A little Christmas vent!

[Jill in Chicago]

I grew up in a home where my mom, who worked full time outside of the home, did everything and my dad bought the beer. He truly did nothing to help. My mother was a wreck. As the only daughter I helped a lot. My brothers did nothing. My family was dysfunctional in many ways, but it really came out at the holidays. My mother was not pleasant to be around as she tried so hard to do it all. The holiday dinner was always the worst, imagine a woman so tired she could cry.

As a child I would have much more appreciated time with my mom than all the homemade cookies..... I remember one Christmas concert I wanted her to attend with me. I was in junior high and I wanted to do this with my mom! She said no she was way too busy. I was crying and she was yelling at me that there was too much to do.

 

[bpesch]

I've been married to my DH for 31 years. He really doesn't do much during the holidays but I don't ask much because I enjoy doing it. He does do his own shopping for me and always has. I figured out a long time ago that he WANTS me to give him a list. So now I make sure I start my list a couple of months ahead of time and have it ready for him when he goes out to do his holiday shopping. It makes for a much easier time on him and I'm glad to do it. I really don't mind doing the shopping for the rest of the family.

And as i sit here and type this he should be shopping for his mom and dad and brother, he is sitting on the couch watching tv!!!!!!! Augh!!!!!!

I would find that really easy to deal with. If you don't want to shop for his family, tell him plenty of time before the holidays that it's his responsibility and stick to it. I suspect it would only take once of no gifts for his family to change his attitude. If not and he doesn't care, then don't worry about it.

I usually do all the holiday baking to give to friends and family. This year I just didn't feel like it. I had a moment of scroogeness about all the work and expense that goes into the baked gifts that are never acknowledged or resiprocated by some of the people. I sat down with my husband, explained how I felt and was surprised to find he was in total agreement with me. We cut the list down to just a few people we really wanted to gift and were both happy with it.

 

[Cavy]

Thank goodness I'm not alone--the other men in my family love Christmas, but my DH is a Scrooge! He tells me to get him as gifts what he gets all year anyway, and when I tell him what I want, he just tells me to buy it for myself. I wanted something online, and for him to buy it, but he said he doesn't want his CC info stolen, just use mine (so it's okay if mine gets stolen, but not his?!? )

One year, he opened the gift my mom got him and said "I don't like this, you shouldn't have bothered" We had a long talk about being civil and polite when receiving gifts, and that "honesty is the best policy" only goes so far. At least now he always says thank you!

I am very thankful to have him around (and I'm grateful to have a job and be with family this year too) but I guess he's still very much in training!

 

[okeydokey]

Thank goodness I'm not alone--the other men in my family love Christmas, but my DH is a Scrooge! He tells me to get him as gifts what he gets all year anyway, and when I tell him what I want, he just tells me to buy it for myself. I wanted something online, and for him to buy it, but he said he doesn't want his CC info stolen, just use mine (so it's okay if mine gets stolen, but not his?!? )

One year, he opened the gift my mom got him and said "I don't like this, you shouldn't have bothered" We had a long talk about being civil and polite when receiving gifts, and that "honesty is the best policy" only goes so far. At least now he always says thank you!

I am very thankful to have him around (and I'm grateful to have a job and be with family this year too) but I guess he's still very much in training!

Please tell me he did not say that in front of your mother. I would have been mad too.

 

[Cavy]

Please tell me he did not say that in front of your mother. I would have been mad too.

Yes he did! My mom was hurt, and we sat down and talked about why together. Thankfully, he's been a much more well-behaved gift receiver since then--this was several years ago. He didn't receive many gifts as a child, so I guess we should have spelled out to him what the etiquette was? I don't know. I felt like I was talking to a kid--"Always say thank you, and then take it home and don't use it if you don't like it then"

 

[danielle79]

Exactly what you said, I know what the holidays are about and I truly appreciate every minute I spend with my kids this holiday season! But my kids expect decorations in and out, cookies, wrapped gifts from Santa, I don't think that it is unreasonable that my other half pitch in with some of the extra duties at Christmas! He use to do the outside decorations and help decorate the tree but has decided not to the last couple of years. He just yesterday asked why I didn't do photo Christmas cards this year like I always do, I did and sent them again with no help from him!He then asks if I have an extra to put in his locker at work! He likes and expects certain things at Christmas but just doesn't want to help! We were having a disagreement about ipod touches for Christmas so I just went ahead and ordeded them 3 weeks ago and paid for them. Yesterday he says to me "you know Izzy is basically only asking for an ipod touch?" Yes I know it is bought and wrapped! Just frustrating! I can't imagine going on strike around the holidays, how sad would my kids be if nothing was done. To all my fellow Dis Sheroes, Merry Christmas and try to take a moment and enjoy your day!!!!!

