Aaarrrggh teens!

[Ready to go in Ok]

My DD14 (almost 15) was invited to spend the night with a friend of hers tonight. DD was apparently supposed to call her friend this afternoon to make arrangements. However, DD wasn't feeling well today, and spent most of the day in bed. Well her friend's mom called about an hour ago, and talked to DD. DD says she just asked if she was coming over. DD said no, she wasn't feeling well, and it was too late.

Then the friend's mom calls and leaves a voice mail about 20 min. later saying that her DD, who is 16, waited by the phone all evening, and my DD should have called. Her tone was one of those "mom voices" that let you know that you are in trouble, without raising your voice. KWIM? Poor DD recognized the tone immediately, I use it from time to time.

I am not debating the fact that DD should have called - she should have. However, the phone lines run both ways, and DD was in bed, sick. What irritates me though, is this mom getting involved anyway. They are teens! If they have an issue with one another, I think they are old enough to deal with it. DH says that she is just an overprotective mother, but something about her presuming she could call MY home and chastise MY daughter rubbed me the wrong way! Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Microcell]

Well... my Dd is 8 so I still fight all her big battles, but this is one even I would have stayed out of, but I would have had "that girl hurt my baby" feelings too.

This mom must be the very overprotective type. I think the girl calling about 4PM to see what was up would have been a better solution!

 

[Kirk]

So lay on the guilt trip _ "I'm sooooo sorry if my dd caused you any trouble but she's spent the day between her bed and the bathroom and really didn't want to infect her good friend/family. etc"

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Oh, and I forgot to add...

It went to voice mail because DD's can't seem to remember to put the phone back on the hook, ever. So I called DD down from upstairs, and told her she should call her friend and apologize. She called within 10 min. of the mom leaving the message, and they won't answer the phone! That's just childish!

 

[MouseWorshipin]

They might not be home. If it were me, and my kid waited around for someone who was supposed to be coming over, but never bothered to call, I'd take them out.

Your daughter was rude, and has no excuse. If she was ill, she could have had you call.

That the mom called was ridiculous. The girls should have worked it out.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

They might not be home. If it were me, and my kid waited around for someone who was supposed to be coming over, but never bothered to call, I'd take them out.

Your daughter was rude, and has no excuse. If she was ill, she could have had you call.

That the mom called was ridiculous. The girls should have worked it out.

That is a possibility, but highly unlikely on a nasty, late night, and they would have had to have left pretty quickly. And yeah, DD was rude. I am not debating that. Although it is kind of hard to make a phone call while you are sleeping

 

[Loves Disney]

Okay, I am 17 and the last thing I would want is my mom fighting my battles for me! I mean come on! lol. I have hosted some parties of my own and have been on the other side of this story. I held a birthday party once and invited a friend of mine. It was getting late and we had planned on going out. Understanding how this girl is always late, I didn't want to leave until she showed up. An hour later I thought I might give her a call. My other friends and I were anxious to leave. She picked up the phone and told me she was sick and would not be coming. I accepted that, informed her to next time call, and wished her well again. I would not have gotten all upset over it and have my mom call her mom to cry over spilt milk! It is just ridiculous! lol.

 

[aprilgail2]

I feel bad that the other girl was waiting around all day for a phone call...she probably had things planned etc and your daughter should have had the courtsey to call and let her know that she would not be coming. The other mother should not have had to even call to find out, that should have been your daughters job to call and let them know. That was very rude. Seriously, how sick could she possibly be that she couldn't pick up a phone and just have a 30 second conversation saying that she wouldn't be going??

 

[megan4777]

I think the girls should work things out themselves. I think if your dd is good friends with the other girl, the other girl would have known something was up and called to see if she was ok. At least that's what we did 10 yrs ago. Damn skippy I feel old!!
I'm not saying that the OP's dd shouldn't have called but I know when I'm in bed for a while, I am NOT calling anyone.


I hope your dd feels better soon

 

[megan4777]

I repeated myself.....just like with my 2 yr old...sorry

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

I think the girls should work things out themselves. I think if your dd is good friends with the other girl, the other girl would have known something was up and called to see if she was ok. At least that's what we did 10 yrs ago. Damn skippy I feel old!!
I'm not saying that the OP's dd shouldn't have called but I know when I'm in bed for a while, I am NOT calling anyone.


I hope your dd feels better soon

Thanks!

