A Question... Am I over-reacting here?

[ericamanda01]

Brother or not I would call CPS on them. They left a baby alone in a house! Are they insane or just on drugs? Either way they are not fit to be parents.

 

[GJM]

I am speechless -

You have to do something, a child should NEVER be left alone, sleeping or not. What if there was a fire or something. How does a "normal, sane" parent even go out leaving a baby alone. The thought of it just makes me sick.

 

[ginna74]

well, mom talked to him.... do it again social services it is...

 

[Lisa_M]

I haven't read the whole thread yet, but I wanted to comment. These parents are neglectful. They need to decide if they want to parent this child or not. If I were you, I would call social services. Their parenting "style" is a recipe for disaster and this is how we hear about accidental drownings or deaths, kids living in deplorable conditions or two year olds wandering off to the highway. Do your brother and SIL a favor and call social services. Perhaps the mandate to be better parents will give them the kick in the butt they need or a chance for this child to be placed with competent parent. I'm so disgusted. You are absolutely NOT over-reacting.

 

[alliecats]

Holy crap, I would freak out if my CAT were wandering around a parking lot or swimming pool, let alone a BABY.

That is just shocking.

 

[Lisa_M]

Yes, he listened to Mom. Agreed not to do it again, and said he believed it was ok since Baby was sleeping and contained within a crib. They had a looooong talk about it. This is Bro's first child.

I am just struggling because I know they love the child, it was a very planned and loved child. Yet they are both totally clueless at times! I worry that now that nephew will be learning to walk he will NOT be safe.

We are watching them a bit closer now. We know they have regular sitter at home, who is even there with SIL since her vision is so bad. But my mom and Dad are basically planning a vacation out there shortly just to 'check-up' on nephew and make sure everything is what it should be. At that point i think we will decide if anything further needs to be done.... but it was a long week with them this week.

I hope they were just exhausted parents looking for a vacation from baby, but my parents are definitely following up by going to see them in their home state for visit soon.

First off, no child is just safe because they in their crib. Kids die in their cribs all the time. Last week, DD was screaming in her crib, trying to climb out and got her leg stuck between the bars. If I wasn't right here, she probably would have broken her knee trying to get it out in the midst of her panic. What if your nephew climbed out, hit his head, started choking...

Yep, I am in the medical field. Kinda adds to my personal 'freaking out' factor. I have seen too many kids in the hospital as a result of stupidity.

The baby is obsessed with wheels/tires. Anytime that anything rolls he likes it. He likes playing with the wheels of his stroller, wheels on suitcases, any wheels at all. They just figure he is exploring his world and are impressed at his ability to identify all types of wheels and attempt to play with them.

For now, my parents will be up to see them on their own turf. To see how things are at home there. If necessary, we will make whatever calls necessary. For now we just really hope this was two parents looking for a break on vacation who were just clueless.

You must call CPS. You are a mandated reporter. They will investigate, not you, not your parents. I just had this conversation with a co-worker last week who never wants to call or "get involved." If a child dies and you had knowledge of the abuse or neglect and did nothing, the judge will not just accept that you and parents were going to "check it out" in a couple of months.

If they are so crunchy, why would they want their kid crawling around on asphalt(does he have burns on his hands and knees?) and playing with rubber tires? This just doesn't make any sense. They've researched organic food and cloth diapers, but don't understand basic child safety. OP, please do the right thing and call. Your nephew's well-being depends on it.

 

[ginna74]

is there an update as to how they are with baby?

***just looked at the time... sorry

 

[bumbershoot]

These people don't seem to have an adequate sense of "what if".

Obviously they aren't thinking "what if the house catches on fire while we're gone" or "what if there's an earthquake while we're gone", and so on, but also they aren't thinking "what if baby simple wakes up and misses us and is heartbroken for the eternity it seems to the baby before we get back".

And honestly, that last one is probably the most likely to happen...

It feels to me like they are starting with a basis in the Continuum Concept, which was a book from a thesis written by a childfree graduate student who studied a native culture in South America. The concept that people who read the book have come up with is called "benign neglect", but trust me, it has NOTHING to do with actual neglect. It has to do with...instead of sitting there "playing" with your child for hours on end, you engage in the normal everyday living aspects, with your child around. So you do the dishes while baby bangs pots and pans (I never did that with DS, ears are too sensitive, and ultimately b/c of his personality he jsut wasn't allowed in the kitchen anymore), you do laundry with baby on your back, etc etc. It comes from the idea that the tribal people *have to* do their daily work or they don't eat/drink, and they don't have time to play directly with the kids, and the kids need to learn the work as well, so the kids play and engage around the work of the tribe.

However, if that's where they started, they've gone off the deep end and need to be pulled back.

I'm very glad your brother listened to your mom about the leaving him alone thing. I think that was a good place to start, and hopefully they really *got* that their actions have been wrong and they will strive to change.

Parking lot what ifs...

What if a car I thought was parked actually has a very short driver in it and backs up before I can get there (I've recently seen a car start moving when I thought it was empty...short person and tall seat...)?