 

[danielle79]

Um, have you guys not seen National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?! A perfect example of what happens when men are involved!

I'm kidding, but my DH is only as involved as I ask him to be. I LOVE Christmas and everything that comes with it (but I can imagine it's much more tiring when you have children!). This is our 3rd Christmas living together (but our first as a married couple). I do all the shopping/wrapping for his family and mine. We usually don't exchange Christmas presents, but since I bought him a trip to Colorado in January with his brother he asked if he could take money out of our account to buy me something. We don't do much decorating as we just got back from 10 days in Disney and last December we went for 2 weeks and I know it would be all on me and I just really don't want to go through all the effort for a week or two.

He's not really into Christmas movies/shows, but will indulge me once a week for a night of Christmas activities (going to look at lights) or movies.

The best part about him, though? Even though he is not involved in planning, buying, wrapping, or baking, he does clean the kitchen when I'm done!

Seriously I would love if my hubby put up 25000 twinkeling lights on the house, dug out a huge pine tree with his bare hands, got stuck in the attic hiding Christmas gifts! I truly love love love that movie! and have watched it twice already this holiday season! Your husband cleans the kitchen after you cook or bake in it? Wow what a concept! I wish my husband knew how to run the dishwasher!

 

[girli565]

Exactly what you said, I know what the holidays are about and I truly appreciate every minute I spend with my kids this holiday season! But my kids expect decorations in and out, cookies, wrapped gifts from Santa, I don't think that it is unreasonable that my other half pitch in with some of the extra duties at Christmas! He use to do the outside decorations and help decorate the tree but has decided not to the last couple of years. He just yesterday asked why I didn't do photo Christmas cards this year like I always do, I did and sent them again with no help from him!He then asks if I have an extra to put in his locker at work! He likes and expects certain things at Christmas but just doesn't want to help! We were having a disagreement about ipod touches for Christmas so I just went ahead and ordeded them 3 weeks ago and paid for them. Yesterday he says to me "you know Izzy is basically only asking for an ipod touch?" Yes I know it is bought and wrapped! Just frustrating! I can't imagine going on strike around the holidays, how sad would my kids be if nothing was done. To all my fellow Dis Sheroes, Merry Christmas and try to take a moment and enjoy your day!!!!!

I will say that my husband surprised the crap out of me and went shopping yesterday for my gifts, he usually does it on the 24th , and he even asked me what we got my mother and said it wasn't enough :-0 I was shocked! And he wrapped everything he bought! i swear I thought Mayan apocalypse came early

 

[abcboys]

I would probably be aggravated if I had to do all of that stuff and no one pitched in to help either, which is why I don't do a lot of that stuff. We don't put up any outside decorations, I don't make christmas cookies, we don't send out christmas cards. I do a lot of the shopping on my own but we do some shopping together. I do all of the wrapping except stuff for me. He did take the kids and let them pick out something for me and they wrapped it. We don't cook a big christmas dinner, just a dish or something to someone's house. Our tree takes a whole 15 minutes to put up and decorate. Most of that stuff is not important to either of us so we don't waste our energy on it.

I guess we have a pretty laid back christmas here.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Seriously I would love if my hubby put up 25000 twinkeling lights on the house, dug out a huge pine tree with his bare hands, got stuck in the attic hiding Christmas gifts! I truly love love love that movie! and have watched it twice already this holiday season! Your husband cleans the kitchen after you cook or bake in it? Wow what a concept! I wish my husband knew how to run the dishwasher!

That is true! Of course, you may have much higher health insurance premiums if you were married to him!

Yes, he always has cleaned the kitchen after I cook or bake. He says I don't load the dishwasher "right" and that I don't pre-wash the dishes enough because "dishwashers don't have hands" so he ends up just doing it and cleaning the rest of the kitchen, as well. Now, I just need to figure out how to get out of doing laundry...

