A Vent: I was not Invited!?

[jbdreamer]

My cousin is getting married next Saturday. Last night talking with my mother I told her I was surprised I had not been invited to her Bachelorette party yet. My mother was surprised as well. She was sure my sister had been invited.

So I called my sister, and sure enough she had been invited. "It was last weekend." she said. WHAT!? Apparently my sister was unable to go, but assumed I had gone. She too was shocked I had not been invited and insisted it was an oversight.

Well I think it was a pretty big oversight. My mother and I hosted her Bridal Shower! And she was my personal attendant in my wedding! I am extremely hurt that I would not be included. She is 23 and I am 25 so it can't be an age thing. And I could understand if she wanted just a few close friends at her party, but my sister was invited.

I am just so confused. I would like a reason, but I don't want to go whining to my cousin a week before her wedding. Should I just let it slid for now and tell her my feelings after the wedding? And what would I say?

I know it's a silly thing, but I am still upset about it.

 

[Christine]

First of all, I would need to find out how the invites went out. Were they verbal or were they mailed? If they were mailed, it is entirely possible that it was lost in the mail. This happens all the time. Your cousin could be stewing that you did not RSVP or show up.

Now if it was verbal and they left you out--it was either an oversight and someone thought someone else invited you or there really is a sinister plot going on. Try to think what the most likely scenario is.

As for waiting to bring it up--I'm a firm believer in not letting these things fester. If you are close enough to your cousin that she was an attendant in your wedding, then by all means, call her today and ask her what happened.

 

[AuntieM03]

I would be upset also. I don't know that I would ask before the wedding, but I think I would ask at some point.

 

[jbdreamer]

First of all, I would need to find out how the invites went out. Were they verbal or were they mailed?

I believe my sister was invited by phone. And I know my cousin has my home and cell number.

 

[kpm76]

That's too bad...I can understand why you would be hurt since she played such a significant role in your wedding and you hosted her shower! I have to admit, I am not a big fan of Bachelorette parties so I am not up on the protocol, but could it be that she only invited single girls? I know you are married, but I don't know about your sister....I know some of these Bachelorette parties can get out of control so maybe she felt the married girls would not want to participate.....also, who did the inviting? Could it have been a friend or someone who does not know you well??.....I hope it was simply an oversight and nothing more....

 

[Daxx]

Let me just say that, if it were me, I'd be thrilled. I wouldn't have to get dressed up, go to a dinner and have to deal w/relatives asking questions and wouldn't have to shell out big $$ for a gift!!!

However, w/what you did for her (shower, etc.), I am surprised that she's blowing you off like this!!!! I totally find it odd that your parents and sister are invited to the wedding but you're not!

If it were me and we were close, I'd call her up and say "Not a big deal, but WTH?" and see what she says. Then I would prob. say "It's a good thing you didn't invite me, b/c I can't attend anyway" and take the $$ I would've spent on her gift and go out and buy myself something spectacular!!! I know that sounds super beotchy ... but as I said, I'd be happy for the excuse to not go to the wedding!!!!

 

[paigevz]

Yes, that's the first thought I had, maybe she only invited singles..............

 

[minkydog]

Who is giving the party? If it's someone you know well, call them up and ask. Sitting around and being upset isn't helping too much. What's the worst they could say? You're not invited? Okay. I bet this is simply an oversight and it'll all work out in the end.

 

[Dory's Twin]

I think most times people know before hand exactly who has been invited and if they are coming or not...most people plan these things carefully....I have no idea if you were invited or not, but even if the invite was lost in the mail, I assume the Hostess would have called to see if you were coming or not....the fact that no one ever mentioned it to you is the real red flag here.....

However, this is a most uncomfortable situation....and I am not sure that you should mention it just yet.....it is her wedding.....I am a conflict avoider! Don't be surprised if someone else mentions it to her in the meantime.....

I would let it go until a more opportune time....after all it is her wedding and you don't want to get blamed for upsetting the applecart, etc.

 

[Christine]

I totally find it odd that your parents and sister are invited to the wedding but you're not!

I know that sounds super beotchy ... but as I said, I'd be happy for the excuse to not go to the wedding!!!!

The OP is invited to the wedding; she just didn't get an invite to the bachelorette party.

