a serious question: do you get guilt trips from family?

[youmyflower]

Dear Disneyland-Addicts Anonymous

Do you guys ever get grief from any of your family for going to the Land more than you go out to visit them?

We are in CA, the IL's are in NM and it's a real PITA to schlep 4 kids through airports and transfers and long car rides to get there to visit. So, sadly, we don't. (It would be much easier for them to come out here, but they are in their 60-70's and real homebodies).

Last week I posted my status on Facebook as "Jennifer: 100 days until Disneyland". Well she read it and was miffed. She said to DH, I thought you guys weren't going to go there for a few years and I think that's a good idea. Dh said, translation, she's mad because we'll visit Mickey but not her. (I told him well Mickey doesn't give us a guilt trip )


OK in an ideal world we would be travelling out to visit them AND getting our disney fix. But time and money are not unlimited.

How do you guys find the balance?

 

[LuLusApple]

I live next door to my mother and see her everyday but I don't dare tell her how much we go to DL. She has no idea we are going in April. My kids can't tell her and they would love to.
She thinks especially now (because of economy) we should be staying home and planting potatoes.
She is 80 and remembers the depression
We are lucky enough not to be suffering a personal recession and since the deals are out there to travel we are going, and more than once this year
It's a real bummer that she doesn't understand.

 

[dismom73]

Your post sounds like a piece of my own life. My MIL lives about 4 hours from here, DL is a 6 hour drive(opposite direction) and we do a week long Disney trip once a year. We go to her house about twice a year, but only for weekend visits. She doesn't understand why we don't go visit her for a week at a time. Well, I'm sorry, but there is absolutely nothing for the kids to do when we go there. A weekend is more than enough time for a visit where all anyone does while we are there is watch TV. Bottom line, we tell her that the kids LOVE going to DL and we are creating childhood memories that will last a lifetime.
You could try telling her that the whole family sat down and decided together what they wanted to do with vacation time. That way it's not on just you or your DH. As far as the economy is concerned you could just explain to her that you have been planning this trip for a long time and the money has been saved. My MIL used to nag me about money and what we do with ours, how we spend it etc. Until I had finally had enough and I just turned to her and said, "Have we ever borrowed money from you?" to which the answer was "No", so I told her, "We pay all of our bills, we put money in our savings and we have never borrowed money from you. So why are you so worried about what we do with our money?" She hasn't said a thing to me since about money.

 

[pixiewings71]

My Mom lives a 10 hr drive from us, we always have to make the trip to visit, in the 21 YEARS I've been in CA they have come to see me 4 times....Ummm, ya, not cool.....so I've stopped making the drive every year, we miss them and would love to see them more (and now my DD21 lives there with my new granddaughter so that makes it even harder) but I don't feel it's fair for us to make the drive every single time so we just don't.......

 

[MommyWithDreams]

The only person I get the guilt trip from is my ex husband. I say he's just jealous......he can't keep a job to save his life so it's not my problem he can't go to Disneyland too! I told him about us going in December, even invited him to come along. He has 9 months to save for it......I'll be the most surprised woman in the world if it happens. I'm not holding my breath.

 

[wvnative]

Luckily my mom and sister are both within a mile of me so that's no issue. However, the rest of my family is in WV while we're on AZ. The kid hates to visit my family because she gets sooo bored. I totally understand. When the WV family complains, I remind them that planes fly both ways and that while their kids are still young, I only have a limited number of years left before my teenager decides her mom is too dorky to be seen in public with. lol Right now she's more than happy to accompany me to DLR. Not to mention it costs me more to go to WV for a visit where we spend two full days traveling than it does to spend a long weekend in Disneyland where we're both happy.

 

[Krissy Marissy]

Not quite the same because my family lives here. But they still look down on for going so often. We are all going as a big grand gathering to DLR in april and then WDW in dec. DH and I just happen to have been/are going on three more disney trips than they are...possibly four. But we dont have a car payment, one of the kids still flies free, we aren't hurting financially like a lot of people are and the deals out there are amazing right now. We just want to get it out of our systems and then we'll only do WDW every other year and DLR again in '12. They try to make us feel bad and I try to ignore it. I know they are just sad they cant do it too.

 

[bumbershoot]

I invite family to meet us there. I know they won't, but I still get the points for suggesting it. And if they do it someday, then it will be fun! Much better to hang out at DLR than hang out in my living room or my dad's house...

 

[Krissy Marissy]

My family loves disneyland and are always invited...they are going on two trips with us this year. But my DH's family never wants to go and only went to WDW a few years ago for our wedding. We have just stopped inviting them. I keep telling DH we need to meet families in our are that LOVE disney as much as we do so we can travel with them lol

 

[pixiewings71]

Molly our families both have standing invites to go with us. I know that many of them would LOVE it but so far they all say "It's too $$$$" yet they drop $$$$$$$ on a beach vacation in Oregon yearly, makes no sense to me but whatever.....I just don't think it's fair that they expect us to come see them all the time but they make no effort to come see us.