 

[PatriciaH]

No, my DH is great. We always get the tree together. We decorate it together. He made me the starfish tree topper we have. We also cut down greens in our backyard this year and he made me a beautiful garland for our door. We go on Christmas strolls together in the local towns and our town to see what they have for gifts. He helps me wrap my sister's gifts because I stink at wrapping and he is really good. We had friends over already for a small holiday gathering last week. We have no kids so that is a lot less stress! His parents can be stressful for Christmas so it will be just us and my sister this year. We are shopping for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner this weekend. And we always go food shopping together. He does not even like holidays that much, but he knows I love Halloween and Christmas. I love him. I would hate if my husband did not help clean, cook, decorate, etc.

 

[meggiebeth]

My DH is scroodge! He walks around saying he hates Christmas. I don't even mention anything to him about it anymore. I wait until he is out of the house to do all the decorating and baking.

I tell him every year my present is he shuts up and lets me do what i want for the kids! Every year he whines and complains about it being too commericalized and just an excuse to spend money. Yet almost every Christmas eve as he watches me wrap he will say "that is ALL you bought the kids? why didn't you get them X, Y and Z?"

He does not buy any of the gifts for his family either, i do. I swear every year i'm not doing it but i know we'd have a major blow up Christmas morning if i don't. Again I get the why is this all you did.

It is just the way he is, i get it and am over it! I just ignore him when he starts his complaining.

My DS10 has always wanted to have more decorations so this year he helped me and we did outside lights and all. Every night he will go out and plug all the lights in.

Your DH sounds just like my dad. Made me laugh!

He says 'I hate Christmas, it's a waste of money, do we really need a tree this year, can't we just skip Christmas this year, why do we need Christmas crackers, is there any point in having a turkey, can't we get the kids fruit as presents, why do we need to get that wrapping paper- the 99p store has 4 rolls for a pound, blah blah blah'.

Of course he is Scottish (and they are renowned for being cheapskates) and drives my mum crazy. We gotta love him though. He has recently resorted to hanging up used teabags from the ceiling in an attempt to reuse them. I mean seriously?

This year I have done a lot of the shopping. People come over and exclaim when they see all the presents under the tree at how many there are and are shocked when they hear I bought them all (I am sixteen). I have saved a lot of money and that is refreshing in itself. (Thank you Amazon Prime!!!) My dad is really grateful that I bought all my mum's presents for him this year... He hates shopping and spending money about as equally.

I do dislike the way christmas is overcommercialized though, and all the adverts on television. It seems like there is all this hype up till Christmas and when it's over... The balloon just suddenly bursts. I find that depressing.

Next year we are having an 'early' Christmas to WDW in November and I CANNOT WAIT!!! It will be magical, and an American Christmas just sounds heavenly to me. *sigh*

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[marmalade]

Seriously I would love if my hubby put up 25000 twinkeling lights on the house, dug out a huge pine tree with his bare hands, got stuck in the attic hiding Christmas gifts! I truly love love love that movie! and have watched it twice already this holiday season! Your husband cleans the kitchen after you cook or bake in it? Wow what a concept! I wish my husband knew how to run the dishwasher!

Art: The lights aren't twinkling Clark

Clark: I know Art, thanks for noticing.

I love that movie, it's on in 15 minutes on ABC Family.

 

[stayhomemom77]

Seriously I would love if my hubby put up 25000 twinkeling lights on the house, dug out a huge pine tree with his bare hands, got stuck in the attic hiding Christmas gifts! I truly love love love that movie! and have watched it twice already this holiday season! Your husband cleans the kitchen after you cook or bake in it? Wow what a concept! I wish my husband knew how to run the dishwasher!

I just read this out to my DH and he said, "oh he knows how to run the dishwasher. I can guarantee it. He's just pretending not to know how so he never has to do it!"

We decorate as a family, shop in teams (DH and DS shop for DD, DD and I shop for DS and they all shop for me, we all shop for DH) and bake together (although sometimes DH sits this one out).

I do the Christmas cards myself and the majority of the cooking but DH always offers to help with these things and always helps with the clean up.

