A Mother-in-Law Vent UPDATE pg 2. GFIL passed :(

[Miller1412]

So sorry for you and your DH's loss

 

[lovetheparks]

Just wanted to post an update.

DH's grandfather passed this afternoon.

DH is absolutely devastated right now, and it's just killing him that we can't get out there right away. I wish so much that there were something I could do to comfort him. We can't leave until the weather clears, and that won't be until at least Saturday.

Please keep DH in your thoughts. This is going to torment him for a long time.

I'm so sorry for your DH. I really do understand how you feel, this almost identical situation happened in May with my DH's brother and we live in the same town! By the time we knew he was in the hospital, he was in a coma and never woke up.

Prayers and strength to DH & your family.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i am so sorry
I hope you DH will be able to get past this
I lost my gram this summer and it was awful
Has your DH spoken with his mom
how do you feel this will impact in him in long run with her?

once again so sorry

 

[robinb]

I'm sorry for your family's loss .

 

[RUDisney]

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your DH finds peace in the wonderful memories he has of his GF. If he didn't know why his GS didn't come to see him before his death, he at leasts is at God's side and knows the whole truth now.

Tell your DH to make sure that his mother doesn't bury him before he gets there. She sounds like a beauty and like someone who would bury him quickly so that by the time the storm clears you still wouldn't have made it there in time.

It's not like you have a concocted story about why you can't get there sooner like when my GF died and my cousins from Nebraska had other plans for Memorial Day weekend and asked my mother and father to hold his body until Tuesday so they wouldn't miss any of the fun they had planned by having to come to PA. Needless to say they didn't come in for his funeral.

Your MIL should really wait to have his funeral.

 

[eeyore kelly]

I am so sorry for your Dh's loss

 

[Marseeya]

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your DH finds peace in the wonderful memories he has of his GF. If he didn't know why his GS didn't come to see him before his death, he at leasts is at God's side and knows the whole truth now.

Tell your DH to make sure that his mother doesn't bury him before he gets there. She sounds like a beauty and like someone who would bury him quickly so that by the time the storm clears you still wouldn't have made it there in time.

It's not like you have a concocted story about why you can't get there sooner like when my GF died and my cousins from Nebraska had other plans for Memorial Day weekend and asked my mother and father to hold his body until Tuesday so they wouldn't miss any of the fun they had planned by having to come to PA. Needless to say they didn't come in for his funeral.

Your MIL should really wait to have his funeral.

I can see from your profile that you're from around where my in-laws live. What's the weather going to be like out there for the next couple of days?

I can't believe your cousins would do something like that! Wow, that's so unimaginable to me.

 

[Marseeya]

And I want to thank you all for your kind words. It means a lot to me.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I'm very sorry for your loss. It's particularly difficult this time of year--when my dad died 12/22/95, I spent the month saying, "Merry F-ing Christmas!" Out of character for me, but it was how I felt.

I know it is a very difficult time for your family, but try, try, try, to at least put aside your feelings for yoru MIL until after the services, for your husband's sake. Some people are just in denial--when my godmother (my dad's sister) had cancer, my dad didn't mention it until she died. All my cousins knew, she was in treatment for months, but Dad thought she would get better, so why worry me? I felt so awful at her funeral. Also, when my grandmother was hospitalized for "routine pneumonia", my dad put off visiting her since he thought she'd get better. Well, she died, and again, we weren't at all prepared, even though my uncles had said, "Come now!" My point is, some people are just like this--my dad had many, many good qualities, but he could live in a state of denial like nobody I've seen, bless him!

Right now your job is to be the loving, supportive spouse that your husband needs. Feel free to blow off steam here as needed if it helps you to give your family the love they need the other 99% of the time. This will get easier with time (not the MIL issues, you're probably stuck with them, but the overall situation).

 

[MoniqueU]

I am very sorry about the loss of your husband grandfather.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I'm sorry for your loss - I can totally relate to the MIL situation. I make sure I religiously read the obits. in our local paper - this is really the only way to be sure that my DH doesn't have family members die that we don't know about. It's happened several times now that we see the notice in the paper - 2 great uncles that he was fairly close to - that I can think of off the top of my head. No one bothered to tell us - not even DMIL. They just all think was must magically "know". Of course then the cousins want to know why we didn't show up for this cousins or that uncle's funeral Just makes me want to scream "TRY GIVING US A FREAKIN' CALL!