What if there's broken glass in the parking lot?

What if there's a used syringe in this parking lot?

Something from our old apt complex grassy area...what if there's a used prophylactic device that my son is going to reach for?



Another crib what if...

What if this child is like Molly's husband, who could climb out of his crib at 9 months old and HIDE? It's possible that MIL's two heart attacks in her 60s were delayed reactions to how she felt when she came to check up on her precocious son that first time he did that...



As for letting him have free reign at the party, that's just a bonafide way to not get invited back! People who invite kids to parties are lovely people, and need to have lovely children (or at least involved parents) show up. Not wandering, alone children who are exploring. It's just not appropriate.

Bowl of punch or bowl of hot soup spilled onto baby as baby explores the tablecloth from underneath the table. Knives, forks, etc spilling down around him. Etc etc.



Perhaps you should find a copy of The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook, to kind of rev up their normal responses that seem to have become dulled?


If they really can't handle keeping him safe, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would be more than happy to continue to wear him, give him organic food, and use cloth dipes on him, and I'm sure they would give his loving family access, too. I'm sure we would do all of the above, and that there are more like us, if his parents decide that keeping the little dude from harm is just too much for them.

I hope that child is placed with a loving foster family. Not to be mean, but none of you are capable of giving that child proper care. Nobody has cared enough to report the parents.

The family seems caring. They didn't just sit back and let the baby roam. They took care of the baby, and got the matriarch of the family to talk to her child, a *long* talk it was reported, and hopefully that will show them the errors of their ways. If a family is willing to do that, that's a good thing, and it doesn't mean that they aren't capable of caring for the baby if it came to that. My goodness. It's wonderful that the family stepped in in this truly bad situation.

 

[dicar123]

If I were the OP, I would be losing my mind.

Any two bozos who think leaving a baby home alone is ok, and try to justify it, may very well continue the behavior. They just won't tell the OP or mom.

Call CPS because you really have no other decent option. They will walk in the door and if the parents interact reasonably with the baby and the house is clean, they will probably walk right back out and toss the case after taking a stroll through the baby's medical record.

Then you wait for the baby to be hurt, because what else can you do? I'm sorry OP, but not calling the police when you went to the home when baby was alone was a severe mistake. That was the only tangible thing you had.

Praying that bozo parents are heavily influenced by grandma...

 

[hentob]

If they are so crunchy, why would they want their kid crawling around on asphalt(does he have burns on his hands and knees?) and playing with rubber tires? This just doesn't make any sense. They've researched organic food and cloth diapers, but don't understand basic child safety.

Agreed

This whole crunchy thing conflicts with:

--Abandoning the baby while they go to church/run errands

--The parents hanging out in the hot tub, while baby dangles over swimming pool eating bottle caps from bushes

--Parking lot crawling

--Not looking at baby for 4 hours during a party. A party that they actually left and were nowhere to be found. They did not feed that baby (even when asked) or care for the baby. Using your words…..”they brushed the baby off” for HOURS!


Did you call to report them yet?

 

[java]

I can't believe what I am reading? Leaving a baby home ALONE? That is the worst offense.
Oh wait. Leaving you baby at a party??

Are they on drugs? I'm really serious about it - the lack of common sense is something that has to be brought on by some substance.

I won't even get into the crawling around on the ground in a parking lot- what happens when he crawls UNDER a car?

I would report them. They could get arrested for leaving their baby home alone. It's against the law for a reason - it's dangerous!

 

[java]

For now we just really hope this was two parents looking for a break on vacation who were just clueless.

Not clueless NEGLECTFUL!

 

[Tantor]

brother or not i would call cps on them. They left a baby alone in a house! Are they insane or just on drugs? Either way they are not fit to be parents.

ita!!

 

[scottishduffy]

Yes, I understand my brother was neglectful. I think I am coming to terms with what will need to be done.

We are trying to first solve this amongst ourselves. With Mom going to see them in their home and having more long talks, and myself having a few serious chats about the criminal nature of his actions. Hopefully this will snap Bro and SIL into a reality check. If we see things at home are similar to his vacation attitude, we will directly tell him we WILL call child protection and will do so. It is a very rough place right now, we were just shocked by them. I think all of our thoughts are still sinking in and swirling around. But, i am aware of what I will need to do if Bro does not clue in. I am not against it, i suppose we don't wish to call based on what we saw while parents were on vacation. Mom will go to watch them at home and then we will see from there.....

I am still kinda of organizing my own thoughts about what i might have to do. It is somewhat hard to realize your brother could be an incompetent parent. I am honestly thinking they were pawning him off on vacation, but we shall see. Thanks everyone for the replies, tough to come to terms with but necessary for nephew.

 

[happygirl]

Yes, I understand my brother was neglectful. I think I am coming to terms with what will need to be done.

