A Question... Am I over-reacting here?

[N&B'smom]

My sister is a high level manager at the Dept. of Children and Family Services for the City of Chicago. I read her your post and she said you need to call right away. They will not take the child away at this point, but they will pay them a little visit and scare the crap out of them. They do everything in their power to keep the kids in the household, but this is neglect and they need to wake up and realize it before something tragic happens.

Part of me wonders if that really would scare them.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Yes, I understand my brother was neglectful. I think I am coming to terms with what will need to be done.

We are trying to first solve this amongst ourselves. With Mom going to see them in their home and having more long talks, and myself having a few serious chats about the criminal nature of his actions. Hopefully this will snap Bro and SIL into a reality check. If we see things at home are similar to his vacation attitude, we will directly tell him we WILL call child protection and will do so. It is a very rough place right now, we were just shocked by them. I think all of our thoughts are still sinking in and swirling around. But, i am aware of what I will need to do if Bro does not clue in. I am not against it, i suppose we don't wish to call based on what we saw while parents were on vacation. Mom will go to watch them at home and then we will see from there.....

I am still kinda of organizing my own thoughts about what i might have to do. It is somewhat hard to realize your brother could be an incompetent parent. I am honestly thinking they were pawning him off on vacation, but we shall see. Thanks everyone for the replies, tough to come to terms with but necessary for nephew.

OP, I appreciate the situation you're in. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to call CPS on a sibling. I can imagine the struggle you're feeling and the temptation to not call and try to keep it in the family. As a mandated reporter, I've had to call twice about students. That was tough. I knew (in the one case, anyway) the families were basically good and loving, but they were making mistakes that could be deadly - just like your brother.

If something happens to your nephew (and the risk is extremely high right now), no one's life (you, your parents, your brother and sister in law's) will ever be the same.

Please, please make that difficult call. Like someone said, most likely they will pay a visit, check things out, and maybe order parenting classes. If the baby happened to be taken away, chances are he would go to your mother.

Paying them a visit and talking to them isn't enough, it seems. I'd need anti-anxiety pills at this point if this were my nephew. It sounds like practically every minute he is in danger!

OP, I pray you're able to make the call and possibly save your nephew's life.

 

[LoraJ]

I sometimes wonder if my neighbor is leaving her baby home alone. We have to move our cars every day for street cleaning. I was sitting in my car one day waiting for the sweeper to come by. I saw her run out of the building without the baby and get in her car. Thought she was just going to quickly move it but did not see her again. I heard her come home an hour later. Maybe she meant to run to the store quickly while he napped and something happened, or maybe someone was home with him. But we have thin walls and I didn't hear her talking to anyone. We've also seen her run to the store around the corner in the morning.

 

[blissventure]

Yes, I understand my brother was neglectful. I think I am coming to terms with what will need to be done.

We are trying to first solve this amongst ourselves. With Mom going to see them in their home and having more long talks, and myself having a few serious chats about the criminal nature of his actions. Hopefully this will snap Bro and SIL into a reality check. If we see things at home are similar to his vacation attitude, we will directly tell him we WILL call child protection and will do so. It is a very rough place right now, we were just shocked by them. I think all of our thoughts are still sinking in and swirling around. But, i am aware of what I will need to do if Bro does not clue in. I am not against it, i suppose we don't wish to call based on what we saw while parents were on vacation. Mom will go to watch them at home and then we will see from there.....

I am still kinda of organizing my own thoughts about what i might have to do. It is somewhat hard to realize your brother could be an incompetent parent. I am honestly thinking they were pawning him off on vacation, but we shall see. Thanks everyone for the replies, tough to come to terms with but necessary for nephew.

Hopefully something terribly tragic doesn't occur while you're mulling this over. Most folks would choose to protect an innocent at risk baby in a millisecond.

 

[bgirl29]

OP, I appreciate the situation you're in. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to call CPS on a sibling. I can imagine the struggle you're feeling and the temptation to not call and try to keep it in the family. As a mandated reporter, I've had to call twice about students. That was tough. I knew (in the one case, anyway) the families were basically good and loving, but they were making mistakes that could be deadly - just like your brother.

