A question for husbands

[Miss Inga Depointe]

You should've just sat quietly on your bar stool......looking lonely...........then eventually you would be hit on by another man........voila'.......conversation!

Actually that did happen, like I said, the older gentleman at my other side had lost his wife a few months ago and was just lonely and kind of flirting with me a little. It was cute. Didn't seem to make DH too jealous though, LOL . Not that he ever really turned around to see what I was doing.

Oh well, I'm still wondering, do you men ever get hurt feelings or do you just get mad?

 

[Race the Reaper]

Oh well, I'm still wondering, do you men ever get hurt feelings or do you just get mad?

You mean when we get the silent treatment?

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

You mean when we get the silent treatment?

Well yeah, or if we don't pay attention to you or if we don't notice something you've done you feel proud of or if ... anything.

Do you get sad and feel hurt? Or do you just get mad?

 

[DisneyTarheel]

I think men just react differently.

Easy example. Tell your girl friend that she doesn't know how to do something.... Then tell your husband he doesn't know how to do the exact same thing.... see the difference in reactions.

A local college coach (who has coached both women and men) on motivating men vs. women, and how he has to take a different approach for each: If he lectures the men on something bad he noticed during the game, the guys just shrug, each assuming he must be talking about another player. When he gives a similar lecture to the women, they each cringe, thinking he must be talking about them.

 

[Race the Reaper]

Okay, now I understand what you're asking. No, I don't get mad. Silence is golden.

In all seriousness tho, no, I don't get mad when my wife doesn't notice what I do or pay attention to me. I'm the same way towards her.
But....when we go out with friends, I pay equal attention to everyone, including her.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

If he lectures the men on something bad he noticed during the game, the guys just shrug, each assuming he must be talking about another player. When he gives a similar lecture to the women, they each cringe, thinking he must be talking about them.

Oh that is so interesting! And I can totally see it!

Maybe men's feelings don't get hurt because they really don't take things personally like we can.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

But....when we go out with friends, I pay equal attention to everyone, including her.

good for you! You sound like a nice husband!

(ps -- silence surely is golden when the the alternative is me going it off like, to use an old expression, an old fishwife!!!!!)

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Oh that is so interesting! And I can totally see it!

Maybe men's feelings don't get hurt because they really don't take things personally like we can.

Or men think that they are perfect! Think of me--besides my husband, I have 3 boys. And none of them think that they do any wrong. My youngest (6yo) is the worst of them all and I can't even imagine what he'll be like as a teenager.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Or men think that they are perfect!

Oh I'm sure that just couldn't be the reason!!!

No, they're too perfect to think they're perfect all the time!!!

 

[Master Mason]

It's not that were perfect, we are just right until proven otherwise.... and sometimes that proof takes a while...

 

[tmt martins]

Or men think that they are perfect!

This is a Quote from my Men of the DIS thread. I think it fits .

If a woman is a perfect size and sees a bit of a jiggle walking pass a mirror she thinks she fat.A man can be a mess and think we are all it and some more.So it goes along the same lines

Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.


Heres the rest of that post For the men of the DIS

 

[spazzyjazzy]

I am not a husband but, I think I am too much like on how the stereotype of a husband is. My husband does the cooking, cleaning, dishes, and laundry. I am the "queen of the remote." I think I was raised amongst too many boys to know what the heck a wife does. Anyways, I am too aware of the silent treatment. I give it to my husband alot when he does stupid stuff. He ditches me at the parties too. I probably would have told him at the bar... why do you have your back to me? But, that probably wouldn't happen with us because we are so nosy and have to be able to see everyone. Also, know what is going on. Also, my husband knows not to give me the silent treatment because it doesn't bother me. I have other things to keep me busy. He will eventually need to talk to me. It lasts about 5 minutes. Sorry for the babbling.

 

[kwdietrich1]

I'm sorry, but the excuse that some men give that they aren't mind readers is a cop out. I feel some times it is that they don't know how to be compassionate and considerate. Try to think of others' feelings first, before you think of yourself. Some men aren't wired to be this way. But my DH and I try to be considerate of one another.