My sis is trying to budget to send her DD10 down here this summer, that way we can take her with us to DL! We hope it happens, we know the girls would have so much fun together!

 

[Mugglemama]

this never used to be an issue for us, because we lived nearby all of our family AND nearby disneyland, too. we saw our families all the time and had AP's to the land so we went there a couple times per week, too.

however, 6 years ago we moved out of state, and now we have to schedule time for both disneyland and family while on our vacations. fortunately, we can visit just about every family member we have, as they all live directly on the route there or back (we drive there through CA and back through UT, or vice versa). but the first year we did this, my dad did say something about the fact that we were spending 5 days at DLR and only 1.5 days with him. i felt he was justified in the complaint, and so the next year we did 2 days at DLR and 5 days with him. we also scheduled extra visiting time with all of our family members on that trip, and felt good about it. not that i wouldn't have also LOVED to have a few extra days at DLR, but we literally had half a dozen families to visit, so time didn't permit that.

this year, we're doing 3 days at DLR and 3 days in my hometown with my dad, and 1 to 1.5 days with each of the other families we need to spend time with on the way there or on the way back. next year we'll go back up to 5 days at DLR, and hope that everyone will still feel loved, lol!

i must add too, that of all this visiting, NONE of these people have EVER come to visit us, with the exception of my dad (and we loved his visits and wish he would not just visit, but move in with us! - but he's older now and not in good health, so he can't travel anymore). oh, and also my bro and sis-in-law, each visited once. so, i mean, if any of the others ever complained, i would gently point out that at least we had made the effort to go and visit them at all.

but i can totally relate with what you are experiencing. i TOTALLY feel my in-laws take issue with the fact that we do DLR more than we go to their house. to try to make it a family event, i'm going to ask them to join us next May when we'll have 5 days to spend in the parks. i'm really hoping they come along!

 

[fairycat]

I am both spoiled and totally robbed by the fact my inlaws live close to WDW. I have not visited as much as DH since he had several work trips take him in the area and he stayed on to see his family, but the first two trips as you can see we only got away for day trips. The next trip became a PITA because DH agreed to meet his Brother to do Universals Halloween event when I had WDW tickets for that day . I was so mad we couldn't just do our three days together and then go with his brother later in the week that we were there.

I told DH next time we go to the parks at the end of our trip so we can actually enjoy the parks. If his family wanted to come with us that would be great! But they rarely do. I just would like to have some fun park time without them rushing us to spend time with them at their house.

This is why we will only do short WDW trips its just to much work! But we are spoiled living next to DLR so no one can give me grief about DLR trips

 

[Niele]

I live next door to my mother and see her everyday but I don't dare tell her how much we go to DL. She has no idea we are going in April. My kids can't tell her and they would love to.
She thinks especially now (because of economy) we should be staying home and planting potatoes.
She is 80 and remembers the depression
We are lucky enough not to be suffering a personal recession and since the deals are out there to travel we are going, and more than once this year
It's a real bummer that she doesn't understand.

Yep, pretty much the exact same for us, but mom KNOWS when we're going, she has to take care of our four-legged children! Mind you, we did ask her to go again on our next trip later this year but she declined again. I think she believes it will be too crazy with the kids and grandkids and she's slowing down abit. Wish she'd reconsider, family time at DL is the absolute greatest, especially around Christmas.

 

[nunzia]

Dear Disneyland-Addicts Anonymous

Do you guys ever get grief from any of your family for going to the Land more than you go out to visit them?

We are in CA, the IL's are in NM and it's a real PITA to schlep 4 kids through airports and transfers and long car rides to get there to visit. So, sadly, we don't. (It would be much easier for them to come out here, but they are in their 60-70's and real homebodies).

Last week I posted my status on Facebook as "Jennifer: 100 days until Disneyland". Well she read it and was miffed. She said to DH, I thought you guys weren't going to go there for a few years and I think that's a good idea. Dh said, translation, she's mad because we'll visit Mickey but not her. (I told him well Mickey doesn't give us a guilt trip )


OK in an ideal world we would be travelling out to visit them AND getting our disney fix. But time and money are not unlimited.

How do you guys find the balance?

ppffft..tell her she can meet you at DL..it isn't so far from NM..believe me..I know!

