A question for Married People

[NY Disney fan]

If your husband or wife was having an affair and the offending spouse was confused as to who to keep (spouse or affair partner), would you divorce them right away or let them get the affair out of their system while hoping they would come to their senses with marriage counseling? How long would you hold out for hope before you called it quits?

 

[NMAmy]

An affair is a deal breaker for me. My DH is aware of this, as well as the reasons behind it. I won't be with someone who has had an affair.

Every couple is different, though.

I hope you're not going through this, OP.

 

[Arielle22]

From the start of my relationship with DH, I told him if he cheated she better be good because he wasn't going to be with me anymore.

I have 4 sisters who feel the same way.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I hope you're not going through this, OP.

I went through it...but I don't have this problem anymore.

 

[cepmom]

I think it would be a deal breaker for me. I don't think I could ever get past it no matter how much counseling we went to.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

No question - I would dump him.

I would never be a door mat to any man. People lose a lot of respect in my eyes when they stay with a cheater.

There are no reasons when it is ok to cheat (well if the spouse is in a vegetative state/alzheimers/jail it it ok).

 

[Malificient Tater]

they can keep who they are cheating with, because they will not be coming back here

 

[lillygator]

deal breaker for me.

 

[BuffettFan]

I agree with the posters above that an affair is a deal-breaker.
I couldn't get past it with any amount of counseling.
Of course, my husband has known that since before we got married. And it goes both ways...If I had an affair I would expect the same.

 

[Froggyswife]

If your husband or wife was having an affair and the offending spouse was confused as to who to keep (spouse or affair partner), would you divorce them right away or let them get the affair out of their system while hoping they would come to their senses with marriage counseling? How long would you hold out for hope before you called it quits?

Normally I would say try and work it out everyone makes mistakes and no body is perfect. BUT the wording in your question of the offending spouse being confused as to who he or she wants to stay with is a tie breaker for me. I would make the choice simple and divorce him/her. A mistake is one thing but this tells me that the person isn't aware it is a mistake and that he/she may think the marriage is the mistake.

 

[kribit]

I think and affair is the ultimate betrayal in a marriage. I don't think I could forgive, so I would tell him to leave.

 

[boomhauer]

Divorce.

 

[hlane]

Normally I would say try and work it out everyone makes mistakes and no body is perfect. BUT the wording in your question of the offending spouse being confused as to who he or she wants to stay with is a tie breaker for me. I would make the choice simple and divorce him/her. A mistake is one thing but this tells me that the person isn't aware it is a mistake and that he/she may think the marriage is the mistake.

I agree with you on this. The affair is one thing and I would try to make it work but if he couldn't decide who he wanted to be with then he can have her cause I'm done.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I don't share.

 

[helenabear]

Normally I would say try and work it out everyone makes mistakes and no body is perfect. BUT the wording in your question of the offending spouse being confused as to who he or she wants to stay with is a tie breaker for me. I would make the choice simple and divorce him/her. A mistake is one thing but this tells me that the person isn't aware it is a mistake and that he/she may think the marriage is the mistake.

I agree with your thoughts. To not know who they wanted would make it so much harder to deal with than just a mistake. I'm a rare one in this world, in our pre-marriage counceling both of us stated that an affair is not cause for automatic divorce. We both would try to work through it.

 

[ducklite]

I agree with you on this. The affair is one thing and I would try to make it work but if he couldn't decide who he wanted to be with then he can have her cause I'm done.

I'm not sure if I would even try to make it work after an affair, but if he felt that there was a choice, he's right. Her or someone else. Notice I'm not on the list of choices?

 

[wdw4us2]

That would end it for me. It's a matter of trust, and I could never again trust someone who had cheated.

DH and I discussed this before we married. We both feel the same way.

 

[rabx5]

There are 2 reasons I would leave my husband. Cheating and beating. Luckily he has not done either

DIVORCE!

 

[jx3smom]

Every situation is different and I really don't know how I would react at first but I think I would come to the conclusion to leave. I know I would never trust him again.

Actually, I am divorced from my 1st h. His girlfriend moved into the house while I was in the hospital having my premature (9weeks) son.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

Normally I would say try and work it out everyone makes mistakes and no body is perfect. BUT the wording in your question of the offending spouse being confused as to who he or she wants to stay with is a tie breaker for me. I would make the choice simple and divorce him/her. A mistake is one thing but this tells me that the person isn't aware it is a mistake and that he/she may think the marriage is the mistake.

I agree with this..I don't know if he asked for forgiveness..that I could just throw all our years away (we have been together for 10 years) but if he couldn't decide who to chose!?! Nope..forget it!