a serious question..

[questions]

Ok, I have changed my name for this one...
If I have first hand knowledge of being raped and battered as a teen. I also have first hand knowledge of eating disorders. Would you want me to talk to your teen?
I have a few nieces that will be teens soon and the in-laws have no clue what I've been through. Should I come clean with them? My dh thinks they'll be supportive but I'm still scared. I just want to help the nieces. I love them with all my heart and one of them is showing signs of an eating disorder.
Any suggestions are welcome.

Edited to add...I'm not much older than the girls. I give them my hand me down and they wear them out!!!

 

[huckster]

if your are ready to share your story , and are a good listener then i would think so .

 

[pfishgirl]

Ok, I have changed my name for this one...
If I have first hand knowledge of being raped and battered as a teen. I also have first hand knowledge of eating disorders. Would you want me to talk to your teen?
I have a few nieces that will be teens soon and the in-laws have no clue what I've been through. Should I come clean with them? My dh thinks they'll be supportive but I'm still scared. I just want to help the nieces. I love them with all my heart and one of them is showing signs of an eating disorder.
Any suggestions are welcome.

Edited to add...I'm not much older than the girls. I give them my hand me down and they wear them out!!!

ok no offense, but if you are ready to share your story, then why are you hiding under a fake name? is it because you are only ready to tell family and not friends or just anybody?? i'm in no way shape or form bashing you so please don't think that, but if i thought i was ready to tell anyone my life, i wouldn't hide behind a fake name and ask for people's opinions, 1. who honestly and again no offense, but really don't matter and 2. i would go public to help all teens out there and not just your nieces, even if you do need an assumed name to do it... JMO !!!!

 

[questions]

No, actually, if I thought it wouldn't be brought up whenever i posted I would surely put this under my name. However, I do have children and I don't want the fact that I suffered from an eating disorder or anything else to bother anyone else. I know that others will bring it up whenever I post about food or kids, or whatever....
My past is my past but those who don't know me (like on here ) could use it against me....
I thought about what you said, though....thanks

 

[pfishgirl]

No, actually, if I thought it wouldn't be brought up whenever i posted I would surely put this under my name. However, I do have children and I don't want the fact that I suffered from an eating disorder or anything else to bother anyone else. I know that others will bring it up whenever I post about food or kids, or whatever....
My past is my past but those who don't know me (like on here ) could use it against me....
I thought about what you said, though....thanks

Oh thank goodness you weren't offended. I tried to make the questions not seem like I was a jerk or inconsiderate of your feelings. Thank You for taking it the way I meant it. Just so you know, if you are willing to help out other teens with similar problems, you can write articles in teen magazines under a pen name or anonymously. Even local newspapers take submissions of help from people.. Thanks Again..

 

[questions]

pfishgirl....

Actually, I found your post eye-opening to a certain degree. I checked into local newspapers and I would have to put my name and addy for them to publish it. Thanks for having me look into it.

I also thought about going to h.s. but things have changed in the last few years and it's pretty much impossible to get into there to talk. ( I checked)
I am not ready to put my name out for everyone to ridicule me. I'm sorry but I have kids to think about. I also have nieces that share my last name now and I wouldn't wish anything ill upon them (we live close enough that many people would know the name)


I just would like to know if I should share my info with in-laws right now..

Phishgirl...I NEVER found your post offensive. thank you for your help.

 

[poohandwendy]

First of all, I am sorry you have first and knowledge of either situation. I have what I guess you could call first and second hand knowledge as I have 2 close family members who have been through both and have been very open and honest with me and others about their history and the issues surrounding both situations. I was also violently 'date' raped, before there was such a phrase, when I was a teen.

I guess I am not sure what you mean by 'come clean with them'? With who? The teens or the parents?

One thing that has been very healthy in my family is that we are totally open and honest about this history, as painful as it is. There is no 'coming clean' because there is no reason to feel guilt or shame for being in either situation. This cannot be stressed enough.

I am telling you this because if you go to the teens without being open and honest with any other family members...well, that still gives the impression that these things are something to be discussed under a veil of secrecy. IMO, that is the very most damaging part of this cycle... and what keeps it continuing.

If I were you, I would first talk to the girl/s parents (at least one of them) about your personal experiences and tell them your concerns. If you feel able to do that. I think the parents of the one who is showing signs of an eating disorder NEED to know what is going on in order to help her.

I also am curious as to whether or not you have recieved any counselling regarding these issues and if you could actually talk to your (a) therapist about this idea?

I think it is wonderful that you want to help your teen neices...I hope you can find a way to talk to their parents and them, I think they could really be helped by your honesty.

Send me a pm if you want to talk about it.