If something happens to your nephew (and the risk is extremely high right now), no one's life (you, your parents, your brother and sister in law's) will ever be the same.

Please, please make that difficult call. Like someone said, most likely they will pay a visit, check things out, and maybe order parenting classes. If the baby happened to be taken away, chances are he would go to your mother.

Paying them a visit and talking to them isn't enough, it seems. I'd need anti-anxiety pills at this point if this were my nephew. It sounds like practically every minute he is in danger!

OP, I pray you're able to make the call and possibly save your nephew's life.

100% correct. The way this child is being treated is an EMERGENCY it is not something that you can wait and see if it is going to get better. I know it would be horribly hard to call but you NEED to.

 

[hentob]

You have all tried talking to these neglectful parents and they responded like this:

. Brother basically told us we are all being way too overprotective..

:DH and I *flipped* and got to the house ASAP. Sure, baby was napping and OK.... but seriously, leaving a 1 yr old alone? Apparently Bro also left him napping alone later in the week to run errands with SIL.

At the parking lot I was picking him up from the street to not allow him to crawl there, of course nephew got upset and both parents admonished me to let him crawl in the parking lot, because he loves tires.

We tried to bring the baby back to both parents (like when he was hungry, or cranky) only to be told what a *perfect* opportunity this was for someone else to care for the little bundle of joy.

. Even when Baby G got a bump on his head at the party (see above mentioned tipped over decorative tree), Mom and dad were nowhere to be found. They had LEFT the party for a few minutes.

I just got frustrated when last night they again set him down to crawl at a party and did not bother to look at him for 4 hours..

Did not give him dinner when asked, or comfort him when he was grumpy. I told my brother i felt very put out by all of this, and was told I did not have to feed him or watch him at the party. That if he hurt himself "he would learn a lesson". That if i hadn't fed him, someone else would notice he was hungry and feed him. If he cried, then someone would pick him up and help him.

Looks like you guys have tried talking to them They did not listen.

Why don’t you want to protect your nephew right this very minute? Why do you care about your brother's feelings when he is endangering a baby?

You posted this on another thread:

For my family it is the medical field.

Gramma- degree in nutrition but stopped working when she married..
Grampa- Surgeon
Mom- Hospital Administrator (runs a Hospice now)
Dad- Family practice (previously OB)
Uncle J- OB/GYN
Both Godparents- Cardiologists
Uncle M- Radiologist
Aunt S- Doctrate of Pharmacy
Uncle H and his Father- Dentists
Uncle C- Neonatologist

All of these educated doctors and not one of them is jumping at the chance to help a baby

Flame me if you will, but I find it pathetic.

That poor little boy

 

[Judy from Boise]

These people don't seem to have an adequate sense of "what if".

It feels to me like they are starting with a basis in the Continuum Concept, which was a book from a thesis written by a childfree graduate student who studied a native culture in South America. The concept that people who read the book have come up with is called "benign neglect", but trust me, it has NOTHING to do with actual neglect. It has to do with...instead of sitting there "playing" with your child for hours on end, you engage in the normal everyday living aspects, with your child around. So you do the dishes while baby bangs pots and pans (I never did that with DS, ears are too sensitive, and ultimately b/c of his personality he jsut wasn't allowed in the kitchen anymore), you do laundry with baby on your back, etc etc. It comes from the idea that the tribal people *have to* do their daily work or they don't eat/drink, and they don't have time to play directly with the kids, and the kids need to learn the work as well, so the kids play and engage around the work of the tribe.

However, if that's where they started, they've gone off the deep end and need to be pulled back.

I'm very glad your brother listened to your mom about the leaving him alone thing. I think that was a good place to start, and hopefully they really *got* that their actions have been wrong and they will strive to change.

I think Molly is exactly right, and to top it off the have bought into the "it takes a village" mentality as shown at the party.I do think within this same belief system your mother as matriarch is the exact right person to talk to them.

In the meantime it is not incompatible to call CPS, as most likely it will take multiple calls over time for them to even do an investigation. A call to CPS is not a magic bullet.......it is a state agency where things move slowly per their protocols. If your brother straightens out, no harm no foul.....but if not you all ready have the first complaint registered.

