A Sensible Dinner - Pearlieq's Journal

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

What a successful day you had. The apple trick worked really well. You deserve to feel so proud of yourself. It is always a great feeling to order only what you want and then when you can recognize that you don't need to be a member of the clean plate club on top of that, it is a great day!

Keep up the great work!

 

[pearlieq]

7/10/06

I haven't eaten yet. I wasn't that hungry this morning after last night's leftover munching, but I'm starting to get hungry now, so I'll go fix something soon.

What happened yesterday got me to thinking a lot about what I'm doing here and what my goals are. When I first started this, my goal was simply to lose weight as quickly as possible. I'm feeling pretty different about it these days, and there's a big reason why.

DH and I have finally decided that we would like to at least try to have a child. My best friend is getting married next May, so we're using that as kind of a reference point. After her wedding, we're going to start trying.

Having that in the back of my mind really changes my perspective. While I still want to lose weight (I know it's essential to a healthy pregnancy and delivery) my bigger focus right now is changing my behavior. When I think about what I want for my kids, and what I want to pass down to them, the biggest thing I want is to get my eating-related neuroses under control.

I don't want to be distracted or deadened by food as I'm trying to bring them up, and I really don't want to pass on a disordered relationship with food to them. That's why getting the bingeing under control and learning to manage boredom without eating is so important to me. I want to be able to model healthy attitudes toward food.

I still don't know if kids are a possibility for us. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 15, so I've had a lot of time to get used to the idea that I might not have kids, or that it might not come easily. DH and I have already decided that we're only willing to undertake minimal fertility treatments--no injected hormones and IVF for me. And while I know there will be some grief if it doesn't happen for us, I can see my life without kids in it and I'm OK with that. I'll just have to make do with being wealthy and well-rested instead! But we would like to try...

10:40am

--1 LC peanut chicken
--1/2 cup peas
--1 cup milk

3:00pm

--2 egg & cheese sandwiches

I was expecting today to be a long fight with boredom, but so far it's kind of been bumping along and I've actually had things to keep me occupied.

I had big plans for dinner, but my ground beef isn't cooperating and is staying resolutely frozen. Flimsy excuse as that is, I'm running with it and we're going to Applebee's for dinner today. I figure it's close to where we've got to go to pick up DH's car from the shop and it has healthy choices.

I've been having more Vegas-related nightmares. Last night's dream found me and my mother on a cruise ship. When we met up she had brought along several uninvited relatives, who were boorish and demanding. Then, when I went out to get the key to her cabin, I found out the ship was dizzyingly hard to navigate, with several one-way corridors and dead ends. When I finally got our keys, I found out that the hall leading up to our rooms was covered in small mountains that you had to climb over! I woke up before I could figure out how to get Mom to her room...

4:30pm

--1 large ice cream cone
--2 small sugar free cookie

I had a kind of a jones for ice cream this afternoon. I felt a little bit cravey afterwards, but it passed. Now I feel pretty good. I'm waiting for DH to get home. If he's late and I get really hungry I'll try the apple trick again.

7:30pm

--1 fajita rollup
--1/2 piece DH's garlic toast
--4 pineapple wedges

This is the person I want to be. I had something I enjoyed, but nothing that pushed me over the top.

 

[Lesli54]

Just had to pop in here and say

I LOVE YOUR ATTITUDE!

The rethinking of why you want to be successful this time around is a big plus on your side. It really helps when you are motivated to change behavior and not just lose weight. That will come, but I agree, passing on a healthy food relationship to your children is a worthwhile goal.

You have a great attitude towards the whole thing and I wish you luck no matter how things turn out.

 

[Jane E.]

I've been having more Vegas-related nightmares. Last night's dream found me and my mother on a cruise ship. When we met up she had brought along several uninvited relatives, who were boorish and demanding. Then, when I went out to get the key to her cabin, I found out the ship was dizzyingly hard to navigate, with several one-way corridors and dead ends. When I finally got our keys, I found out that the hall leading up to our rooms was covered in small mountains that you had to climb over! I woke up before I could figure out how to get Mom to her room...