But he's just that kind of fella! When I worked full time we split the housework up pretty much 50/50. Now that I'm a SAHM, I do most of it but he still pitches in whenever he sees that there's a need. If I need help, I only need to ask and he does offer, volunteer and even take it upon himself to do it, if there's something that needs to be done.

My sympathies to those who don't get the help they'd like/need/hope for and a very Merry Christmas to all!!

 

[shortbun]

We build a fire, get out the decorations, put on Christmas carols and we all decorate. When we're all tired of it that night, the rest is mine. Outdoor decorations vary from year to year depending on the weather and how much time DH has. This year, we have a door wreath, candy canes in the two trees beside the front door and lighted, singing penguins on the porch-no lights. I could never live with a man who wouldn't help, then complained. My mom did it and she was really, really mad by the time my dad died. My MIL is ready to kill my FIL because he does absolutely nothing in the house. She did it all their whole lives; she expects him to change after 60 years of her waiting on him hand and foot. Not fair. My DH is a saint, an angel. He does his share and more sometimes; I make sure he knows how much I love it. We're happy and my goal is to be happy at the end. We had a wine tasting for our close friends last night. DH was bartender all night. He kept the fire roaring, he catered to my girlfriend's difficult husband so she could have a good time(at my request). He mopped the floors prior to the party. He has been and will be rewarded every time I think of him doing all those things. Hugs to everyone!!!

 

[lady9]

Wow! I think I owe my DH a kiss! He does all the inside and outside (although minimal) decorating. He'll shop with me and help wrap. He goes out of his way to make the holidays special for the kids, moving the elf, just being corny even though our kids are older, they still appreciate it. Yesterday I spent 6 hours in stat care with DS so DH and DD made some cookies, just snickerdoodles, but I appreciated the effort.

 

[robsmom]

I used to get really stressed at Christmas. One of my main complaints was that holiday's are sexist and that the women tend to do more of the work. I then realized that my husband does at least 50% of everything he thinks needs to be done for Christmas, he just never had the same expectations that I did. So, i have cut back a bit and taken some pressure off myself. This year has been fairly relaxing. DH did the outside lights and most of the indoor decorations including setting up the tree. I did the tree and the Dicken's village. I always make and order the photo cards, but DH runs labels and sends them all out. I do most of the shopping, but he will do some online and maybe go to Kohl's once or twice with me. I do all of the wrapping. We food shop together, but I do all the cooking. He will clean up.

 

[nepean]

I think it must be genetic. DH brings up the tree only when asked and will put up the outside lights when asked. I do all the shopping, wrapping, baking, cooking etc. It has got easier since DD is a young adult and likes to bake but she has been so busy with college exams, working and she also had the flu two weeks ago.

I keep reminding myself that I am going to my happy place January 4th!!

Nepean

 

[Leshaface]

Wow! This thread has made me very thankful for what my DH does during Christmas, which IMO, was pretty minimal.

-He puts the Christmas lights up outside every year (i'd probably kill myself if I did it! )
-This year he decorated the entire tree (trimmed, put lights and ornaments on) while I took care of our new baby
-went black friday shopping for gifts for me (and wrapped them!)
-helped watched the baby while I did all the holiday baking

What I do -

-Buy everyone else's presents including his family
-Wrap all presents, except for the one he buys for me
-Plan, grocery shop, and bake for both sides of the family
-Decorate the inside of the house

Guess it came out a little more even this year, but I should still count my blessings.

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas

 

[ilovejack02]

Just texted my husband and told him I love him and appreciate all he does for us , esp this time of year. My guy is a trooper and helps out tremendously for the holidays ,esp this year since it is my first one working in ten years.

I would be A nutty banana if I was married to some of these grumpy grinch spouses on this thread. WELL... I wouldn't be married to them, wouldn't have picked them in first place. My husband found out my intense love affair with the holidays our first Christmas together and while I still do more than him, he does make a huge effort to be a "happily " involved in most aspects of it.

Happy wife , happy life he says lol... and that rings true for him too. Happy hubby , happy household, which is why I grin and bear it through hunting season. I send him off hunting each and every time with a big good luck hun and a smooch even if im not thrilled . Our house hold is a happy place if he gets spend time in his happy place and he is respectful to not spend every waking moment in that happy place LOL.


ALl about the give and take with us .. it aint perfect , but 17 years in we seem to have some things down pat lol.