 

[RitaZ.]

So lay on the guilt trip _ "I'm sooooo sorry if my dd caused you any trouble but she's spent the day between her bed and the bathroom and really didn't want to infect her good friend/family. etc"

That's right!

I think the mom should have stayed out of it. It should have been handled between the girls. This was such a minor thing, there was no reason for the mom to intervene. How the heck are kids supposed to learn how to handle friendships at this age when mommy is running the show?

 

[MouseWorshipin]

So lay on the guilt trip _ "I'm sooooo sorry if my dd caused you any trouble but she's spent the day between her bed and the bathroom and really didn't want to infect her good friend/family. etc"

That's a fine reason for cancelling, but not for neglecting to call.

She wouldn't have transmitted anything over the phone.

 

[MoniqueU]

I think your daughter needed to call.
And sometimes as a parent when other peoples children are rude like that, you wonder if their parents are even going to correct their behavior or if that is just how they were raised, All about them.
I can see how the mom might of gotten frustrated and decided to leave a message to the effect that your daughters behavior was rude. Maybe it will make your daughter think more next time.

I don't have teens yet except for a son so I don't have the when to back off dilema yet but that is my opinion flame away.

 

[shortbun]

Like you said, the other girl could have called your daughter. What, are they 'dating?" lol! I think this mom and her daughter are too needy and I would write them off my list. Yeah, your daughter could have called to say, "I'm sick." but for goodness sake, don't(as a mom) feel the need to be Ms. Manners to the whole world. Don't blow this more out of proportion to it's importance with your daughter by mentioning it again. I think it should be done, she called to apologize...they chose not to pick up. End of story.

 

[poohandwendy]

Your DD should have called to cancel and should apologize for not doing so. OTOH, what I would be telling the other girl, if I were here mother, is that she should have called your house to find out what was going on instead of getting mad.

Why did the friends mom make the call to your DD instead of he DD? These girls are 15/16 and it is inappropriate, IMHO, for moms to get involved in this sort of stuff.

The friends mother is waaaaay over involved in her 16 yo DDs social life, IMO. Her DD is not learning how to deal with situations if her mom is fighting her battles.

This sort of reminds me of a girl that worked at our salon. She was 17 and her mother called her off sick or if she was going to be late, it was ridiculous. When the girl didn't show up twice (no call) for work, the salon owner kept calling and leaving voice mails. Guess who returned the calls? Yep, her mother called and quit for her DD and even wanted to come in and pick up her last paycheck. My boss refused and told the mother she would either mail it or her DD would have to come and pick it up herself.

The sad thing is they are not doing their kids any favors, in the long run, because they are taking away the opportunites for their kids to deal with things in a mature manner.

 

[kristen821]

I think the mom was out of line, but I am wondering if this is something your dd always does or was this the first time? If she was sick she may have forget when did they make these plans?
Maybe the other mother spent a lot of money on something for her visit and that is why she got so upset. I think at 15 yrs old I wouldn't have even told my mother. I would have been over it as soon as I heard your dd was sick.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I think the mom was out of line for calling, but I think your daughter was rude for not calling in the first place. If she was so sick she couldn't get out of bed, you could have even called and asked for the daughter and told her she wasn't coming. You and your daughter knew she had plans for that evening. You didn't think to tell your daughter to take 2 minutes and call her friend?

 

[Christine]

We had a similar situation on Friday.

My DD (who is in high school) was supposed to go home with her friend and then they were going to go out to dinner to celebrate Cinco De Mayo. Now, DD does not have a bus that goes directly to our home. She goes to school out of district, so she has an alternate bus she must catch. For her to change her routine is a major deal to us. Anyway, her and this girl do not have any classes together.

DD goes to school and looks for her friend during class changes and doesn't see her. After school she waits at a specific place and doesn't see her. Ends up missing her bus. She was able to call us to come get her but we never did hear from the girl. I guess DD finally heard from her on IM on late Friday night. She decided "not to go to school and went shopping with her Mom?" No one bothered to call anyone and let us know and that kind of ticked me off.

 

[swanmom]

Wonder if the Mom had plans for the evening which had been changed to accommodate the sleepover. If so, maybe the annoyed tone in her voice (which you say didn't really cross the line into 'inappropriate') was due to the fact that the parents had rearranged their schedule to be home and then found out it was unnecessary.