At least I'm not the only one who gets those stupid stress dreams before vacations.

We got a new kitty so I'll probably be having nightmares before long. Older cat is definately NOT happy!

Sounds like you're really thinking hard about raising children. I've found that children magnify whatever hangups we parents have. Sounds like you'll have plenty of time to work thru things.

Right now, I'm dealing with some sibling rivalry of my own - the furbaby kind!

 

[pearlieq]

7/11/06

8:30am

--1 LC peanut chicken
--1/2 cup peas
--1 carton light yogurt

We ran out of milk yesterday, so it's officially time to go to the store. It's raining this morning--it' just sort of quiet and soothing and gray outside. Very much the weather to curl up in bed with a book and some tea. Alas, that is not in my plans for the day.

I think I'm coming down with some kind of summer cold--it doesn't seem to severe so far, so hopefully it just rides its way right out of town!

1:15pm

--2 egg, cheese & canadian bacon sandwiches on mini whole wheat bagels
--1/2 cup blueberries & raspberries

I'm officially sick, I think. My head feels like it's going to explode and somehow my nose is both runny and stuffy at the same time. Ick!

I have so much to do this afternoon, too. The countertop fabricator is coming by this evening so I have to clean my kitchen and clear off my countertops. Plus I have a bunch of cooking I was going to do. I'll do my best to get it all done, but I think I'm going to need a nap somewhere in here.

4:40pm

--a few tastes while cooking

7:20pm

--2 helpings spaghetti pie
--1 garlic bread roll

We got dinner later than I would have liked since the counter salesguy was almost 40 minutes late. He gave us a quote, but he came in about $4 per square foot higher than some other quotes I'd gotten. So I'll have go shopping around a bit more and/or see if I can get them to lower it.

I'm still feeling very icky, and don't have much energy. Nor do I have an appetite, which is great, I guess. I just want this to go away! Better now, I guess, than right before Vegas.

 

[Lesli54]

Good morning, almost noon, Pearlieq!

Sounds like you did great yesterday!

I woke up feeling icky as well. My head thought it was going to cave in, but I think it is due to this raining weather we are having. Things are better now, so I hope it gets better with you as well.

Hoping that your day is full of great choices.

 

[pearlieq]

7/12/06

9:45am

--1 helping spaghetti pie

I woke up feeling better than I had expected to, but I've still got the stuffy/runny nose, sinus pressure and sore throat. At least the achy-ness and weakness from yesterday are gone. I'm still sick, but I don't feel nearly as pathetic as yesterday. Note to self: no more making fun of DH for being a big baby when he's sick...

Still not much of an appetite. It's weird--my breakfast tastes good, but I could walk away from it right now. It's just a strange feeling from a girl who, when no one is looking, will lick the Lean Cuisine containers to get the last bit of peanut sauce.

Not much on the agenda today. I got some work done this morning, but now our system is acting up, so I'm going to try again later. I can see a nap in my future.

12:40pm

--1 helping spaghetti pie
--1 garlic roll (leftover light bun)
--1/2 cup mixed raspberries & blueberries

Well, I got some more work done, which was good. I'm dragging a bit now, so I'm going to get some rest. I think my appetite is coming back a bit, which is good I suppose. We're having tacos tonight, which I'm looking forward to.

2:20pm

--1 small sf cookies

I'm starting to lose my sense of taste, which is such a bummer. Strangely, though, I'm also starting to get my appetite back. That doesn't make any sense, does it?

5:20pm

--2 hot dogs w/light buns

DH just called to say he'll be late gettting home, hopefully not too late. I'm hungry!

6:00pm

--2 more hot dogs
--6 small sf cookies
--1 ice cream cone
--1 mini bag popcorn

Oops! Had a good old afternoon binge. I don't know if it was frustration, boredom or what, but at least not keeping junk in the house paid off. This could have been much, much worse.

8:00pm

--3 homemade tacos w/trimmings
--1 nectarine

This was tasty, and I could actually taste it, which is always nice. After this we just went up and watched TV. My nose really started to act up, so it wasn't a pleasant evening.