 

[Liberty Belle]

My goodness! All those mandated reporters in your family and no one has made the call?!

OP, I'm almost in tears here and I don't even know the child. This is criminal.

 

[scottishduffy]

I got on the web and got the info for Protective services in their state. I will be making a call. I suppose i needed a day or two for everything to sink into my mind and come to terms with doing it. A call will be made, because i do love nephew. Thanks everyone for the replies.

I know I perhaps seemed to be protecting Bro, but this is kinda of A LOT to take in and deal with. I just needed to absorb it all, but will be making the call to have them checked on.

 

[hentob]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1956151&referrerid=93883

So I take it this is the same SIL? The one that loved to breastfeed/pump milk in public?

Is this the brother that massaged her breasts in public (at a "central table") while she pumped?

The one that would wait until the check came and declare that she had to feed her baby that very minute so everyone could see her ta-tas?


Now they don't even look at their baby for FOUR hours? Now they don't feed their baby and leave it alone in a house or at a party? And allow him to enter life ending activities in public parking lots?

Wow. Just wow.

 

[scottishduffy]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1956151&referrerid=93883

So I take it this is the same SIL? The one that loved to breastfeed/pump milk in public?

Is this the brother that massaged her breasts in public (at a "central table") while she pumped?:eek

The one that would wait until the check came and declare that she had to feed her baby that very minute so everyone could see her ta-tas?


Now they don't even look at their baby for FOUR hours? Now they don't feed their baby and leave it alone in a house or at a party? And allow him to enter life ending activities in public parking lots?

Wow. Just wow.

One and the same.

 

[hentob]

One and the same.

Ewwww. They are both super creepy, not to mention rotten parents.

Bless that poor baby. Please save him.

 

[RitaZ.]

OP, how old are the parents?

 

[Mermaid02]

I only read the OP- This is called neglect and child endangerment. If nobody steps in- I am afraid this will end tragically.

 

[koima]

I'm glad to hear that you're making the call. I know that it was not easy for me to call about my nephew's situation, but it was in his best interest and his safety really had to be paramount over my discomfort. I'm glad you've come to the same conclusion in your nephew's situation!

I doubt the neglect ended when you went home, and we can't know what is going on behind closed doors.

I talked to DH about this thread and he was equally appalled. A healthy respect for vehicles includes learning how to stay away from tires, and thinking it's "overprotective" to not teach him that is ridiculous. Many thousands of children die each year being run over because they're small and drivers can't see them; THAT's the thing to teach little kids! We have "parking lot rules" - everyone must hold hands and we stop to look for reverse lights and brake lights before moving. When we get to the car, I have him lean his butt against the car while I unlock the car so I know that he's not moving in the path of other vehicles. (He's 3 now and he says, "I can't get in the car yet, my butt didn't touch it!") Safety just has to be the first priority.

And leaving the kid "safe" in his crib asleep? You never know when the day will come that he can crawl out of his crib alone, and with a precocious kid, you don't know what kind of trouble they can get into!

 

[Alesia]

Seriously OP, this is the only thread I've ever seen on the disboards where everyone is in agreement. That should tell you something.

You need to report this. Today.

What if something terrible happens to this poor baby while you are hemming and hawing trying to figure out what to do??? How would you live with that?

 

[Liberty Belle]

I got on the web and got the info for Protective services in their state. I will be making a call. I suppose i needed a day or two for everything to sink into my mind and come to terms with doing it. A call will be made, because i do love nephew. Thanks everyone for the replies.

I know I perhaps seemed to be protecting Bro, but this is kinda of A LOT to take in and deal with. I just needed to absorb it all, but will be making the call to have them checked on.

I know how difficult this is, but you're doing the right thing. Feel good about that.

 

[TeresaNJ]

Two words: Child Abuse.

 

[wvjules]

I'm sorry but there is no "organizing my thoughts" in this case. You NEED to call CPS. These 'parents' are clueless and this baby is going to pay with his life. If you don't make that call you are as clueless as they are. I can't believe it is even a question in your mind about what to do.

 

[dmlashultz]

one more voice - urging you, call now!

Get this in motion.