 

[alexandria674]

Ugh, yes!
Last July my boyfriend decided to work extra shifts to we can go to D.L. or my birthday. He put a way a good amount of money and so I was excited. Two days before we go, I get a call from my brother. He wants to go! I thought, "Oh no" because this was my birthday gift and a romantic date. My boyfriend and I hadnt seen each other much because we were both working. I only said "If you bring money" my brother said "I thought you were paying, Brandon has been putting away money for it, so me going wouldn't be a lot."
I was stunned, so I just said "No way" then my cousin calls up and gives me grief about it. She said he could go and just hang out by himsel until it was time to go. I was being badgered by both of them.
Finally my dad and mom heard what was going on and they told my brother "You could go but I hear you have a date with some girl tomorrow, now you can pay for your sister to go with you on your date." My brother turned red and said "Nevermind"
We are going again in a week so I am keeping my mouth shut about going. Times are hard, butmy boyfriend and I pay our bills, not in debt and have extra money put to the side for our trip. Five years together. No guilt trips this time!

 

[fairycat]

Ugh, yes!
Last July my boyfriend decided to work extra shifts to we can go to D.L. or my birthday. He put a way a good amount of money and so I was excited. Two days before we go, I get a call from my brother. He wants to go! I thought, "Oh no" because this was my birthday gift and a romantic date. My boyfriend and I hadnt seen each other much because we were both working. I only said "If you bring money" my brother said "I thought you were paying, Brandon has been putting away money for it, so me going wouldn't be a lot."
I was stunned, so I just said "No way" then my cousin calls up and gives me grief about it. She said he could go and just hang out by himsel until it was time to go. I was being badgered by both of them.
Finally my dad and mom heard what was going on and they told my brother "You could go but I hear you have a date with some girl tomorrow, now you can pay for your sister to go with you on your date." My brother turned red and said "Nevermind"
We are going again in a week so I am keeping my mouth shut about going. Times are hard, butmy boyfriend and I pay our bills, not in debt and have extra money put to the side for our trip. Five years together. No guilt trips this time!

Your parents rock and gave him the best answer ever, good for them!!! Go and have fun!!

 

[teatime]

Our grand parents and moms and dads are getting up there, a trip to disneyland is a must, but so are they. Disney will be there , but the family will not always be. I pack 4 kids thru an airport all by my self , but family is more important there for I see it as important to let gramma and grammpa see them as much I can. Sure they could travel, but at a certain age they do not do this any more and there for being a good daughter I take my kids.

 

[Belle Ella]

The biggest guilt trip I get is that I'm planning on going twice this year, and they don't think that's responsible.

I'm sure if the rest of my family knew more about it, I would get more from them. I'm the one who never gets up to visit my granparents on the weekends because I have to work overnight on Saturday's, which has screwed me out of a lot of family events. If they knew I was taking a weekend off specially for Disneyland I'm sure they would say something.

 

[jolynda]

We don't deal with guilt so much as we deal with jealousy! lol!

For many of our DL trips, we invite a family member or two to come along! We treated my mom last spring, my sister the year before, and I have brought along various nieces/nephews. I cover the food/lodging - they just need to get themselves to me and pay for their park ticket. I only invite one or two people at a time so we can share a room - but it also gives us a chance to really spend some quality time with our guest!

 

[pixiewings71]

Our grand parents and moms and dads are getting up there, a trip to disneyland is a must, but so are they. Disney will be there , but the family will not always be. I pack 4 kids thru an airport all by my self , but family is more important there for I see it as important to let gramma and grammpa see them as much I can. Sure they could travel, but at a certain age they do not do this any more and there for being a good daughter I take my kids.

I totally get this, but my parents, siblings and my Gma are all very healthy and active so them not coming makes no sense. My Mom & StepDad go to WA every year for their vacation, my little sis (who is one of my BFFs!) takes her family to the beach in OR, my older sis and bro don't vacation and my stepsis hasn't taken one yet because she just graduated college and got a good job (she's a nurse). My stepsis is more likely to come see me than anyone else! LOL IF my family made more effort to come see me (and remember I've lived here for 21 years) then I'd be more apt to make more effort to go see them but they don't so I don't make it as much of a priority...heck the last time I was there (just a few weeks ago) my Gma didn't even come see us!!!! Not once, she got mad at my Mom so she didn't come see any of us, not even her Great Grandkids....

We don't deal with guilt so much as we deal with jealousy! lol!

For many of our DL trips, we invite a family member or two to come along! We treated my mom last spring, my sister the year before, and I have brought along various nieces/nephews. I cover the food/lodging - they just need to get themselves to me and pay for their park ticket. I only invite one or two people at a time so we can share a room - but it also gives us a chance to really spend some quality time with our guest!

We do this with our girls' friends. They bring money for tickets, souvies and some food $$ and we cover the gas to get there, the lodging and whatever snacks they want. We do ask the parents to pay for the actual meals but we pay for all the snacks.