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq~

I'm sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. I've been sick for the past 2 weeks now and just when I thought I had shaken it, the cold comes back full force. I hope you start feeling better soon!

 

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

Glad to hear that you are feeling better. Hey, walking away from food is good. The other night, I walked away from the last of my milkshake, which was strange, but a really good feeling.

Good luck finding a good counter price. I will trade you for the price of the windows though.

I hope to day is full of good health for you.

 

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

I am so glad that your appetite is coming back, but a sense of tast would be good as well.

Here's a little to get you through the rest of the day!

 

[pearlieq]

7/13/06

I haven't eaten yet. No real appetite, but I should eat something soon so I can take some medicine.

I had a really rough night. I wanted to sleep, I was tired, and I desperately needed to sleep, but alas, sleep would not come! I was up every 45 mintues or so--for various reasons, and I kept tossing and turning and moving from the recliner to the bed trying to find a comfortable spot. Tonight I'm breaking out the NyQuil!!!

For irony's sake, the one time I did manage to get some sleep, I had another Vegas vacation nightmare! I dreamed I was supposed to be transporting my mother somewhere, and I had rented a large SUV to do so. I went and picked up the SUV and it the door must have been 6 feet off of the ground. So I climbed in and tried to drive it home to pick her up, only I had somehow seated myself in the backseat so I could only see a sliver of sky in front of me. The rest of my view was dwarfed by this mammoth car. I tried to crawl forward to hit the brake pedal, but they either weren't working or I wasn't able to muster enough force to make the car stop, so we wound up slowly skidding off of the road on a grassy curb.

I really don't know why I'm getting these dreams. This is the 3rd one. I keep telling myself getting all worked up isn't going to help anyone, but I'd be lying if I didn't feel a lot of pressure. My mom's always been kind of critical and has no problem expecting to be catered to. Plus, I know taking this trip is way outside her comfort zone and her diminished abilites are making her feel vulnerable, so I feel extra pressure for this trip to be flawless. The funny thing is, in real life, my mom has been nothing but excited, good natured, and chipper about this trip, so all of this pressure is coming from in my head!

11:00am

--1 nectarine
--1 cup cottage cheese
--1 mini ww bagel with 1 T peanut butter

Yay! I can taste my breakfast! So far this is shaping up to be an OK day, I guess. I'm going to pop some Advil & Sudafed here and then maybe head out to Target to pick up some gifts for DH's relatives. He's going back to Ohio this weekend, but I'm not going with him. I'd forgotten that I'd signed up to do the pet shelter bake sale, plus we didn't want to leave the cats for another weekend, especially with a trip coming up so soon. I also think they might enjoy some family time alone together. I always feel like an intruder when I'm there.

I am kind of bummed I won't get to see my new nephew. DH's brother has a son, we found out a few months ago. This didn't all happen the traditional way, but everyone seems pretty happy about it now, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't take some of the pressure off DH and I to produce grandkids.

3:00pm

--2 turkey & cheese rollups on lc tortillas with bacon bits and lettuce
--1 large handful baby carrots w/onion dip
--1/2 cup blueberries & raspberries

I must say, I'm going to miss this whole loss of appetite thing when I get better. I thought about getting fast food on the way back from Target, but couldn't quite drum up any enthusiasm about the idea. It's like for the first time in my life food isn't in control of me. It's so great--I wish I were always like this.

The trip to Target was productive. I got our nephew (still feels funny saying that) a play set of stacking buckets that came with little plush toys. I also got him one of those photo books which I'm going to fill with pictures of DH & I and his family. Finally, I got him a little T-Shirt that says "I do all my own stunts". For his cousin I got a little singing crocodile that comes with stacking blocks. It's plastic, brightly colored, and makes noise--the formula for a hit with 1-year-old crowd.

6:30pm

--2 hot dogs on light buns
--1 small bag cheetos
--1/2 cup blueberries
--large handful baby carrots w/onion dip

After dinner I attempted to wrap the presents I'd gotten for DH's relatives. I bought some blue wrapping paper at Target and it was awful! It was very soft, and had sort of eggshell finish that showed every single crease, crinkle, and flaw. To make matters worse, the one crocodile toy is very oddly shaped. Oh well. DH offered to tell his relatives he wrapped them.

