys that I adopted through the foster care system, but I also have one lovely foster baby that I have poured my love into and is having to leave my home. (By the way, he is also a drug baby, partially blind, has seizures, and severe respiratory problems) My adopted children were 2.5 & 7 when we got them and came with quite a bit of emotional baggage. I'm currently waiting for a baby that I will be able to keep so that I can experience the wonders of watching a child learn to walk and talk. Again, please check your facts!

Now, as for options for the woman in the OP, here are a couple.
1. Keep the baby - If her financial problems are that bad, she can get on Medicaid and WIC so that she can safely deliver a healthy baby. That's what those programs are for.

2. Adoption - She will again have her medical expenses covered, and often times her living expenses as well. She can choose to select the family and the level of contact she will have with them. There are thousands of couples waiting to adopt.
As for goofygirls thought that "Besides, it seems to me a lot of infertile couples are not even willing to adopt- but only want to opt for fertility treatments instead because they "must" have their "own child" and won't settle for less." you can easily see this is not always true by finding out that the wait for an infant is easily 1 year and more.

I personally think abortion is murder, and would definately encourage her to seek another option.

Go ahead, flame away!

 

[Saphire]

Originally posted by battricia
It's probably not easy for most people to hear, but there's much less to worry about in having an abortion compaired to putting a child up for adoption. Right down to what everyone else mentioned, the thought of giving away a child you held in your body for 9 months.

Yes, I have heard that 'arguement' before but never understood it..."I carried the baby for nine months, I can't give it away...so I'll kill it!" Again, my point is that abortion is the ultimate act of selfishness, it's all about "me".

 

[Serena]

It is a difficult choice no matter what. And then you have to live with your decision.

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

Originally posted by janette
I think abortion is easier, most of the time no one needs to know. Caring a child and giving it up would bring more questions. If a person doesn't believe in life at conception they would probably be okay with an early term abortion. Many probably happen before the mom even feels pregnant.

Carrying a child for 9mths and giving it up would be very hard, I think this is what makes me admire the ones who are willing to do it even more.

You certainly got that right!!!! Been there, done that and agonized over that daughter for years, 30 to be exact. I did find here via an internet site and we have established a wonderful relationship. I was very blessed on this one.
Abortion, for me, was not a choice, I could never do it. I do, however, support the right of a woman to chose. Either way, it is not easy.

 

[AZKathy]

I have not read any replies, but I am giving my own experience. ADOPTION ADOPTION ADOPTION! There is a BABY inside her. There are so many couples out there who cannot conceive who would help her out throughout her pregnancy and raise and love that baby as if that baby was their own. It is so incredible that anyone could think of killing a baby.

I have three wonderful children thanks to two wonderful ladies in the same situation that your friend is in. (on birthmom had two) Our children are loved as if we had conceived them ourselves. We keep the adoptions open where we get together with the moms so they can see that the kids are doing well and the kids know these wonderful fantastic incredible women are their mothers.

Please please please get your friend to a reputable adoption agency to give her her choices out there. Some will even help just in counselling for the route she may take. Our agency was a Christian based adoption/foster agency, but their first goal was to avoid an abortion. They would give the girl help if she chose to keep the baby or they would guide her through the pregnancy if she decided to place the baby for adoption. Adoption is not they way it was in the past; most are open adoptions now and the birthmoms have contact. Also, the adoptive couples have to be checked out thoroughly to be adoptive parents from a complete physical, criminal background check, financial ability, etc.

If I was in an area where your friend was, I would gladly get her to talk to one of my birthmoms to share their experiences. Oh God, I pray for that baby. This makes me so sad that she would consider killing that precious baby. I have three wonderful human beings in my family because their birthmoms were BRAVE enough to follow through and not kill the babies and place them with a couple that would love the babies as if the babies were conceived by the couple.

BTW, I have a close friend who had an abortion when she was in her late teens; to her, it was such a bad decision after she had done it. After she was married and tried to have a family, she had problems conceiving and she felt she was being punished for killing that baby back when she was in her late teens. She was a mess for a long long time.

 

[AZKathy]

Originally posted by goofygirl
Ooohh an abortion topic on the CB....let the fun begin!





Why? Because they do not want to go through nine months of carrying a baby that they do not want. I can relate. If I got pregnant, I'd opt for abortion. Adoption is a gamble- it does not always work out well. As for the couples who can't have kids- well, there's plenty of kids in foster care that they can get involved with. They do not need to have my fetus. The pregnancy is about MY life- not theirs, anyway. Besides, it seems to me a lot of infertile couples are not even willing to adopt- but only want to opt for fertility treatments instead because they "must" have their "own child" and won't settle for less.

If you'd like more insight into why some women choose abortion, please take a look here:
www.imnotsorry.net

Okay, so now I read all the responses after I posted the long post above. I find comments such as this so selfish and certainly do NOT know the life of the infertile couple. I don't think my three incredible and marvelous children are "settled for less".

The woman who go through the pregnancy and places the baby with a couple is the most giving unselfish individual there is. I don't understand the mindset that "I would rather kill this 'thing' inside me rather than placing it with a loving family". I never will.........jeez.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Originally posted by Princess_Aurora
.....I was just wondering where others stood on this topic.

Skipping from your post, Aurora, to my reply.....I can only say, personally, two words, Natalie and Vince, our daughter and our son. I do understand the quandry people have, and I have no answers. I really never get in a discussion with anybody on it, I have my beliefs, they are what they are. My best.

 

[mamajoan]

Originally posted by AZKathy


The woman who go through the pregnancy and places the baby with a couple is the most giving unselfish individual there is. [/B]

You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear you say that statement!!...


Birthmoms who place their babies for adoption are often stigmatized as selfish, horrid, uncaring women. THEY ARE NONE OF THESE THINGS.
Thank you, Thank you ... Thank you... for being kind and caring to the birthmoms.