Of course the no call policy also seems to extend to when any out of town relatives come to visit too - we find out months later..."so and so was in town why didn't you come out to visit?" Gee...I must be psychic...nobody told us but I "knew" they were in town...

 

[Marseeya]

I'm very sorry for your loss. It's particularly difficult this time of year--when my dad died 12/22/95, I spent the month saying, "Merry F-ing Christmas!" Out of character for me, but it was how I felt.

I know it is a very difficult time for your family, but try, try, try, to at least put aside your feelings for yoru MIL until after the services, for your husband's sake. Some people are just in denial--when my godmother (my dad's sister) had cancer, my dad didn't mention it until she died. All my cousins knew, she was in treatment for months, but Dad thought she would get better, so why worry me? I felt so awful at her funeral. Also, when my grandmother was hospitalized for "routine pneumonia", my dad put off visiting her since he thought she'd get better. Well, she died, and again, we weren't at all prepared, even though my uncles had said, "Come now!" My point is, some people are just like this--my dad had many, many good qualities, but he could live in a state of denial like nobody I've seen, bless him!

Right now your job is to be the loving, supportive spouse that your husband needs. Feel free to blow off steam here as needed if it helps you to give your family the love they need the other 99% of the time. This will get easier with time (not the MIL issues, you're probably stuck with them, but the overall situation).

I'm sorry your dad passed away so close to Christmas. This is such a difficult time of the year to lose somebody (as if there's ever a good time).

I am glad I have this outlet to blow off steam! I sure don't want to show my husband this anger, and no matter how much she frustrates me I won't take it out on MIL. She's making her own bed by doing things like this. DH had to call his brother to tell him the news and BIL was furious when DH told him how long GFIL has been hospitalized. When DH got off the phone he said, "I'm not going to protect her this time!" so I guess BIL had some strong words.

And I really really REALLY don't mean for this to sound petty, but Christmas is going to be pretty meager this year because of the lack of warning. Don't get me wrong, I do understand that this could have happened without warning, but the thing is, it didn't. We had just enough money budgeted for Christmas presents and bills until the end of the month. We thought we were doing fine financially, so we ate out and went out a good bit these past couple of weeks. OMG, that alone would have paid for our trip! I already paid for DH's gifts, but we haven't bought a single thing for the kids, my family's gift exchange, or DH for me. Also, DH already used up a few vacation days just to hang around the house and now he'll have to take days without pay because bereavement pay doesn't extend to grandparents.

I flat out told DH not to get me anything, and that he could get me a gift after Christmas, and he's so upset and asking me if I could return his gift instead. For us, we get so much joy in giving each other presents, and I'm fine with waiting until later, but he's so miserable. GRRRR! We could have had that money.

Okay, I'll quit whining now. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[minkydog]

I'm so sorry it all turned out like this. You're poor DH. My hubby's family does things like that too. But just to shed some light on the "other side", I forgot to call my hubby's family when he was hosptialized with septic shock. That's a 50% mortality rate I called my mother, my sister, my pastor, my kids and totally forgot his family. I did call about 24hrs later but I don't think they will ever forgive me.

This was a terrible mistake on your MILs part.Unfortunately, your DH will bear the consequences for it. Try to hold him up. I'm sorry for the way it's going to impact your Christmas. These things never come at a good time, but holidays are the worst. Try to get some rest now

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Marseeya,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Check your PMs.

 

[RUDisney]

I can see from your profile that you're from around where my in-laws live. What's the weather going to be like out there for the next couple of days?

We live right outside of Scranton, if that helps to make it easier to know what weather to which I'm referring.

It's very icy out right now, but raining. It snowed and sleeted and rained last night. The forecast for the week is:

FRIDAY
Wintry mix ends in the morning. Be careful on the roads! In the afternoon, it will be mostly cloudy with a few flurries. High 33.

SATURDAY
Partly sunny with a few flurries possible. High 30.

SUNDAY
Partly sunny with some flurries possible. High 30.

MONDAY
Mostly sunny and cold. High 28.

TUESDAY
Mix of clouds and sun with some snow showers and flurries possible. High 26.

I wish you safe travels!