I've got my NyQuil ready for tonight. You know you're sick when you're willing to use the green kind! That's all they had left and I'm desperate!

 

[Lesli54]

I just can't help but get a kick out of these dreams of yours.

But seriously, I think you probably are worrying more than you should. Although it is quite understandable. I wonder how it will go when we take my mom to WDW or just her and I go to Vegas (which we are hoping for soon). Her affordability comfort is quite a bit less than mine and although we will be doing alot of the "treating", I just don't want her to feel out of place or wonder if we are spending too much. You just want your mom to have a good time and that in itself is a lot of pressure.

Hopefully, the dreams will end soon.

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq~

I'm sorry you're still not feeling 100% well yet. I've been sick for almost 3 weeks now and I know that it is not fun! I hope you feel better soon!

 

[pearlieq]

7/14/06 - Vive La France!

8:15am

--1 LC florentine chicken
--1 mini ww bagel w/2 t. peanut butter

Well, I'm definitely hungry this morning--unfortunatley I'm still not fully tasting things. I slept a little better last night. The NyQuil did help.

DH has left for Ohio, so I'm on my own for the weekend. I cancelled most of my plans due to the cold, so unfortunately I've got a lot of nothing going on, which usually isn't very good for me. I'm going to have to get creative this weekend.

11:00am - 1:00pm

--an entire package of biscuits, minus the bottoms, w/butter
--2 pkts cheetos

I really hope that's it. I can't remember more, but that doesn't mean there wasn't more...

4:00pm

--1 sm chicken sandwich
--1 double cheeseburger
--small fries
--a few sips of Dr. Pepper

You know what the crazy part was? I couldn't even really taste half of this! To my credit, I did dump out the Dr. Pepper when I realized it tasted like water to me. At least I'm not dumb enough to drink sugar pop if I'm not going to get any fun out of it.

I'm done eating, but I had a very rough afternoon. I'm mad at myself for slipping up, plus right when I was going to log off work a big, hairy, huge problem cropped up that's going to be a major problem on Monday. Sometimes I get so frustrated with my job. It's techincal and involved thousands of little details, so I live in a state of semi-panic that I've forgotten or screwed up any one of these details. All of us who work here understand the cold sweat of sitting bold upright in bed at 3am desperately trying to remember if you clicked the correct box. So I've got a big giant mess to look forward to after the weekend.

I actually made a conscious effort to close down my computer and leave that problem for Monday, and went upstairs. I had just gotten started watching a movie on TV, when my sinuses started acting up. I was blowing my nose, and something awful happened. I don't know if it was an air bubble or just lots of extra congestion, but all of the sudden my right maxillary sinus was so incredibly painful!!! I could feel the pain all through my cheek, teeth, and jaw. It was so bad I was in tears and it came out of nowhere!

I was trying eveything to relieve it--holding my head in different positions, Advil, compresses. Nothing was really helping. I actually think in the end the crying helped the most. I was never so happy to have that pain relieved--it was one of the worst things I've ever felt!

Once that passed, I settled into watching my movie. After my movie ended, DH called to tell me he'd arrived in Ohio (Sandusky, btw). He asked how I was doing and I told him I was having a rough afternoon and he's just like "Oh, sorry to hear that. Take some NyQuil. OK, gotta go..." which really bummed me out. I felt so alone and scared during the whole head-exploding sinus episode and I was just looking for a shoulder to cry on, and he had something better to do.

I know my DH, and I know he's a caring man, but he's not very attuned to other people. You usually have to hit him over the head to get a point across. At that point I didn't want to have to ask him for caring and attention. I wanted him to be there for me.

Anyway, today sucked. Here's to tomorrow being better.

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq~

I'm sorry to hear that you still aren't feeling well. I think lots of rest and a movie marathon might be helpful to get you through the weekend. Will your DH be in NE Ohio or out in the Sandusky area? It's supposed to be hot, hot, hot here this weekend!