We are trying to first solve this amongst ourselves. With Mom going to see them in their home and having more long talks, and myself having a few serious chats about the criminal nature of his actions. Hopefully this will snap Bro and SIL into a reality check. If we see things at home are similar to his vacation attitude, we will directly tell him we WILL call child protection and will do so. It is a very rough place right now, we were just shocked by them. I think all of our thoughts are still sinking in and swirling around. But, i am aware of what I will need to do if Bro does not clue in. I am not against it, i suppose we don't wish to call based on what we saw while parents were on vacation. Mom will go to watch them at home and then we will see from there.....

I am still kinda of organizing my own thoughts about what i might have to do. It is somewhat hard to realize your brother could be an incompetent parent. I am honestly thinking they were pawning him off on vacation, but we shall see. Thanks everyone for the replies, tough to come to terms with but necessary for nephew.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Yes, I understand my brother was neglectful. I think I am coming to terms with what will need to be done.

We are trying to first solve this amongst ourselves. With Mom going to see them in their home and having more long talks, and myself having a few serious chats about the criminal nature of his actions. Hopefully this will snap Bro and SIL into a reality check. If we see things at home are similar to his vacation attitude, we will directly tell him we WILL call child protection and will do so. It is a very rough place right now, we were just shocked by them. I think all of our thoughts are still sinking in and swirling around. But, i am aware of what I will need to do if Bro does not clue in. I am not against it, i suppose we don't wish to call based on what we saw while parents were on vacation. Mom will go to watch them at home and then we will see from there.....

I am still kinda of organizing my own thoughts about what i might have to do. It is somewhat hard to realize your brother could be an incompetent parent. I am honestly thinking they were pawning him off on vacation, but we shall see. Thanks everyone for the replies, tough to come to terms with but necessary for nephew.

Why not see what kind of parenting classes are in your area? Your brother and family can attend those and really understand the seriousness of babies and accidents as well as learn how to baby proof the house. I also understand professionals can be brought into the house for some one on one help if not comfortable in a class environment.

One thing I would like to mention is that this baby will continue to grow and thing it's okay to play around tires and things which can result in a major accident. I know a toddler that was allowed to play around tires and things on the ground. The toddler was ran over and killed. The parents never taught the child otherwise.

I understand you are trying to protect the family unit as a whole but at this point, it is about protecting the innocent baby. Your brother and sister in law are grown adults who know between right and wrong. I don't have children but certainly understand that leaving a baby is never the thing to do. You and your mother and your family have to protect this baby even if it's from your brother and sister in law. Please take some action and make them understand how accidents happen in the blink of an eye.

 

[gonzo76]

Yes, I understand my brother was neglectful. I think I am coming to terms with what will need to be done.

We are trying to first solve this amongst ourselves. With Mom going to see them in their home and having more long talks, and myself having a few serious chats about the criminal nature of his actions. Hopefully this will snap Bro and SIL into a reality check. If we see things at home are similar to his vacation attitude, we will directly tell him we WILL call child protection and will do so. It is a very rough place right now, we were just shocked by them. I think all of our thoughts are still sinking in and swirling around. But, i am aware of what I will need to do if Bro does not clue in. I am not against it, i suppose we don't wish to call based on what we saw while parents were on vacation. Mom will go to watch them at home and then we will see from there.....

I am still kinda of organizing my own thoughts about what i might have to do. It is somewhat hard to realize your brother could be an incompetent parent. I am honestly thinking they were pawning him off on vacation, but we shall see. Thanks everyone for the replies, tough to come to terms with but necessary for nephew.

I'm going to get flamed for this but this needs to be said. You sound like you are trying to protect your brother and not an innocent child. CPS needs to be called today. This wait and see approach it ridiculous. The baby is endangered now. I am shocked that you haven't called.

I love my siblings dearly but if they were doing what your brother and SIL are doing I would not hesitate to call!!!!

 

[N&B'smom]

I don't think your brother and sister in law need someone to talk to them and explain to them that what they are doing is wrong. They already know that. They are purposefully CHOOSING to do the wrong thing and make decisions and choices that are all about them. This baby needs to be in a home where the parents will care for it.

It breaks my heart, I know so many LOVING people that can't have children of their own and then there are so many that have children and don't care about them at all. It's so sad.

Do the right thing, OP. This child is in a dangerous situation... don't wait until it's too late.

 

[Jeafl]

My sister is a high level manager at the Dept. of Children and Family Services for the City of Chicago. I read her your post and she said you need to call right away. They will not take the child away at this point, but they will pay them a little visit and scare the crap out of them. They do everything in their power to keep the kids in the household, but this is neglect and they need to wake up and realize it before something tragic happens.

 

[EthansMom]

1) Baby Home alone: Nephew was napping last weekend when Bro and SIL decided to go to church. The leave nephew ALONE at the house, then call DH and I from their car to say "Just show up at the house before 5, he wakes up around then." We had not been asked to babysit, he called from the road to say the baby was alone and at that moment asked us to watch the kid. DH and I *flipped* and got to the house ASAP. Sure, baby was napping and OK.... but seriously, leaving a 1 yr old alone? Apparently Bro also left him napping alone later in the week to run errands with SIL, at which point my Mom had a long talk with Bro.

Right there I would have called CPS.