 

[wils]

Poor you

My gut feel is that it was probably a mistake - My bridesmaid organised my Hen Night (UK version) and sent out all the invitations/dealt with replies etc. Would the bride-to-be have organised it herself?

We were also disappointed when our best man did not even acknowledge the invitation to our firstborn's Christening. We didn't chase it as they are notorious for not responding to things and anyway they live a long way away with small children of their own. It was only on the day when my m-i-l was talking to his parents that we found out that he had never received an invitation. Things sometimes really do get lost in the mail!

I can understand why you'd feel really upset about it and why you'd like an explanation but I think it is better if you leave it until after the Wedding / Honeymoon.

As for what to say I am useless at such stuff but I'd go for something casual like 'I was really disappointed not to be invited to your party". Then let her respond.

Let us know what happens and try to still enjoy the forthcomming celebrations.

Take care

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would just let it go and never bring it up to her. Enjoy the wedding instead of pouting over the bachelorette party. Just tell yourself that the invite got lost in the mail and forget about it.

 

[Christine]

I think most times people know before hand exactly who has been invited and if they are coming or not...most people plan these things carefully....I have no idea if you were invited or not, but even if the invite was lost in the mail, I assume the Hostess would have called to see if you were coming or not....the fact that no one ever mentioned it to you is the real red flag here.....

Unless, of course, the hostess is "non confrontational" and was sitting at home stewing about not getting an RSVP from her cousin. Of course, supposedly this was a verbal (by phone) invite so she either forgot to give her a call and realized it later (and was hopefully ashamed) or she only invited singles only.

Again, here is where I think communication is key. It never does any good to sit back and not speak up because it leads to a problem on all sides.

 

[musclecar_72]

I would just let it go and never bring it up to her. Enjoy the wedding instead of pouting over the bachelorette party. Just tell yourself that the invite got lost in the mail and forget about it.

You are talking about a bachelorette party. Good advice but it isn't gonna happen.

 

[kimmikayb]

If you are close to her (which I'm guessing you are), I'd ask her. I agree with the posters who believe it was a mistake. She might be hurt neither you or your sister came. What's the worse that can happen? She says opps no you weren't invited? Then you know what kind of wedding present to buy her

 

[ashlynn_j_m]

I was in a similar situation this month. My cousin who I have been extremely close to all my life got married the 1st of this month. My parents were invited but my sister and I were not. My Aunt said they had a limited number of people they could invite. Well one of my cousins that had nothing to do with the family for years, and then moved closer and starting talking to them, a few years ago went. My cousin played sports in college and then played pro, I spent thousands of dollars on motel rooms, food, tickets, gas etc...just to see him play. So both my sister and I were very hurt by this...

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Is it possible she left you a voice mail that was mistakenly erased, or a verbal message with your dh, that he forget to give you?

I would bring it up to her, or whomever made the phone calls, because it was likely an oversight, and she may very well be wondering why you didn't come or RSVP.

 

[jbdreamer]

Is it possible she left you a voice mail that was mistakenly erased, or a verbal message with your dh, that he forget to give you?

I would bring it up to her, or whomever made the phone calls, because it was likely an oversight, and she may very well be wondering why you didn't come or RSVP.

No, it was certainly not my DH's fault.

I talked with my sister again and she has volunteered to do some investigating. She is planing on calling my cousin to see how the party went and apologize again for not being able to attend. Then she can casually bring up the topic of me not being invited. Then no one is whining or attacking and my cousin doesn't have to be defensive.

My sister still insists it had to have been a mistake. I certainly hope so. I'll let you know what she finds out.

Thanks so much for the support everyone! I love the Dis!

 

[kbmoo]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1089954 Check out this thread. This is how it all started. Then I posted a vent thread after I held the shower, but erased it in case someone from the family might read it. Let's just say they have a disfuntional family. I still think that her friends hosting the party were very last minute and may have tried once to call and then forgot. At least I hope so. Hopefully, my other daughter can shed some light on the situation. Familys are so interesting to deal with.

 

[kbmoo]

Have you heard anything yet? I just talked to my other daugher and she said she recieved an invite in the mail and she talked to my neice who said Jenny should have recieved one too. She felt very bad that you didn't get an invite. Hope this all gets cleared up!