Take good care of you! I hope you feel better soon.

 

[pearlieq]

7/15/06

8:40am

--1 mini ww bagel

Well, I slept well and feel better, I guess. I wasn't really hungry this morning but had to get something in my stomach so I could take Advil and a decongestant. My sinus is acting up again a bit. That's my biggest worry here--I really don't want this to develop into sinusitis! I still can't taste anything much.

I don't know what I'm going to do all day. Though I'm trying not to think about it, my work crisis is hanging over my head like a gloomy little cloud. I'm really not looking forward to Monday. Plus, I got to say I'm bored and lonely and it's 9:00am. I feel like I can't really see anyone, since I don't want to spread my cold, but maybe I can get out somewhere today. The movies? The mall? The library? All I know is that I need to find something to do and I need to cheer up!

1:00pm

--5 or so sample bites between Costco and Sam's
--most of a Costco hot dog

Well, I finally got myself showered, and ready to go. I figured on hitting Sam's and Costco just to see what types of party trays they had--we're thinking of getting a membership and I want to make sure they'll have what I need to order for my friend's shower. I think Sam's is the winner for the party stuff, though I generally like Costco better. Dilemma...

After that I walked around the mall a bit then stopped by the library. Both we pleasant diversions. It is so hot here!!! I think I'm going to spend the rest of the night in...

I did get one bit of good news today: the beep heard 'round the world!!!

Or just my bathroom. For the last month or so, I haven't been able to check my weight, since I had gained enough that our scale couldn't read me. I've finally hit my first goal, and heard that sweet, sweet beep of the scale actually being able to measure my weight! Yay!

I'm at 340, which isn't where I'd like to be, obviously, but I'm just glad I can track my progress now. Yay!

8:00pm

--taco salad (1 cup or so taco mix, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, light sour cream)
--1 nectarine

I did a little work/budgeting for the shower. The preliminary estimate on the cost are just staggering! I don't mind spending some money on this--she is my best friend and we only get to do this once--but I'm going to have to be very careful to keep costs reasonable. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how much help I'll get from the other bridesmaids--one is her little sister, one is in college, and one is a new grad w/o a job at the moment. There is one lady who is older and established, so I'm hoping I can lean on her a bit. The others are nice, just young and not so interested in the actual work of being a bridesmaid. I'm sure it will all work out, though.

 

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

Sorry to hear that you are still under the weather and that work is driving you crazy. Hopefully, it will end soon.

For today, if you are up to it, I would suggest a movie then a trip through Borders (or Library), just anything to get your mind off of things and to keep you feeling like part of the world.

Here's to a great day ahead for you!

 

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

CONGRATS on the "beep"! Now you are back on the road to recovery. Loved your simple dinner last night as well.

Keep up the great work and you will continue to "beep, beep" away the lbs!

 

[pearlieq]

7/16/06

10:50am

--1 Egg McMuffin
--1 milk

I actually slept in until 9:00am today. I'm so surprised the cats let me sleep that long! Feeding time is at 8:00am, and usually they start wailing and making a nuisance of themselves around 6:30 or so. They must have wanted to sleep in today too.

I got up, read the news, checked a few emails, and decided to get out for at least a part of the day. My mom wasn't up to coming over, so I have the day to myself again as DH won't be home until 8 or 9 tonight.

I remembered that an IMAX movie I had been wanting to see was playing at a theater about half an hour away. It seemed a good a plan as any, so I headed out and saw Mystic India. I liked it a great deal, expect for the giant chattering family directly behind me. (Do I need to tell you that the theater was empty except for us?)

After the movie I went up to Yorktown mall, because I wanted to check out the Torrid (Hot Topic for plus sizes) there. I liked their selection and found two very cute dresses, but didn't buy either. One was a bit too tight and the other just wasn't quite right for me. Still it was fun to try them on. I walked around the mall a bit more and contemplated stopping at the Panda Express for orange chicken, but it didn't seem worth it since I still can't taste much. Plus, I was more thirsty than hungry anyway. Maybe next time.