But to answer the OP, my DH gives me the silent treatment when I'm trying to get him do a chore! He acts like he doesn't hear me the first 5 times! Yes, I am a nag! Then he pouts like a child!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

This is a Quote from my Men of the DIS thread. I think it fits .

If a woman is a perfect size and sees a bit of a jiggle walking pass a mirror she thinks she fat.A man can be a mess and think we are all it and some more.So it goes along the same lines

Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.


Heres the rest of that post For the men of the DIS

It's not that were perfect, we are just right until proven otherwise.... and sometimes that proof takes a while...

Yes, I do think that these quotes have cleared up a lot!



Kelly, I laugh at my DH--we can be having dinner and my DH can appear to be listening to the conversation that is going on with me and the kids and then after dinner I'll say something about it and he is totally clueless (which, as I've said on numerous occasions, is his middle name). I'll say that we were just talking about it at dinner and he'll say he wasn't listening. How in the hell can he be watching us, looking back and forth between the people talking, but not having a thing register? It's a special knack that he has--I'm sure of it!

 

[elizke]

Sorry, another non-husband chiming in, but I can't resist. DH and I have been married 20 years and we've had the same problem the whole time. When we're in a group somehow, always, there it is in my face, his big back, and I am totally cut off. It's like a huge wall and I always end up behind it. I used to steam a bit, but now I tell him and make a joke of it. He was just oblivious!

And yeah, he hates the silent treatment. But what he doesn't realize is that, like in your case, often the anger goes away and you realize it's not worth a fight, and then you just get back to normal. If on the other hand you "talk" instead, they just might be sorry!

I see it as a time out, after which if it is still of vital importance it WILL be discussed. If not, we will realize that and it will go away.

 

[Aidensmom]

I'm not a husband, but I'll take the liberty of answering for him. He gets very quiet if he is mad about something, and it drives me insane because I know he is upset, but I don't know about what. I have to drag it out of him, and it is frustrating. It probably bothers me so much because I am the opposite. If I am REALLY mad I might go into another room for a few minutes alone to collect my thoughts, but then I do express my feelings and I don't let the conversation end until there is some type of resolution. I am sure sometimes my husband wishes I gave him the silent treatment.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

I see it as a time out, after which if it is still of vital importance it WILL be discussed. If not, we will realize that and it will go away.

Yes! You have to pick your battles with your kids - and your husband!

 

[Hercules10]

We went out last night with a bunch of friends and at the end of the evening had a few drinks at a neighborhood bar.It was crowded, but 6 of us had bar stools. I was on an end, and everyone except DH was kind of sitting back in their seat so that everyone could see and talk to everyone. Except DH. He sat with his back to me all night.

See to me I believe in women that can hold their own. If you wanted to be part of the confab then why didn't you jump in?


Or if you didn't like seeing his back, why not move? Ya should've jumped on the bar if that's where you wanted to be.

You husbands out there: Do you ever get hurt feelings from things we do like this, or are women, as a rule, just more sensitive?

Just curious. I'm not mad anymore.

Women are much more sensative.

 

[salmoneous]

Let me answer first, then see what the others have to say (could be fun)..

What you've described here is the kind of thing that drives husbands nuts. If we are doing something that is bugging you - LET US KNOW. We probably have no idea that what we are doing is bugging you. In general, when there are two possible options: (A) husband is doing something on purpose to annoy you, or (B) husband is clueless that he is doing something annoying - assume the answer is (B). We are usually pretty decent folks; can't you give us the benefit of the doubt?

Correct response in your situation: while at the bar, smack husband, tell him his blocking you and to move. Problem solved.

Incorrect response - say nothing, give him the silent treatment when you get home. Why would anybody suggest that? Just about never the right answer.

Incorrect response #2 - don't say anything and get all resentful inside. They ask your buddies on the DIS about it. Ugh.

Well, that's guy's thoughts - now off to read the others....

 

[cardaway]

Incorrect response - say nothing, give him the silent treatment when you get home. Why would anybody suggest that? Just about never the right answer.

Incorrect response #2 - don't say anything and get all resentful inside. They ask your buddies on the DIS about it. Ugh.

I agree. From what I read it appears the whole situation could have been easily fixed by simply speaking up at the time of the incident.

I know I'm lucky to have a wife that would have said something rather than wait to get me with it later.