My last stop on the way home was the Card & Party outlet to get some idea of basic prices for party supplies. I was pleased to find the whole bridal shower coordinating set that I liked there. I had originally found it online, but I was glad for a chance to see it in person.

Now that I'm home I'm just going to relax and maybe watch a movie. It's so darn hot I don't have much in the way of ambition!

**********************
Oh, I also meant to mention that I decided to change my WISH clippie back to reflect where I actually am. I didn't do this as a "punishment" to myself, but rather for my own amusement. As anyone who's been around can attest, it's TONS of fun to make it to a new clippie, whereas it's absolutely NO fun to perpetually be in "getting back to clippie" mode. I figured I might as well enjoy the journey back & beyond!

3:30pm

--1 taco salad
--1/2 container strawberries
--1 cup milk

Hungry again. I'll put at least even odds on some kind of fast food or pizza when DH gets home, so I figured I'd sneak in some nutrition now.

6:30pm

--1 large cheeseburger

That I only kind of tasted. DH got home safe and sound, and we went out for dinner together. I got the cheeseburger because it was the special and it sounded really good, but I was so frustrated that I couldn't taste it! It was sort of an unsatisfying experience.

8:00pm

--spoonful chocolate ice cream
--1 mini bag popcorn
--2 bags cheetos
--1 mini PB&J on ww bagel
--1 cup milk

As long as I live I will never understand my own psyche!!! I'm frustrated and unsatisfied because I can't taste, and I'm still a little stressed about tomorrow, so I decided bingeing is going to help! Again, the no junk in the house rule helps me as all I can really find are some old left over Cheetos.

Trying to give myself a bit of credit, compared to some things I've done, this barely qualifies as a binge. But I'm thinking about behavior, not numbers, and I know I was eating out of control for reasons other than hunger or even pleasure. Still, I guess it's getting better...

 

[pearlieq]

7/17/06

9:00am

--1 LC chicken florentine
--1 ww mini bagel

Well, I'm waiting for the fallout of my work crisis today. To put it in perspective, this is about the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen at my work. It's likely going to cause a huge piece of work to need to be redone, and going to cause a big problem with the client. I'm very sad and frustrated that I'm part of it.

But I'm trying to keep my head on straight about it and just go one step at a time. I just wish we'd get on with it!

1:00pm

--1/2 baked potato w/taco mix, salsa, and a dollop of light sour cream
--large handful baby carrots w/1 T onion dip
--1/2 pt strawberries

Well, I'm up to "kind of" tasting things, which I suppose is an improvement. Work seems to be pretty quiet. I haven't heard back from everyone, but from talking with my boss it may not be quite as big of a problem as I had feared. We'll see.

I'm now pretty much done for the day. I think I'm going to head upstairs for a little while. Maybe I'll watch a movie or do some puttering. It's just too darn hot to go out, but I don't want to get caught where I'm bored and looking to the kitchen for entertainment.

Speaking of the kitchen, I've got some eggs and canadian bacon that need to get used up, so I think I'm going to make an egg casserole tonight. I need to go look around for some recipes to use as springboards, but my basic plan it to use a can of leftover biscuits as a crust, then top it with basically a quiche mixture containing my chopped ham and American cheese. I'm also kicking around the idea of doing it with drained chopped spinach, ham, and parmesan--kind of a mock lorraine. I'm not sure yet...

6:45pm

--1 1/2 helpings spaghetti pie
--2/3 cup broccoli sauteed in a bit of olive oil
--2 mini apple pound cakes
--1 1/2 cup milk

My mom wound up coming over for dinner tonight, so I made the spaghetti pie I was planning on for tomorrow. I figured I needed a dessert so I scoured around looking for a low GI dessert since that's what my mom's eating these days. I found out pound cake is low GI, so I found a good looking recipe and torqued with it a bit. I only made 1/3 of the recipe, so we didn't have tons of cake sitting around. It came out as just enough for 8 mini loaves. DH at 3, my mom and I ate 2, and I sent the last home with Mom. So I got a treat, but no more cake sitting around! Yay!